[0:00]anything that you want to do, you can do it by yourself. You can go walk by yourself. You can do a lot of things by yourself. Um, might sound ridiculous to some of you guys. Basically, I was really scared to go outside. I felt like I didn't deserve to go outside. I didn't deserve to go on a walk. But you don't need to feel guilty for just existing.
[0:21]Hi everyone. Welcome back to my channel. I didn't sleep the whole night. I had massive anxiety. I definitely drank a lot of coffee. Excuse me, if I get a little, you know, okay? This is something that I've been thinking a lot about recently. Things I wish I knew, or you can say that, I wasted my teenage years. When I look back onto my teenage years, like such as in high school or in college, something that's like very simple, like I just wish someone fucking told me. Life would be a little bit easier. They're not going to be in order of importance, they're just things on the top of my head. The first thing that I can think of is that anything that you want to do, you can do it by yourself. That's not to say that you shouldn't do it with a friend. I'm just saying that if your friends are all busy and you can't do it with a friend, don't think that, oh, I suddenly can't do this. Yes, you can. Anything you want to do, you can do it with yourself. You can have a lot of fun doing things by yourself. You can go exploring by yourself. You can go to a cafe by yourself. You can go to the grocery store by yourself. You can go walk by yourself. You can do a lot of things by yourself. Just because no one is doing it for you, don't let that suddenly just become a dead end. I can't do this. I can't do this. Yes, you can. You can do it by yourself. And again, it takes courage, but I just need to tell you that it is okay to do it by yourself. Because back then, when I didn't have friends, I used to think that I cannot do this by myself. Like, I can't do it. But yes, you can. It is okay to do things by yourself. People do a lot of things by themselves. And sometimes when I see like a teenager doing things by themselves, it's a very admirable quality, it shows a lot of independence. And like I've always said, back in like high school, I just never really dressed up. I was basically a nerd. I was too scared to dress up. I also had a pretty toxic mindset, like when I see other girls dress up, in my head, I'm just like, oh my god, why are they dressing up? In my head, I'm judging them. Why am I judging them? Because I am jealous. I envy them, like why can't I dress up? Especially in high school, it's a very scary period. You know, you're with the same people and some high schoolers can be really fucking mean. Dress up however the fuck you want. Honestly, when I think back to my high school years, I'm like, I could've just worn a dress. You know I didn't wear a dress until my high school graduation. I think I've said this before, but thinking back to it, I'm just like that is so absurd. I was so scared of wearing a dress because I had like really bad body image issues. And I'm just like, I could've rocked a dress. I could've worn a fucking dress. What's the big deal? So, to my teenage years and to those of you guys who are in high school, wear whatever you want. Wear whatever makes you happy. If you're not hurting anyone, you're not hurting yourself, do it. For those who judge you, fuck them. Those who judge you have too much fucking time on their hands to be doing that. You don't need anyone's permission to dress up. One of the things that might sound ridiculous to some of you guys, but I'm still going to say it anyway because maybe some of you guys need to hear it, is the fact that you can go outside. Okay? This sounds absurd. I was scared to go out until last year. Basically, I was really scared to go outside. I felt like I didn't deserve to go outside. I didn't deserve to go on a walk. I didn't deserve to go to the grocery shop. Or I didn't deserve to go to a cafe and just sit there and journal and do absolutely nothing. This is still something I'm working with, but it's just that I felt guilty. I felt guilty of taking up space when I'm just doing something with no purpose, to be honest, and with no goal. And it took me a long time to get over it until last year. I think I had a moment where you know, I just suddenly realized like I can do these things. Why can't I do these things? I can do these things for myself. They're for my own wellbeing, and why does everything I do need to have a purpose or a goal? So this is something I really want to tell you guys, which is that you can do things with absolutely no fucking purpose. No purpose. You can just do it. You can go outside and go for a fucking walk. You can because I said so and you deserve that. You can do things just to be happy. You don't need a reason to be happy because you are born, you are here. Why the fuck don't you want happiness?
