[0:00]Honestly, like, hindi ko alam kung paano ko siya lalampasan. She was really present, eh. Talagang medyo wasak na wasak ako nun. Right now, andun ako sa process na hindi ko ma-pinpoint ano ba talaga yung nawawala sa akin. Pero alam ko malaki. Sometimes like, it really hits you. Mainit na usapin ngayon ang SOGIE Bill. What do you want them to know about it? I'm seeing stuff like napaka-entitled namin, napaka, diba? Nakita niyo, napaka-entitled. Na nabibigyan na nga kayo ng karapatan. Sorry, anong karapatan ang sinasabi niyo? I have been building a life with my wife. Sana kahit papaano, hindi rin kami pigilan to exercise our rights to protect the family that we have built. Yun lang naman yun eh.
[1:04]If it is a celebration at the same time, I think this is going to be one of the toughest concerts for you to do. Oh yeah. Because ito yung first concert. Nawala na si mommy. Oh yeah.
[1:17]Pag iniisip ko nga, honestly, like, hindi ko alam kung paano ko siya lalampasan. She was really present, eh. From the beginning, hanggang sa dulo, like, even kahit maliliit na gigs, andun siya. So, the first gig na ginawa ko, talagang medyo wasak na wasak ako nun. Paano yun? Paano ka nakabalik ulit sa pagkanta? Nung una kasi parang isip ko, should I talk about it? Alam mo yun parang, kasi diba people went to the show to have a good time. Parang, so parang, should I even talk about what I'm feeling? Pero parang I decided to just sing a song for her. Anong kanta? Everything I own. That's her favorite song. Like, pag may gig ako, alam ko yun yung inaabangan niya parati. Patapos mo yung kanta? Wala, oo, natapos ko, pero nagawa ako talaga. As in, iyak ako, sobra. Gaano katagal bago ka uli tumanggap ng show after she passed away? June 27 nawala si mama. Ang ang reason? July 1 siya ni-cremate. July 5, may show na ako. Ha? 5 days? Wala pang 40 days si mama mo. Wala pa. Nag 9 days si mama the day after my first show. Ako kasi talaga, na-train ako ni Ermat na talagang na show must go on eh.
[2:37]Feeling ko rin, if hindi ako nag-show, parang I'm also dishonoring my mom. Parang may ganung feeling. You said in your post that you felt like you lost a bit part of who you are. A big part. Yeah. Ano yung nawala kay Ice sa ngayon? Right now, andun ako sa process na hindi ko ma-pinpoint ano ba talaga yung nawawala sa akin. Pero alam ko malaki. Sometimes like, it really hits you. Before, I really enjoyed the quiet. But now that when she passed, parang ayoko ng tahimik.
[3:16]Ramdam mo yung wala na yung presence. Iba yung nanay. Oh yeah. Iba yung nanay. Iba yung nanay. The most important audience sa crowd, wala dun. Kaya siguro, ito yung pinakamahirap. Mhm. And it's the first. It's the first. I think the firsts are the hardest like, the first birthday, the first Christmas, cause I went through that with my dad. And then this one naman with my mom. So parang. So if there's one thing that you will never forget about your mom, na natutunan mo sa kanya, ano yun? Siya nagtaas ng standards ko sa lahat. Hindi lang sa performance, pero sa tao. Standards kung paano ko makitungo at paano ko pakikitunguhan. Yung respeto sa mga tao sa paligid ko. And siguro, yun yung pagiging professional sa work. And yung pagmamahal sa fans. She made me see the other side of things. I think yun yung pinakaimportante. The empathy. Na yung mga fans mo, nasa ulan, nasa araw para lang makita ka, ngumiti ka man lang. Alam mo yun? Ang mga magulang, laging ganyan, 'no? Parang yung pagmamahal nila sa fans, parang sobra yung gratefulness nila. Nakikita nila na, 'Grabe, mahal na mahal nito yung anak ko.' 'Eh ako lang yung dating nagmamahal sa anak ko, ngayon meron ng maraming tao nagmamahal. So, yung kung paano nila pakitunguhan. Talagang nandyan si mommy all throughout your 38 years in the business, from transitioning to Aiza to Ice. There's so many transitions of my life. Child star to. Sino bang maniniwalang ako magkaka-love team, ano? Alamin. But with a spencer. Yun din diba? Oo, diba? Nung lumabas yung Pagdating ng Panahon, Ice ka na nun? Ay, hindi pa. I mean Aiza pa rin siya. Kahit nung bata ako, I knew. I already knew. Yung gumaganun ka? Gumaganun ako. Oh. Ano na yun? Alam, alam mo yung hindi mo lang siya malagyan ng label. Pero ano yung sinabi sa akin nyan? Tito Joey. Anong sabi niya? In-interview ko siya eh. Pinagdrowing ka daw niya. Diba sa mahilig magko-collect siya ng drowing ni Sharon Cuneta, sabi niya, naalaala ko may drowing pa ako sayo. Yung basta bibigyan ka niya ng papel, tapos pagdo-drowing. At dinrowing mo daw nung 4 years old ka sa kanya, kaya naramdaman na niya na Ice ka inside. Baril.
