[0:00]Toh babu ke jo lo tumhara bhai agaya ek aur naye vlog mein mereko pata hai bahut time baad aaraha hai matlab hafte se bhi upar hogaya. Lekin iske beech mein mereko woh bukhar bhi chadgaya patani kya kya hogaya lekin jab bhi leke aata tumhara bhai quality leke aata hai yeh nahi sirf aise hi bina sir pair ke kuch bhi daaldiya woh merese daala nahi jata. Aur check karo matlab sar dukhratha mera aaj bhi kyunki abhi recover hua hoon dawaai duwaai kha raha hoon isichakkar mein shot marne do ek bari dawaai ka. Hmm. Homeopathy hai. Hi bolo, hi. Hi bolo. Hello hi. Phone pe thodna baat kar rahe ho idhar vlog mein dekhke karo. Hello. Rumal baandhdo balon pe. Toh ustaad abhi niche jaarhe hain abhi niche aarakha hai mera dost matlab mera bhai mera jigar ka tukda niche aarakha hai. Birthday aanewala hai uska toh us chakkar mein ek mint ruko. Shots toh marliye abhi. Sar dukh raha hai. Jaraha hoon main. Ruko ek second rukjao poori dawaai toh khaa. Khaali khaali. Khaali. Tang mat karna. Mere mein himmat nahi hai dekh lenge baad mein. Toh ustaad abhi niche jaarhe hain niche jaake tumhe ek bari batate hain ki kya karne wale hain kyunki mera dimaag chalta rehta hai. Jitna time jyada hota hai merepaas utna hi tej dimaag chalta hai aur bura chalta hai aur buri harkaton mein hi chalta hai. Matlab buri harkatein woh wali buri harkatein nahi kisi ko hurt karna matlab shaitani wali. Jo ki honi bhi chahiye hai na. Toh babu ke jo log upar baat toh kar nahi paya lekin tumhare bhai ne iske liye sooch rakha tha ghar baithe baithe main sooch raha tha. Hi toh bol. Kya haal hai bhaiyon. Kya haal hai bhaiyon. Batao reply kyun nahi kar rahe hain yaha bhi reply nahi milta tereko. Toh ustaad yaha pe yahi lagaade. To yahi laga de kya. Chala gaadi pe chalte hain. Toh ustaad iska birthday aaraha hai aur ghar baitha hua tha main kaafi time se. Aur iske birthday ke chakkar mein maine socha ke kya karoon kya karoon jo iske liye sabse jyada important ho. Aur chahe mera bhai important hai. Important hai lekin hum phir bhi ek bari hum toh nahi koshish karna chod sakte hain na. Toh isi liye matlab mere dost ne, mere priye mitra ne ek spa centre khola hai. Uss spa centre mein hum sooch rahe hain chalega. Chal lo. Pata hai kya hota hai spa centre mein. Kya hota hai?
[2:16]Saale kya. Kya head massage nahi hoti usmein. Head massage. Usmein teeth massage hoti hai. Karaalo bhai. Gap bhar jaega. Gap bhar jaega. Hum jaarhe hain abhi nikal rahe hain yaha se aur maine socha hua hai iske liye surprise type matlab surprise kya. Mere dost ne abhi naya naya khola hai spa center. Naam nahi bataunga for security concerns. Gaand ki chut. Pakad. Abe gaandu baitha hua hai daaton ka gap lega bhosdike. Toh ustaad abhi hum jaenge apne doston ko lene main bhi unse salaah mashwara karunga ke isko leke jaana chahiye spa center ya nahi. Aur kya bolte hain bhai enjoy karega nahi karega aur kya hota hai konsi matlab staff kya kya hai. Enjoy karega, dendruff bhi pada hua hai baalon mein oiling woiling karaalo ga. Haan woh tereko khud hi kardengi jo tereko jaha ki oiling karani hai na. Mereko toh bhai yahi lagta hai. Ke isko koi ladki milne nahi wali jabtak ye apna boni nahi karega na insaan jabtak insaan ghar se khake na nikle na tabtak use bahar bhi khaneko nahi milta. Ab jaise jisspe bahut bandiya hoti hai uss pe bandiya bahut hoti hain jispe bahut paisa hota hai usspe bahut paisa hota hai. Jo virgin hota hai woh virgin hi rehta hai jo non virgin hota hai woh non virgin hi rehta hai matlab use na chahke bhi mil jaata hai bahar. Toh mera bhai ab main wahi sooch raha tha ke isne toh khaya piya hai nahi bahar se. Matlab bahar se kya isko toh khaane peene ko mil hi nahi raha bahar se samajh rahe ho. Toh ise pehle ghar se rajjate hain matlab main iske ghar ka hoon. Ab main toh iske liye kuch kar nahi sakta de nahi sakta lekin dilwa toh sakta hoon. Toh woh aaayega abhi. Behen ki. Chalo bhai aur iske baad ek alag se vlog aaega jiske andar ye mereko on paper baap maanega. Tune bola King. Chalo thik hai bhai toh abhi leke chal raha hoon ise waha jaake jo maza aanewala hai bhai ko matlab mereko kya hi aaega. Vlog bana lo na andar bhi koi tension toh nahi. Toh aise kya kar rahe ho. Chalo bhai thik hai. Baaki woh ladki kardeti hai jo karna hoga aur tu apni ichaae bata diyo jo bhi ho matlab main toh bahar hi hounga. Uss hisaab se banaenge. Kya haal hai. Dekha fan following. Youth tera horiya deewana yaar ka. Toh mera bhai agar jaise usne isko approach karna ho ke head massage aur woh peeth ki massage toh kar hi degi woh. Ab isse koi ab woh approach kare ke ekdum se ke bhai bata woh wala kya bolte hain extra services chahiye toh tu kya bolea. Paise nahi hai. Matlab paise toh main dedunga na baad mein hi dene hote hain paise toh. Phir tu extra services ke naam pe kya kya karwaega.
