[0:03]Kele lo. Yaar hamara to koi kela lene ko hi taiyar nahi hai.
[0:15]Are maiya yaha par chilka fekne ki himmat kisne ki? Mere alava bhi yaha koi dikhai de raha hai kya? Tu mere khauf se parichit nahi hai kya? Aajaa tere se lamba hathiyaar hai mera.
[0:34]Yeh tha kon? Bohot jaan hai iske hatho mein.
[0:42]Do chaar darjan kele nikal jaate toh sham ko pauve ka jugaad ho jata. Bhabhi ji mera kela le lo. Kya bola tune chandmund? Aakhir kya kharabi hai mere kele mein, jo koi mera kela lena hi nahi chahta? Mere se tameez se baat kar mai bata rahi hu. Bhabhi ji, aap se meri request hai, aap ek baar mera kela lekar dekh lijiye, please. Nahi manega tu? Ek baar lekar to dekho kela mera, agar maza na aaye toh paise mat dena. Aurto ke sath badtamizi karta hai? Bhabhi ji, aapne toh mujhe bevajah hi thapak diya. Aap hi bataiye kya kela bechna badtamizi hai? Rona band kar pagle. Aapne pyar se mujhe pagla bol diya, mera dil garden garden ho gaya. Yeh kele kaha se laya hai tu? Maine shamshan mein kuch kele ke ped lagaye the. Shamshan ki rakh wala khad bhi dala tha unpar ab lambe lambe kele latak rahe hain. Yeh kele nahi bikenge, inki tareef kar tab bikenge. Ha, yeh wala idea theek hai. Tareef karta hu. Aap mujhe kela test kara, tujhe idea diya na maine. Ha, kata hua rakha hai aadha kela. Nahi, tu aadha kata hua apne pas rakh. Poora hi lekar chali gayi hai toh.
[2:06]Are maiya kisne phir se wahi himakat kar di, pichwade ke bal launda gira hu.
[2:16]Phir mooh todkar chala gaya, abki baar trishul taiyar rakhunga. Aye Jatadhari, tune meri bibi ko dekha hai kya? Galti se dekh bhi liya hoga toh mujhe kya pata chal raha hai woh teri bibi hai? Koi yahi aai thi kuch der pehle. Achha woh yaha se gayi woh, badi besharam aurat thi. Taste karne ke liye poora kela le gayi. Kya bakwas kar raha hai? Woh aisi na hai. Baad mein boli bhi, maza aa gaya. Yeh jhoot hai, mai bula kar lata hu usko.
[2:48]Are lalla lambe baal wale. Yeh baingan itne duble kaise ho gaye? Colour bhi change lag raha hai. Yeh tere ko baingan nazar aa rahe hain tau? Are nash peete baingan na hai ye, yeh tori hai tori, tez dhoop mein rang ud gaya inka, colour bhi chhod gayi hai. Are amma kela hai yeh, shamshan ghat ka kela. Lalla budhape ki aankhe hai dhokha de rahi hai, sahi nahi dikhati. Lalla kele hi khila de. Kele ki tareef karke mahange bech deta hu inko. Lalla aadha darjan kar de. Yeh yaha ke local kele na hai. Yeh adbhut kele hain, shakti hai inmein. Aadha bhoot ho ya poore ka poora bhoot ho, hai toh kela hi. Aadha bhoot nahi adbhut. Yaani chamtkari kele hain yeh, inmein adbhut urja ka sanchar hai. Ek kela khane se do din umar bad jati hai. Phir toh mai jarur khaunga, meri umar kam reh gayi hai. Do chaar din hum bhi faltu tik jayenge darti par, de de lalla chhe toh kha hi jaungi akeli. Are amma, oh amma, yeh bohot mahanga hai, paise bhi hain tere pas? Are check toh karne de usko, woh toh meri bhi na sunti. Kuch asar laga. Koi kela aisa na hai, jise kha kar do din ke liye jawani vapas aa jaye iski.
[4:13]Are maiya re. Is bar isko tabiyat se theek kar deta hu, yeh jan-bujhkar mujhe girata hai.
[4:25]Yeh kon hai yaar jo baar baar aata hai mujhe thokar chala jata hai? In saare kele ki kitne paise huye? Bata. 3 lakh ka maal hai. Jitne khane ho kha lo, usi hisab se paise kaat lunga. Toh theek hai, baad mein mai check kar dunga. Yee haaa. Buddhan kele toh kha liye, ab paise kaha se dega? Tu niche gir jaana, marne ka natak karna, paise toh yeh ulte dega. Are tai ko kya hua? Mujhe kya pata? Check karta hu. Are yeh toh kele kha kar mar gayi. Aisa toh ho hi nahi sakta. Tune toh bola tha kela kha kar umar bad jayegi, lekin iski toh umar ghat gayi. Lagta hai umar badhane ke chakkar mein aukaat se zyada kela kha kar budhiya mar gayi. Mai abhi police ko bulata hu. Police ko mat bula, hazar paanch so rupay le le mere se lena ho toh. Lekin meri jeevan sangini chhod kar chali gayi. Kela kha kar koi kaise mar sakta hai? Tumne bhi toh khaya tha, tum toh nahi mare. Kisi ka sukh bardasht nahi hota hai. Tu kya chahta hai, mai bhi mar jau? Yeh dekh tau, mai kha kar dikhata hu. Pavitra kela hai.
[5:38]Achha, pehle wala masala kam reh gaya tha, ab teri itni himmat ho gayi, yeh kele ka chilka is bar sidha tune mere upar hi fek diya? Muchhad, teri talash mein hi tha mai. Pehle bhi bina galti ke lapet gaya tu.
[5:54]Kela khaiye sir, mazak karne ki purani aadat hai meri. Daaku mawali singh se mazak. Mawali ho ya koi gunda mawali ho, mazak toh yeh sabse hi karta hai.
[6:08]Are are mai mar jaunga, chhod do daaku. Are koi toh roko, break nahi hai isme, koi toh mujhe bachao. Bik gaye kele. Basanti uth, mauka hai nikal lete hain.
