[0:13]Thank you, DJ. Thank you, DJ. Thank you so much for that introduction. Speaking of let them hang, this is for breast cancer awareness, so you know. Woo. So, thank you so much, so excited to be here. How do y'all feel tonight? I am so excited to support this event tonight. Um, I do have my own breast cancer experience, in case you had not noticed, I too have a bosom. I do have breasts. Um, I love to think about like what do we call them, you know, breasts, boobs, titties, ta-tas. On men, I like to call them testicles, even though they don't hurt when you slap them, I do like to call them testicles. Um, but you know, I love talking about breasts because breasts, you know, it's a, it's an interesting experience for those of you who do have them. It is a journey throughout your life having breasts, it could be some ups, it can be some downs, it can be some way downs. Um, but um, my experience, I feel like when I first started to learn about my relationship with my breasts and what that was like. I was in elementary school and I was invited into a very well-known exclusive club that some of you might know about, it's called the itty-bitty titty committee. Um, I see a few members in here right now. All right, y'all be proud, you know what I mean. Um, I too used to be in the IBTC. It's a very exclusive organization. Uh, the way that I was inducted, um, I was in fifth grade and uh, a girl came up to me on the school yard and she said, "Hey, Liz, have you ever heard of the itty-bitty titty committee?" And I was like, "Oh my God, no." And she said, "Well, you should, because you're the president." And she took off running and I was like, "Oh my God. Oh my God." And then I thought about it for a second and I was like, "Holy shit! They made me the president." I was really excited, but my my reign in the IBTC didn't last for too long. About four weeks into my administration, I was going to PE class and PE, um, we wore this really cool orange shirt. Um, shout out to Thomas Edison. Um, we wore this really cool orange shirt and if you didn't have your orange gym shirt, you could wear a white undershirt to PE. So, um, that day, I didn't have my orange shirt and so I went out dressed for PE in my white tank top and as soon as I got there, my PE coach went, "Girl, you turn around." Go back and put on your clothes. And when you get home, tell your mama, you need a bra. So, uh, my mom took me to, uh, get a bra and, uh, that was the very beginning of my experience. Um, but it's okay, I got kicked out of the itty-bitty titty committee, but I'm now in the Big Bust Trust, started by Dolly Parton in 1988. First humble meeting. Um, and so in the Big Bust Trust, we talk about the issues that affect breasts and breast-related things, you know, women with boobs, people with boobs, the things that we have to deal with. You know, um, because it may be some, you know, a lot of people think that having big breasts is all fun. It's all motorboating and contests, it's so much more than that, it's a lot more. You know, like sometimes I have to deal with cat calls. I went to a karaoke with my mom a few weeks ago and this guy was like, "Holy shit! You got a whole lot going on up there, girl." Like, what the hell was that? And I don't know why people feel so compelled to tell me about objects that they think relate to the size of my breasts. Like, "God damn, girl, you got some reals." Oh my God, you got some jugs. One time this guy said, "Girl, you look like you smuggling two midgets under your shirt." I said, "Sir, that is so offensive to my to all of my little people." Let's keep it clean up here. But we, we discuss other issues that, that face, you know, that women with breasts face, people with breasts, especially larger breasts, like I needed the Big Bust Trust to help me understand why people put napkins on their laps. Because when I look down, I don't see a napkin.
[5:00]But I have to do this nasty to get down in there. So I just, you know. We solve issues that I like to call like the the crispy crunchy chicken dilemma. So like, for example, um, anybody in here ever had crispy crunchy fried chicken? Let's check it. Chicken and sometimes you look down and you see that little tasty fried morsel, this little piece of crunch, you pop it in your mouth and it's so delicious. I'm talking about the floor. Can you imagine you had your meal, you go down and sit in your car and you like, oh, this piece of crunchy this chicken nugget.
[5:43]In the Big Bust Trust, we say, "Yes." We beat the five-second rule every time, we got like a 10-minute rule. As long as it's not moist and it gets you depends on the food item. You know, we solve issues like folded arms. Is not easy. So, we talk about issues like this, but there are a lot of positives as well. There are a lot of amazing things about having breasts. Um, for me, for example, um, I do have difficulty folding my arms above them. But if I'm on a flight, I always have a pillow. Sometimes the Big Bust Trust, we talk about other challenges too, like, um, finding the clothes that are good for women with big breasts, like and you might think I mean something like clothes that fit, no. I mean like I love reggae, I bought a Bob Marley shirt. I put the shirt on and said, "Bob, Marley." I bought a graphic tee, got a time, I pulled a shirt over my breast, the face expression had changed. So I have to be careful about what I'm wearing. I stick to the positives, the things that we talk about in the Big Bust Trust. You know, I have my pillows, I have my shelf. If I wanted to go hands-free on the mic, I could. Grab something like that. But it is a show, it's also a storage. I need to the make up.