[5:01]Extra services mein shoulder woilder dabaaloonga. Aur? Neck woik. Aur uski? Apni. Achcha phir. Nahi yaaar. Apne nails woils marwaoonga baalon ke andar thodi therapy looonga. Aur? Bas. Toh yeh extra services mein aata hai tere hisaab se. Haa ye saare body ke parts hi toh hain. Usko laga ke yaar teri body kitni gaand phaad hai. Itna badhiya banda agaya merepaas aaj pehle din. Main toh isse shaadi rachaoongi byaah rachaoongi. Shaadi. Haan terse byaah rachaane ka uska mann kargaya. Phir uske baad woh byaah ke liye jonsa woh byaah ke baad ka step hota hai uske liye tereko azmaanelaggayi phir. Ekdam se jaise hi woh aayi merepaas tere paas aake bolne lagi ke will you marry me ayaan. Phir tereko aise aage aake kiss kardiya tereko kiss kaise karega. Kiss jaise normal karte hain. Kaise normal karte hain. Dhang se karna. Phir uske baad tere aise haath waat pakad liye usne. Haan. Phir tereko tereko pakadke godi mein usne bithaliya. Ekdam se woh baith chipak ke baith. Aouch. Aayi. Gaali. Matalab tharak wala look dikha jismein jaise mereko tharak chalti hai na mera aise hojata hai. Aise ab ab tharak wala dikha. Nahi nahi hassna nahi hai hassna nahi hai dhang se kar. Toh teri jonsi natural nikalti hai na automatic hawa nikalti hai yaha se iski awaaz thi na seeti bachti hai na. Ye daaton ke beech mein se bhai agar tez saans leta hai toh seeti bachti hai bina uske. Seeti bachti. O dekho bhai cooker ki seeti. Dikha gusse wala. Gusse wala hai. Kon hai tu. Achcha toh ye bade cooker mein se seeti bachti hai. Horni horny hogaya horny.
