[0:00]If you're a leader, an entrepreneur, or a changemaker in some way, and you have to own your value, you have to own your power for people to respond to you, you are going to love this episode.
[0:11]Meg McDonald is joining me here at Casa Sagrada, and she is attempting to grow her business.
[0:19]Now, I've known Meg for a few months, and she is one of the most compassionate, lovely people that you could ever meet.
[0:27]But I think she's got some work to do in order to really own her brilliance and own the way that she communicates her value.
[0:34]So I'm looking forward to meeting her soon.
[0:50]My name is Megan McDonald. I'm the founder of Soma Q.
[0:53]I work with leaders who are highly successful, yet they struggle with burnout and imbalance.
[1:00]I know Rachel Jane can help me uncover my blind spots.
[1:04]I think, you know, my clients have to trust me. This is really personal, often very private, confidential work.
[1:13]And uh it requires a deep connection with an executive coach like myself.
[1:21]So in order to deliver an up-leveled product, I need to make sure that I am stepping into the hard stuff as well.
[1:31]If I'm asking clients to do hard things, I also need to do hard things.
[1:36]Hi. Hello, Meg. Hey.
[1:43]How are you feeling? I'm excited. Are you ready to start? I'm ready. Awesome. Let's go.
[1:57]So Meg, let's start with why you believe this pattern got locked into place where you know you're amazing. You know you've got so much talent to bring into this business that you're taking to the next level, but something keeps pulling back or creating the self-doubt.
[2:16]Where do you think it began? I think one of the most difficult experiences was being bullied starting in about age nine.
[2:27]So feeling very diminished, right, in front of my classmates and and then that carried into junior high into high school.
[2:37]Didn't understand why this was happening to me.
[2:41]But it was happening. It was very painful, very prideful, right? Didn't tell anyone, lots of shame, lots of fear.
[2:49]Did you have any sense or what was your mind concluding the reason why you were being bullied?
[2:57]I'm different, uh unlikable, not worthy.
[3:04]Isn't it funny because you're the most likable, worthy, amazing people that you could ever meet? It's like that was the experience, but it was.
[3:13]It, yes, it was my experience and I appreciate hearing that from you. It's an it's a lifelong unraveling of those narratives, right?
[3:22]And when really challenging things happen early, they often will keep going.
[3:27]Did you notice the bullying kept going or it stopped when you got out of school?
[3:34]Well, I had a reprieve in uh college, so that was lovely.
[3:39]Uh and then I step back into some powerful positions in corporate America and it resumed.
[3:47]One of my bosses, uh when I was running a pretty significant program, uh that was getting some notoriety, um actually not just regionally but nationally, she called me one evening at about 7:30 p.m. and said I would never be successful.
[4:04]Just like called you and said that and then hung up?
[4:08]I don't really remember, right? Because that's that was I was in this sort of protection mode. Couldn't believe it was happening, but snapped right into this constricted, gosh, I guess I'm not worthy, even though externally beautiful things were happening. I was making a huge impact.
[4:27]And what did your mind make up at that point of why she would do that, why she would say that?
[4:33]Oh, I must not have what it takes. I must I'm probably never going to be successful if this high-powered executive is telling me I'm not going to.
[4:42]So you believed it?
[4:46]I believed it. I I mean, I tried not to believe it, but realizing when you rewind the tape, I believed it.
[4:54]It's sad. So you've started this new business a while back and then now you're taking it to the next level, Soma Q.
[5:04]Tell me what what is your inner dynamic when you go, I'm ready to take the next leap that's that's creating challenges for you.
[5:16]Yeah, I think it happens so so first I'm like, okay, I have this vision. I get very excited about this. I'm very entrepreneurial. I have a I have strategic thinking.
[5:27]So I get very excited about this behag or big carry audacious goal.
[5:32]And then from there I start mapping, like how I'm going to execute, and then the narratives show up, and I start to be afraid.
[5:43]How am I going to do this? My mind takes over. What what could I possibly be thinking? Am I going to be able to make the impact that I that I'd like to?
[5:53]The critic, the doubt? Yeah, and it's not about me. It's about I want to be of service and I want to serve and it's it's it's deeply important to me.
[6:03]Of course. So if I'm trying to help people do the same thing that I'm struggling with, imposter syndrome, right, all kinds of things surface.
[6:11]So even as you say, the story of bullying has been occurring for pretty much your whole life until you left corporate in different ways.
[6:23]There is in your energy field a a sense of empowered person and a knowing that I am amazing.