[5:42]Oo. As in talaga yung favorite kong laruan, baril. Tapos mahilig ako sa mga action films. Talagang naka-outfit ako, sundalo. Talagang yun yung. Alam na rin ng mommy mo yun nung time na yun? Nakikita na niya yun? She knew alam niya. I'm sure alam niya. It's just that alam mo yun, parang especially that time, '80s yan eh. So talagang taboo. Hindi mo pwedeng pagusapan yun. Hindi ganun ka-open katulad ngayon. O yeah, ang layo. Sobrang layo. So nung 2000, pagdating ng panahon, yun yung biggest come back mo as Aiza. Oh yeah. Mhm. May struggle ba nung time na yun? Oo, kasi at that time, I wasn't really ready to. Come out. Come out yet. Or let people in. Alam mo naman dito sa atin yung parang lagi kang tinatanong, 'So ano, tomboy ka ba?' Parang. Who would be comfortable to say, 'Opo.' Diba? Sobrang, hindi, pero tinatanong ka ba ng ganun? Oo. Presscon, interviews, TV. Dere-deretsong, 'Tomboy ka ba?' Oh, kaya nga, biglang lumabas eh. Kasi na-interview ako nun sa isang show na tinanong ako. And then at that time I remember I neither denied nor confirmed. Nagsabi lang ako na wala namang masama if, alam mo yun, basta hindi ko sinabi na, 'Opo' o 'Hindi.' Parang ganun. Pero nung na-edit siya, parang it came out as if I said yes. At that time, I was promoting na Pagdating ng Panahon. So sobrang kinabahan talaga ako nun. Kasi parang, syempre umaasa ka na kahit papaano, because of this song, medyo babalik ka sa industry. Or, you know, kahit papaano makikilala ka ulit ng mga tao, biglang ganun yung nangyari. So parang takot na takot ako nun talaga. Dun din ako nagkaroon ng realization na, kaya naman din pala na kahit magpakatotoo ka sa sarili mo. Because, I mean, the people didn't care. They loved the song despite of anong itsura ng kumakanta, sino yung kumakanta, they loved it. Sabi ko, 'Pwede pala.' And siguro, yun yung naging driving force ko. Sabi ko, 'gagalingan ko.' So yun yung tinrabaho ko talaga. I made sure na hindi ko lang gagalingan sa craft ko, pero gagalingan ko bilang tao. Alam mo yun? Kasi gusto ko, dahil magaling ka, indispensable ka. Kakailanganin at kakailanganin ka nila. You went through 17 years of depression? Yeah. I was diagnosed. Ngayon ko lang din na-realize na growing up pala in the limelight, meron ding mga factors na naka-affect dun sa sa akin. My dad was working. I basically took care of everybody else. Naging breadwinner ka? Yeah, at three. So siguro yun, parang it's having to be responsible for a lot of people. So paano mo mina-manage yun? Kasi as a performer, hindi ba yun nakaka-affect sayo when you go on stage? You know what's weird? Siguro nga dahil lumaki ako performing, I'm at my most comfortable when I'm on stage. Inisip ko nga din nung una kung bakit. Pero siguro kasi, like when I'm on stage, I don't have to explain myself to anyone. Ah. And it's okay to feel. Alam mo, it's okay to feel. If you're mad, pwede mong ilabas sa kanta. Alam mo, when you're sad, ilabas ko sa kanta, makakatulong pa sa performance ko, mas magaling ka pa. Yeah. Pero sa real life, pag sinabi mong mga ganun, sometimes, diba? Parang baka makaka-hurt ka. So parang mas guarded ako in real life. Mas may walls ako. Grabe, no? Sa 38 years, iba-iba na yung pinagdaanan ng transition sa career mo and your personal life. Tapos 2016, you were appointed as chairperson of the National Youth Commission by PRRD. So paano yun? Ibang challenge yun from performing to being a chairperson of National Youth Commission. Yeah, ibang challenge siya kasi syempre, eto mas rigid in terms of, like tayo kasi we own our time, diba? Pero nakita mo yung difference ng showbiz and politics? Ano mas mahirap? Mas hindi ko nagustuhan ang politics. Ang hindi ko maintindihan, yung kailangan mong mag-kiss ass dun sa ibang pulitiko, para lang mabigyan ka ng budget para sa public. Parang, bakit? Mga proyektong gagawin mo. Kaya nga tayo nasa public service para mag-serve, diba? Bakit kailangan ko. As in one year and a half lang, tapos nag-step down ka. Dahil? Depression. Would've been good, it would've been fine, siguro if I felt like