[6:49]Chalo bhai waha pouch rahe hain ek bari matlab dost se maine poochke poochha hai ke staff ki photo vej. Jo ki iske hisab se staff achha hi hona chahiye. Toh bhai staff matlab pata hai na kya hota hai. Haan police, doctor, engineer sab. Ye staff hota hai. Staff mein hi aate hain saare police, doctor, nurse. Toh tu agar tereko mauka mile nurse nurse aur air hostess aur makeup artist aur kya bolte hain. In teeno mein se shaadi karni hai tereko toh tu kisse karega. Uhm jisspe dil aaega. Are dil toh aaega in teeno mein se kya profession hona chahiye tu kisi ko nahi jaanta tera swayambar hora. Ab woh swayambar mein woh ekdum se yehi teeno profession ki ladkiya aati hain toh tu kispe bharosa karke kisse shaadi karega. Jaise arrange marriage honi hai teri phir. Air hostess. Air hostess se. Haan. Jaise usne pilot wialot ke saath uska koi scene wiin chala ho toh tu okay hai usmein. Okay yaaar aaj ki date mein bin paas ke toh koi ladki lootna toh impossible hai. Achcha. Toh baaki uska achhese pehle paas jaanoonga. Petrol se dhounnga use. Paas ko uske. Haan. Toh done se bhai ye cheeze woh honi hoti kya bolte hain thik nahi ho sakti. Ab samajh raha hai tu ab once the damage is done done. Damage yaha pe bhi nahi hua na shakal pe na yaha pe niche hua hai. Are matlab niche dil mein hua hai. Toh matlab nurse kyun nahi nurse aur makeup artist kyun nahi. Air hostess hi kyun? Sunder hoti hai is liye. Haan cute hoti hai. Cute hoti hai. Achcha. Bhai mereko toh aisi biwi chahiye jonsi matlab normal normal dikhti ho kisi ki nazar hi na jaae uspe. Haan matlab basic woh jaise suit woot pehenke. Abe konsi kaun dikh rahi hai tereko suit woot pehenke. Matlab usko pata ho kaise kya pehenna hai matlab chote kapde na pehne bas. Chote kapde na pehne kitni ghatiya sooch hai bhai teri. Main toh chahta hoon meri bandi bikini mein ghoome. Ye gawa mein jaha pe sirf main hi dekhne wala hoon use. Chalo bhai. Abbe dekho ye kitni choti sooch hai keh raha hai bade chote kapde nahi pehenne bhai chote kapde kyun nahi pehenne mere saamne pehne teri bandi chote kapde kya hogaya. Ab apni salaah mashwara karenge ke bhai ko kaha leke jaana chahiye iski kya bolte hain niche ki nasbandi karane. Pata hai nasbandi kya hota hai. Hain. Veins. Achcha. Ha ha woh ji aao. Aao ji aao. Toh ustaad humara bhai jonsa do number ka kaam jua ho sattaa ho randi baazi. Nahi woh nahi. Woh nahi.
[9:34]Toh ustaad iska koi bhi kaam ho koi bhi toh maine expert ko bulaaya jonsa matlab expert hai in sab cheezo mein. Koi si bhi cheej ho choti badi matka mutka koi bhi game khelni ho. Casino leke aana ho Delhi mein kuch bhi ho. Saara jua aata hai basically. Saara jua ye mere bhai ko aata hai aur isne. Yaha se right lena. Yaha se right hai. Ye mera bhai bataega ke yaha pe jonsa sabse badhiya matlab maine jonsa socha hua hai expert spa center. Waha pe leke jaana chahiye thik hai mere bhai ki bhai woh karwa rahe hain hum kya bolte hain boni karwa rahe hain boni karwa rahe hain iski aur boner iska bas aajae sahi time pe. Bhai tu ready hai. Haan ready hoon. Ghabra toh nahi raha. Nahi. Pakki baat hai. Nahi. Le chale. Chalo. Chalo bhai chak de fatte. Chalo bhai. Iski toh chalo woh isko toh mil jaegi lekin humara kya. Hum dhoond lenge. Hum iske daaton mein gap dhoondke daal denge. Mere bhai dariyo mat. Dar lagta hai. Dar toh dekh lagta hai bhai panniwali woh pehna dete hain. Galla sabka sookh jaata hai. Isko toh main toh keh raha hoon koi bhand bhej dete hain. Kitni chahiye. Kitni massage chahiye. Haan wahi sooch rahe hain. Haan matlab kehte hain ek toh head mein oil massage chahiye. Haan. Phir uske baad. Baaki kehte hain matlab thode muscles muscles stretch karana hai. Massage. Matlab konse aisa bhai hai jonsa bhai ko aise leke jaata hai. Opening karwane. Mera bhi koi aisa bhai hota behen ke lode toh bada jigra dikha. Oye ab apni pehle wali story suna joh pehli bari tune kiya tha. Bhai dekh pehli baar jab kiya tha badi mushkil se kiya tha. Kya. Dar toh lagta hi hai bhai. Chahe log jitna marzi bolde ke pehli baar hai. Tu dar nahi lagta hi nahi lagta bhai dar sabko lagta hai. Mereko toh laga tha baaki. Isko batana pehli bari mein matlab. Bhai ghabrahat toh. Bhai main sach bataun maine jab pehli bari kiya tha na toh maine kiya tha. Matlab mereko toh dekho uss time woh mere. Gharwalo se aadharcard bhi mangne mein. Toh aadharcard toh milta nahi tha ghar se. Yahi se seedha na. Left left left left leke ja. Toh bhai mereko ghar se. Abey reh pakadle na ise bhosdike baitha hua hai teri maa ki. Maine nahi koi nahi, chala jaa. Koi nahi, koi nahi. Bas baithe bithae sab miljaae ise bhosdike ko. Abhi baithe bithae hai sab kuch.