[6:35]I can feel that. Yes. And was that going on to throughout this thread of like, I know that I am this amazing being, and I'm getting bullied or and the inner critic is happening. Were you aware that both of them were traveling together?
[6:53]I was. Yes, that's what caused so much confusion.
[6:57]Yeah.
[7:00]And and even I think compressed or exacerbated the hurt, the internal hurt.
[7:08]Yes. Right. Well, wait a minute. I'm a rock star. Why is this happening? Yes, yes. I'm only just trying to help. And when people are rock stars in your words, often other people who are unconscious want to tear that down.
[7:22]Mhm. I I suppose. Yeah.
[7:25]I presume the person who called you at 7:30, that's what unconsciously was going on.
[7:31]Correct. It's a you knew that at the top. I mean, again, it's traveling together. You think maybe, but you're doubting yourself.
[7:39]That's right. Oh, she she is insecure. He's insecure. I know I know it's there insecurity that's creating, right?
[7:49]We all hear this about bullying. It's not about you. It's about their insecurities. Right. However, when it's happening to you. Yes, exactly. So you know it at a metal level that she's seeing a rock star and kind of trying to pull it down. And I know that story, I've seen it so many times and for myself too.
[8:11]And but physically, energetically, emotionally, it's still I don't know if I can it's not safe to be a rock star.
[8:19]It's not safe and I also don't know how to fix it. How do I stop it?
[8:24]Stop them coming at you. Yeah, how do I how do I do this? I don't know. You don't learn these things in school.
[8:31]Okay, so I want to come back to that question. How do I stop this recurring pattern that is going on?
[8:39]That's right. Because even if I just become conscious of it, which you did for a while, it doesn't mean it stops.
[8:46]Right. Right? So we want to move forward with, I am amazing. I am going to the next level.
[8:54]And I would like to create a change of whatever's going on that keeps attracting people the saying, I don't think you can do that or you're not going to be successful.
[9:03]And may I say that I've done these things. I've looked in the mirror and said, I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.
[9:12]Until tears are pouring down my face, right? Sometimes believing it and sometimes not.
[9:19]But as many times as I've engaged in those reading the books and engaging these practices, there's still that that pattern that you've said.
[9:26]Absolutely, absolutely. So what do I do? Yeah, so we're going to come back to that. How do we do both that you feel free in your system, in your what I call earth suit, your body, mind, energy field to feel free to be this rock star that you are, and also to stop the pattern that is being co-created by people who like bullying or like projecting their jealousy or envy onto you.
[9:54]But first I want to go through when you change a deep seated pattern that's been going on practically your whole life that didn't make sense, there's three things that have to kind of be changed for that transformation or that thing to stick, to hold.
[10:17]And that's why you're saying, when I look in the mirror and I'm crying, I'm feeling or I'm saying the words or I'm saying the affirmations or I'm doing somatic work, which is what your business is all about. If we do one of those things, it doesn't actually change it fully.
[10:27]And those three things are your psychology. Some people would call that mindset, but I think it's a broader term than that. The psychology is your mindset, the inner critic, how it works, your enneagram, the shadows that you don't want to look at, so it's that mind.
[10:45]That's the first. Second is the somatic experience, and you know what that's all about, like how is the body and the energy field, particularly the internal space of the body reacting in this moment.
[11:00]Because if we just say it, I am amazing, and our body is going, no, I'm not, that that signal doesn't get sent to the brain.
[11:12]It just becomes something that I'm saying. So we want to work with the somatic experience, and the third is spirituality.
[11:20]Is the receptivity that you are held, you are supported, you are carried.
[11:29]I feel that tears too when I say that, right, because it's the releasing of I've I've got to do this on my own and I'm not safe and all of those things.
[11:38]And when we can unhook or really dial into those three things, this transformation will stick.
[11:45]So psychology, somatics, and spirituality of receiving that which is holding you.
[11:51]So I'd like to pinpoint three practices that you could do, and we're going to end with a challenge, so you can feel this in your life over the next few weeks.
[12:02]But the first thing that's coming to me for you to dial into is this energy of rock star.
[12:11]You kind of look like one. You're gorgeous, your hair, your your your belt. Like this this is this is who you are, and you are superior in so many ways.
[12:25]And you probably were when you were younger.
[12:30]Were you superior in some ways when you were younger?
[12:35]No.
[15:35]Okay. Now, if you're asking, why on earth is Rachel Jane getting Meg to own that she is superior?
[15:42]Isn't that part of why the world is in the trouble that it's in, too many people thinking they're better than others?
[15:49]Well, superior in this context is a shadow, meaning it's part of Meg that is unconscious or not allowed much.