I was doing something with purpose. Anong mission and vision mo during that time for the youth? Um, syempre education, number one. Mabigyan sila ng tamang tools. Parang sa mga anak lang natin, diba? Tayo bilang mga magulang, kailangan natin mabigyan yung mga anak natin ng tamang tools para paglaki nila, equipped sila. Paano mo sila mabibigyan ng tamang tools kung ang dami pa ring kakulangan dun sa paligid nila? Pag pumupunta ako sa mga iba't ibang mga lugar, a lot of kids there, alam mo yung para lang makapasok sila, isang oras papunta, isang oras pabalik. Or minsan nga, worse, like iba, conflict area pa. Paano, paano sila makakapag-aral kung ang dami nang mga lugar na wala talagang teachers? Tapos, as in, ang daming problema. So parang, ano ka sa, paano mo susulusyunan to? Eh, you can only urge agencies, you can only urge. Sabi ko, 'Oh my gosh.' Alam mo yun? So parang I got really frustrated. Meron kang dream, vision, mission, but for you to execute that, yun yung real challenge. Yeah. I stepped down because I felt like I'd be cheating the youth, the young people, if I stay, because I know I can't give my 100% anymore. Mainit na usapin ngayon ang SOGIE Bill. I support that. We've been very vocal about supporting. May mga members ng LGBTQ na hindi sila in favor of SOGIE Bill. What do you want them to know about it? Kasi akala nila when you say SOGIE Bill, it's just for the LGBTQIA+ community. But when you understand what SOGIE is kasi, that goes for all of us. So ang sinasabi lang dito kasi ay hindi ka pwedeng ma-discriminate based on. Your gender. Your SOGIE. So SOGIE is sexual orientation, gender identity and expression. I think SOGIE kasi it eliminates those na madi-judge ang isang tao. Hindi mabibigyan ng equal treatment ang isang tao based on what they look like and who they are. Siguro ako din, like for other advocates din. May fatigue na tayo sa mga bashing, alam mo yun? And sometimes, kung may fatigue ka na at may trauma ka sa bashing, hindi lang naman ibang tao, but sometimes within your own family, you tend to be very defensive about it. But I really feel that if kaya lang natin to be more assertive, but in a way that will help people understand what it's really about then, I think we we we can achieve that goal. Like ito lang, Liza and I did a play for Pride Month. It's called Choosing. Basically, loosely based siya sa story namin and different stories of LGBTQIA couples. Kaya dun ako naniniwala sa power of stories. Kasi kapag andun lang tayo sa sound bites, if hindi natin ite-take yung conversation to a deeper level, talagang magkakaroon ng resistance. But when you tell stories to people, like, like with Choosing, may audience kami dun na hindi ko makakalimutan. So they went to that show because they thought it was an Ice Seguerra show, like a gig. So akala nga nila yung Choosing daw is like a new song. Hindi nila alam na it's a play na it's about the LGBTQIA community. And then after kasi nung play, meron kaming talk back. So itong talk back na 'to parang we get feedback from the audience, etc. Sabi niya, and he's a straight guy. May asawa. Sabi niya, 'alam mo, hindi ako kasama sa komunidad na 'to, ah. Pero hindi ko alam na ganyan pala yung pinagdadaanan niyo araw-araw.' So parang siya, parang at that time, when he saw the story, he experienced it firsthand, nagkaroon siya ng empathy na siguro, yun yung kulang din sa ating lahat na parang, just because you're not going through it doesn't mean other people are not also. Siguro, yun yung mistake ng ibang tao. Akala nila kapag na-pass yung SOGIE Bill, karugtong nun yung civil union. Hindi. It's a totally different law. This one is anti-discrimination. This is a different one. I guess it's the misinformation. It's the lack of education on what the bill really is all about. Yeah. I'm seeing stuff like napaka-entitled namin, napaka. Diba? Nakita niyo, napaka-entitled na, 'Nabibigyan na nga kayo ng karapatan.' Sorry, anong karapatan ang sinasabi niyo? I have been building a life with my wife. Pero, like you, okay, diba? 