[0:00]It's a Friday afternoon in the summer holidays, and I'm laying on my bed reading a message from a girl that just five minutes before, I believed to be the same age as me. threatening to send certain pictures of myself to all of my Instagram followers, including family members, if I didn't send her $500 right away. But to understand how I got myself in this situation, let me take you back to where it all began. It's 2020. I've just started high school and I've been getting a lot more attention from girls than I ever had before. And because of this increased amount of attention, my mindset began to become a lot more geared towards, you know, dating girls, losing my V card, all of that sort of thing. So, fast forward to one Wednesday afternoon in early March, I've organized to go to the park and link up with this girl named Clara with my best mate Crocker. Now, just to give you a brief little backstory on Clara, I'd had a little talking stage, I guess you'd call it, at the beginning of the year, but typically as these things go, you know, 12, 13 years old, it just didn't work out. But nonetheless, we were still friends. So Crocker and I walk to the park and upon arriving, we see that Clara is actually with one of her best friends named Alice. Now, I had Alice on Snapchat, but I'd never actually seen her in real life. So I didn't know what she looked like up until that point. But upon seeing her, she's hands down like a hundred times more attractive than what I pictured her to be. You know, I was expecting her to be some absolute ogre. The best way I can put it is she looked a lot older in all the ways that matter to a young man's mind, you know what I mean? So instantly I come, I become locked on to the idea that I'm gonna date this girl, right? I literally said in my head at the time, I'm gonna date Alice. So hang out with Clara and Alice for the afternoon, and after talking to Alice for a bit, the vibe I'm sort of getting off of her is like super cute, sweet, innocent. But just a couple months later, I would find out how deceiving that appearance truly was. Gets to around 5:30 PM and Crocker and I decide it's probably a good time to go back to his. And as we're walking back to Crocker's house, I'm just yapping his ear off about how I'm gonna date Alice, how hot she is, this and that, and I'm just geeking myself up, and he's like, yeah, he's heard it all before. We get back to Crocker's house and I decide that I'm gonna put my money where my mouth is, right? So I ring up Clara on FaceTime, obviously don't have Alice's number, and I say to her that I'm gonna date Alice. Alice is gonna be my girlfriend. I'm just saying it with such certainty and confidence, right? And obviously, Alice hears this in the background, you know, being nearby, and she says that she has a boyfriend. And that's when I proceed to say with once again, 100% confidence, oh that doesn't matter, he doesn't have to know. Which of course isn't right. But upon saying this, like I was sort of saying it in a joking way, but she says, all right, like she actually agrees with me. He doesn't have to know. And so Alice and I start talking pretty much every single day from this point onwards. Which of course I should have seen as a red flag from the jump. Now, before we move forward in the story, I must say that at this point in time, I was only watching porn like three or four times a week. At the absolute worst, it was probably like once a day. But something would very soon happen that would lead me down a path of complete addiction to it. Of course, I'm getting to that. What's cracking brother, I'll let you get back to the video in just a second, but really quickly, hit the sub button, son, because every single one of you who are subscribed are literally the ones who make these videos possible every single day. We're currently approaching 100,000 subs, so do me a fucking favor, hit it right now, I'll let you get back to the story. It gets to one night in early June, and I've organized for my close mate Rufus to come around my house. Obviously, if you're a regular viewer, this is before all the shit happened with him. And given that we were still fairly innocent at this point in time, you know, neither of us were 13 years old yet. Our plans for this night were to essentially just camp out the side of my house in the tent, eat lollies and drink fizzy drinks, right? So we're sitting in my room just kicking back before we actually decide to go out to the tent and it's around a quarter to nine. We decide that we're gonna give Alice a ring cause she's with her friend Clara, who Rufus happened to fancy, right? So we ring them up, they answer straight away, and we're sort of just talking to them about what they're up to for the night. I'm not exactly sure how we pivoted into this conversation, but somehow it comes up that Alice's dad is out of town, which meant it was just her mum home. She wasn't strict at all, and that we could come over later that night. Now, as soon as we hear this, obviously being young lads, we get G the fuck up for a multitude of reasons. There was such a sense of novelty about sneaking out and going to places when your parents didn't know. It was like you had complete freedom. So Rufus and I agree that we're gonna link up with Alice and Clara later that night after my parents go to bed. Around 20 minutes past nine, we head out to the tent. We're just sitting there playing the waiting game. We knew that we'd be able to leave the house once all of the lights were off and we'd said good night to my parents, right? So we just kick back in the tent for a little bit, but it gets around 12:30 AM. By this point, we've well and truly said good night to mum and dad, they're in bed, and Rufus and I