[15:57]Actually, I work with a lot of compassionate, caring leaders on this shadow of superior.
[16:03]Because after all, if you can't own that you are better than someone in the thing that you are providing, why on earth would anyone want to work with you?
[16:16]Do you find that you can own, I am superior? I am so good at this, this, this and this, better than most people at this, this, this and this.
[16:34]Not yet, Rachelle Jane.
[16:59]So, so I'm picking up the rock star, or we'll call it superior, because when you have got your own business or you're teaching something or leading a team, whatever context it is, you have to step into a place where you know that you are superior in some way.
[17:21]Not morally, not as a person. You get where I'm going, but I know in your context, I know these somatic practices.
[17:31]And I know how they have changed my life and changed all the people that you've worked with, and I'm really, really great at this.
[17:43]You have to be able to embody that for people to go, I want to work with you.
[17:51]Would you agree? Yes. Like I need to embody, I am really, really, really amazing at this, and actually better than you, and that's why you're hiring me.
[18:00]Because no one's going to hire me if if they're better than me at what they're trying to do.
[18:06]Because they can feel it, right? Yeah, I might as well hire them. Right. Sure. So that and superior has the energy of, So that's why we call it the shadow, the shadow of superior from a psychological standpoint. So I'm going to have you say a few times, I am superior.
[18:13]Right now? Yeah.
[18:18]I am superior.
[18:23]I am superior.
[18:28]Great. And then you can say, I am superior to you.
[18:35]Okay. Now, if you're asking, why on earth is Rachel Jane telling Meg to say, I am superior to you?
[18:43]The reasons are, one, I'm not triggered by this.
[18:46]Two, I need to have Meg feel in her body that it is safe to say this.
[18:52]Three, it's not a shadow of mine, and being witnessed in your shadows is so important.
[18:59]I am superior to you.
[19:04]I am superior to you. Thank you. And why are you superior to me? In what ways?
[19:10]Hmm. Let's see. I am superior to you because I once played the violin and I know you didn't play the violin.
[19:15]I did not play the violin. I know how to read music maybe. Maybe you do. I don't know.
[19:22]I do know how to read music, but I could guess that you are superior to me in reading music.
[19:29]How else are you superior to me? I'm superior to you in that I've led incredibly impactful healthcare programs that have saved and changed lives.
[19:40]Yes, I have not done that. And what about your breathwork? Some of the practices.
[19:45]Yeah. I'm sure you are way superior to me in that work.
[19:50]Yes, thank you for pointing that out. Yes. So so here's what happens as you stay with a shadow, a psychological shadow that's like, I'm not allowing myself to feel superior.
[20:00]Because if I show anything about I'm better than, someone is going to come and wipe you out.
[20:08]Knock me down. Doesn't it feel like that sometimes? It sure does. Yeah. And you're about to go into new pictures and new level client and you're going to have to be I'm really amazing at this, and in your body it's going to be like, no, no, no. So one practice you can do from the psychological level, at least for the next few weeks, is just saying, I am superior.
[20:25]Now, if anyone was overhearing our conversation, which a few people might be right now, they might be like, what on earth is Rachel Jane telling this woman to do?
[20:33]This is the wrong thing that she should be saying, but the shadow bites us in the butt.
[20:41]Right. It doesn't it the shadow is a key that allows the rock star to emerge.
[20:48]And the funny thing is, and you just have to trust me with this up until you've you can really feel it is when I learned and could embody, I am superior in these ways, these ways, these ways.
[21:02]But I also, I'm inferior in these ways, these ways. People didn't come after me anymore.
[21:08]I was like, I'm more arrogant than I've ever been and people are like fine with it where before when it was a shadow, I would try to really step into my worthiness and people would who do you think you are?
[21:26]Right. I'm just trying to help you.
[21:29]Exactly. And they would come again.
[21:32]Yes. So this is an unlock. So the practice would be, I am superior to and you could just notice someone walking on the street. That, to a friend.
[21:46]And of course, you're already great at how you're inferior.
[21:51]No. Yeah. Right. I'm very great at that too. I'm inferior in this way and this way and this way. So it's it's making sure that both are strong. Okay.
[22:00]So now with the somatic experience, we want to go to how the body is responding when you go into um saying something like
[22:10]Well, what's what's the saying when you feel you're really in your power with your work?
[22:17]When you feel like, yes, I'm I'm in my joy when I see other people drop into their bodies. It it just it brings me so much joy and peace within.
[22:30]Just everything's centered and flowing.