[7:34]Oh, that's my earrings.
[7:38]Sorry, y'all. I know I have to put that motherfucker somewhere, so I have to figure out where.
[7:46]It's amazing. I do appreciate it because like when I go to the club, I don't need a purse.
[7:56]Put it back. But it's also good for things like, you know, maybe later on I'll have a drink. Sometimes when you go in a club, it's too expensive to buy that kind of stuff in the bar. Now, I will say it's gotten a little warmer since when I left home, so I will have to ask for some ice at the bar. With the Big Bust Trust, you know, it is amazing. I do enjoy these kinds of things, you know, being able to to joke around and stuff like that about it. But enough about my breasts. Don't be sad. They're still here for you. Okay. But um, I'm happy to be here. I'm very excited. Um, I just came back to Louisiana from California. I came back from Long Beach. So I have been living in Long Beach for the last like five and a half years and Long Beach is really fun. It's a make it's actually a lot of things that reminded me of New Orleans in Long Beach. So like, for example, um, Long Beach is a festival city in Southern California. They have lots of festivals. Um, thank you for the co-signer and whoever put that up on. Um, they also is a very walkable city, just like New Orleans, you can get anywhere you want to go, you know. But unlike New Orleans, you know, a one thing that that reminded me was it was a Methadone clinic on the corner from my house. So I didn't get the real heroin addicts, but I got like heroin light. So I got half the, half the dope naps, half the Hepatitis C, all the cracky behavior. So it was a lot of fun, it was a lot of fun living in Long Beach. I'm glad to be back though because I do miss the seasoning and spice of New Orleans. You hear me now? See your flavor because in Cali, everything just kind of tastes like avocados. Avocados on everything, like with hot sauce, they use that shit out there. I mean, who decided, who thought about how do we make food more bland? Let's put some avocados on this shit and work it out. And I'm glad to be back home too. I used to live in an apartment, I love my apartment, but I hated my property management company. The company was called Borva and I felt like that stood for bitches overseeing really bad apartments. Because they, fuck them, they hated me, I hated them, they hated me. I would park in the back, they put up a sign that said no parking. I used to smoke, they put up a sign that said no smoking. I came home one day, they had up a sign that said no sex after the first date. I said, how do you know what I'm doing?
[10:43]How do you know what I'm doing? I said, "You only change after I'm gone?" I mean, I need my coats. So, you know, glad to be back home in the city now and I'm looking, I'm looking, I'm dating, I'm open, it's shitty. If I had to describe my dating experience in one word, my dating experience, I think that one word would be Walmart. And I said, "I'm about to tell you why, girl."
[11:17]Walmart for a couple of reasons. One, you can be some guys at Walmart, okay? I mean, they got the checkers, they do math. There's the clerk, the guys who, uh, stock the shit, they got muscles. My favorite is that little guy with the highlighter that swipes my receipt on the way out the door, I'm like that's attention to detail. Okay. So you never know, you know what I'm saying? And then another reason is I feel like I can compare some of the men I dated to Walmart, okay? In that, you know, you go to one, Walmart, they all pretty much the hug in size. They might look a little different, but they all flow the same bullshit, okay? Then, uh, you know, a lot of guys that I date just like Walmart, they're pretty cheap. And, uh, nobody's ever surprised when I have to return them.
[12:13]And then I shot when I said, "I'm, you know, finished with that motherfucker." Look at little R3. Yeah, girl, that bitch is on me. But the best thing about Walmart, the best thing about it is I can filter the people that I date in Walmart, because on apps, the people lie, in person, people lie. But see the basket in Walmart, oh, the basket never lies, okay? That you have some preparation with each other to know what the fuck we working with. All right. That loud as shit. So when I'm in Walmart and I'm looking in the basket, I'm just trying to see, okay, well, if I see some feminine hygiene products and I see fruit juice and kids snacks, okay, he's taking. All right. Looking another basket, I see, okay, a lot of air freshener. I like it that he keeps his clean. You know what I'm saying? Like air freshener. Oh, but then I see some buck teeth, some tarps and bleach. Oh, we're not going to be able to work it out. The one I'm looking for now, the one I'm looking for, I'm looking for like single-serve pizza, lotion, tissues. That guy needs somebody, okay. Nowadays though, if I look in the basket and I see more than one bottle of baby oil, then I'm calling the police. I do try to keep my clean state. That's one thing I try to be honest, so. Well, I just want to say thank you all so much. You all have been an amazing audience. I want to give a shout out to my brother-in-law Ron Green. You all make sure you all support and check the long kids in your pumpkins.
[14:09]All right. Give it up for real delicious.
[14:17]I hope you all fellas was listening, but I heard something.
