Fix Your Child's Attention Span (Before It's Too Late)

[0:00]Today, more and more children are finding it extremely difficult to focus, and it's having a real impact on things like their behavior, their ability to learn, and even the simplest task like sitting down and staying at the table for a meal. Unfortunately, the way we live in modern society is a big contributor to this. Things in our homes and in our children's environment and the way we do things today are actually hindering their ability to focus. So the first step if you want to improve your child's attention span is to remove the things that are actually harmful to it. Some of these are so damaging that they're actually changing the structure of your child's brain. And no, I'm not just talking about screen time here. In fact, the first one is the fight, flight or freeze response. This is when the amygdala, a part of our brain, becomes activated and tells our body, "Hey, you need to start paying attention because there is something seriously wrong here." Now, when this is triggered, it absolutely destroys your ability to focus. And that's because when the amygdala is active, the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain that's responsible for thinking and focus, switches off. It's been completely overridden by this fight, flight or freeze response. Now, here's the weird thing. You probably think, my child is never in that state. They're not scared or in danger. But the amygdala doesn't need a real threat to trigger it. Unpredictability is enough. When your child's day is constantly changing without warning, their brain triggers that fight, flight or freeze response. And as a result, they're constantly on alert, scanning the environment to see where that next threat is coming from. Routine breaks this cycle. Knowing exactly what's going to happen in the day tells your child's brain that the environment is safe. And when they feel safe, the amygdala quietens down and the prefrontal cortex comes back online. And this allows them to focus and come back to the present moment. This is why it is so important to have a predictable routine for your child. Now, when I say predictable routine, I don't mean that you have to have your day planned to the minute. With children, we both know that that never happens. You just want to aim for a similar routine that you follow every day. Things will go wrong. That's a given. You just adjust when they do happen and then once you get past that, you slot back into the routine. For example, in our house, our morning routine looks like this. Our kids wake up at 6:45 and the first thing they do is have breakfast. Then they brush their teeth. Now, only after they've done those two things that are a high risk of dirtying their clothes, do they get dressed? And assuming everything goes to plan, and by that, I mean that my son or my three-year-old haven't actually dirtied their clothes again and we've had to change their clothes, we get into the car and we do school drop off. We even keep the same order every morning, so we drop our older kids off first and then we drop our youngest daughter at child care. Now, your routine doesn't have to look the same as ours. The key here is to create a routine and add a bit more structure to your child's day. As that's going to help keep that amygdala calm and quiet and improve your child's ability to focus throughout the day. Now, this next one is extremely important to get under control because a recent study has just showed that if you don't, it can actually lead to reduced grey matter in the parts of the brain linked to attention, memory and impulse control. You've probably noticed that after a bad night's sleep, you're irritable and you can't concentrate and even the tiniest things set you off. This is because the prefrontal cortex is extremely dependent on sleep to function well. And as you know, it's the part of the brain responsible for attention, impulse control and planning. So, naturally, when you don't get enough sleep, it impairs your ability to do those things. And your child is the same. When they're exhausted, they just cannot focus. This is where the research by Grubber and colleagues is really interesting because they found that the children who are sleep deprived, and by that, I mean they were only getting 40 minutes less sleep than usual, actually presented with symptoms that looked almost identical to ADHD. But when their sleep issues were addressed and they started to get more sleep, those ADHD-like symptoms went away. Now, unfortunately, it goes even further than that. As I alluded to earlier, chronic sleep deprivation can actually result in changes to your child's brain structure. These changes impact their ability to focus and learn in the future. A study which demonstrated this was completed in 2022 by Zang Wang and colleagues, and they analyzed the brain scans of over 8,300 children aged between 9 and 10. And they compared the MRI scans of those children who were getting less than 9 hours of sleep to those who were getting more than 9 hours sleep. And what they found was that the children who were having less than 9 hours of sleep actually had smaller gray matter volume in the areas of the brain linked to attention, memory and impulse control. And those differences were still there two years later. So it's clear that sleep is incredibly important for young children. As a general guide, the American Academy of Sleep Medicine recommends children aged 1 to 2 get 11 to 14 hours of sleep, children aged 3 to 5 get 10 to 13 hours of sleep, and children aged 6 to 12 get 9 to 12 hours of sleep. Now, something to note here is that deviating two hours more or two hours less than these recommendations is also considered within the normal range for some kids. So, the real indicator that your child is getting enough sleep is that they wake up fairly easily in the morning and function well during the day. If your child is hard to wake, very grumpy or sleepy in the morning, it can be a sign that they need more sleep. And you might just need to adjust their bedtime to be slightly earlier to ensure that they can actually get the sleep that they need. Now, let's talk about the elephant in the room. You've probably been waiting for me to get to this one, and it's screen time. So, what are the realities around this? Well, here's what we know. We've got clear data now that shows excessive screen time can physically change the architecture of a developing brain. And it's not in a good way. A study led by Dr. John Hutton used MRIs to scan the brains of children aged 3 to 5. And what they found was pretty scary. The children with higher screen use had less mature white matter organization in the areas of the brain associated with attention, language, memory, and the ability to understand and process emotions. Now, what I find most scary about all of this is that those first five years are