[22:34]Right. So that's about other. Okay. Right. Good point. Yeah. Which is great.
[22:39]I mean, enjoy. I mean peace when I see other people flowing. And what do you sometimes find yourself saying a little rock star move internally, like I'm badass at this or I'm I can make such a difference or I'm really great at this or something?
[22:58]This feels amazing, internally, that's when you're doing your work.
[23:03]Yeah, just this this it feels like embodied joy, like I'm my body's in joy.
[23:07]Right. So I'm going to have you say, I love this. It brings me a lot of joy and I'm really, really great at this.
[23:36]Okay. Right. So we're going to notice what happens in the body.
[23:39]Okay. So I am in joy.
[23:44]I I love this. I am really great at this.
[23:54]Wow. That felt so much better. Yes. Say again.
[24:08]I still felt like I just anchor that in. Just say that again and notice what happens when you relax, direct eye contact, no head tilt. I love this. It brings me joy and I'm really, really great at this.
[24:19]Can you say that even louder?
[24:22]I love this. It brings me joy and I'm really, really great at this.
[24:32]Yes. Do you get it? And it's nice and it's pleasant, but it's not like I'm this is worth a $20,000 contract. So I'm am I seeking external validation? Is that kind of what that is?
[24:39]Yes, so it's a good question and often people will ask that when they're doing somatic work.
[24:47]Is yeah, what's what's coming across and I think that that's it it it's not validation necessarily, but I'm do you agree?
[24:58]I guess that's validation, like there's kind of a, are you do you agree?
[25:03]I keep getting that feeling. I don't want to be I don't want to be too much or powerful. Forget too powerful. Just powerful. I don't want to be powerful, because if I come across powerful, I'm going to get whacked.
[25:20]Yeah, I did. In high school I was beat up by a stranger.
[25:26]And you didn't know why, or you did know why?
[25:29]I spoke up to help a friend and this girl obviously had a lot of anger in her and she went after me and it was terrifying.
[25:44]Yeah, right. So it's like that energy of I cannot be too powerful.
[25:51]Yeah. So the body, though, because of all the work you've done is pretty powerful.
[25:59]It's not like apologizing everywhere, but the head is. So what we can do then in our somatic practice is work with the head and the face.
[26:07]Because one way is to go to therapy for the next five years, to figure out and talk and talk and talk about these memories, or we can use this power of the body brain connection and change the way my head and face is when I'm sharing my value and my worth.
[26:28]That would be so great. Yeah. So we're going to try it here. So what is the opposite of If you were to coach me and I'm saying, I'm I'm really great, I love working with people to support their growth. It makes me feel such joy and peace, and I'm really, really great at what I do.
[27:00]How would you coach me in my face to not be in that apology?
[27:03]Yeah, I would I would coach you to find some stillness in your face.
[27:09]Just don't pant or relax. Yes.
[27:14]Okay. Right. Just to be aware of of just be aware. Bring awareness to to this region.
[27:21]I think that's great even as you do that because I'm a smiler too, and I think you are too, because we want to be liked and want to be nice, because we've both been. And if we're not smiling and not being nice, that might happen even more.
[27:36]And this is how we express right here, right?
[27:40]So just maybe bringing some relaxation into Great.
[27:44]Awesome. Anything else I should do? Direct eye contact, which can be very uncomfortable with someone you don't know and trust, like I'm finding it easy with you, but I know often that's not easy for me, so I might be trying to do eye contact or.
[28:00]Okay. Maybe using my head to. Got it.
[28:04]Good. So relax here, direct eye contact and no head tilt.
[28:09]And I'm going to have you say, I love this. It brings me a lot of joy, and I'm really, really great at this.
[28:36]Okay. Right. And then we're just going to notice what happens in the body. Okay. So I am in joy.
[28:44]I I love this. I am really great at this.
[29:04]Wow. That felt so much better. Yes. Say it again. I still felt like I just anchor that in. Just say that again and notice what happens when you relax, direct eye contact, no head tilt.
[29:20]I love this. It brings me joy and I'm really, really great at this.
[29:25]Can you say that even louder?
[29:29]I love this. It brings me joy and I'm really, really great at this.
[29:36]So what I notice is I'm pulled into what feels like your vortex in some way, like, who is this person?
[29:46]What is happening? There's something energetically happening that I can't even put my fingers on, but you're pulling me toward that with no smile.
[29:57]And because I'm a smiler, I am like, how is she doing this with no smile?
[30:03]It just is so magnetic. What are you experiencing? I I feel so much more present with you.
[30:17]I feel like my register is lower. My voice is lower.
