[0:08]This is my home. I'm making it cute. It's not that cute yet, but I'm making it cute. Hi, my name's Caroline. I am the haggard age of 34. I've lived a lot of lives, I've tried a lot of weird stuff. I've made a fool of myself more than once. I was practically born with my foot in my mouth. I've fallen on my face quite a bit, and I've gotten up a lot too. I've lost, I've regretted, I've whiffed, and I've tried again. And that was just my 20s. I have a lot more left to learn in this life. But today as I paint the bedroom of my Victorian Townhouse, I'm feeling reflective. I'm feeling viby. So, let's vibe out. Here are some of the lessons I've learned so far. So, maybe you don't have to.
[1:12]Okay, lessons on love. Number one: personality and demeanor are not the same thing as character. You can totally get a feel for someone's personality or demeanor in one or two dates. Character takes much longer to reveal. Number two: Don't force anyone to become someone they don't tell you they want to be. Three: Protecting your loved one from any chance of pain or suffering is not the gift you think it is. Four: Anytime you have the opportunity to hold a snake, take it.
[1:56]Five: Love alone is not enough. Six: Chemistry on a first date isn't necessarily a marker of long-term success. Often, it's less an indicator of compatibility as much as it is just a sign that two people are similarly charismatic. Don't mistake a good performance for a good match. Seven: Chemistry and banter can absolutely be built over time. Eight: Yeah, his trauma isn't an excuse for the way he treats you. Lots of people have the same trauma and not everyone treats people that way. Nine: Don't text while angry. There's always time later to send that text in a clear state of mind if you still mean it later. Ten: Closeness and connectedness comes in waves for friendships, for family, also for your partner. The sooner you learn to ride those waves, the better off you'll be. Eleven: Stop reading things as clues of their unhappiness. If they're unhappy about something, it's theirs to own and let you know. Stop playing detective. Twelve: Finding the right person means first having the courage to say no to all the not-quite-right people. Thirteen: Everyone can heal. But some people just won't heal in this lifetime.
[3:26]vibe out, how I, I'm doing a thumbnail.
[3:36]Okay, let's start moving things.
[3:52]Lessons on loved ones. Making friends, looking for love and interviewing for jobs all have one big thing in common. You're going to have to have a lot of flops before you find a match. Fifteen: Listen to understand, not to reply. Sixteen: Getting bangs can change your life. Seventeen: Sometimes one of the best gifts you can give is to just be excited about whatever they're excited about. Eighteen: Most of the time people aren't trying to hurt you. People are mostly all just trying to live their lives. Nineteen: You can't make somebody else choose happiness. Some people never will, and if they do, it won't be because you told them to. So chill. Twenty: It's nice to want to try to fix someone's life for them. But what's better is helping them learn to navigate life for themselves. Twenty-one: You will sometimes be misunderstood in life. Sometimes by the people you love most. No, there's not always something you can do about it, but yes, you can survive it. Twenty-two: Protect your peace, sure, but don't protect your peace so hard that you wake up one day in total isolation. Community and relationship will require some inconveniences, some annoyances. Hopefully the tradeoff is worth it. Twenty-three: You will fuck up sometimes, and when you do, it's okay to just learn from your mistake and move on. No one benefits from your shame spiral.
[5:37]Woo, we got paint, dude.
[5:44]No, I got paint on my hands, so.
[5:49]Yeah, I got paint on my hands.
