[0:00]how can we give a really amazing feeling to our partners with a great sexual technique, but also not get into your head about, you know, how well you are doing it, are you doing it correctly? Is it good enough? Are they enjoying it? What are they feeling?
[0:12]I'm going to explain it for everybody to listen to, for men and women here, because even though women classically suffer with that anxiety, is he enjoying what I'm doing? Men also feel a lot of anxiety about exactly the same thing.
[0:24]So, to give really amazing pleasure to our partners without going into our head and being anxious about performance, there are two components to it, and both need to be there. Without both being there, it's not going to work.
[0:35]So, the first out of the two components, you've got to stop giving them pleasure, you've got to focus on your feeling. If you're just doing the technique really well, but you are not connecting with your feeling, you're not enjoying it, there's going to be so much anxiety.
[0:47]You're not going to enjoy it, but also it's going to transmit to them. It will feel kind of strange for them. It might not turn them on. You are receiving amazing feelings from their body.
[0:57]You are really enjoying their body, how amazing their body feels. But you are doing all the things, you know, with their body to feel amazing feelings from it for yourself, yeah.
[1:07]That's the general idea, you know, you're not here to service them. You get to enjoy this body, a feast for yourself, yeah. This is how you have to approach it.
[1:15]Because everything in sex really is a sandwich. It's a common surface that vibrates into both of you. It doesn't matter who's doing what. Everything, even if it doesn't look like that mechanically, but, you know, it is like that, really.
[1:25]So how does this look in sex? If you're touching your partner's body, you enjoy how amazing and sexy their body feels to you, how sexy they feel to you. You just love the feel of them.
[1:33]If you're doing all the body-to-body flows that I teach you, there's a massive amount of sensation that is flowing into you from their body, how amazing their body feels, even though you are the one doing it.
[1:43]So you've got to focus on that rather than what are they feeling. If you're given oral, whether you're a man or a woman, you find it in yourself to enjoy how amazing their genitals feel to you, how sexy they feel to you.
[1:54]You just love the feel of them. If you are leading penetration, whether you're a man or you're a woman on top, obviously, even though you are the one moving with awareness of what's nice for them, clearly you are, you know, really enjoying the feeling for yourself, yeah.
[2:07]And overarchingly, all that is not just a sensation that you feel from their body, but the whole sense of like how beautiful, sexy, amazing, gorgeous their body is to you right now.
[2:16]There's an expansion of sexual energy into you, which is essentially arousal for you. You know, you can look at somebody's body and get aroused from it, yeah.
[2:24]So it's almost like a sensation in your body without even any contact, let alone with contact. So that's also a feeling that you're receiving from doing something for them.
[2:30]Loving their body with abandon, your heart opens up, your heart becomes reactive. You almost like feel it in your chest, it becomes all really warm. That's a nice feeling for you. Getting lost in it, getting abandoned, that's a nice feeling to be in in general, right?
[2:44]The only acts in sex that people might have doubts about, that feel a bit tricky from this perspective is what happens if you're using your hands. And to be fair, your hand and your fingers are not sexual organs, so they can't feel that sexual sensation.
[2:56]But even then, there is something to be enjoyed. If you're a man using your hands on the clitoris, of course, it's very tiny, but there's like a sense of really connecting with your partner there and feeling the pleasure in their body.
[3:05]So another good way to connect with it is like to visualize what sensation you're sending into their body, not to worry how pleasant it feels, but to visualize kind of the amazingness that you are creating with every move, yeah.
[3:17]If you're using the fingers as a man inside the vagina, then you're feeling the vagina, the vagina still feels sexy with your hands.
[3:24]So there's a turn on from that, but also a turn on from seeing the woman really enjoy it, how she transmits your arousal to you. So tuning into that, taking that into yourself, the same if if you're a woman touching a man's penis.
[3:36]So this is what it would look like in every act of sex, yeah. So really, you are still going into your body, just like if you were in the receptive place.
[3:42]You're still connecting with your feelings, with your sensations. You're doing exactly the same thing. It's just a sandwich that's flipped. And I always teach every technique with that component of enjoying it. That's always part of the technique because it's an essential part of the technique to make it work.
[3:55]You will always, always give a better feeling to your partner, if you're not trying to give them pleasure. If you're focusing on your feeling always. But of course, the second essential component comes in as well.
