[0:00]Oh my God, you have the same rule I had. You think you have to sit down second. Uh the host you do have to sit down second. Yeah, I know, but you kept thinking I you were you were trying to make me wait, but I'm the host. I'll tell you the rule. I would I would have weighted you out. I'll tell you the rule that I that I do is that I got to do something I never get to do with a guest, is that if we hug, my my head just now was downstage. Oh. I always allow the guest's head to be downstage. That's I think I do too. Yeah, well, I don't think about it though. I think about everything I do. Triple, not it comes to you naturally. Every moment. I triple I triple second guessing every action, yes. Well, it's And then we go back and we reedit the entire show. I do every moment of the show three different ways. You go, no, no, try the try this give me the B option. Well, you were here 10 years ago and you actually, uh, you remarked that you this is a moment where you had exactly what we're just talking about. It's been 10 years. It's been 10 years and you came out, uh, on this show and you had a moment where you realized, I 10 years ago, I guess, had I already gotten the new gig or was I about to I was going from I was, oh, I'm going to be a network late night talk show host. You you were doing it, but had to started.
[1:05]I don't need to put any effort in. Right. I am that guy. Yeah, you can just come out and do it. And so I would just come out, whatever, I'm me, enjoy that I am and I walked on stage thinking, oh, Seth's a friend, this is going to be fun. I don't know, put any effort into it and I walked as far as this seat and I went, this is a huge mistake. I should really put any effort into this and I think if I've watched it, you can see the moment. Do you have it? Yeah, we have it. You you'll see the moment when I realize I should be professional on some level. Let's take a look.
[1:40]How are you? Wow. Hello, hello.
[1:46]Happy to be here. Thank you. Wow. Breaking it in, you're breaking it in. Look at this new set. Is it something? That second wow, is where I went that first wow was not nearly wow enough. Uh, it is wonderful to have you since, I mean, uh, in the last year, uh, you had something very special that happened. Uh, you won the Emmy. Congratulations. Yeah, we went that was very nice. That was a lovely night. It was a great night, great for the staff and everything like that. It's really lovely. Amy was there, we had a good time. Uh, so much more fun if you win. Oh my God, yeah. Yeah. I mean, I will say, so I wasn't there because we weren't even nominated.
[2:23]But I am going to say something that my I will well, let me know because I think you might actually agree with me. I think it goes like this, you go and you win, Yeah. You don't get nominated, don't have to go. Yes. You go and you lose. 100%. I mean, going and losing if you go and you if you go and you lose, like this is ridiculous. This is crazy. Why do we do this? This is all bulls**t. And then if you go and you win, you go, you know, it's good that we get together at least once a year. Yeah. Just to celebrate the art form. Yeah, and then if you go if you're not nominated, you're like, was it tonight? Yeah, 100%. Yeah. But I will say like it was very special and I was very happy when you won and one of the things that's changed in the last like three years in our, uh, you know, in our category, is that we're all a lot closer because we did a podcast together called Strike Force 5. Right. Uh during during the strike of 2023, something like that. That sounds right, right? That was a lot of fun. You, me, uh, Jimmy Fallon, John Oliver, Jimmy Kimmel. Exactly. And it was so I mean, I enjoyed it a great deal like when we were, you know, we were making we were raising money for our staffs who were currently at the time not working. Yeah, 12, 12 episodes raising tons of money. And, uh, it was really nice to be closer to everybody who does this for a living. Yeah, you really, for me, you really turned a corner. Yeah. And I went, yeah, I get it. You were kind of there, you were already there on the other guys. And I remember the day you were like, hey, you know, you know, who I was wrong about? Yeah, yeah. I shouldn't attack him when he's not around. But it I mean, there is We're raising money right now actually on the, uh, on the on the new show. I you're you're auctioning off items on eBay that were, uh, connected to your show and I was blown away, uh, how successful this has been. Over $200,000 has raised for, uh, World Central Kitchen. Great. Jose Andres's World Central Kitchen. Jose Andre, one of the great, one of the greats. And, uh, you auction off ties, costumes from your show? Yeah, uh, uh, props, uh, tickets to the final show, stuff like that. We actually have I actually brought something at our I don't know you have to I'm very excited because we have Are you okay with this? I'm I'm of course. I mean it's for a good cause. I wouldn't let you sell stuff like if all the money was going to you. Like I wouldn't be okay with you using this platform for that, but if it's a good cause, you can auction off. It's a good cause. This is all for World Central Kitchen. We are looking for props that people might enjoy and I've got this thing that's been rolled up in the corner of my office for years. And I don't know if you guys remember, there used to be a senator from Arizona named Jeff Flake. He was a Republican senator, very nice, very lovely, reasonable guy and I want to go see him years ago. I forgot why I was interviewing him. A bunch of people on Capitol Hill. I think it was the last time I went to DC and I'm riding around Capitol Hill on a Segway or something, trying to look for somebody to talk to me. And he had this rug, he had a little area rug in in his office. It said US Senate and, uh, this is what do we may I. Yeah, yeah, please. Could we see this please? Why did they give you such a small rug?