both decide it's a good time to head off on our scooters to Alice's suburb. Now, just bearing in mind, June in Australia is the very start of winter, so around this time, it was like minus 1 degrees Celsius, which is cold as fuck. But nonetheless, you know, nothing was gonna stop your boy in the relentless pursuit of the shorties. So Rufus and I slowly creep down my driveway with our scooters in our hand, and as soon as we get to the road, we put them on the tar, we start riding up. Around 1:20, Rufus and I pull up to Alice's street. I get out my phone, I message her, say like, are we all good to come inside? I'm out the front. But she says, you know, her mum's just been up, we can't come in just yet because she might hear us and kick us out straight away. So Rufus and I walk across the road to the park, which is right across from Alice's house and just chill on the bench waiting. But around 10 minutes after this, Alice gives me a call and says, you guys can come in, but you gotta be super quiet. We get into Alice's room, you know, tuck ourselves under the covers, get all warm. Rufus is laying there with Clara having a chat to her, meanwhile, I'm having a chat with Alice. And I would say around an hour and a half into being at Alice's house, I'm having a bit of a talk off to the side with her, and she says that she loves me. Now, we'd said this to one another before, but it was only really over text and it felt very immature. The fuck was that? A cow just sneezed. But this was the first time I'd ever heard it in person, which felt significant to me at the time. So of course, you know, say it back. But I remember thinking in this very moment that this would be the girl that I'd go on to date, lose my V card to, potentially even marry one day. And I just can't believe how fucking delusional I was, bro, because that thought could not have been further from the truth, which of course I'm getting to. Fast forward to one Friday night in late June. By this point, I've asked Alice to be my girlfriend probably three or four times, and every single time she turned me down, she says she's just not ready yet. She's not sure she loves me, but she doesn't want things to end badly. I never knew what the fuck she was talking about. But in just a couple of hours time, I would soon find out why she'd been so hesitant to get into a relationship with me. On this particular night, I'd organized to go up to my mate Donnie's house, which his yard is just in the background. And you know, just spend a bit of time with him, his mate Clive and my best mate Crocker. So Crocker and I walk up the road to Donnie's house and you know, it's really good at first, we're just vibing, having a few bevvies, listening to some music. But I would say like two hours into being there, you know, feeling a bit of a buzz by this point. I'm standing there having a yarn with Donnie's mate Clive, and Clive asks me if I've been talking to anyone. Now, given how attractive I found Alice at the time, I was super fucking proud to, you know, show off that she was, I guess like my girlfriend or I was talking to her at least. And so I say, yeah, I've been talking to Alice for like three months now. She's a really good chick this and that. Like I'm speaking very highly of her. And that's when Clive says to me like, are you serious? I say, yeah, why is that? Like he thinks I'm joking, and he goes, she's the biggest shit. I'm sort of like, what? Like is this cunt being serious? Like is he trying to start beef with me or something? I say, why? Why is that? Like why, why would you say that? Clive proceeds to get out his phone and show me some photos and videos of Alice, a lot of which I won't go into detail on here for obvious reasons. But as I'm watching these videos that Clive's showing me, you know, just one after another, it seemed like they were never ending. I am feeling absolutely, you know, completely betrayed. This chick that I thought was super, you know, innocent, sweet, she was a super attractive girl in my eyes just five minutes ago, has done something as fucked up as what was pictured in these videos. Now, this could not have been a worse time for me to see these because on this very day, it was Alice's birthday, but I did not give a fuck after I'd saw what Clive had to show me. I messaged Alice telling her, you're a fucking shit. You're a whore. I can't believe you've done this to me. You know, you've betrayed me. How the fuck could you do this to me? Like I am going off, and like obviously not condoning saying any of this stuff to anyone, especially women, but I am fucking losing my shit. I cannot believe what she has done, because it hurt. Obviously, it hurt. And she replies with like, Luke, I'm sorry, you know, this and that.
[9:39]Luke, I loved you, I fucked up. Yeah, I get it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I hurt you. I'm sorry that I was fake. Live your life without me. Have fun. Just know I'm here for you whenever you need. If you need, I know you don't care or anything, but like I just thought I'd let you know. I loved you. I truly did, and I loved that night. I should have dates you, but I was scared and then I did this. So I'm sorry, but have fun without me. Hope your next girl treats you right. Bye. I'm super sorry. You can understand why I didn't wanna date you. I never meant to hurt you. I hope you can find someone to make you happy. It was something like that, right? But after this, given how much the situation actually hurt me, you know, how much I was affected by it, I'm just like, I'm not gonna date anyone, you know, for the time being. I don't really want to because it seems like they all just end up being hooked. This is my mindset at the time. And so now having a huge void in