You Keep Choosing the Life You Say You Hate

[0:00]If you're someone who has ever thought to yourself, I feel like I can't change, I want to, I really try, but it's just too hard. This video is for you, but to really receive this message, you need to listen with your heart and not your ego, okay? Let's get into it. I think the number one reason people struggle to truly change their habits, their story, their beliefs, their patterns, their character traits is because they haven't fully confronted and grasped where their current path is taking them. They might have an idea, but they've never seen the whole picture. So when change starts to feel hard, and it always does, because that's the nature of change, they just give up. And then they cite all the reasons why they can't, and here's the kicker. All the reasons why you can't change, they are valid. Listen, if you take nothing else from what I say today, take this, your excuses are valid, your pain is valid, your reasons are valid, because your life is yours, and truly, you are the only one who knows exactly what you've had to survive. But let me ask you something. So what? And I know that's painful to hear. But look around you, when has the world ever paused to accommodate our pain before carrying on, hmm? And then the more intersectional identities a person carries, the heavier this gets. But there's another truth, all your reasons why you can are also just as valid. And I'm here to give you a reason that has never failed me or anyone else I've seen commit to it. Now, this is what I want you to do, okay? And this is all I'll ask of you. Pick a day this week or next week, set aside a few hours, four or five if you can, take breaks if you need to, but sit down and literally write down. Write down the life you don't want. This is step one, don't skip it, write in detail. That's why you need time, this isn't a five minutes list, write down the life that makes your skin crawl. The version of a future that in 5, 10, 20 years makes you want to scream. The life that if you led and reached the end of it, you would leave this world with a regret so deep it would echo into whatever comes next, write it down. Here are some prompts to get you started. I fear living a life where dot, dot, dot, fill it in. I fear becoming someone who dot, dot, dot. I fear waking up every day and feeling dot, dot, dot, fill them in, don't hold back. Step two, write down the life you have today, your habits, your thoughts, your beliefs, your stories, everything you do on autopilot, the choices you make every day, be honest, be detailed. What do your days actually look like? Where do you go? Who do you spend time with? What do you avoid? What do you numb with? Addictions, compulsions, patterns. Okay? Then turn over a new sheet and draw the line. This is step three, how do the habits, all those things you are doing today, how do they relate to the life that you fear? If you carried on your life this way without changing a thing, would it lead you to the life you long for or the one that you dread? The reason I'm asking you this is because so many times, we are told to write out our dream lives, to visualize it, and it's so wonderful to dream, isn't it? I say this as a dreamer whose head is always in the clouds, and I encourage anyone to stay in the clouds, to possess some level of delusion, because that's the only way you get the impossible done. Yeah, everyone who's done something that seemed impossible, they were delusional to some extent. So stay delusional. But there's a problem with staying in the clouds while doing nothing to build a bridge up to them. That's not manifestation and self-belief, that's deceit. And sadly, the victim of this betrayal is yourself. Sometimes you don't need a vision board or a dream board, you need to stare down the nightmare, yes. You need to see exactly where you are headed and how ugly and gruesome and unforgiving it is. It's the clearest wake up call a person can get, especially when your reasons for staying stuck are valid, so real. But even so, you realize that they can't protect you from the truth. I can sit here and give you 1,000,000 pieces of advice about how to lead your life, but listen, we don't all want the same things. I don't know what you want. I could tell you to wake up at 6:00 a.m. every day, turn left, turn right, jump up, jump down. I don't wake up at 6:00 a.m. every day. Hello? But I can assure you that every single day I am doing something, no matter how small, that protects my future, even when it hurts right now. When I started actively healing myself, I didn't just picture my highest self. I pictured the most horrifying version of me and I saw her clearly. I looked for clues in real life, I saw her in people I knew, in behaviors I feared, and I came to the conclusion that I would rather be pushed through a furnace of fire a million times over, trying to become better than to become that version of me. And this is why I will always have a house on the hill that there is no