[11:45]Toh ustaad abhi main tumhe bata raha tha ki matlab mereko uss time toh aadharcard mangna matlab obviously aadharcard woh aur uss time hotalon ka bada woh hotatha ke bache dekhke na bahut mangte the paise woh. Kehte the ki security bhi dedo ye bhi dedo. Maine kaha behen ki woh security. Abhi jao na abhi toh hum hadka ke rakhte hain hotalon walo ko chal be kamra ghar abhi kar abhi. Tujhe yaad hai na tera mera. Abe toh bina kamre ke ghus gaya tha humne. Bhai ek bari kya hota hai ke hum na ek hotel gaye upar jaake na hum late hi gaye usne kamra dikhane leke gaya hume banda hum late hi gaye. Ek agne chala gaya andar. Hum late gaye humne kaha soojate hain thodi der woh bahar aage kaha bhai paise toh do ID toh do behen ki hai kya kar rahe ho. Mene kaha bhaiya ho gaya abhi ho gaya. Hum toh pehle hi khulne laga toh thodi der mein hi behenchod agar humse koi poochne lagra tha. Toh ustaad pehle yehi tension hotithi phir main na hua jab pehli bari hua aur woh hua hi nahi matlab mereko hi lagraha tha hora lekin usko uske gaya hi nahi. Kyunki aata hi nahi tha bhai ab kaha pe kya hai aur teda pehen liya maine toh uss time toh dar lagtatha ke kuch bhi hojae na pet bhi dard hojae apni bandi ka tab bhi dar lagtatha are behenchod kharab toh nahi hogaya kaam. Nahi aisa hota hai. Aisa hota hai. Aur sach mein hota hai bhai uss time ye aise dimaag mein baitha rehta hai ke bhai maine sach mein kaand kardiya hai koi uska pet dard hora hai aur bandi bhi uss time jaake drama karti thi daraane ke liye hume. Seedha aise bolti thi are mera toh jabse tu gaya hai tabse mera pet dard hora hai. Chahe bechari koi woh kya bolte hain infection hogaya ho aur hume lagtatha pregnancy hui hai. Na na phone side mein rakhiyo bhai chance toh tu ghabrahat ho. Call text kardiyo message kardiyo. Abe bhai khushbu bhi bol ab bhai ghabrahat toh. Nervesness horahi hai. Haan hogi woh hogi but koi nahi hum do isliye aaye hain tereko nervousness ho jae. Quick fall na hojaae tere. Quick fall na hojaae night fall ho toh. Quick fall na hojaae night fall toh. Toh ustaad abhi hum wahi pe pouch rahe hain matlab bhai ne. Kiska phone aaraha hai. Walia. Toh bhaiya Jaggi bhai ne bola phone set karne ke liye toh main set up kar raha hoon camera ka. Thik hai yaha kardiya. Toh ustaad abhi aagaye hain hum yaha pe bas gaadi park kari hai yaha pe mere dost ne abhi saloon khola hai matlab dikha nahi sakta kaha pe khola hai. Lekin saloon keh raha hoon spa saloon khola hai. Toh yaha pe spa wala khola hai bandhe ne matlab bahut mehnat ke paiso se. Aage mehnat kare. Log bhi aage mehnat kare aur usko mehnat ka fal mile. Kisi ke muh pe kisi ke yaha pe jaha pe isne tattoo banwaya hai. Dikha toh dikha tattoo dikha.
[14:12]Toh ustaad abhi bas yaha pe aaye hain thodi der ke liye matlab apna ye bhi ye fresh hojaega matlab halka hojaega hum bhi halke hojaenge. Ki ek cheez teri boni karadi hum bhi kahenge tension free honge. Hum bhi. Tu kuch toh kille fathe kare tu mere saath rehta hai poore din. Thik hai. Thik hai. Toh ustaad ab nikalte hain yaha se abhi pouchte hain andar aur andar ka scene bhi dikhate hain tumhe ke kya matlab tere saath. Are matlab woh wala andar ka scene nahi hai matlab andar aake hum toh apni video banaenge tu apna jo kar raha hoga tereko baadka experience bhi toh lenge. Ke kaisa laga kya tha pehla naya naya ultti toh nahi aagayi dekhte kisi ko naked dekhte hi ultti. Kya bol raha hai bhai. Ab iske liye dahi cheej hai na bhai. Bhai ye toh differentiate kar lega na kya kya hai. Haan matlab pata hai na ke tere jaisa hi hua toh nahi karta. Nahi karta. Thik hai. Toh gender hi badal gaya hai. Genddu. Gaandu behenchod. Kal ko uska hi choosne lagjae andar ghusse hum behenchod dhapa. To mereko abhi message message aarakha hai staff ka. Staff pata hai na kya hota hai.
