[0:00]I would be willing to bet that I have had the worst 24 hours in the history of the human race. I haven't slept all night. I feel like crap. I'm exhausted. Everybody hates me, and I don't know what to do because I feel like I walked into something that I was not prepared for. I don't know whose burial ground I pissed on by accident, but if you're watching this, I'm sorry. Please forgive me and stop torturing me because I can't do this anymore. I feel like I'm going crazy. I feel like every day I have the new worst day of my life. And I don't know what to do. Okay, I'm sorry. I'm not going to get upset. I promise. I'm just going to calmly explain what happened. So, last, well, okay, I guess I have to start earlier. A little bit ago, I made a video about how I kissed my girlfriend's dad. That did happen. Um, it's a really long story and I honestly don't even feel like talking about the whole thing. I don't even know where to start. Um, basically my girlfriend, her dad's name is Phil. Who the fuck? Why are there 10 people in this neighborhood working on their roofs? At the same time, every time, every day I come out here, every time of day, every hour, there's 20 people who are working on something around their house. Shut up! I swear to God, suburbia is louder than the inner city. I can't get any peace and quiet. I have to shut my windows because I otherwise you're going to hear people hammering and blowing leaf blowers and whacking weed wackers. And then I feel like I'm going to pass out, going to get so hot in here. Also I can explain some stupid story. This is fucking bullshit. I'm so sick of this. Shut up! Your stupid roof looks like crap. It looks like every single other roof.
[2:30]I feel like I'm going crazy. I can't do this. Okay, so, my girlfriend, I've been I have actually known my girlfriend. This is Becca by the way, for everybody who's kind of a recurring viewer, you will probably recognize that name because she's been quite the recurring character in my life, I must say. Becca is taking a little bit of a break from being non-binary right now for a lot of reasons. And that's fine. Um, basically she got fired from her job and she had to move back in with her parents kind of around the time that we started dating. Now, that's was not initially a problem for me because I like her parents. Her parents and I get along very well, you know, so I like to call myself the parent pleaser because in relationships, the other person's parents always end up liking me more than they like their own child. Me and Becca's parents have always had a little inside joke where we said that we were going to take Becca out into the desert one night and tie her up and then we were going to drive back and then we were going to put a little wig on me and pretend that I was Becca. So that's just a fun little, you know, we were just being silly. Um, but yeah, so basically we I get along with her parents really well and it's just I honestly spend more time with them than my own family. I think that's kind of why it's it's become such an emotionally charged issue for everybody involved because because it's because it is. I don't remember what I was talking about because I have ADHD and so when I hear the sound of somebody hammering a nail in, I immediately forget everything about who I am and everything I've ever done. I'm sorry. This wasn't supposed to be a yelling video. This was supposed to be me calmly explaining a story. And that's still what the video is going to be. Excuse me, I just want to make sure this is recording and I'm not doing all this for nothing. Hello. Okay. Oh, thank God, because I was probably about to if that was not recording, then there would have this would have been in the news. I'd be in the news. And I still might be after. No, I'm sorry. I got to be careful. I'm fine. Yay. I'm fine. Everything is great.
[5:26]Okay. So, Becca and I have known Becca's family for a very long time.
[5:43]I've literally been on the sidewalk chain smoking all night. Because I, maybe I'm not allowed to say that but I don't care. I'm sorry. I've had a shitty life and I and I can't do this anymore. I can't. Okay, all right, anyway. So, her family is very, very rich. Um, the next time you're in your car, take a look at the window, look at the bottom. See this little rubber flap right here? Her dad invented that. That's something called weatherproofing, weather sealing, I think. Apparently it's a very important invention because they are very, very rich. And they have a really nice place in Brentwood. So, I'm not saying that's the only reason why I go over there all the time, but it definitely helps. You know, Brentwood's a very nice part of L.A. That's actually, fun fact, that's where O.J. lived.
[6:54]So that's where his house was. Um, and every if you don't One time I I said, do you want to watch the O.J. documentary and they went on a whole they literally went on an a whole tear where they were like, we knew the second that we saw him in this neighborhood that he was trouble. And we tried calling the cops on him multiple times. They tried calling the cops on their own gardener once. And I tried to tell them that's crazy. You can't do that. You're going to be on CNN as like the new Karen. Um, model Karen, you know, that didn't make any sense. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I say things that don't make any sense all the time. And I'm a Okay, sorry. Everything's okay. I forgot what I was talking about. Again. Crap.
[8:00]Everything's fine.
[8:05]Okay. So, um, my name is Dan. Okay.
[8:16]Every time, let me tell you something. Every time that I park my car, I have to get out of fucking ruler and check the slope of the street that I park on because if I park uphill by even two centigrade, then the phone is going to keep falling over like this. But also, I have to park on this side of the street because I need to park under a tree. Because if I don't, then the sun will beat down into my car and it'll get 200 degrees in here and I'll die. Because I had to shut the windows because there's people working on all their houses everywhere around this neighborhood and this is the only neighborhood where I could go film. Because every other neighborhood, there aren't any trees. Because they don't plant trees in impoverished neighborhoods. They only plant them in really rich neighborhoods. So I have to find a really rich neighborhood to park my car under. Subaru Studios, so that I can film a video. And everybody looks at me like they're going to call the cops. Okay, I'm sorry. There's somebody coming, isn't there? I bet he's going to say, hey, are you okay? Do you want me to? You need a help.
