[0:00]What do men find attractive in women? Is it just their physical body, their curves, their beauty or is it something deeper? I think it's individual for everybody. Everybody is different in what is it, what they find attractive. For some it's how a person looks, for somebody it's how they laugh, "Achha, we can laugh on the same things." For somebody else it'll be, "ke, politics discuss kar sake." For some it is your financial acumen, whatever. Like this guy wrote to me saying, "ke, I'm excited by women who are taller than me, but humaari community mein that will never be allowed." If he did go with somebody who was taller than him, tum socho uske dost usko, uska kya mazak udayenge? It's going to be horrible, right? There is he will be made fun of. Nothing will be accepted so we are not even allowed to like who we want to like. I still remember when I was younger, mere mamu ke bohot ache friend the. And he married this woman and he was very much in love with her. So in those days, I guess, maybe men didn't do that much, he used to really look after her. So agar shaadi par gaye, baaki sab aurtein line mein khade hokar apne husband ke liye plate bana ke laate the. He would make a plate for his wife to bring it. They would all laugh at him, jo roka gulaam hai, yeh hai, woh hai. You know, that stayed in my mind. He was showing love to his wife. And all you people could do was be toxic and make fun of him. Eventually, he has gone off, he's no longer in touch with these people. He's happy with his wife, tum log toh reh gaye na. So people don't have enough freedom to just be themselves and to express their liking? To like who they like, or even to express their love, that's considered weakness. So you said it could be different for different men. Is it normal, is it okay to be attracted only physically? And then you don't have other equations being met? Matlab aapke political views alag hain, aapke intellect levels alag hain, IQs alag hain, but just aap ek dusre ki taraf physically infatuations hai, is it like okay, is it enough? I think that it depends on what you consider that relationship to be. So aise hue hain, there have been lots of relationships that are started with just how somebody looks. You know, "Oh I like her figure." I will marry her. So you think that this kind of relationship will last? A relationship lasting depends on two people. Either they then grow it from there, make it something more, or for a lot of the ones that we see also unfortunately, even the people who do get married, I know a lot of people in their 50s today, in their late 40s. The men are doing their own thing, the women are doing their own thing. They have children, they have money between them, they have mutual friends, toh party pe ikatthe jaate hain. But I don't think that it's particularly healthy to live like that, but some people choose to live like that and they've made a life out of it. They're okay with it. But that's still a compromise to some extent. There was a story that showed up recently with this guy saying, "ke, he was going out with this woman. And they had a great relationship, they used to go out, they used to do all sorts of things and finally she decided that now has come the time to get married." And she said what she started doing was she started to cook for him. And she was making him food that he absolutely loved and really, you know, looking after him and he said, "My feelings for her changed when she started to cook for me." He said in her you know so this story of course became really viral and everybody was talking about it. You know, I always say that achha, when you are with somebody that's different, but when you're not with that person, when you think of them, does it put a smile on your face? Or do you clench your teeth? I think that for a lot of people that's where it comes down to, that when you're looked after. How are you making them feel? There's actually a lot of noise around this that women tend to like men who are dominating, who are who are strong, like physically and mentally more strong, more dominating, like so-called alpha males these days. But I actually wanted to ask, is that really true? Again like I said, you know, it is a there are two things, ek toh it's individual, but also it's the age that you're at. When you're younger, this is this the ambient narrative, this is what movies are feeding you, magazines are feeding you, the strong silent man, that bad boy, the motorbike par you know, baal ud rahe hain. Ladayi kar raha hai sab ke saath, are vaah this alpha male. You think you like that. As you get older, you change your mind. I mean I can tell you I am now 63, I can tell you I've been through all the phases of life. I have been so besotted by this guy who had a motorbike, tall, thick hair, you know, uske baal udte the hawa mein jab woh chalata tha motorcycle. Dumb. He was so dumb. I loved him for his dumbness. I thought everything he said, he only knew one word, he used to say, kuch bhi main keh dun, heavy, aise karke.
[5:28]I thought he was the coolest thing. I mean I think sometimes I would not have lasted with him for two days without murdering him. I don't know anyway. Woh khatam hui baat, got to the next point of liking a different type of guy, then a different type of guy. I don't want any of those people. I even went through a phase of really enjoying the company of guys who were so mentally stimulating that I could just sit and chat to them for hours. I loved that and I was being interviewed by a guy the other day and he was like, "Ya, but you know, girls like bad boys, they like bad boys, they want to date them and then they want to come back to us safe guys, nice guys for long-term relationship." Why not? I mean you do want somebody who's going to look after you and love you and be safe and secure in your background. Main toh kehti hun bhai, everybody should go and date somebody like that for a little while. Just to find out that that's not what you want. You don't want a man like that, you don't want to be with somebody who is like that. What do women actually like in men? No that's what I'm saying that it's at different times of your life that you like different things. You know really and I sometimes say that mine was an arranged marriage. And at that age, when I got married at 23, I would not have picked my husband as a person. Because then at that time the definition of the ideal man was very different. I wanted the guy who said, "Heavy." And made your life hell. He was so stupid. I shouldn't say that, but yeah, I think the ultimate thing in a relationship is respect and safety. If you can respect me for who I am and you can make me feel safe. You know where I don't feel ke har cheez main kahungi, I'm walking on eggshells ke tum kya kahoge, will you make me feel small, will you make me feel like an idiot? I want to feel safe. So that the next time around main jhijk ke nahi kahungi ke, oh my God, should I say it? I'm frightened to say it. I want to feel safe. That's the ultimate things.
[7:38]I think this is very important because as you said at different stages of life, you would be wanting different things. So ultimately real, real contentment or happiness hai kahan pe, it is important for you to know. So that aapko ye pata ho ki end goal meet ho raha hai ki nahi ho raha hai, the ultimate desire jo honi chahiye, is that being met or not. Yeah. And I think like I said everything is different, so remember, are you being respected, are your boundaries being respected, is your consent being taken into consideration? And do you feel safe? Do you feel ke even if I am going out with this guy and I say, "Yes, we're going to have sex." And then halfway through he's taking off his clothes and I say, "Actually, I don't want to." Is he going to put his arm around me and say, "Theek hai, koi baat nahi." "I'm disappointed but koi baat nahi," or is he going to say, "What the hell?" You know, I want to feel safe. So that the next time around main jhijhak ke nahi kahungi ke, oh my God, should I say it? I'm frightened to say it. I want to feel safe. Thank you so much for watching this clip and I'm sure that you're going to enjoy the entire conversation even more. Link of full podcast is in the description below.