[30:23]Um, so that feels good in my body. And what I also notice is your heart is very open because you're talking about something that you love.
[30:33]And what I used to do is not trust that my heart was open when I had a relaxed face.
[30:41]I always thought I must have resting bitch face, right? And people would be smile love.
[30:53]You know, and I would need to but I'm if I have my heart on, people got me.
[30:59]Well, can I say this is I it's really important that actually you just shared that with me because often, surprisingly enough, in corporate, I would have people say, what's wrong? You need to smile more. You look prettier.
[31:12]Yeah. So it's that it's that judgment, right? It's that, oh, I'm doing something wrong, so this is so helpful.
[31:21]It's like you're interrupting the pattern.
[31:24]Exactly. And so much so when we we interrupt the physical pattern, whether it's slumping or clenching or something, our whole mindset shifts.
[31:35]The body sends a signal to the brain, I love this, and I'm really, really great at this.
[31:44]As soon as I do this, I love this, and I'm really, really great at this.
[31:51]I immediately feel anxious that you're going to get that I really love this and I'm really good at this. And I'm going to start trying trying too much.
[31:59]As soon as I come back, that was so powerful and it's connected into the superior.
[32:10]Because you don't have any of the, I've got to smile too. So I'm really, really great at this, and the practice I want you to be with over the next few weeks is talking to people with this head.
[32:31]Relax, direct eye contact, no head tilt, particularly when you're going into pitch some of these larger contracts over the next few weeks.
[32:35]Okay. You willing to I am. And hopefully you'll notice the amount that you do this.
[32:48]Right.
[32:51]And that you can see it's a way to not show them I am empowered. I'm superior. I'm a rock star. I'm really, really great at this.
[33:00]And catch it and just redo it back to presence.
[33:03]Love it. The third practice is around spirituality and receptivity.
[33:14]As far as what we're doing here in the small self, we are receiving our highest self, which is why often we do this, or we pray, or we meditate, or like there's something like, I'm I'm wanting to receive something that is I think first it starts outside of us.
[33:37]I want to receive something outside of us until it starts to shift to, no, this is this is a different part of us.
[33:57]Connected, one and the same. Yeah. And so I want you to just for a moment, become more and more receptive in your body to this highest self.
[34:10]So grounding and feeling that highest self there for you, always there, always holding you.
[34:44]Yeah. So why am I emotional?
[34:48]Just keep feel receiving it.
[34:52]Letting the emotion, this highest self is always carrying you.
[35:01]Always holding you.
[35:06]And when we're highly receptive through the body, we know it.
[35:14]Do you know it in this moment that it is carrying you?
[35:25]No. Yeah. Do you know it in this moment that it was carrying you even when you got hit?
[35:48]No. Yeah. Because these things during our life happen, and we think that we got disconnected from our highest self.
[37:00]Okay. Right. It just this is it's a knowing.
[37:06]It's a everything you just said. The triangle is like I'm I'm in it right now. It's like I'm in the triangle of what you just said.
[37:17]It's like, oh, it's like I can relax.
[37:20]Of course.
[37:29]It's like the the magic formula.
[37:37]And so it helps it helps make sense of the suffering. And there's a a doorway and a path to move out of those experiences.
[37:57]I love the word relaxation. I could relax. Yeah. Because when you know you're superior, you can relax.
[38:10]When your body relaxes, your mind can relax.
[38:17]Right. When you relax into your highest self, you relax.
[38:28]It's why I call it unshakeable inner peace, because the relaxation in the system just got too great through the mind, body, and energy field.
[39:27]So a normal trigger might come in, it's like, hello, I'm very relaxed right now.
[39:37]Even in the stressful moments like pictures, like new things going on the business, it can be okay that there's some, you know, stirring.
[39:50]But the relaxation is too great through the mind, body, and energy field.
[39:57]So are you up for a challenge?
[40:01]Listen, I will do anything if I can have more experiences like I just had right in front of you.
[40:08]So I want to give you this 14-day challenge because if we can really get it practiced acutely, then I think it's going to stick more.
[40:26]Okay. So here's the challenge. It's going to be part psychology, part somatic, part receptivity, and about your business.
[40:40]I want you for the next 14 days to video yourself seven times, every second day.
[41:00]So you have a time to just write something that you're amazing at.
[41:07]The topics are going to be sharing why you're a badass, why you're a rock star, and why you're really, really great at the work that you do.
[41:14]It could be a minute. I don't care how long it is.
[41:17]You write it. The next day you're going to shoot it with the somatic experience.