'Bakit kayo makakapag-corroborate tayo, pero yung bahay ninyo nasa pangalan ninyong dalawa?' That's what you're pushing for? Or, kunyari, let's say, diba? Isa sa inyo magkasakit, who gets to decide? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kayo. I can't even adopt our daughter who I've been, diba? I've brought up our daughter since she was four. She's 17 now. So yun yung mga in-explain namin na okay lang po na intindihin namin, of course, the Catholic Church, we can't get married there. And we don't even want to. Because I respect the church so much. So, as a member of LGBTQIA, okay, I respect that, we cannot get married to church. Of course. Of course. Diba? Kumbaga, sana kahit papaano, hindi rin kami pigilan to exercise our rights to protect the family that we have built. Yun lang naman yun eh. Yes. Maganda yung sinabi mo na nasa approach talaga and how we handle conversations. Always. You've been through so much. As a child star performer, you've experienced politics, getting married, having a family now. But when you go through challenges like you said, 17 years, binabattle mo yung depression. Paano nalaman 'yan? Siguro I was go by sa thinking na ganito. Walang binibigay na hindi ko kaya. So kunyari feeling ko ngayon hindi ko kaya. Pupunta ako and clear my thoughts. And alam mo, nasa atin din yung solusyon eh. Sometimes lang talaga, kapag sobrang muddled at sobrang gulo ng utak mo, hindi mo siya nakikita. So, ako, yun yung parati kong sinasabi sa sarili ko and even kay Liza. Pag, when she's going through something, 'Walang binibigay na hindi natin kaya. Kaya at kaya natin yan.' So if you think about it, you're still in the grieving period? Oh yeah. Like what I said kanina, when I'm in the real world, I sometimes afraid to handle emotions. Like, as much as possible I tend to, alam mo yun, close up and try not to feel things. But ngayon talaga consciously, like if I'm feeling something, I will either express it to my wife or write about it. Or even if I'm alone, I cry. I reach out to friends. I try my best to understand what it is I'm going through. Parang I owe it to my mom and my dad. Kasi, diba, sabi nga nila parang, 'Grief is the price of love.' So parang kapag dinenai ko yung grief ko, it's like ang duwag ko naman sa pagmamahal na meron ako sa kanila. So, if grief is the price of love, then yeah, so be it. Being Ice, is that new album? And then the title of the concert now is Being Ice. Kasi, yun muna is Becoming Ice.
[17:25]Oh my gosh. I'm also finding myself at this stage of your life. At this stage of my life. Especially like, with what happened to me, I've lost both parents. Kasi nga isa pang medyo confusing na part kasi diba maraming sa atin na before sila mag start ng work, meron talaga silang masasabing childhood na hindi naging komplikado because of work, because of all these many things, wala kang matandaan. Like sino si Ice? Sino si Ice before all of this? Kasi it started, you're already in it. Yeah. So I think Ice is finding himself right now. Hindi yung Ice na nakikita niyo sa TV or naririnig niyo kumakanta, pero sino si Ice sa mga moments na siya lang mag-isa? It's going to be on September 12 and 13 sa Newport Performing Arts Theater, Pasay City. And when people go and watch your concert, ano yung gusto mong maramdaman nila? Well, sa first night gusto ko mag-enjoy talaga kayo. Like, because of what's happening ngayon with with me and my parents, diba? Parang, okay, at least the first night, yeah. Enjoy lang talaga tayo. Walang iniisip na kahit ano. But sa second night, which for me is more special, I want the audience to be with me as I'm finding out who I am. And hopefully with whatever you see, you still love me. If you were to complete the sentence, being Ice is. Is a journey. Being Ice is a journey.
[19:04]Ganyan na, 11 years. 12 together. Bukod pa dun sa una kaming naglandian nung 2000. 1999 to 2000. Oo. Kasi alam kong wala akong gustong makasama kundi siya. 'Cause you're really coming out, no? Like, Liza! Wala siyang ibang gustong makasama kundi ikaw. Ikaw na.