[9:44]Okay, thank God. Look at that goober.
[9:52]This is the type of person that lives all around here. And now I'm going to get so hopelessly I know I bet I'm never going to get through this story. I don't remember even what the story is. Okay, I think it was about me effing my dad. Oh, Freudian slip, effing my girlfriend's dad, excuse me. That has never happened.
[10:20]I promise.
[10:28]Okay. So, Becca's mom left to go somewhere. I think that she was kind of sort of trying to give us space because so that we could talk about something because everybody could tell that something was wrong. And I was trying to pull the whole, no, no, it's fine, you know, I'm fine. And but you know, nobody's buying that load of crap, you know, I mean, I'm almost 30. So, nobody's buying that from me anymore. I'm 28. Age to veal.
[11:06]I'm 25 years old and this is my this is what I do.
[11:13]You don't have to make fun of me because I already make fun of myself every single fucking day.
[11:23]Christ Almighty. How am I going to do it? I don't want to do anything.
[11:35]I don't want to do anything anymore. Okay. So, Becca's mom left to go somewhere. I think that she was kind of sort of trying to give us space because so that we could talk about something because everybody could tell that something was wrong. And I was trying to pull the whole now, no, no, it's fine, you know, I'm fine. And but you know, nobody's buying that load of crap, you know, I mean, I'm almost 30. So, nobody's buying that from me anymore. I'm 28. Age to veal.
[12:19]I'm 25 years old and this is my this is what I do. You don't have to make fun of me because I already make fun of myself every single fucking day.
[12:35]Christ Almighty. How am I going to do it? I don't want to do anything.
[12:47]I don't want to do anything anymore. Okay. So, Becca's mom left to go somewhere. I think that she was kind of sort of trying to give us space because so that we could talk about something because everybody could tell that something was wrong. And I was trying to pull the whole now, no, no, it's fine, you know, I'm fine. And but you know, nobody's buying that load of crap, you know, I mean, I'm almost 30. So, nobody's buying that from me anymore. I'm 28. Age to veal.
[13:31]I'm 25 years old and this is my this is what I do. You don't have to make fun of me because I already make fun of myself every single fucking day.
[13:47]Christ Almighty. How am I going to do it? I don't want to do anything. I don't want to do anything anymore. Okay. So, Becca's mom left to go somewhere. I think that she was kind of sort of trying to give us space because so that we could talk about something because everybody could tell that something was wrong. And I was trying to pull the whole now, no, no, it's fine, you know, I'm fine. And but you know, nobody's buying that load of crap, you know, I mean, I'm almost 30. So, nobody's buying that from me anymore. I'm 28. Age to veal.
[14:42]I'm 25 years old and this is my this is what I do. You don't have to make fun of me because I already make fun of myself every single fucking day.
[14:58]Christ Almighty. How am I going to do it? I don't want to do anything. I don't want to do anything anymore. Okay. So, Becca's mom left to go somewhere. I think that she was kind of sort of trying to give us space because so that we could talk about something because everybody could tell that something was wrong. And I was trying to pull the whole now, no, no, it's fine, you know, I'm fine. And but you know, nobody's buying that load of crap, you know, I mean, I'm almost 30. So, nobody's buying that from me anymore. I'm 28. Age to veal.
[15:53]I'm 25 years old and this is my this is what I do. You don't have to make fun of me because I already make fun of myself every single fucking day.
[16:09]Christ Almighty. How am I going to do it? I don't want to do anything. I don't want to do anything anymore. Okay. So, Becca's mom left to go somewhere. I think that she was kind of sort of trying to give us space because so that we could talk about something because everybody could tell that something was wrong. And I was trying to pull the whole now, no, no, it's fine, you know, I'm fine. And but you know, nobody's buying that load of crap, you know, I mean, I'm almost 30. So, nobody's buying that from me anymore. I'm 28. Age to veal.
[17:04]I'm 25 years old and this is my this is what I do. You don't have to make fun of me because I already make fun of myself every single fucking day.
[17:20]Christ Almighty. How am I going to do it? I don't want to do anything. I don't want to do anything anymore. Okay. So, Becca's mom left to go somewhere. I think that she was kind of sort of trying to give us space because so that we could talk about something because everybody could tell that something was wrong. And I was trying to pull the whole now, no, no, it's fine, you know, I'm fine. And but you know, nobody's buying that load of crap, you know, I mean, I'm almost 30. So, nobody's buying that from me anymore. I'm 28. Age to veal.
[18:15]I'm 25 years old and this is my this is what I do. You don't have to make fun of me because I already make fun of myself every single fucking day.
[18:31]Christ Almighty. How am I going to do it? I don't want to do anything. I don't want to do anything anymore. Okay. So, Becca's mom left to go somewhere. I think that she was kind of sort of trying to give us space because so that we could talk about something because everybody could tell that something was wrong. And I was trying to pull the whole now, no, no, it's fine, you know, I'm fine. And but you know, nobody's buying that load of crap, you know, I mean, I'm almost 30. So, nobody's buying that from me anymore. I'm 28. Age to veal.
[19:26]I'm 25 years old and this is my this is what I do. You don't have to make fun of me because I already make fun of myself every single fucking day.
[19:42]Christ Almighty. How am I going to do it? I don't want to do anything. I don't want to do anything anymore.
