Thumbnail for The price of not choosing yourself by Alastair

The price of not choosing yourself

Alastair

8m 5s1,293 words~7 min read
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[0:00]now fear is going to be a player in your life, but you get to decide how much. You can spend your whole life imagining ghosts, worrying about the pathway to the future, but all there will ever be is what's happening here. and the decisions we make in this moment, which are based in either love or fear. So many of us choose our path out of fear, disguised as practicality. What we really want seems impossibly out of reach and ridiculous to expect, so we never dare to ask the universe for it. I'm saying, I'm the proof that you can ask the universe for it. My father could have been a great comedian, but he didn't believe that that was possible for him. And so he made a conservative choice, instead, he got a safe job as an accountant, and when I was 12 years old, he was let go from that safe job and our family had to do whatever we could to survive. I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which was that you can fail at what you don't want, so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love. It's not the only thing he taught me though, you know? I watched the effect of my father's love and humor and how it altered the world around me. And I thought that's something to do, that's something worth my time. It wasn't long before I started acting up, you know, people would come over to the house and they'd be greeted by a seven year old, throwing himself down a large flight of stairs. They would say, what happened? And I would say, I don't know, let's check the replay. I'd go back to the top of the stairs and come back down in slow motion.

[1:50]It was a very strange household. And he treated my talent as if it was his second chance. When I was about 28, after a decade as a professional comedian, I realized one night in LA that the purpose of my life had always been to free people from concern, just like my dad. And when I realized this, I dubbed my new devotion, the Church of Freedom from Concern. The Church of FFC.

[2:28]And I dedicated myself to that ministry. What's yours? How will you serve the world? What do they need that your talent can provide? That's all you have to figure out. As someone who's done what you're about to go and do, I can tell you from experience, the effect you have on others is the most valuable currency there is. Because everything you gain in life will rot and fall apart, and all that will be left of you is what was in your heart. My choosing to free people from concern got me to the top of a mountain. Look where I am, look what I get to do. Everywhere I go, I'm going to get emotional because when I tap into this, it really is extraordinary to me. I did something that made people present their best selves to me, wherever I go. I am at the top of the mountain and I was, and I, the only, the only one I hadn't freed was myself. And that's when my search for identity deepened. I wondered who I'd be without my fame, who would I be if I said things that people didn't want to hear. But you guys are so ahead of the game, you already know who you are. And that peace, that peace that we're after, lies somewhere beyond personality, beyond the perception of others, beyond invention and disguise, even beyond effort itself. You can join the game, fight the wars, play with form all you want, but to find real peace, you have to let the armor go. Your need for acceptance can make you invisible in this world. Don't let anything stand in the way of the light that shines through this form. Risk being seen in all of your glory. Painting is one of the ways I free myself from concern, a way to stop the world through total mental spiritual and physical involvement. But even with that comes a feeling of divine dissatisfaction, because ultimately, we are not the avatars we create, we are not the pictures on the film stock. We are the light that shines through. All else is just smoke and mirrors, distracting but not truly compelling. I've often said that I wished people could realize all their dreams and wealth and fame and, so that they could see that it's not where you're going to find your sense of completion. Like many of you, I was concerned about going out into the world and doing something bigger than myself. Until someone smarter than myself made me realize that there is nothing bigger than myself. My soul is not contained within the limits of my body. My body is contained within the limitlessness of my soul. One unified field of nothing, dancing for no particular reason, except maybe to comfort and entertain itself. That shift happens in you, you won't be feeling the world, you'll be felt by it, you'll be embraced by it. Now I'm always at the beginning. I have a reset button, and I ride that button constantly. Once that button is functioning in your life, there's no story that the mind could create that will be as compelling. The imagination is always manufacturing scenarios, both good and bad, and the ego tries to keep you trapped in the multiplex of the mind. Our eyes are not viewers, they're also projectors that are running a second story over the picture that we see in front of us all the time. Fear is writing that script, and the working title is, I'll never be enough. You're gonna look at a person like me and say, how could we ever hope to reach those kind of heights, Jim? This is the voice of the ego. And if you listen to it, there will always be someone who is doing better than you. No matter what you gain, ego will not let you rest. It will tell you that you cannot stop until you've left an indelible mark on the Earth, until you've achieved immortality. How tricky is this ego that it would tempt us with the promise of something we already possess. Relax and dream up a good life. As far as I can tell, it's just about letting the universe know what you want and working toward it, while letting go of how it comes to pass. Your job is not to figure out how it's going to happen for you, but to open the door in your head, and when the door opens in real life, just walk through it. And when I say life doesn't happen to you, it happens for you, I really don't know if that's true. I'm just making a conscious choice to perceive challenges as something beneficial, so that I can deal with them in the most productive way. You'll come up with your own style, that's part of the fun. Oh, and, uh, why not take a chance on faith as well? Not religion, but faith, not hope, but faith. I don't believe in hope. Hope is a beggar, hope walks through the fire and faith leaps over it. You are ready and able to do beautiful things in this world. And after you walk through those doors today, you will only ever have two choices: love or fear. Choose love, and don't ever let fear turn you against your playful heart. Thank you so much.

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