[0:04]You are lying in bed at 2:00 a.m. reading back a conversation, trying to find the hidden meaning in a message from someone who has already shown you exactly who they are 17 times already. Oh, you're six months into something with no label, no direction, no clarity and yet you're still going with the flow. Or maybe you're completely single. You've gone on yourself love journey. You are doing everything right on paper, you know exactly what you want and you still can't figure out why you've not found the person for you yet. Is there something wrong with you? Absolutely not. But there is something working against you and most people don't know what it is. You just have to know the real steps in the real work that's going to get you the real change in the person you're looking for and this is how you do it.
[0:54]This reality check has been a long time coming. I've had the idea of this video for years and I've never quite going around to it because I don't like to make a whole lot of videos about men, about dating and about relationships because my whole thing is self- obsession, self- love, focusing on yourself. However, I have found myself increasingly telling these tips and pieces of advice and stories to people in my life and they're actually benefiting from it and I've realized why have I not said this online yet because I'm basically saying all the things I did in my own journey to find the absolute man and relationship of my dreams that I am now nearly officially four years into every everyone needs this reality check. But right before we get into it, this video has been brought to you by Square Space. If you don't know what Square Space is, it's an all-in-one website platform that has been designed to help you stand out and succeed online regardless of your business experience. Whether you're just starting out or you're on your fifth successful, six-figure business. Square Space has all of the tools you would need to take your business and take yourself to the very next level. They give you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand and get paid all in one place. If you're someone who has never set up a business before, you don't even know where to start or what to do. This is where SQ space is built in analytics tools come so in clutch. It's literally designed for you to be able to make smarter business decisions. You can review website traffic, learn more about focus engagement and track revenue from any bookings, invoices or product sales all from one place. And if you're watching this, like I've got years of business experiences, I've built multiple emplies, I know exactly what to do. I would argue that Square space is leveling up the game so much with AI that actually you don't even know what's available out there right now. For example, you can now use blueprint AI which is square spaces AI enhanced website builder. And this now allows you to cut the time it takes to set up a new business in half because now you can get a fully customized website literally just a few steps. You just import basic information about your industry, goals and personality to generate premium quality content and personalized design recommendations. And if you're a beginner, there is literally zero experience required for this square space has a gorgeous library of website for every category and for every use and then you have the drag and drop feature which means you can customize it completely to your needs. And before you know it, you have a full functioning website to start selling your product and bring in the extra stream of revenue. So, if you're ready to keep that promise to yourself and start hitting your 2026 goals, then you guys can sign up and get started at square space.com/tamcore. The link is below in my description. And my unique link will actually save you 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Book up because this is about to be your harshest reality check ever. We You have to start with the fact that you don't have your dream relationship yet because you don't actually believe deep down subconsciously that you can have it. So many people block what they want even when they know exactly what they want even when they're trying to manifest it and I know this because this was the exact space that I was in you can know exactly what you want you can have written a list of your standards you can be actively manifesting it all the time you can even describe your dream soulmate to your friends in specific detail but none of those manifestations and none of those methods are going to work if you still have a deep rooted belief that this is still to be earned, that this is still a journey to go on, that this is still something you have to chase and wait for. I think the difference really lies in, yes, you might be able to talk about the person that you want, but can you actually visualize them? And when I'm talking about this, I mean, have you made space for this person to enter your life? Can you visualize yourself being with this person on a day-to-day basis, whether it be eventually moving it together, whether it be going on weekly date nights, even down to the detail of, have you stopped entertaining people in your DMs yet? Because if you haven't how are you supposed to visualize yourself committing to one person and being in a successful healthy relationship if your current lifestyle doesn't even align with that. And if your journey is anything like mine, you might be subconsciously blocking this soulmate from entering your life if you feel like you're not quite ready, you still need to heal. There are so many parts of you that need to be fixed. You feel insecure, not beautiful, not worthy of love, not ready to be vulnerable in all parts of yourself with somebody else. Maybe you still have trust issues from a past situation or relationship and for that reason you are this new love from coming in because you don't want to face those traumas, you don't want to face those things that you have to work through. And so then what happens is you are out here asking for this soulmate and telling everybody these are your standards and what you want, but in reality you are holding that person at arm's length because there is a little part of you that is scared and not quite ready and you're not even doing the work to overcome that hurdle.
