[0:13]So, Janet, I'm Luis Larena from psychiatry and your doctor has called me to see you to decide where we need to go yet because they're ready to discharge you from medicine. So, I'm wondering if you can tell me what happened.
[0:35]Well, I don't know, I I was just just don't want to do it anymore. I just don't want to don't want to be here. So, um,
[1:06]Well, I knew that um if I took enough pills and drank enough that um that would probably get me to the other side. So, are you still feeling that way now? Well, yeah. So, how long have you been feeling this way? For as long as I can remember. For a really long time. What would you say that you are sad more days than not? Mhm. Except for when I'm drinking. And how does drinking change that? It just kind of makes me feel numb. Okay. And how many days of the week do you drink? Well, it depends. You know, like sometimes I'll go out with my friends and like I work in a restaurant too, so it's kind of part of our social life. So, sometimes maybe five, six, sometimes every day, but maybe not every day, I'm getting drunk. Okay. So, how many how many days of the week would you say you get drunk? Maybe four on average, four or five. Okay. And do you ever drink to pass out? Yeah. So in a month, how many times would you pass out? Well, I would say that every time I get drunk, it's to the point where I'm I pass out at the end. At the end. So, you drink till you pass out. Yeah. And um, how much would you say that you drink at a to get to pass out. How much does it take for you to pass out? Um, I think it depends what I drink sometimes but um, if I was just drinking beer, maybe like 10, 12 beers. Mhm. Um, but if I was drinking, you know, rum would be a little quicker. Yeah, so, how much rum would it take? Maybe four or five shots and then some but I usually drink beer at the same time. Mhm. So combining rum and beer. Yeah. Yeah. And um, so, so you would say, would you say that you're sad most of the time when you're not drinking, when you're not drunk? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. And um, So, how much of the time do you think of killing yourself? Um, only sometimes where I think that I'd actually do it. Um a lot of the times, I just I don't think that I'd do it but um, but then sometimes I really just think I would. Like the other night. You just got to a point. Yeah. And um, how's your sleep? Um, it's okay. I'm I'm tired a lot. Though, I'm really tired. Yeah. And so no trouble getting to sleep? No. How about waking up in the middle of the night? Sometimes sometimes I wake up early in the morning like five or six and I can't go back to sleep. Okay. And um, How's your appetite? It's okay. Any recent weight loss or gain? No. No. Not anything drastic. How's how's your memory? It's okay. Concentration, how's that? I have trouble concentrating on things and staying on them. Like I've been trying to read this book but uh I just I used to read a lot. Um, but uh I'm just not able to get through it. So, how long is that been true? That I've been having trouble reading? Well, I just tried to pick up a book um, a couple months ago. And I don't think I had tried to read in probably a couple years. So, So a couple years ago you were able to read better than you read now in terms of concentration. Yeah. Okay. And um, are you sexually active? Yeah. And is there any you noticed any change in your sex drive lately? Um, no.
[6:40]No. I I have a boyfriend. You know, he's not very committed but I have a boyfriend. Okay. Okay. And um, Do you have do you ever have feelings of guilt or remorse or just feeling bad about yourself?
[7:10]Well, I don't think I'm a very good mother. And I think sometimes sometimes I feel really bad about that. I wish I had my kids with me. But um, where are they? My son's living with my brother and his wife. Um, they have their own family. So, I mean he's well cared for. I'm not worried about that. But um, I really miss him and um sometimes I go see him. But I mean I even I have a hard time even being around him because I feel um, I just feel so I feel so bad that I'm not a better mother for him. And I have a daughter that I don't I don't we don't know where she is. She um, I lost her um 10 years ago and uh because she was in foster care for I think it was over two years they said that um if I didn't pull my life together that she would be permanently uh adopted. So, that's that's what happened. That's what happened.