my life, I start to fill that void with, you know, porn usage, which I didn't actually realize was a bad thing at the time. I didn't know that it fucked up your neurochemistry, your brain function, that it actually kills off parts of your brain. Had no idea about any of this stuff. I'll leave some studies if anyone's interested in that down below. Because I wasn't aware of any of that, I really ramped up on my porn usage, you know, just trying to fill that void of, you know, the lack of intimacy in my life. And I carry out the rest of the year watching porn three or four times every single day, binging droogles on the weekend, you know, getting fucked up with my boys, playing video games. But it gets into 2021, and as many of you will know, I get my first girlfriend named Sarah. Won't go into detail here because I've spoken about it like a million times. But at this point, the porn use sort of strips back. I'm not watching it as much. Until we get to the back end of 2022, I break up with her and everything pretty much just completely turns to shit. The addiction becomes 10 times worse than it had ever been before. You know, it's like they say, porn addiction usually starts with two emotions, boredom and stress, and in this particular instance, I was bored as fuck. I couldn't just go back after having that true human connection for a year and a half, and now having it completely stripped away, none at all. I start watching porn three or four times every single day. Obviously, punching cones on the side, doing a bunch of other dumb shit that wasn't good for my mental health, and I start coming to school for only half days. You know, going home at 12:00 every single day, wagging a lot of classes. But I remember it was around this same time that this conehead chick in my science class named Ariana had started flirting with me heavy, which I believe is just because she knew I had just broken up with Sarah, so I was obviously single. Now, I was not attracted to Ariana what whatsoever. Like I said, she was a conehead. She didn't have any features that particularly attracted to me. But around three weeks after the breakup, I remember one night Ariana starts snapping me on Snapchat. You know, just spinning a bit of a yarn, but she was clearly very, very stoned, and she starts sending me some, they're a little bit out of the ordinary, you know, being abundantly clear with what her intentions were, being very provocative with the things she's saying and sending. And as she's sending me this stuff, despite not being attracted to her before, I seriously start to consider not dating her, but, you know, getting with her, if you know what I mean. And I mean, looking back, this just goes to show how fucking down bad I was at this point in time to even consider that, because not only was she a conehead, but she was clapped. And I say that with the utmost respect, you know, for storytelling purposes. She was not attractive by any means, bro. But despite this, I'm seriously considering something with Ariana. So a few weeks go by, and by this point, somehow her fucked up brain believes that we're somehow talking with each other just cause I have her on Snapchat. And so every now and then when I'm sitting by myself because I was just a fucking loner towards the end of high school. She would come up to me at the spot I'd usually sit, you know, I'd be eating my beef mince and rice, and she would act very sad or like in a way that sort of demanded attention. The best way I can put it is she was very emotionally manipulative. You know, she knew how to try and make you feel bad in order to get what she wanted. But I would never bite. I'd sort of just tell her like, oh, I sort of just wanna be left alone this and that. But I remember one day in mid-September, she came up to me, and on this particular day, I was feeling just extremely down bad. You know, this is around the time I'd been watching porn like four, five times a day. I'd been watching it in the morning as soon as I wake up. I was not in a good headspace. So as she starts talking to me, I actually don't want her to go away. Like I'm happy with her being here talking to her because I don't really have many people to talk to at this point in time. But as I'm talking to her, somehow the fucked up thought pops into my mind of going. Now, I don't exactly remember what persuaded me against that decision, cause she would have straight away been down if I said about it. But I make the decision not to do that. You know, but fast forward to early 2023. I'm sitting in the car on the way downtown to do a photoshoot for my clothing brand that I'd started at the time. When I receive an Instagram follow and a Snapchat add from this girl who looks, you know, reasonably similar age to me. And so I add her back, and immediately she's asking me questions about myself. She's trying to get to know me, but she starts making her intentions very well known. You know, she's being very provocative with the things she's saying and sending, and it's clear to me that she wants some sort of relationship with me or she wants me to send certain things to her. And so I get downtown, you know, I do the photoshoot, all that sort of thing. But when I come home, I sort of just lay on my bed, you know, I'm editing up a couple of photos to post on Instagram from the shoot. When she starts sending me just straight out, you know, like basically porn. And as I'm looking at, you know, I'm just getting G the fuck up. I'm saying to her like, send more this and that. But after she sent probably two or three, she tells me that I have to send something back in order for her to keep sending them. Now, obviously, I'm not a fuckwit. So I'm not gonna send some random stranger photographs