[5:23]And that is exactly why on this journey of getting ready for your dream relationship or just manifesting anything in general while you can be doing the conscientious work of manifesting and writing, listen, visualizing and vision boarding. That's all great and that does work, but only when it's put hand-in-hand with the subconscious work. Because when it comes to manifesting, the universe is so psychological. So it doesn't even matter what you're writing down and what you're saying outwardly, if that's not matching what you believe on the inside, if psychologically and subconsciously, you believe that there are other women that are more attractive, there are other women that are more deserving, there are other women that are further along in the journey and that other men would want more than you. That order gets fulfilled by the universe. All the universe is hearing is Yes, okay, if that's what you believe, if that's what you're saying, I'll just keep following that. So, my very first point in this reality check is the most powerful thing you can do for yourself is to understand that you are worthy of the love you desire right now. Without having to look perfect or lose weight or be a certain type of woman that in your head you think only they can have the ring, only they can have the marriage. Instead, it's about doing the identity work and understanding, I'm an amazing person. Somebody would be ugly to have me because you are so hyper aware of every thing you bring to the table, whether it be your personality, your humor, your energy, how you can influence other people, the good influence you are. You bring so much to the table, and that's what you should be visualizing, but this whole time you've been visualizing, what do I do if I get hurt and how can I protect myself from that, which is just something your brain is going to do naturally anyway because it's constantly scanning for danger and it wants to protect you from that, but because you are letting that run wild and you are not interceding and interrupting it with a positive visualization, that's why you keep pushing away your real desire. And then you have to be able to visualize you at your most vulnerable, at your roest on a basic day of you sitting at home, coaching and still being worthy of that love and of that relationship. You will be way more likely of attracting your dream person and your dream relationship by first believing that you are allowed to have it without needing to be perfect first. This links into my next point, which is the fact that you are keeping the door shut and you don't even know it. And I have to say right now, I got to call out those of you who are watching who have some sort of relationship that you have not fully caught off yet.
[7:35]If you are still entertaining the people in your DMs, still talking here and there to your old situation, who you know is not husband material. If you are still on the apps, liking pictures of people who you know, you don't actually want and don't actually align with what you see for yourself. You are keeping the door of your soulmate shut because you cannot demand to have a certain list of qualities or a certain type of soulmate while still entertaining the it. It quite literally does not make sense. It's the equivalent of somebody saying, I really want to be financially free and I want to start my business and they're not setting up their website, they're not doing the research, they're not reading the books. They're still staying stuck in their 9-5 and not reducing their hours so that they can actually make the space to start the business and therefore they don't get any ideas, they don't get any orders because they haven't adopted the identity of a business person and they are not showing up with the habits that a business person would have to have that lifestyle and to have that dream of income that they want. In other words, you can't keep doing the same thing and expecting different results. The harshest thing I can say to you is that you are still making a choice. Every single day you entertain somebody who you know is good enough but not quite that up with your standards. You are making a choice to push what you could be worthy of and what your highest potential is further and further and further away. Your actions are doing that. Nobody else, okay? It's not your situation's fault even that they're mistreating you. That's not good but they don't owe you anything. They're living their life, the way that they want to and that's going to get them their results. You have the power to walk away, you have the power to block them, you have the power to cut them off and yet you're not doing any of that. And really this links into my first point, which is the fact that you still don't believe you can get the true love because if you did, you wouldn't be entertaining these effin losers, but those losers they feel safe and they feel familiar. And if you put yourself in the vulnerable position of I am going to completely remove this person who's giving me a little bit of attention. Then you're in the scary situation of what if I get rid of them and then nobody likes me. What if I end up with nobody? What if I'm lonely for a really long time? But none of those thoughts should be circulating in your mind because your self-concept and your confidence should be so effin high. You should be so hyper aware of what you bring to the table. Why would those be the first thoughts of what could happen to you in your head? No. It should be the second that I close that door, that low value bare minimum door, the universe is just going to reward me. And even if it does take a while to find my relationship, everything is serving me. I'm going to be put on an amazing journey of discovering myself, building a better relationship with myself, building up my life, my career, my friendships, my hobbies. Every single area of my life that by the time the person does come, I'm going to be an even better version of