[0:11]Hello, Jane Evans. Yeah. Hi. My name's Dr. Betty. I'm one of the psychiatrists who work here in the Department of Psychological Medicine.
[0:20]And I'm seeing you today because you were referred up from A and E. I understand that you were there a couple of nights ago having cut your arms. Um, and I think that was you'd come in after after your relationship had ended. Is that right? Yeah. Okay. Okay. Can I just check Have they bandaged you up and things are settling down there? Yeah, it's fine. Okay. Okay. How have you been Jane since we last saw you in A&E? Crap. I mean, I just can't I just can't believe that he's gone. Right. And this is your your boyfriend Mark, is that right? Yeah. Okay. Okay. How long had you two been together? I mean, it was only a couple of weeks, but you know, things seem to be going really, really well. I don't understand that. I can't believe he's just gone. Right. What was it that happened, Jane, to bring bring that relationship to an end? Well, like I said, because it was going so well, you know, I asked I asked him to move in. Right. And um, he said that he didn't want to. Right. And we ended up arguing and getting into a big fight and Right. And then he said he was going and you know, I begged him not to. But you know, he still went anyway. And So was it was it after he had gone that you cut? Yeah. Right. Can you tell me a bit more about what happened when you cut? Well, he'd gone and I just felt so I just couldn't bear the pain anymore. Right. And like the voices were just incessant. Right. And I just, you know, I just wanted to get rid of all the pain, all the voices and so you know, I just, you know, I just cut myself. Right. And did that help with the pain and the voices? Yeah. Right. Yeah, it just, yeah, I mean, yeah, it took the pain away and I don't know, it's just something about seeing the blood really, it just made it feel better. So with the cutting, is this something that you've you've done before? I've been doing it since I was, I don't know, a teenager. Right. Okay. And it sounds like there are times when you do it when it it helps. Yeah. Right. Yeah, it takes the pain off. Right. And are there any any downsides to the cutting? Well, yeah, I mean, there's been a few, but I suppose the main thing is, I don't know, my arms and legs are a mess. Right. Okay. Okay. And you mentioned Jane voices. And I know you've spoken to doctors about them before, but can I just ask you a few more questions about them, please, if that's okay? Yeah. Okay. Can you tell me, how long is it that you've been hearing the voices? Since I was a teenager as well. Right. Okay. And do you know, are there is how many voices are there, or who they are? I don't know who they are. It's mainly my stepdad. Right. And he, I don't know, just tells me how dirty I am and Right. How horrible I am. Right. I don't know. Sometimes it's my mom as well, but And what kind of things does your mom say? Um, I think mainly she's she thinks I'm a liar. Right. Okay. And how often is it that you get these voices, Jane? They're not there all the time, but um, generally they're sort of sitting there, but I don't know, sometimes they're louder than others and it's like the other night they might as well have been in the room. Right. Did you think they were in the room? No, I mean, I know that they're not there. Right. Okay. But it's like they're just so loud in my head. Right. So can I just clarify that? Are the voices do they seem as though they're inside your head or is it like my voice coming through your ears? No, it's like inside. Inside your head. Yeah. Okay. Okay.
[5:16]And am I right in thinking that they they trouble you more at times when you're you're stressed out? Yeah. Right. Okay. Okay. Can I ask you a few more general questions about how you are, in your mood? How how would you say that you you feel generally, kind of, in yourself?
[5:43]Um, I hate myself. Right.
[5:55]That sounds as if it can be very difficult sometimes. And it sounds like you've used cutting in the past to help. Are there any other things that you do to help when you feel really bad? Um, drinking. Right. I have smoke a few spliffs now and then, you know.
[6:25]Right. I don't do it so much now, but in the past, um, I don't know, I just had a funny thing about food. Right. You know, sort of like binge and then just throw it back up again. Right. Okay. And that was in the past, but but not recently. I haven't done it recently, no. Okay. And can I ask, Jane, it sounds like when you cut the other night you were doing it sort of to kind of get rid of the pain. Can I just clarify, were you doing it to try and kill yourself? No. Okay. Okay. Have there ever been times in the past when you have tried to kill yourself? My late teens. Right. What happened then? Probably around when I was 19. Uh-huh. Um, I don't know, it just got to a point where I didn't want to be here anymore, so I took some tablets. Right. Okay. So that was in your late teens and at the time you took the tablets because you wanted to be dead, is that right? Okay. Okay. But you've not wanted to be dead since that time in your late teens? No. No. Okay. Can I ask you a few more general questions about your your home situation?
[7:50]Who is it who is it that Is there anyone at home with you? Well, not now, but, um, my daughter used to live with me. Okay. But, um, she's gone to live with her dad now. Right. So she's gone to live with her dad. Is that quite a recent thing? About a year ago. Right. And what was what was that about? Um, she just couldn't cope with the fact that I was cutting myself. Right. I didn't do it in front of her, but she knew it was happening. Right. And I suppose I suppose one of the big things as well was the relationships I had. The the relationships you had. Can you tell me a bit more about that? She's like the one we just had with Mark, you know, it starts off being great. And then I get I get really scared. I just get really scared that they're going to leave and then it turns into a big fight and they end up leaving anyway. Right. And it sounds like your daughter struggled with that. Yeah, I mean, I suppose she didn't know whether she was coming or going, really. Right. Okay. And were there a lot of relationships like that? Yeah. Okay. Okay. So you've not found anything that people have done particularly helpful in helping you to manage your relationships and your your cutting and the things that seem to go wrong for you.
[9:40]It's like nobody's listening to me. Right. You know, I think you're the only person who's actually sat and listened to what I've got to say.
[11:06]Okay. I I know it's very difficult to open up to people and I know that you you have opened up here today and and it can feel quite hard that you're not going to continue to see me, but it is the way that we work here is to pass you on to somebody who's perhaps a bit more appropriate for your needs, Jane. Right. So would it be okay for me to book you in to come back and see me, say, next week for our second appointment and we can perhaps have a think of where to go from there. Would that be okay? Yeah, I suppose so.
