[0:20]When I retire, I will reply to every email I've ever flagged. I will clean up my desktop. I'll read the 35 years of saved articles on my reading list. I will finish all those books I started. I will play the lifetime of computer games I missed out on. I'll bird watch. I'll learn magpies are beautiful, but terrifying. I'll learn the names of trees and know which spring flowers bloom first. I will swim every morning. I will learn to play a single piano piece exceptionally well. Write a devastating, yet optimistic, piece of poetry. When I retire, I will get a dog. I will get a cat. I will start with a fish. Maybe, maybe a terrapin. I will learn how a terrapin is different from a turtle, and how that affects my choice. I will hike. I will see a point in hiking. I will know when a walk becomes a hike. I will get so good at meditation. I will be so present. So aggressively present. Then, I will patch that hole, replace that button. I will learn how to juggle, not just a three-ball cascade, Rubenstein's revenge. I'll organize my digital photos, then my wardrobe, then my drawers, then my pantry, inspired by that book about organizing that I finally read. I will have to buy so many plastic boxes. Retired me will have so much money as a result of the pension I haven't yet started. I will find out what a pension is. I will order wine by year and specific area of Italy, Grazi. But not in an annoying way. I will learn to like whiskey. I will get good at saying yes. I will get better at saying no. I will cry more, and less. When I retire, I will make the perfect meatball, and pair it with a 2019 red from Tuscany. The rain that year. My God, you can taste it.
[3:38]I'll smoke weed all day long, or try some other drugs. I'll Google microdosing and start there. I will stretch. I will yoga. I'll drink eight glasses of water every day. I'll sleep for eight hours every night. I will see a play. I will see if I like plays. I'll give back. I'll know who to give back to and why I want to give back to them more than the others. I will eat more vegetables. I will grow a vegetable. I will find out what to do with a leek. I will find out what a leek looks like. I'll fight a man. I'll kill a fish. I'll drive a bus. I'll drive one of those airport cars. Nobody is going to stop me. I'll travel more. I'll travel more. I'll travel more. I'll get a telescope. Get into camping. No, camping is horrible. I will finally find my sport. I will paraglide. I will not paraglide. I'll move to a town by the sea. I've always loved towns by the sea. I'll remember to breathe. I will learn to speak another language. I will learn to tell people how I feel. I will take better care of myself. I will take better care of my body. I will take better care of my teeth. I will take better care of my mind. Meet up with that person. Have that conversation. I'll go to an art gallery. I'll want to be there once I get there.
[6:01]I will completely nail my final words.
[6:14]I will haunt the absolute shit out of my sixth-class enemy. Dear Jehovah. I'll finally know if you have the time you have, and then it ends.