myself. Literally there's no way that I can lose. That is the way that you need to see yourself in the situation and it is the women with those kind of mindset that find people that are actually good for them. It can be difficult and it might require a shadow work and journaling and it work going back through your traumas, your limiting beliefs, yourself doubts for some people maybe even therapy, there's nothing wrong with that. If really you look at the situation and you realize the reason I keep entending people that are bad for me is because those people and the way that they treat me validate my subconscious belief that I have to prove myself that I have to chase validation that I have to chase somebody else in order to be loved. I have to show up and constantly text them and fight for a relationship and fight for myself to be seen and to be chosen. If that's the way that you were raised, if that's the experiences you had growing up, of course you're going to keep seeking out over and over and over again. That's not your fault, that's the way that you are wired, that's the you know the lessons and the experiences you've had to live through, but the best most self-loving, self-respecting favor you can do for yourself now is to first acknowledge that that might be your truth and to start doing the work to undo it. And the biggest, bestest, most transformative thing you can do for yourself is to understand firstly, that is what's happening. So many people are so delulu to the point where they don't even understand that's how they're treating their reality and then years go by without them being able to fix it. The first step is acknowledging that's where I'm at. And let me hold your hand when I say this, okay? When I say You need to shut that door. I don't even just mean stop talking to them because maybe you have. I mean unfollow them. I mean stop looking at their stories. You need to cut that cord. You cannot be consuming their content, you cannot be checking up on them. You need to have a life where they literally don't exist anymore. You have no idea what they're up to, you don't hang around with them, you talk about them. You don't know what their life updates are, you don't know where they are, to the point where eventually you forget their name. That is the goal, okay? But the longer that you're like, oh we're not talking, but like we're friendly. So I'm going to keep them on my Instagram, the longer you are keeping that connection, which is going to prevent the new connection that you actually deserve from coming into your life. Every time you feel the urge to stalk his Instagram, I want you to envision the fact that that is quite literally the equivalent of you being in a door frame and if you walk through the door frame, you go to the other side of your life with your highest potential and your soulmate waiting on the other side. And if you go this way, back through the door into the room that you were just in, you go back to the person that you know you don't want, which is why you keep dreaming bigger and you are standing in this door frame, okay?
[12:35]And your foot is still in it. Your foot is there blocking the door from being shut so that you can finally move onto the better reality. That is exactly what is happening every time you talk to them, text them, read their messages, ask about where they are or what they're doing or find out information about them from other people, envision that foot in that door blocking a better reality that you could have. And every single day that goes by where you miss them and you have cut them off successfully, remember that door shot, do not reopen it. Do not reopen it because every time you reopen it, you are undoing all of the hard work that got you to this point. Nobody ever said the journey was going to be easy, okay? Trust me. I went through it. I went through months of wanting to text X and chase mail validation and get that attention. It's normal, it's human. We all go through it, but you will get what you want in the end as a result of that hard work. So much of this reality check so far, I have mentioned self-concept and confidence and self- love. That is a huge, huge, huge part of this journey and that is why in so many of my past videos, I've said the best way for you to find the high vibe aligned group of friendships, the healthy dating experiences is for you to go on a self- love journey is for you to cut people off and not date and not flirt but instead just enjoy your singlehood for a whole year because that's what I did. So many people are doing that. However, I fear that a lot of people are getting very swept up in the surface level fun things that come with self- love. For example, giving yourself the love languages, taking yourself in solitude. Two very valid things. However, those are the fun parts of the journey. They are not the hard parts of inner work and healing that is actually required for you to make the most progress. And I talk about this in my ultimate guide to self love book, by the dawn flowers. This is split into three sections, this book for a reason. The first section of the book is understanding which takes you through everything you need to know about self love and what it really means. The second part of the book is healing. You have to do so much healing and inner work for you to make progress and then the third part is about the lifestyle of self love once you've done that works. So definitely check it out. But if you don't want to, if you're not into reading, I have these other self- love videos that you should definitely watch if you can relate to this part of the video and you know you have a long way to go with it still. Self- love does so many things. It can make you confident in yourself, it can help you build a trusting, better relationship with yourself and help you show up better in your day-to-day life, but it can also have a huge impact on the kind of romantic relationship you're going to have. It will literally