that are gonna exist out there forever, right? Not a dumb cunt despite what you may think. And so I go on to Google, cut out some stickers on Snapchat, and I start sending them to this girl. So we're going back and forth with one another, now that I'm sending her some, she's sending me some. But I would say around two hours into being back at home, you know, snapping this girl, she sends me a photo that had been taken from another phone of the Snapchats that I'd sent her. Now, as I'm reading this, I'm thinking, what sort of fucking elaborate scam is this? And the message that follows all of these photos is a screenshot of every single one of my Instagram followers, coupled with a text demanding I send her $500 or else she's gonna send it to all of my followers. Now, thankfully, I wasn't a fuckwit, and I didn't send her anything that would actually expose me to any level of danger. And so after this, I sort of feel like I've got the upper hand. You know, I send her a message saying, how fucking stupid are you to believe that this is real, cunt? And I block her. And it's sad to think that these schemes actually work on a lot of young men. Like I know my bro Manish Raul, he had something similar happened to him, but he unfortunately did make the mistake of sending her things that he didn't want exposed to the public and ended up in a super fucked up situation. Cause obviously didn't send the chick any money. But fast forward to February of 2022. By this point, I've actually gotten out of a second relationship, I'm not watching porn anymore. I don't really have any of the bad habits that I used to have in my life. I'm at the gym training one Friday afternoon with my older brother, when I see a girl a couple of meters away that I've actually seen in the gym before. And I found her super attractive at this point in time. And so I say to my brother, like, that's the girl I was telling you about. You know, seen her here a couple of times. I'm gonna go up and talk to her. And he's geeking me up. He says, you should, you know, just fuck like the worst she can say is no, you should just go up and talk to her, get her Snapchat. And as soon as he says that, I start cycling through all these potential scenarios in my mind where she might reject me. But nonetheless, I say fuck it, cunt. You're not a bitch anymore. You're a grown man, walk up to her and talk to her. So I start walking up to her, and when I get a little bit closer, I can see that she's got her head down in her phone, right? She's just sitting on the machine on her phone, but when I get up close, I sort of tap her on the shoulder and I say, excuse me. She looks up at me and I, in a somewhat confident way, say, hey, I saw you from over there. I just wanted to come up and say you're really beautiful. Crickets. She is just staring at me for like a solid five seconds before she says anything. And that's when she comes out with, uh, thank you. So fucking awkward. I could just sense how uncomfortable this girl was. And you know, there could be fucking a million reasons as to why she was uncomfortable. But in my mind, the one reason was because I was covered in acne, and I lacked confidence. I wasn't exuding confidence to this girl, and she wasn't attracted to me for those two reasons. And so what I thought was gonna be a super good interaction, you know, she was gonna say yes, give me her Instagram, maybe we start talking, had just turned into one of the most uncomfortable and awkward experiences of my life. And my sole reason for being so fucking awkward at the time was years and years of just digital interaction. You know, watching porn, becoming so used to everything being digital and so fake because porn is a form of fake intimacy. Like this is no over exaggeration up until mid 2023, my screen time was 12 plus hours every single day. Like I was fucking watching porn on the big screen, watching it on the TV, bro. That's how bad it had gotten. And porn is hands down the number one thing that is going to lead to a low self-esteem and a low confidence. Because when you think about it logically, you are training your brain to become aroused watching other people have sex rather than you doing that act yourself. And that's why so many men, you know, they get erectile dysfunction, they can't get hard unless they watch porn, because they've trained their brain for that to be the thing that gets them aroused rather than actual intimacy. Now, since this experience, obviously I've approached a fair few more girls. I've become a lot more confident in my outward appearance and in the way that I'm able to speak to people and articulate myself. But I've made myself a promise that I'm never going to ever get into a relationship again that is driven purely by the desire for sex and lust, because I know every single time without fail that I've done that in the past, it's lead to me knowing them only physically, never emotionally, spiritually. I know nothing about them, but I know them in the biblical sense. That is one of the most spiritually binding things you can do with a person, and to do it with just anyone because you are a horny cunt, just seems so pointless to me, and it seems just so disrespectful to the person that you will one day marry. This is like genuinely my opinion, and so I guess my honest advice, if you wanna call it that, although, you know, I am 18, I'm still learning myself, is to stay away from porn indefinitely, and stay away from the punter's at least, at least until you know you're going into a relationship with pure intentions, and it's not just for the desire of sex. But with that said, I really appreciate you for watching this video. Hit the sub button, smash the fucking like, and as always, stay grinding, my guys.