[3:50]That doesn't make sense, right? Why do you want to suffer? You don't need to suffer to justify anything. You can have happiness. You're born to the right of happiness. You can have happiness, okay? Here you go. Literally here you go, okay? This is for my college self, basically. Very important to those of you guys who are in college. Choose the fucking major you want. I know for a lot of us, at least for first gen, I'm a first gen student, your mindset may be choosing the major that makes you the most successful. If you really, really put your mind to it, you can be successful with any major. I just genuinely think that if you have the passion for something, genuinely go for it. For me, I was, I, oh my god, I was an engineer, I was a CS major, and then I switched to Quant Econ, but I wasn't passionate about it. I didn't like it. If I can go back in time, I would've went to art school. I would've went to film school. I would've just done something art related. But again, it differs from person to person. Every person's situation is different. I totally get it, but this is just an advice I will give to my teenage self. When I was younger, I've always been on the lookout for happiness. Pretty deep for a teenager to be honest. Like damn. Uh, I think I was always like, my mind was a little mature when I was younger. Happiness can be found anywhere. It can be found through what the color of the fucking sky is. Going to the city but surprisingly the city is quiet. Seeing some really pretty flowers. Seeing a bird that's like really close to you. The morning sky, the night sky. Being with lovely, lovely people. Having really great food. Meeting really kind strangers that are just kind to you for no reason. There are so many, so many different things. You can find happiness every single day. Back then I was always like, oh, I can find happiness if I accomplish this goal. I always visualize it as some type of end goal. But no, you can find happiness through the journey. You can find happiness every single day. Isn't that such a beautiful thing? Sometimes it can get hard. Sometimes you just feel like everything fucking sucks. I just want to rot in my bed. And sometimes it's very hard to even give it a chance, aka today. For the past few days, if you don't know, I've been rotting in bed. And then today, I didn't sleep because I was just like, since I have this like energy, I'm just going to go out. Bad example but get your sleep in y'all. Because I'm scared that if I sleep, when I wake up, I won't have the energy to go out. I did go out. I saw the morning sky. It made me very, very happy. So it just goes to show you that you need to give everything a chance and you have to trust me on that. I felt a lot of guilt as a kid. So something that I realized is that you can live life without feeling guilty. And I know that sounds really obvious, right? But you don't need to feel guilty for just existing. This is something that's so goddamn obvious, but as a kid, I think I just didn't really realize I was even feeling guilty. Even now, I still suffer from this, which is why I constantly need to remind myself that just because I'm doing something good for myself or maybe because I failed at something, but that doesn't mean that I'm a bad person. Doesn't mean that, oh, you should be shameful that you failed. No, it's just a process. It's just life. You fail and you learn from it. It's okay to fail. Those who have followed me for a while, you know the video I made where, you know, I grew up ugly. Didn't fit into the conventional beauty standards. But something that I wish I just could just tell my teenage self is that you're beautiful. You just don't see it. You're beautiful. And I think that a lot of us need to hear this, especially for girls. There's so many beauty fucking standards, right? There's always like trends with your body, with your face. Ah, just know that you're beautiful. Okay? And again, beautiful is subjective. As long as you think you're beautiful, who gives a fuck? If you think you're beautiful, is it hurting anyone? I would go as even far as saying that being delusional is key. I'll just be like, I'm beautiful. And somebody can be like, she's delusional as fuck. Okay? If I think I'm beautiful, does that fucking hurt you? Does my happiness harm you? I really hope not because it shouldn't fucking hurt you. If being delusional helps, be delusional. Taking care of yourself is not too much. It is never too much. And if people think it's too much, then they're not doing enough. You're not doing enough, babe, like stfu. Some people, you know, back in high school, again, like I said, can be really fucking mean. They can judge you, they can say shit behind your back like, oh my God, why is she doing that? Why am I in your conversation? Do you have nothing else better to talk about? Like, why is my name in your fucking mouth? Is it because anything you talk about yourself is not interesting enough, so you need to put me in your conversation for you to be heard? That is just fucking pathetic in my opinion. Those people who just be talking shit about you, when you've done nothing to hurt others, they have a sad, sad life, honestly. They're just fans. Something I want to tell my younger self is that prestige doesn't matter as much as you think. I know like for certain majors, like probably certain fields that you want to get into, prestige matters. All I want to say is that if you don't get into your dream college, don't beat yourself over it. I promise life goes on and it won't matter in the long run. Like don't be, I'm a social failure, I'm a piece of shit. No, you're not. You tried your best, that's all that matters. It's okay. It is what you make out of that experience. I genuinely mean it, no matter where you go. You