change your attachment style. It will magically change yourself concept to the point where you won't even attract the same type of people you use and you will just be like at it. This inner kind of self- love work is the type that will make you understand your attachment style. It will require you to look at your earliest experiences of love and actually question what were your traumas? What were the type of love that you received? And how is that still showing up in your 20s and in the love that you're trying to seek? Are you still trying to seek out relationships that feel familiar to the chaos and toxic patterns that you might have experienced growing up? Is your nervous system just seeking out the familiarity of uncertainty in and needing to earn affection because you don't feel like you can naturally attract it. It is such a hard pill to swallow. For those of you who don't know me, I was in quite a few back back relationships. All of them were toxic in their own unique ways, but I was the one that chose to stay in them. I was the one that chose those people because they mirrored the damaged self-esteem and self-worth that I had, and it was only once I became my most confident, bad, demanding, boundary setting version of myself that I found the kindest, most most loving man and it's so interesting because most people will tell you, the nicer that you are, the more of people please you are, you will find a man that really likes you. It is quite literally the opposite. When I was at my highest as a people please and I had like no standards whatsoever, that is when I was in the most dangerous relationship of my life, which is when I was with a narcissist, okay? Because narcissist and people please as they go together, they're obsessed with each other, that's what works, okay? So if you don't have the confidence, if you don't set the boundaries, if you don't know your worth and you stand on that and you are not afraid of cutting people off, then you are quite literally putting yourself in a position to attract people that are going to be so off and bad for you. But when you work on your mindset, when you consume content and read books about healthy relationships, when you work on healing your attachment style, which is what I did. One book that's really good for this is called attached by Dr. Ameli. This is life changing. I've given it to so many of my friends. When you can learn to be consistent and show up on a year of being single, that is quite literally when you are going to match the person and the frequency of a healthy relationship because you will finally be the type of person that can handle it and that can give it and receive it. This of course links into self concept and I think the easiest way to reinvent yourself concept and to make it even better and more solid is to remember that every single action and decision you make re-enforce the self concept you have. So if you are constantly people pleasing, not being able to say no, always putting yourself last, you are re- enforcing the identity and the self concept that you are not worthy of being prioriti you are not worthy of being listened to. On the other hand, when you plan an amazing high-vibrational morning routine and you show up for that every single day and you're consistent with it. You are reinforcing the identity in the sub concept that I am somebody who is worthy of being invested in. I am somebody who is worthy of beauty and time and these gorgeous rituals. I am worthy of improving myself, working on myself, being obsessed with myself and not constantly waking up in a day and rushing off to everybody else's needs. your self concept will quite literally determine what you are able to manifest in this life and nobody talks about that enough. That is exactly why I have so many pages in my obsession with manifesting journal that is called self concept work because if you are not doing your self concept work and this guide journal is a really easy way to do it, you cannot manifest fully. Okay, you need to understand who do I want to be, where am I right now and how can I close that gap? What signs of limiting beliefs or all traumas are holding me back from becoming the type of person that can receive all of the high vibe amazing things that I want. Remember that on this journey, the partner that you want, the one that's grounded, emotionally intelligent, secure, confident, successful in who they are, you don't attract them by just wanting them, you can only attract them by operating at the exact same frequency yourself. By being the type of woman who self-concept is so solid that she's not looking for someone to complete her, she's just looking for someone to match her. You are a match to that person. You have that confident energy. So much of my advice in this topic is about mindset and I really feel like that is where all the work happens. However, as always, I do want to give you at least one practical tip. And this is about increasing your surface area for good look. I heard this phrase on TikTok and I've been absolutely obsessed with it. And what this essentially means is you need to put yourself in more situations and take on more actions that make you a luckier person. You are not going to get more good luck by sitting at home all day and doing nothing, okay? As a bare minimum, take a trip to your favorite cafe once a week, go to new places. If you can, travel more, put yourself in situations where you are going to meet people that you didn't even know existed. I have heard so many amazing love stories in my life of people who got married and just are still together to this day of people who have literally met on the London tube. I could you know, there was this amazing story of somebody that I know, where they were literally on the tube on their way back from a workout. She's a queen who shows up for herself and goes to the gym every morning we love it. She was literally in her gym clothes. She had to go home to get ready. And it was on that