innate reward or glory for suffering, unless the sufferer decides to make something out of it, to create meaning from it. Wisdom does not automatically come from experience, it does not come from pain, it comes from intention, reflection, and the application of whatever is learned. I decided to become the version of me that lives in the cloud, and the only way to do that was to walk through the fire, to break the cycle, to do the uncomfortable, unglamorous, unfiltered work, that's who you see today. And I'm still doing the work. I'm still fighting for my joy, my peace, my future, every single day. No one can change your life but you. You have to want it bad enough to bleed a little for it, to do the painful and sometimes desperate work it demands. People can hand you routines, book lists, podcast episodes, gym memberships, therapy. That's why I find it so funny when people come here and they're like, oh my god, what did you read? Tell me what you read. Tell me why you think the way you do. It's from here. You will know when you do the work. None of it matters if you don't decide. So if all the good vibes, all the feel good tactics haven't been working, maybe it's time to insert balance by looking at the alternative. Your journey starts the day you admit two things to yourself, number one, the life I was born into, the life I inherited wasn't my choice or my fault, but the life I end with, that's on me. Number two, if I keep doing what I am doing, I am consigning the very future that terrifies me. This is called self-responsibility and it's really tough when the cards you've been dealt haven't been kind or fair, but that's also the key. Now some people will call this shame-based motivation, I call it self-love in action. And this is why you have to unlearn the idea that self-love is just a feeling. Because when you love someone, you don't just sit and watch them fall into a pitch with their eyes open, you try, you wave your arms. And if you realize that their eyes are closed, you scream, you fight for them to see, you do whatever you can to alert them to the danger ahead. So why wouldn't you do it for yourself? Why? What's the block? Is it that you don't believe that you matter, you don't think you're worth it? That's where your work begins then. I have videos for you. Go watch them, start there, please. Listen, I am a proponent for gathering information. Ignorance can feel like bliss, but it's too darn expensive to live with closed eyes. You pay in life years, is a currency you never get back. Now, step four is to figure out what you need to do to start your change journey, and it must be something that works for you. Not for the hustle bros, the gym bros, the tech bros and all the bros that exist, not for the girlies on TikTok, not for pal, for you. If rigid machine-like productivity makes you shut down, don't do it, because consistency is the name of the game. Find a program, find creators, therapists, groups, routines, advice that consider your nature, find or create a way of doing things that you can sustain long-term. If it's books that you need, buy, rent them. If you can't read, if you can't sit still, your brain freaks out, listen to knowledge, podcasts, audiobooks. If you need movement, find a class, walk, dance, gym, join a local therapy group. There are so many ways to get yourself on track. You don't need to become someone else. We all have different brains, we all have different ways our bodies work, do not ignore your natural rhythm, because you're going to need it for the road ahead. It's a long journey. Don't write yourself off because that famous person's advice that works for everybody else didn't work for you, find what works for you through trial and error, try and then try again. All that matters is that you don't treat your life like an accident that happens to you. You, you, my dear, yes, you, you are an active participant in your story, so act like it. And watch how your posture shifts, watch what happens to your attitude, to the effort you put in daily, because when you see it clearly, when you know exactly what you are running from, something in you snaps awake. Not because of just discipline, not because of hustle, but because of love, in motion, in action, you love yourself too much to become someone you dread, someone you can't even look in the eyes. I still catch myself sometimes, I think, girl, this behavior, oh, these things you do, babe. If you keep going this way, you already know where it leads. Is that what you want? And when the answer is no, I pivot, I deep dive. I course correct, because I refuse to drag myself to hell, especially with my eyes open, no. So yes, be so afraid, so disturbed, be so terrified and horrified by the life you don't want, that you love yourself and push yourself into the life that you do. That's all from me today. As always, it's been an absolute pleasure. My name is Pearl, girl. And I will see you in the video. Oh my god, that's wrong. I will see you in the next video. Girl, girl, okay.