[0:03]Good evening! And welcome to the 82nd Golden Globes. Ozempic's biggest night. If you're watching on CBS, hello. If you're watching on Paramount Plus, you have six days left to cancel your free trial. I'm Nikki Glaser, and I am absolutely thrilled to be your host tonight. Thank you. And I got to say, I got to say, this feels like I finally made it. You know, I'm in a room full of producers at the Beverly Hilton Hotel, and this time, all of my clothes are on. So yeah. It was worth it. Now, some of you may know me as a stand-up comedian and from my appearances on roast, but I am not here to roast you tonight. I want you to know that and how could I, really? You're all so famous, so talented, so powerful. I mean, you could really do anything. I mean, except tell the country who to vote for, but it's okay, you'll, you'll get them next time if there is one. I'm scared. Ariana, hold my finger. Thank you. Thank you. Well, tonight we celebrate the best of film and hold space for television. Yes. Oh, wicked, queer, night bitch. These are not just words Ben Affleck yells after he orgasms. These are some of the incredible movies nominated tonight. The Bear, the Penguin, Baby Reindeer. These are not just things found in RFK's freezer. These are TV shows nominated tonight. And what a night. I look out and I see some of the hardest working actors in show business. And by that, I mean your servers. Yes. Yes, give it up. They'll be bringing you your cocktails to drink and your food that you'll look at. But I also see some absolute Hollywood legends. I mean, we've got some huge movie stars here tonight. Kate Winslet is here, Kate Blanchett, Colin Farrell. And let's not forget, let's not forget so many huge TV stars as well. Kate Winslet, Kate Blanchett, Colin Farrell. I mean, even Oscar-winning actor Eddie Redmayne did TV this year. He's nominated for Peacock's The Day of the Jackal. Yes. Yes, it's about a top-secret elite sniper that no one can find because he's on Peacock. I think I've seen more actual peacocks in my life than shows on Peacock, but Denzel Washington is here for Gladiator 2. Cynthia Rebo is here for Wicked. Anything. And Martin Short is here because we have cameras. I love you. Zendaya is here. Zendaya, you were incredible in Dune. Oh my God, I I woke up for all of your scenes. You are so good. And Challenger's, girl. Oh my God, it was so good. I I mean, that movie was more sexually charged than Diddy's credit card. I mean, seriously. Oh, no, no, I I know. I'm sorry. I'm upset, too. The afterparty's not going to be as good this year, but we have to move on. I know what Stanley Tucci freaked off just doesn't have the same ring to it, but No baby oil this year, just lots of olive oil, okay? Tilda Swinton is here. Tilda Swinton. Amazing. Tilda Swinton is of course nominated this year for her role as Timothy Chalamet. You're You're amazing. Where is Timothy Chalamet? Timothy, where are Hi, Timothy. You were great as Timothy Chalamet this year, too. Really. And I love you and Can I just say, you have the most gorgeous eyelashes on your upper lip. I think this is just such a good look. I love you. Dude, you were so good in a complete unknown as Bob Dylan. Wasn't he just incredible? So good, dude. Seriously. In fact, I actually read that your singing voice was so accurate that even Bob Dylan himself admitted that it was absolutely horrible. You nailed it. And you know, Timothy, you're just so great at playing these like beloved eccentrics. You Dylan, uh, Willy Wonka, who's next? Adam Sandler? Please. Actually, your name sounds like something Adam Sandler would say. Chalamet. Oh Timothy, and Chalamet. Oh, yeah, Timothy Chalamet. I think Sandler, Sandler's here. Sandler, can I get a Chalamet?
[5:22]A good Chalamet to you, sir. Yes, Sandler. I love you. Well, we can't talk about movies tonight without talking about Wicked. And, uh, I like did not know much about Wicked going into this year because I had friends in high school, but I loved it. I loved it so much. Everyone loved Wicked. I loved Wicked, my boyfriend loved Wicked. My boyfriend's boyfriend really loved Wicked. So much fun. It's just like, it's so much fun seeing a musical in the theater. And, you know, some theaters had issues with the musicals. You know, uh, at Wicked, some people complained that the movie was ruined, uh, by people singing, you know? And then at at Joker 2, some people complained that the movie was ruined by the images on the screen and the sounds that accompanied them. But I'm sorry, Joker 2. Where's their table? Oh, they're not here. That's right. Uh, The legendary Harrison Ford is here tonight. I was actually talking to Harrison backstage, and after he gave me his drink order, I asked him. I said, I said, would you rather work with Zendaya or Ariana? And he said Indica. So, we're going to find him some so so he has a good time tonight. We want you to have fun. Nicole Kidman is here. Oh my gosh. Nominated for Baby Girl. You're so good. I love that movie. That movie. I give it two fingers up. It's so good. This is your 20th Golden Globe nomination. I mean, incredible. Thank you so much for all of your hard work. Thank you. Thank you for working so hard. And thank you to Keith Urban for playing guitar around the house so much that she wants to leave and made 18 movies a year.
[7:28]Keep strumming, you kooky koala. Oh, who else is here? Oh, look, it's two-time Holocaust survivor Adrien Brody. Who else? Glenn Powell. Glenn Powell, what a year you've had. Oh my God. Glenn, you were in everything. Twister's, Hitman, my head when I'm having sex with my boyfriend. Thank you so much for the assist. I'll see you tonight. But Selena Gomez. Selena Gomez is here. Double nominee tonight. For Amelia Perez and Only Murders, and she's here tonight with her new fiance, Benny Blanco. Yes. And Benny Blanco is here because of the genie who granted him that wish. Man, lucky guy. I love you. Selena, you were so good in Amelia Perez. I loved it so much. Amelia Perez. Yes. Amelia Perez earned 10 nominations for Netflix, and I I loved it. I think it is without a doubt, the most audacious, groundbreaking film to ever autoplay after is it cake? Seriously. So good. I'm so excited to be here. And I, I really think this is like going to be a very memorable evening. And and maybe not even in the way that you think. I I predict five years from now when when you're watching old clips of the show on YouTube, you'll see someone in one of the crowd shots and you'll go, oh my God, that was before they caught that guy. Like He knows, you know, but or she. It could be a woman. You know, I think 100% of the time it's a man, but it could be a woman. It won't be. It never is. Kind of like Best Director. All right. Well, before we start handing out awards, I do want to remind you if you do lose tonight, please just keep in mind that the point of making art is not to win an award. The point of making art is to start a tequila brand so popular that you never have to make art again. All right. Yes. Are you guys ready to kick this thing off?