tube where a guy approached her, got her number, and then they got married. Yes, later. And they're still together. Like, you would never expect it, but it's you leaving the house and doing things, even just going about your day and achieving your goals, that you might meet people along the way, that match your frequency and match your vibe, because you're doing the right things to align with them. While I am saying this, though, if you are traveling, if you are going on solo dates, do not make the mistake that every single time you walk into a cafe, you think, oh my God, am I going to meet my soulmate here today? No. You need to be so affin detached from the whole process. The second that you start thinking in that way, you immediately go back to that chasing mentality. That I need somebody to complete me mentally. It is okay to want a romantic partner and to want the right love, but you should not be desperate to find it. You should be so confident and so assured and secure in the fact that you know, you are so certain it's going to happen for you. You're just going into a cafe to enjoy yourself. Why would you be thinking, oh my God, I'm going to find my soulmate? Because you are already a confident woman who knows, it will find me when it's ready. It will find me when the time is right. I am unbothered, and I'm living my life in the meantime. So, I want you to show up. Go to the event you normally wouldn't. Even post the content online. So many people meet digitally now. Say yes to the invitations that make you a little bit uncomfortable because you've never been there before. And while you're doing all of that, do it for your growth and your goals and then who knows who you might meet along the way. And I have to save my most important point for last. Stop making it about your worth. Not having your person yet, being single for so many years, having a few breakups, even being stuck in a situation. None of that is indicative of your worthiness of being loved, of being in a healthy relationship, of who you are as a person. You not being where you want is not evidence that you are never going to be loved or this journey has to be difficult for you. And if you start thinking like that, I promise that's going to manifest itself. If you believe that, if you're visualizing, oh my God, maybe I'm not attractive enough, maybe people don't like me, other people must have something that I don't. First of all, none of those things are true, okay? That's just self-doubt creeping in. You're choosing to believe it. And now that's manifesting into the universe. It was never about worthiness and it has always been about alignment. The reason you don't have your person yet. The reason that maybe you've been attracting people that aren't really what you want. It's literally a matter of alignment. And when you do the mindset shifts and the actions that I've mentioned so far in this video, I promise you, you are actually going to get different results because you will no longer be the same person that got all of these results and all of these experiences that you've had so far. And I also want to say to my single girlies, if you are ever scrolling online or even in real life, you see somebody who looks like they have the best relationship ever and you just feel like that little bit of comparison and your heart just drops a bit and you feel that sting because you know that's really what you want. You need to cut that comparison BS out immediately, okay? And not even for the benefit of the other person for yourself because every single time you decide that looking at somebody else in a happy relationship is something that hurts your heart and makes you feel sad, you are just reinforcing scarcity around the whole thing for yourself. You are telling yourself a story about scarcity that is not true. You are placing this energetic order for exactly the outcome you are most afraid of, because that comparison and that scarcity is coming from you looking at what somebody else has and then feeling like, oh my God, I will never have that. If you are actually confident in your life and the results that you're going to get, you would look at somebody else in such a happy relationship and be unfazed by it. Matter of fact, you would smile when you see it, and you'd be so happy for them because you would be so secure knowing, it's going to be my turn soon. Like I am going to get that. I can't wait. Look how abundant and visible love is all around us in the world. When you make that shift, when you go from, ah, I just wish I had that. Why is my journey so difficult and hard? And like it just breaks me, like, why do other people have it so easy? To, oh my God, love is gorgeous. Look how many amazing guys there are out there. How many women there are out there that are making it work, that are loving each other, that are showing up for each other. That's amazing. That means it's possible for me too. Making that shift is you broadcasting to the universe, and therefore, impacting your manifestations, that this is possible for you. That you are aligned with this, that your self-concept is matching that exact relationship, that scenario, that lifestyle. But when you compare, you're just telling the universe, I'm not ready for this. That's not me. I don't align with that. Because the people in relationships aren't comparing. So if you want to be in that situation, why are you? That woman that has the love you want does not have it because she's luckier or worthier than you. She's got it because at some point she actually worked on her self-concept, and she's stopped linking her relationship status to her worth. She stopped comparing her timeline to everybody else's, and she stopped collecting evidence that love was not coming, and that men are trash. And finally, I want you to remember, your love story is not a matter of if. It has always been a matter of when. And when it happens, all starts with the decision you decide to make once this video ends. Good luck.