[5:19]There's not even there's not even room for the on the here. That's what you get when you're a freshman, I guess. Do you get to keep the rug? Probably not. This has to stay behind you. This does. So if I took it with me today, that would be a problem. Big problem. Well, we, uh, You got it right there. We have it right here.
[5:47]I I tied a really tight knot in this. You you're so mad you didn't bring your not guy with you. Trust me, this is the rug.
[5:56]You have editors. Okay, so here it is. It's beautiful. Here's the rug.
[6:02]This is stolen. Yeah. If you would like to aid and abet me, if you're not going to accomplish any federal crime from stealing this from Capitol Hill, you could do we have the uh we have the Yeah, we're going to put it up there. There you go. Colbertlateshow.com/ebay or go to that QR code and you can you can, uh, You can bid, you can get you can get stolen, stolen goods. Yes. This is this is this is Late Late Night with Seth Myers exclusive. I have two questions based on that. One, uh, you you look pretty good on a Segway. That's not that's not digital effects. How are you on a Segway? It's a skill like anything else. That's great. Have you never ridden a Segway before? I've never ridden a Segway. There's nothing easier in the world. I almost decapitated an audience member with a Segway once. Okay, so there maybe is something easier. I literally fell off of it and it shot into the audience and barely went past somebody's head and I got a note from the lawyer from the network said you may not ride your Segway on stage ever again. That's very fair. Also you mentioned that in the corner of your office, are you somebody who is your office just sort of filled with the Detroit of 10 years of doing a show? It's a compost. Yeah. And I feel like is this similar to you like we get gifted a lot of things that are like too nice to throw away, but not nice enough to do anything with? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just like really nice gestures that like you're nobody in your family wants you to bring it back to the home. No, and a lot of liquor. Yeah. I've started giving stuff away to my staff. We do a drawing every Thursday. Yeah. And I just I'm just giving stuff away to the staff too. That's very nice of you. Um, I have something to give you. What, really? So I do a thing on my show called corrections where where, but I have a Jackie. Thank you. Oh, you have a Jackie. I went I paid I paid with my own money to get a Jackal mug. I love it. Uh that's very kind of you to say and and some people we have a PO box and people send something in and so I got an invitation to a wedding, but it was, um, it was Lord of the Ring themed, like if you can see and like, look, they've got like a little map that looks like it's burned. Oh. And it's really great and so. You got invited to a wedding? And no, I didn't. So I thought I did and then I opened up an envelope sent to my PO Box that starts, dear Stephen Colbert. This was mailed to me. And by the way, at no look at no points does it ever say like thanks Seth. It's like literally they just assumed I'd give it to you. So anyway, March 20th in California. If you want to go. That's March 20th and 26th. They're getting married twice. Is that Is that something that happens in your weird Hobbit world?
[8:32]I don't know. I didn't get to the I didn't get to the any wedding scenes. I actually have no idea. Can you read uh Hobbits?Like I mean, by the way, this is but like Yeah, that just says that means the star shines on the hour of our meeting, but that's basic right there.