[15:58]Yahi matlab police police doctor doctor. Iska ye staff mein hi aata hai. Are toh abbe toh main toh keh raha hoon tumhe jo karna hai iske saath karlo. Humara koi scene nahi hai hum teeno ka. Tum mein jo karna hai iske saath karlo. Humara koi scene nahi hai.
[16:36]Toh ustaad pouch hi rahe hain bas andar jaa rahe hain aur yaha pe matlab paas hi thi location paidal paidal hi andar chalegaye gali wali mein. Toh yaha pe aake mere bhai ko main bas itna bata raha tha ke itna batade ise ke andar jaake jab bhi tu shirt wirt utaare aas paas woh check karliyo ke camera wamre na ho kal ko tereko lage ke behenchod ke woh hai koi kuch aur hai ya teri koi video na ban jae kyunki jaatdar spa center mein kya hota hai ke video ban jaati hai. Jaise hi video bani baad mein tereko use karke na tereko paise aur aath engge toh is hisaab se dekhlo kyunki main toh andar jaa nahi raha tu hi andar jaake dekhiyo. Samajh raha hai. Pehle paanch minute tereko milenge ki paanch minute baitho shirt ward utaaro. Paani doodh pike serial wala. Are toh bahar aajeo uncomfortable feel kar raha hai. Haan seedha bahar aajeo bol diyo mera mann nahi hai. Karna hai na tereko. Pehle thoda kuch khane waney challete hain thoda. Khaane peene challete hain. Kyun. Dimaag kharab hora. Thodi yaar nervousness horahi hai chal lo mereko nahi jaana. Are toh bhai itni nervousness idhar toh aa thodi toh bahut toh hogi tujhe bol raha hoon thodi bahut hi hogi tension mat le hum bahar baithe toh hain. Chalna hai ya nahi chalna. Chalna nahi chalna ab isko bhai bol diya hai baat karli hai Jaggi ne ab chal mere bhai. Bata. Are pehle abhi ghumate hain na. Abey is behenchod. Thoda bahut hi hogaya hai isme. Are bhai abbe tune pehle terese poochha tha chalunga tune kaha main chalunga phir tune kaha main chalunga tune kaha main chalunga behenchod mauke pe aage reh jaane. Chal lo chal lo.
[18:09]Chal. toh ustaad andar aagaye hain.
[18:14]Tension toh nahi horahi koi. Nahi. Tension jutti ki nok pe. Bhai agar mereko bad report aayi ke tera chota hai tune jhaante nahi kaati. Kya chota hai. Matlab nanu chota hai tera. Agar ye teri bad report nikli toh main jeans se mukar jaunga ki meri jeans nahi hai ye. Kisne bola. Tu meri jeans nahi pehanta. Tu meri jeans nahi pehanta. Jaggi. Jaggi. Jack & Jones. Jack & Jones. Chalo ustaad ab mera bhai ek bari main isko bol deta hoon andar jaake comfortable ho soche thoda apna. Theek hai. Meditation kariyo phone dekhlo bhaag jaunga main toh keh raha hoon. Nahi nahi kuch mat dekhiyo tu na ab seedhe drug dekhna. Performance achi honi chahiye tereko last time bol raha hoon. Theek hai. Give your best. Tu bhi best. Okay brother see you. Okay mere bhai ghabraiyo mat. Jaa.
[20:31]Toh ustaad kardo iska kaam. Kardo kaam shuru.
[20:36]Bhai ko bulaata hoon abhi toh ustaad isko andar toh bhej diya abhi abhi check karte hain ke.
[20:51]Aao. Toh bhai hum is wale bhai ko bhejenge abhi. Aur Jaggi saab. Kaise ho. Badhiya brother badhiya badhiya. Kaise ho. Badhiya badhiya bhai. Toh bhai inko bhejenge hum ye humara bhai police wala hai. Icard waicard ise sab dediya hai civil mein jaega mera bhai aur isse pehle daraane ke liye bhi bhejenge jonsa bhai yaha pe baithta hai main. Usko bhi bhejenge. Phir ye wala bhai jaega andar. Uske baad dekhte hain kya iski behenchod utni aanak rehti hai ya nahi rehti. Jaan nikal ke aata hai pata chalta hai ki ghabrata hai ya nahi ghabrata ya kya bolta hai. Bhai pe bhaari padte ho. Bhai se bhaari padte ho. Bhai pe toh mereko lag nahi raha bhaari padega lekin isko dikhaenge. Dikhaenge. Badhiya hai I need new talent. Application bharo saare.