when your child's brain is developing most rapidly, and those early years form the foundation of everything that comes in the future. Now, the impact of screens isn't just limited to 3 to 5 year olds. We're also seeing the same negative impact on older children as well. Now, obviously, in a perfect world, the ideal scenario is no screen time. But I completely understand that that's not always possible. This is also reflected in recommendations from professional bodies. If we look at their guidelines, we see that a lot of them recommend no screen time for kids under 18 months of age with the exception of video chatting with family. And that's because there's this back and forth interaction that happens when you do FaceTime. For two to five year olds, the general recommendation is up to one hours a day as an absolute maximum. Now, the thing here that I would encourage you to remember is that it's not just about the time. It's also about the quality of the shows that they're watching. Fast-moving shows, the ones with constant scene changes, loud sound effects, bright, flashing visuals, and storylines that are hard to follow are not ideal for children. And that's because this intense stimulation can actually push them into a stress response. And as we've talked about, when this happens, learning and focus goes out the window. Ideally, you want to look for content that's slower paced, age appropriately and reflects real-life situations that they can actually relate to. On top of that, whenever you get a chance, try to sit down and watch the show with them. When you sit with them and talk about what's happening on the screen by asking them questions or explaining things to try and help them understand what's going on, that interaction activates the language and attention centers in their brain. And this means you're turning what would be a passive experience into something much more valuable. Now, some shows do try to replicate that, where the presenter talks directly to the child and asks them a question and then pauses for an answer. But in these situations, the presenter just keeps talking, regardless of what the child says or does. Their response doesn't change based on what your child does in that moment. And that responsiveness, where someone is actually reacting to you is what you just can't get from a screen. So, if you can, join them. Now, up until this point, we've talked about how to remove the negative factors that are harming your child's attention span. But we haven't talked about how to build that skill. How do you actively develop your child's attention span? One of the most effective ways to build attention span is to stick with a task for an extended period of time. Now, as you probably know, it's hard to get a kid to sit and do one thing for a long time if they don't enjoy it. But they do enjoy play. So we use that as a tool to get them to sit still and pay attention for longer periods of time. But here's the thing, it's not just about play. The way you play with them is also really important. So here are a few tips on how to play with them in order to actively build their attention span. First of all, when you sit down and play with your child, follow their lead. This means copying what they're doing and not directing their play, because to them, the way we play as adults is boring. We often turn it into teaching lessons, and then it's no longer enjoyable for them, which means they stop playing. So, get down on the floor with your little one and copy what they're doing. Now, what you can do is slightly extend that play for them. What that does is give them more to do, which then means they will play for longer. So, for example, if they're building a block tower, get down and build one, too. Then, to extend it, maybe you can grab a car and then drive it around that block tower and then smash it into your block tower and just wait. What you might see is your child picks up a car, drives it around their block tower, and then they smash it into theirs, too. When you do this, you're not so much directing their play. You're just showing them an additional step that they can do in their play if they want to. And this in turn can extend their play sessions. Now, play doesn't always have to involve you. Playing by themselves is equally important, but I know a lot of parents do struggle to get their kids to play independently. So, let's talk about a few ways that you can encourage your child to play by themselves. The first is to give them less toys, not more. Now, I know this sounds counterintuitive because you would assume that more toys means longer stretches of play. But research actually shows the opposite. A study by Douch and colleagues took a group of toddlers and first gave them 16 toys and just observed their behavior. Then they gave those same toddlers only four toys. And what they noticed was really interesting. When they had more toys, they tended to jump from one toy to another quite quickly, which led to shorter, more fragmented play. But when they only had four toys, they played for much longer with each one and explored them more deeply. So, remember, less is more. Give them fewer toys, and you should see longer play sessions. Now, the second thing to do is hold back when they are playing by themselves. Often, we interrupt their play by praising them or commenting on what they're doing. But when you do this, you break their focus and put it squarely on you, which ends that play session. So save your praise for when they're finished, and when you are praising them, try to avoid phrases like you're so smart or you're so clever. Although these are well meaning, they just don't send the message we intend and there are just better alternatives. If you want to know what these alternatives are, I've got a free guide called 8 Parenting Phrases to Rethink and what to say instead, and you can get that by clicking the link in the description below. Another really effective way to develop your child's ability to focus is to step back and allow them to complete everyday tasks like getting dressed, brushing their teeth, putting on shoes, and packing their school bag all by themselves. When they do, it forces them to focus on that task until it's completed. And that in itself helps to build their attention span. It also helps with problem solving and resilience and helps to build their confidence all the same time. But the problem is most of us step in before they've had a real chance to try. And it makes sense. It's quicker. It often avoids a meltdown, and some mornings you just need to get out the door. But there's a way to support them and give them the opportunity to build these skills without taking over. I made a video right here to show you exactly how to do this. I've even broken it down into age-specific approaches, so you know what to do based on your child's age. So, go ahead and click here to watch that one next.