[8:48]I mean that's what Gildo that's what Frodo says to Gildor and Glorian of the House of Finrod when they first meet at Wood Hall. I knew it sounded familiar.
[8:58]Um, but I did I yeah, you can keep it. I reached out, um, to um, uh, my Jackal, which is what I call the people who give comments. And I said last week, hey, Colbert's coming on the show because sometimes in my, uh, YouTube comments, people are like, hey, will you tell Stephen he made this mistake? Because corrections is the place. Do you want to hear him or not? They attacked me through you? They don't attack, they're they're they gently correct. They're Jackal. Yeah, they are Jackal. They are correct. Would you like to hear some of the things that people said you've gotten wrong? I'm hesitant to say yes, but please, I would like to hear from the Jackals. Stephen, uh, said one time that the Great Wall of China can be seen with the naked eye from space, which is untrue. I'm sure you're right. See, it's it's fun. I'm sure you're I'm sure I'm sure you go ahead. I this is one I get all the time. Uh, you have a segment, uh, called Monkey News or something. By the way, I love how they're so specific and they're like, I don't have time to google. It's called this is a monkey emergency. Whenever there's an escaped primate of any kind. Yeah, you do it like twice a week. Yeah. We have a we have a monkey emergency, yeah. Uh, your monkey emergency, uh, has a chimpanzee in the graphic, which is an ape, not a monkey.
[10:07]Does it eat bananas? That's my question to you. Does it eat bananas? Please tell Stephen Colbert, it is a historic, not an historic. It is an historic evening. Same you would say, oh, I enjoy I enjoy listening to an harmonica. Okay. Is that really how you'd say it? That's how I would say it. But nobody. I always said an historic. Can I say something? But the problem is like does anybody ever enjoy listening to an harmonica? Uh it's better than an tamborine. Uh, oh, Bluey's a girl, not a boy. I did not know that and I don't judge. I'm not laying that on Bluey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's great. And by the way, why wouldn't you know it? Your kids are like, yeah, they're like 40 years old. I have triplets, they're all 40. So I you know, I want to address the some sad news in July. Do you have a drink? Do you have a drink? Yeah, a little bit.
[11:08]Go ahead, yeah. It's uh in July, it was announced uh that your show, uh, your show was canceled.
[11:14]What? What? Nobody told me. Oh. Nobody told him.
[11:24]Are you out of practice? You're out of spit take practice. I am, yeah. Yes, uh, this is our last season. It's our last season. I was shocked. Uh,
[11:35]I saw you, uh, I, you know, I think it happened at the end of the week. I saw you on Monday, a bunch of us stopped by, we all talked to your dressing room. Oh, that's right. Yeah, it was very nice of you. Uh, and I heard you talk about, uh, our friend Jimmy Kimmel. Um, how are you, uh, have you do you have more perspective, different perspective on it now? Is it sort of, uh, Well, it feels real now. Yeah. It did not feel, I mean, I mean, no, it was real, but now there's four months left and I, you know, the shows are fun to do, but what I really love is the people I do it with. Yeah. And we've been putting together this, I mean, there are people I've been working with, whom I my, uh, my shoemaker, Tom Percell, I've known since 1988. That's crazy. And so we've all been together forever. So, uh, listen, you can do comedy in a lot of different places. There's no place like the Ed Sullivan Theater. No offense. There's no place like the Ed Sullivan Theater, but it's really the people that's that's really what I care about and that's that's really what that's really what I'm going to miss more than anything and we'll do something else together, but it feels real now. I'm not thrilled with it. I mean, I feel like neither of us ever take it for granted, but I do think it's that weird thing that it's just like built into your life when you have a show like this that you just get to see people every day that are funny and help you process through, uh, often times the things that we're talking about, which are, which can be difficult. Right, right. You know, we all saw what happened this weekend, which was incredibly corrosive to the soul and how we feel about our own country and I got to talk to Josh Shapiro about it all night and talk about with the governor. And that's that's an incredible gift. And, um, anyway, I'll always be grateful for that. Is Lauren here? Lauren Michaels? Yeah. Why do you want to do you want to talk to him or something? Did you tell him I'm available in June? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know if he's still hiring. Oh, to not to host, you want to like just work on the show? I need a show, man. I need a I love to talk about. Not for the cash. I'm fine for cash. It's just every would want me out. If I can tell Lauren you will work for scale, that will help. That will help. Please do. Uh, when do you do a Bill Clinton impression? That's the last time that's that's how long. That's right. You auditioned, that's right. You audition for SNL with the Clinton.