[4:06]There is a question in the back of your head, uh, well, yeah, I can just let myself be and just enjoy this and try not to worry and just abandon myself into it, throw myself into it, but what if as I do this, I'm just doing something completely ignorant, completely, you know, random, that doesn't do anything for them or even uncomfortable?
[4:25]Surely I can't just do whatever I want. And that's true, that's exactly correct. You can't just do whatever you want to your partner's body. So that's why the second component is also essential to add. And that's, you know, your sexual skill, your sexual technique, you know, how well are you doing things for their body?
[4:39]Of course, if you don't have confidence in that, if you don't have knowledge about that, then it makes you feel insecure. And then you worry a lot about whether I'm doing the right thing. Of course.
[4:48]So we do need to learn a good sexual technique for, you know, different parts of sex and different parts of the body. But here's what you have to understand. A sexual technique is just an awareness, an understanding of like where the boundaries, what is like, you know, too far in in in one direction, too far in the other direction, and what, you know, actually feels good.
[5:08]So it's just a bit of knowledge. It basically gives you parameters within which you enjoy something. So it's like certain features that you learn about, okay, so these are the features of the touch, these are the features of, you know, moving the body, these are the features of, you know, touching the genitals or stimulating the genitals.
[5:24]But then within those features, once you just understand them, you have that knowledge, you have that understanding. But within that, then you let yourself enjoy. So, let's take an example, with touch, how to touch your partner's body.
[5:35]So you know that grabbing it with your claws is not going to feel good. So you have that parameter. You know that very superficial light touch is going to be annoying. That's the other parameter.
[5:44]You know that being really hectic and rapid is not going to feel good. So it's just knowledge, is this kind of contact, this kind of pacing. And then just knowing that, you enjoy it.
[5:51]All the body to body flows with variations that I'm showing you, you know, they're really powerful for arousal, you're going to give a great time to your partner, yeah. It's just some awareness what this contact should be, what the pacing of it should be.
[6:02]So it's not too fast, not too slow, not just bulldozing into your partner, but being fluid, being enveloping, awareness of different areas that you can hold and you can flow onto.
[6:11]So there is some knowledge, there are some parameters. But then within that, it's totally unscripted. It's just you're just moving through it by loving it and doing it in whatever sequence and whatever variation that you fancy out of the ones that I showed you, yeah.
[6:21]You know, there is an awareness of the process. Before touching this, we touch this. Before going faster, you know, in this particular part, we, you know, go slower there first. It's quite easy to take these things on board, and then within that, at at each phase, to really enjoy what you're doing.
[6:34]If you're stimulating your partner's genitals, of course, there's an awareness of how the genitals feel, you're informed about it, what kind of movements feel good, what kind of pacing, what kind of progressiveness, very important, yeah. And then you really abandon yourself and enjoy them.
[6:46]In penetration, there's an awareness of how the penis works, how the vagina works, again, the awareness of sensitive areas, the movements that are good, you know, the pacing, the progressiveness, but then just really enjoy the feeling.
[6:56]It's like, you know, when we grab a pillow or we grab a heavy weight in the gym, like we know how to do this.
[7:03]It's just an awareness of how to touch certain things. If you like to go for a run, you know that first you want to do a light jog to warm up, then maybe like in the mid-section, you are enjoying like a moderate jog.
[7:13]Then maybe at the last phase, you will enjoy the sprint. You enjoy the feeling of it at every phase, but you just have a knowledge that it needs to go in this sequence. So it is true that we need to have the knowledge.
[7:23]Uh that knowledge is important as well, of course, and it gets you out of your head, because, you know, you're not second guessing yourself. But within that, there needs to be that abandon, that real enjoyment of what you're feeling from their body as you do it.
[7:35]It's kind of sad that we are so anxious and so stressed, so tense about, you know, pleasing our partners in sex because sex is supposed to be just a really nice thing to do together.
[7:46]You're making love, you're loving each other, you are having a nice time, and it's causing so much anxiety and stress, you know, of like delivering some kind of specific satisfaction to your lover.
[7:55]So the first thing is to not see it as that kind of a project. Of course, we want to have a good time. We hope we want to have a quality time and how we have sex defines, you know, how good of a quality is going to be. But just don't come into it like, you know, you need to perform a job well.
[8:08]Think of it like I'm going to make something nice, and I'm looking forward to making something nice. And then when you're doing then something for your lover, you're just making a nice experience for them and for you.