[6:05]Lessons on self. Twenty-four: When you're high anxiety, do less. When you're panicking, do less. You don't have to fix everything, you don't have to control the outcome, and you don't have to ensure that others have a good time. When in doubt, do less. Twenty-five: No one is thinking about your body nearly as much as you are. Twenty-six: Release the tiller. Your boat is going where it needs to go. Don't steer, just ride. Twenty-seven: The size of your earrings matters more than you realize. Twenty-eight: You might have felt this way before, this fear, this anger, this avoidance. But no matter how many times you've felt it before, you can always choose to show up differently this time. Twenty-nine: The difference between the voice of anxiety and the voice of your gut instinct is that the former will come through as a scream and the latter will become steady. Thirty: The thing you want is not synonymous with the thing that will make you happy. Thirty-one: If you're dipping into depression or anxiety, get yourself to the top of some kind of hill that has trees around it. I promise it will help. Thirty-two: Well-being involves both cutting yourself a break and pushing yourself to do better. Ideally, you're going to take turns with both. Thirty-three: Consider the source before taking their advice. People in unhappy marriages love to give marriage advice. People miserable in their careers love to give career advice. Consider the source. Thirty-five: You can actually wear the same dress to multiple weddings. Thirty-six: Rub your toes in grass whenever you have the chance. It's really important that it's your toes and not just your hands.
[8:11]Here's another piece of vital life wisdom. I have reached a point in my life where if a rug isn't soft enough to nap on it, I don't want it. Which is why the only rug I'd want in a cozy bedroom is from Revival. Subscribers know, I've raved about Revival long before they were a sponsor, and I'm grateful that I've finally bothered them enough that they're sponsoring this video. Revival makes these incredibly plush, hand-knotted pieces that really feel like a hug on your feet. It's hard to explain how good they are. I have the Karam wool rug in my living room, I have their Sibel rug in my bedroom, and I actually just got their Caden rug in blue for my brother's apartment. The colors are as vibrant as they're depicted online, which I feel like never happens. And they are actually thicker and more plush than you even think they could be. Revival also offers a slimmer, washable rug that you can fit into your washing machine if you've dirty children about. Um, but the rug I got for Luke is this gorgeous, thick, sheep and lambswool blend. It has a vibrant design, it's so thick and soft, and it really makes the whole space feel like a home finally. You can get 20% off your order at Revival by using the link below. If you need a super plush rug that won't drain your whole bank account, but is still designer quality, Revival is the only place I'd go. Lessons on career. Perfectionism is not a badge of honor. It's just the PR spin for a deeply ingrained fear of failure. Sometimes overplanning is actually just well disguised postponing and avoiding. At a certain point, you have to start doing whether you feel perfectly ready or not. Thirty-eight: Creativity requires boredom and it requires space. Thirty-nine: Most people are bullshitting their way through their jobs. Being cute?
[10:31]Forty: They won't teach you this in school, but one of the most important life skills you can have as an adult is learning how and when to break the rules. Forty-one: If you're not making mistakes, you're not doing anything new. Forty-two: No one else can see the vision in your head. Don't expect them to.
[11:09]Lessons on everything else. Forty-four: One of the best skills you can develop is to be able to calmly advocate for your anger. Even and especially with the people you love.
[11:26]Forty-five: There's always a next feeling. The horrible way you're feeling right now won't last forever. Forty-six: Very few people come from a quote normal family. Forty-seven: Wearing a miniskirt without shorts underneath just means you'll be sitting bare butt on a lot of public benches. The choice is up to you, but it is important to know the consequences. Forty-eight: When you're overwhelmed or high stress, and nothing feels like it's going the way it's supposed to go, ask, what would it be like if I could accept life, accept this moment, exactly as it is? Forty-nine: Being in your 20s honestly sucks. Your 30s will be better. Just know that. Fifty: Loosen your grip on people who don't want to stay.
[12:55]Fifty-one: It's nice for others to think highly of you, but there's only one place where you have 100% control over your reputation. And that is the reputation you build with yourself, and that reputation that you build with yourself is what some people call self-esteem. Fifty-two: There's literally no point in pretending you like caviar. Fifty-three: There are many levels of friendship from loose acquaintanceship to best friend. And life is richer when you have a mix of each of them, so don't write someone off just because they won't be your ride or die. Fifty-four: The most important people in your life will come from random moments that you'd never expect. Fifty-five: Life is busy and there are only so many hours in the day. So about 80% of the time be protective of and intentional about your schedule. And then for 20% of the time, just do random shit.
[15:06]Fifty-six: There are some lessons that only time and falling on your face and looking like a fool can teach you.
[15:17]Good luck out there.