[13:40]1998 or something like that. 1997, something like that. I was so old that I was so long ago I audition for SNL, I auditioned with an Alato impression. You don't even remember who Al Demato was. By the way, I will argue that in in 1998, that was also not an impression they needed. Because you know, I'm looking back I'm like, well, they didn't need a tomato. Who had a tomato? Wait, were you on the decision-making team? No, I wasn't there yet. I would never have of asked. When did you when did you? 01. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I also did a do.
[14:16]It would be really funny if Lauren was just still kicking himself over for letting you go in 98 and he's just like, oh, I'm sure he is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Again, is he here? He's not here, but uh he watches every night.
[14:30]This is going to get this is going to get back to him. Someone someone will tell him. I think someone will tell him. Uh, do you have a final show date? Oh. Thank you, Seth. Yes, this is where am I? I'm here. Yeah, take it. This is I figured this would be great. This is a this is a peacock exclusive. Oh my God, thank you. You're welcome. We almost never get exclusives on peacock. Or NBC. Yeah. I just figured it'd be best to do it. You should do it. You should do it a second place so that people hear.
[15:01]Start with peacock though. Start with peacock.
[15:04]Is that our final show will be May 21st, 2026. Mark your calendars. That's, uh, thank you for sharing that with us. I would love to be there. Do you have a show that night? Um, not anymore. Okay. Uh, you, uh, I know people always ask me about, uh, dream guests. Do you have one that you're trying to land before, uh, May 21st? Yeah, the Pope. The Pope. American Pope. American Pope. You met the last Pope. I did. Yeah, you went you had to go to Rome. I went to Rome, me Fallon, me Fallon, came with us. Yeah, a lot of comedians. I invited you. Yep. And you said immediately. No way.
[15:44]You I did your show the night you had to leave you literally left the Ed Sullivan Theater to get on a plane to go meet the Pope. And literally had to get a helicopter. Wow. To make it to JFK in time to go to Rome. Yeah, I was going to say you can't take a helicopter all the way to Rome. That's insane. But this I I got on a jet ski. But you now be honest, the last Pope would not be a good talk show guest, but new Pope, I think. Oh, he would have been any Popes are pretty good. No, but come on. Pope's the one you want. Oh, of course, American Pope, Chicago Pope. Yeah. You want the new Pope. Come on, Pope Francis would not have been a good talk show guest. He would have been an infallible talk show guest.
[16:22]This is this is good that you did not meet the Pope because this attitude is this attitude is not go across in the apostolic Palace. Those Swiss guards will take that Hallberg and just take you out. Oh, you do and they in their big pan loons. If you roll your eyes in the apostolitic chamber, is that what you called it? Is that a Apostolic Palace? That from, uh, from back to the future. Yes. Exactly. Great Scott. That's what the Pope says. Was that from your audition as well?
[16:58]Who else did I do? I did impressions. I think I I had to do impressions. Well, who do you get Cagny, right? You got a Cagny? Yeah.
[17:04]You did your Cagney to make your tomato look more topical. You know, you know, my you've seen my Da Niro, right? Yeah, no, I haven't. What do you want to see?
[17:12]You know, you can hire me. Lauren, see, yeah. Look, don't miss play your advantage. I don't want Lauren to see all this stuff. Okay. Thank you. I will I will.
[17:25]Thank you for wearing a jacket. Of course, it's a big deal for me to have you here. It's a big it's a big deal for me to see you on a jacket. Thank you. And you know what? Anytime you want, I'll send you a picture.
