Why You Should Stop Being A Nice Guy

[0:00]I have never in my life met someone who is truly nice. I've met people who are honest, I've met people who are truly earnest, I've met people who are truly generous, truly kind. I never met someone who was truly nice. I find that people who say they're nice are using it as a euphemism for being spineless, bending on their standards, never rocking the boat, compromising to everyone around them, being the lowest common denominator of any group they're in so as never to offend or inflame. Not only is that unimaginably boring, but it also describes someone who you don't know who you're dealing with. You don't know what they're really feeling. You don't know what they would really like to do. You ask them where they'd like to go to eat tonight, and they won't tell you. You ask them what they'd like to do this weekend, and you won't get a straight answer. You ask them if they were okay with that thing you just did that really annoyed them, and they say, 'It's fine.' They're not honest about their feelings about other people. They're not honest about the things that aggravate them or annoy them in life. They tend to just keep things on an even keel the entire time. I think we should stop seeing it as some sort of noble word or some sort of noble human trait. I don't think it is a noble human trait. As I'm thinking about this subject, I think about the film, The Mask. I'm sure you've seen it. I remember when I saw this film, what really struck me was how much of a nice guy Jim Carrey's character Stanley Ipkiss is. He's known for having written a piece called Nice Guys Finish Last, because he sees himself as a nice guy and somewhat nobly a nice guy who in some way resents the world and feels like he's being done an injustice. What we find is that when he puts on the mask, he becomes a different character. He becomes bold, he becomes edgy, he becomes uncompromising. He becomes this force, this train that just drives towards wherever he wants, whether it's women, whether it's money. He goes out and gets what he wants. Now, he becomes an extreme of that, a very unattractive extreme of that. But what we know is that this is a caricature of how he'd like to be. He'd like to be more bold, he'd like to be more adventurous, he'd like to be more edgy, he'd like to step on someone every now and again when they trod all over his standards. He doesn't like who he is the rest of the time. He doesn't like when he's a nice guy. He hates when he's a nice guy. He hates that version of himself. He doesn't respect it. And that's what happens, by the way, to nice people. I find they don't stay nice forever. They actually become bitter or resentful because they get angry at the world for treating them badly. How can you treat me badly when I'm trying to please everyone all the time? Secondly, they get angry at themselves, because they can't believe that they would allow themselves to be walked all over. They get angry that they allow people to step on them when they should be out there going and claiming what they want. The really insidious thing about niceness is that niceness can actually hurt the people that it's intended to please. You're not honest with the people that you're trying to please. You don't give them the opinions they need to hear to grow, to change. You don't cut someone down when they need cutting down. You don't demand more respect where you need that respect and thereby teach them a lesson about you. Niceness actually can hurt the people it's intended to help. The phrase being cruel to be kind is actually a very telling one, because very often we have to have a sense of cruelty in order to tell someone something that is actually a kind thing, that's actually going to help them, that's going to help them grow. I believe that kind people deserve the world. Kind of people should be given every award, kind people should be given every bit of recognition. Kind people make the world a better place, not nice people. So as an appendix, as an extension, to the idea that nice guys finish last, I put to you that nice guys should finish last. I'll see you soon. I mean, it's like Jamieson. Jamieson is nice. We all know it, but truthfully, who knows Jamieson? Walking down the street, who would ever approach Jamieson? How many times does Jamieson get recognized when he's in Starbucks? Never. Never. Shit. Did you get enough?