[0:14]We'd only had a year before Flow came along so, What what was that year like? Great. Yeah. Why what made it great? Oh, we just had all that. We could have all that, you know, we could stay in bed all day or So sex life was great. Yeah. I think it always has been. Well, yeah, we slept as well. What made it what made it what made it great? What made your sex life great?
[0:44]Well, like you, like play, playing, playing and being silly and laughing and time.
[0:58]And that, and putting the other person first, you know, So it sounds as if actually, you were really satisfying each other. Yeah. Yeah. And that felt what? Felt brilliant. Tom. Yeah. Yeah.
[1:21]Yeah. And now? Now it's a bit harder. Well, you know, two kids down the line. Just again time really. I mean, Is it or you know, can you do something different here? I think we can. What time do kids go to sleep? Well, I mean, they're they're getting older now so we put them up, you know, about eight and they they read and stuff. They go to sleep at what time? Well, they're supposed to go to sleep by nine. Sometimes they do. Sometimes they're awake, you know. I don't mind as long as they're reading quietly then that's fine. But they don't disturb us. You know, they're very good. They don't come down. They don't So at night, you've got a maybe window of opportunity there about 9:30 onwards. Yeah. 10 o'clock onwards. Yeah. It's about maybe not doing any work and going to bed early. Well, also, have you ever thought about having a weekend away together without the kids? We've talked about that, haven't we? Yeah. I mean, it's always cuz we keep getting used by other parents, don't we? Hotel together.
[2:38]We keep getting their kids around. We take their children to our house for sleepovers. We're going to Italy. Oh, nice. Okay. Don't worry, you know, you can do it back to us, if you like. So when was the last time you did that, because it sounds as if we went away. Yeah. Sounds as if a lot of people have put kind of uh babysitting into your investment bank here. Do do you Uh there was that birthday. I went to Bristol. We went for about nine hours, didn't we? Yeah. But that was when, well, this is how long ago it was. That was when Si was really little so we couldn't. Really little. So we couldn't go for that long. That was probably about 10 years ago.
[3:19]We've had holidays but always with the children. In a caravan with cardboard walls. So sounds if there's always like something getting in between you both. There's always something that pops up here as like something to be a kind of third in the relationship to kind of stop it from meeting together. Yeah. I think it'd be a brilliant idea to go away actually. You might not even need to go away, you know, you could just go to a hotel in the same town. Yes. Yeah. And then you're back again, you know, Sunday morning or something like that. Sunday lunch time. Yeah.
[4:05]That'd be a bit silly, wouldn't it? But it'd be nice silly. Who used to initiate sex?
[4:14]Both of us, I think. Yeah. Both really but depend. On the whole, I think, yeah. And now who initiates it? Well, it's not really initiated very much. But um, Don't know. Me? Do you think? Well, you're going to have a field day on this one cuz I'd have thought it would be me. Oh, right. Okay. Yeah. What have you got on that one then? So you think it's you. I'd have well, if you'd have, you know, if this was Mr. and Mrs. then I'd have said me.
[5:07]So when we're talking about sex, that's something that you're really missing. Yeah. Well, yeah. Yeah. So when we talk about the different needs that you both have and pursuing and distancing and and all of that sort of stuff, uh there are different needs, different feelings of needs here. Different perspectives on it. Again, it's like, come on guys, come on out here. Talk about this. Yeah. Yeah. Again, like I said, a few sessions ago, if you look at yourselves, you both want the same thing here. You both aching for the same thing to happen here. But it's like, whoa, let's keep this gap because it feels safe. I think there's an element of that. There's an element of safe. But not satisfying. Safe here is not satisfying. So maybe you know what? Maybe you're going to take a little bit of a risk here.
[6:14]Yeah. Yeah.
[6:23]Tom, when you two had sex, did she need enjoy it? I'd like to think so. Janine, when you had sex, did Tom enjoy it? Yes. How do you know? Well, you made the right noises, anybody can do that. Well, yeah, I suppose so there's that film, isn't there? Yeah. There is something here about because he always tells me he loves me. You know and I believe him.
[6:57]Tom.
[7:05]Do you ever talk about what would make you uh more satisfied in bed together? No. Things that you want to do that maybe you've never done. Well, no. No. Other things, if you think about them, you don't have to disclose them, but are there things?
[7:27]Don't get any ideas. Oh, I suppose if you really thought about them there might be. It sounds as if there are things that you have thought about, Janine. Yeah. I suppose everybody thinks about things like that sometimes do. Fantasies and things like that. Yeah. Tom.
[7:56]Not really. You're shaking your head, Janine as if Well, I just think it's quite funny cuz he is so straight. Aren't you quite straight. So I can't imagine him thinking about things like that in a way. Well, she's calling you on something there. What you want to say about that? It's true, I'm straight. She knows I'm straight.
[8:26]No secret fantasies. Um, not, not for difference, not for chandeliers, um and pigs. Well, I don't know. Film stars, celebrities. No. What, okay, actually no. Yeah, do. Yeah, do. because it sounds what, what? Private. Embarrassing.
[9:10]Private between you both. It's private. Yeah. So, it's really, I appreciate it, it's really awkward and embarrassing to talk about these sorts of things for you both. But you've had sex and shared bodily fluids and you know, you're both obviously present at the birth of Si. You know, you've seen each other in some pretty far-out places. You need to talk about this. You need to really get into the juice of this. Does that make sense? Yeah. Yeah, it does. I suppose. Yeah, I mean, and you need to do something here as well. Reach out to each other. Because like I keep saying, you both want the same thing here. So, we've got a couple of minutes left but just to kind of summarize here. It sounds as if you're you've both been doing this kind of relationship dance for quite a few years here. And maybe you need to start dancing differently. Cause you'd be dancing away from each other rather than together. Yeah. Okay.
[10:54]Okay.