[17:37]I'll have some on my phone to send. These are rumors. These are Colbert rumors. You could put him you can you can put him to bed or not of what people think you might do next. Oh, okay, yeah. There's there's been a whole host of things that people have speculated that I will do next. I'm not I'm not going to confirm nor deny any of these or many of these. Okay. Because I got to keep them options open. Uh, someone it was it was written that you signed a 13 and a half million dollar deal with Netflix. Not enough money. Uh, that you might run for office, maybe even president. I've heard that one. Yeah. I've heard that one. Obviously. Yeah. Obviously, obviously, I mean that's something I have discussed with my faith leader and my family and if there is some way for me to serve the American people in some way that could possibly be greater than a late night television show. I would consider that, but obviously, I've heard that, yeah. Uh, started I get it, how about that. I get it. Uh, but FYI, uh, it's they pay less than 13.5. Not anymore. Not anymore. That's true. Yeah.
[18:43]Colbert coin. Oh my God, we love that. Starting a show with the following people, Rachel Matto, Tom Hanks, Jasmine Crockett, Simon Cowell. All five of you. Yeah. The new 18. You guys are going to be the new 18. We're on the run. Falsely accused. Uh, writing a book about, uh, uh, JRR Tolkien. Always. Yeah, you're always just working on it. Exactly. That's not the who shot JRR. Is it? What? JRR Tolkien. Was that the one that was who shot JRR? I don't think so. Okay. I don't know.
[19:17]You know, it's important to me, right? You know, tokens really important to me, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[19:24]Very, very lonely, sad young boy. He's the only thing that pulled me. Oh, you're doing fine now. He pulled you out now. Let him go.
[19:35]Emotionally I was going to fall into the law. And then JRR saved you. Now, brush yourself off and make do without him. Leave him for the other leave him for the sad boys of today. You announced a wildlife rescue program for endangered elephants. Not endangered, but depressed. Oh, no. We're worried about them. Are you reading Tolken to them? Yes. Yeah. Well, they'll appreciate it because they remember, they remember and never forget. Wait, I haven't here's what I think you should do. There's more. Well, no, I have one. You have a pitch? Yeah. Okay. I think you should do Oh Mary. Yeah. I think you should, I mean, I think you should be on a broadway stage. I should go in for Cole Cola? Yeah. Wow. I genuinely think because that's the thing people think like, oh, Seth wants him to play Lincoln. No, I want you to play Mary. Oh. That would be a ton of fun. No, no, I would have a great time. So I'm just throwing that out in the universe because I think it's a really good idea. Thank you very much. Do you would you do Broadway? Uh, no. Okay.
[20:41]Um, I don't think people want to see me on Broadway. I can't Do we want to see him on Broadway?
[20:48]You know you can't give me that. I mean you can't give me that. Um, have you started parting your hair? What? Have you started parting your hair? I don't know. It's just it does it have a severe part? What does some part? I thought I used to mostly come forward. No, you're right. It does have a nice part today. I want to I want to change my Broadway answer now that I see this part. Um, hey, uh, I'm very I'm I'm really, uh, sad that you're coming to a close. I feel very lucky to have been doing this at the same time as you. I said this 10 years ago when you were on the show. When I was in Chicago, I saw you on stage at Second City and you, uh, blew my mind and you were the kind of person that I wanted to do what you were doing. You've been really inspirational to me for a very long time. And, uh, I'm really grateful, uh, to know you and, uh, to both be your colleague and your friend. You're a very special person, so I just want to say thank you. Thank you. And thank you. And thank you, uh, you you've you've been just lovely to have a colleague across town. And that Seth and I will occasionally write each other's notes about, oh, I saw this thing you did last night or I really love this interview and I admire what you and your staff do here, especially on the darker days, what you're able to make make comedy out of it and and I admire you enormously and I hope you will do this for a 20 more years. Well, I, uh, I promise, uh, and I hope you will, uh, meet the promise that we, uh, see each other often because, uh, you're a very nice person to see. I'll see you on Broadway. You guys. Stephen Colbert.