can seek opportunities. Does not matter. You're good. You're fine. Trust me. You're going to be okay, you're going to survive. Everyone's fucking human. Do not put anyone on a pedestal. I've done this before, super guilty. They disappoint you. When you put people on a pedestal, some people might think that they're above you. So when they talk to you, they might treat you in a negative way. Everyone's fucking human. Your parents, teachers, whatever. Your idols, celebrities, whatever. This one might be a little cliché, but um, go for what your heart wants. If you have something that you know, you want it, then you should go for it. This might be really shocking to some of us because you're like, how do I go for what I want? My parents didn't say yes. None of my friends are doing what I really want to do. Then you can be the one. Oh my God, it's like the movies. Except that you're going to be playing the main character. And it's definitely scarier in real life than compared to in the movies. Because in the movies, you can predict it, but in real life, you probably can't. I can't predict the future for you, but I think that if you keep on going and going and going, you will end up somewhere you like. This is something that I need to tell all of you guys, which I've said before. You are very capable. Don't doubt your abilities. Think about your past. You know, there's so many difficult shit you came through. The things you think you're never going to be able to get through, you did. I'm not capable of that. I cannot do this. Stop saying that because when you keep saying that, it's going to become true. And at the end, you really can't do it. So instead, what if you say that maybe I can do that? What's the harm of you saying that? You can give it a try, you know? And as time goes on, it's just something to remember is that time changes people. What you want now may not be what you want in the future and that is okay. It doesn't mean that, oh my God, I'm so fake for not sticking to what I want. It's fine to change, it's fine to change your mind. There is never a right answer, you know? And it's not like, oh, the things I wanted in the past, like they were wrong. Given the situation you were in before, you just thought that that was the right answer. Right? You can't blame yourself for that because you don't know the future, right? People around you can change. We ourselves, we can change who we are, what we look like, what we want, what we do. Hopefully we're all changing for the better. As a wrap up, I do just want to say that you can have a lot of fear in the things you want to do. But at the end, you need to believe in yourself. Even if no one else does, even with all the odds against you, you need to believe in yourself. And yes, you can be scared believing in yourself, that's fine. Because we all have fears, especially in the things we don't typically do. You can have doubts sometimes, but at the end, after all that doubt, after all that struggle, you still need to be on the path of believing in yourself. And this journey of believing in yourself is very scary because you may take detours. You might be like, oh my God, this is scary. I don't want to do this. But at the end, you still need to move forward. All you got at the end is yourself. Right? Other people can believe in you and can help you believe in yourself. But at the end, you need to be the one believing in yourself because this is your life. And because you think you can do this, you're going to take action. You're always going to end up closer to your goal because if you don't believe you're going to achieve it, you're never going to do anything to achieve it. Be delusional. Think that I'm going to do it. I'm going to achieve it. I'm going to be great. Through this journey, some people may laugh at you. And those are the people that are too scared to achieve what they want. And then once you hit your goal, then they start knocking on your door like, hey, what's up? Not what's up. You. And at the end, just know that everyone has problems. It's like I feel like sometimes just knowing that other people have problems, it makes us feel like we're not as alone. And at the end, life is short. It is a blessing. We're in the same time period, right? We're all going to die someday. Yeah. No one can beat time. You should do what you want and you should smile more. You should do things that make you happy and you should not question about it. Don't feel guilty for your own happiness. Treat yourself with respect. Be kind to yourself. Really, be nice to yourself, okay? These are the things that I can come up with on the top of my head. We can probably sit here for another hour or longer and there's probably going to be more, but um, that's I'm just going to stop right here. I think that if somebody just told her about these things, I think that her life would have been a little bit easier. Sometimes we just need someone to tell us this. Your past created who you are, right? Like you shouldn't blame your past. If I didn't have my past, I wouldn't be who I am today because my past created me. But I do think that if somebody told me a couple of these advice, I can become quicker the person I am. Maybe, possibly, but I I personally would like to believe that it would make my life a lot easier. I'm really grateful for a lot of things that has happened in my teenage years. But I do think that some parts of it I wasted too much of it on worrying. Self-hatred, which I wish I've done less of that. Hence I'm making this video and I really, really hope this helps some of you guys because these are the things I wish I heard.
[12:51]I hope you guys enjoyed today's video. Let me know what you guys think. I will see you guys all very, very soon, okay? I love you guys. Bye-bye.
