[0:00]What if I told you there's a secret strategy that will make it easy for any man to fall in love with you? What if I also told you that this super secret strategy doesn't actually require you to do anything at all?
[0:13]If that doesn't make any sense to you, don't worry. Join me on today's show where we'll be discussing how to do nothing so that men fall in love with you.
[0:22]That way you understand how to create the perfect environment for men to fall deeply and madly in love with you.
[0:30]When a man shows up for you and he's really consistent with you, let's just say his energy level, right? We'll describe it as is all the way up here if we're thinking about it in like a bar sense, right?
[0:43]And so because you want to match his energy, you put your energy levels right where his is, just like everyone tells you to. And you exactly match his energy, okay?
[0:55]So in this sense, you might be thinking, "Oh, well, this is good, right? His energy is high, and so my energy is high. I'm giving him exactly what he's giving me, and he's being very, very consistent with me."
[1:07]But here, let me kind of reverse your thought process and show you why this works better.
[1:14]See, the mistake with matching someone's energy, especially when a guy is doing a lot for you, is forgetting how men are wired in their nature.
[1:23]See, they're not evil people or evil beings, but they are opportunists.
[1:30]So a lot of times what will happen is when a man has high energy at the very beginning, he's giving you a lot, he's talking to you a lot, he's spending a lot of time on you.
[1:40]He's telling you how much he wants you and wants to be with you and how much he wants to grow this, you're matching that energy.
[1:46]So you're saying, you're saying back to him, you're telling him how much you want him. You're telling him how much you're loving this relationship and loving him and all that good stuff, but when men realize there's an opportunity here.
[1:57]I wonder what will happen if I just take this down ever so slightly, and my energy levels are about here. And you're still in the mode in which you've been trying to match his energy.
[2:10]So you're like, "Oh, yeah, you're consistent with me. I'm consistent with you. You text me. I text you all the time, too."
[2:17]And you begin to get yourself into a rhythm of the amount you give and invest in this man. But you don't realize he just shaved off a little bit of that energy towards you.
[2:27]But you're already in the routine. You're already thinking to yourself, "He's serious. I'm serious, we're both serious."
[2:33]And then he shaves off a little bit more of that energy. Now he's texting you a little bit less. Now he's talking to you a little bit less. Now he's doing a little bit less for you.
[2:45]Because he's recognizing you're so much in the flow of matching energy. And you've already built this narrative in your mind that he is really here for you, and you're going to be really here for him, that you've forgotten or you haven't realized that his energy is dwindling and dwindling and dwindling and dwindling.
[3:05]And so because you become so accustomed to having your relationship in a particular way and matching the energy that was once high, but is no longer high, you start to feel like, "Well, wait, I thought we were doing a thing here where we are both really invested here.
[3:22]I thought we were doing a thing here where we both really actually, you know, enjoy spending time with each other, and we talk to each other a particular way, and we do things a particular way."
[3:32]So now, as you're confused, you might be thinking to yourself, "Well, Thompson, I would never do that. I would never fall for this. As soon as he lowers this energy level, I would match that same lowered energy level."
[3:43]But the problem is, as you get a lot of this high emotional investment at the beginning, you become attached to that level of consistency that you see from him.
[3:54]And so you might think to yourself, "Well, it's just so easy for me to not care and dwindle down my energy as well." But you're not factoring in. You're a woman with emotions.
[4:03]And when you become attached to the idea that your relationship with this guy is going to look a particular way, and he dwindles and dwindles down his energy levels and investment towards you, you start saying, "Well, I miss the times where your investment in me was all the way up here."
[4:19]So instead of you lowering your energy levels towards him, you're going to start thinking, "Well, maybe if I take it up a notch, that will actually do the trick, because he'll realize how much I'm investing here, and he'll bring his back up once again."
[4:43]Because you're thinking, "Well, I don't want it to go low, and both of us are low, and then we have no relationship anymore."
[4:48]How do we do nothing properly in a way that actually serves you?
[4:52]When he starts off with you and his energy level is high up here, I still want your energy level to be down here.
[5:02]Meaning, you're not thinking about how to match his energy. You're not thinking about how to give him the same that he's giving you. You're just allowing him. Notice I said, "Allowing him to come to you and approach you because he wants you."
[5:18]Now, when he wants you, he's going to be pulling out all the stops. He's going to be trying to take you to a fancy restaurant. He's going to be saying all the kind, sweet words to you. He's going to be pulling out your chair. He's going to be holding doors. He's going to be giving you roses.
[5:31]And I'm not saying that you shouldn't appreciate that, but I don't want that to get you thinking, "Okay, well, everyone, stay put. We got to figure out exactly how we can repay him. We got to figure out exactly how we can do even more for him. We got to figure out exactly how I can even invest as just as much as he's invested in it."
[5:49]I want you to keep your investment exactly where it should be, which is right here, just enough to keep him interested. Just enough so he doesn't feel like he's not getting anywhere or progressing.
[6:03]All you're doing is allowing him to feel like he can continue pursuing you. And I know that when I say this like this, you're like, "Thompson, I don't want to be a mean girl. I don't have that type of spirit in me. I don't have that type of heart in me. I'm just someone who loves to love."
[6:20]I want you to love. But I want you to love men who can be consistent with you. And I want you to love men who can consistently show up for you in this high energy level that eventually when you do become a wife, you can think about how to match that husband, your husband's energy, not this random guy that you start dating.
[6:40]I know we're in the 21st century, and I know technology is crazy. So a lot of times texting can feel like the greatest and most amazing form of communication, but it's not.
[6:51]And the problem is a lot of times one of the main places you can make the mistake of doing too much, of overextending yourself and overinvesting can start at the very beginning with the texting phase because you want to text him every day.
[7:08]You want to wake up to a good morning text. You want him to send you a text goodnight. And all throughout the day, you want to be keeping tabs on exactly what he's doing and telling him exactly what you're doing with your life.
[7:20]Why? Because you're convinced in your mind that all of this excessive texting is actually bringing you closer together and growing your bond with each other.
[7:31]But it's not. What it's doing is it's actually making it easier and more comfortable to stay in that place in your relationship where all you do is communicate over the phone and through text because for you, it's just enough. And for him, it's just enough.
[7:48]It feels just satisfying enough that he doesn't feel the hunger and desire to take you out on dates. But remember, you can't really build a relationship with someone who you never see.
[8:00]So let me kind of break down with you how I want you to reconsider texting. Okay. So you have the phone here. The phone will make it easier for you to create plans because obviously the texting is a way for both of you to message each other, get in contact with each other, and organize the next time that you want to go out on a date.
[8:21]So the plan eventually leads to the two of you meeting. So the plan creates an in-person meet. When you meet in person, then you can actually talk and conversate.
[8:35]As you talk and you conversate, that's when you become closer, right? And that closeness is how you become boyfriend and girlfriend.
[8:47]I want you to see the purpose that the texting is supposed to serve in your life. That way, you can readjust the way that you invest your time and energy into texting.
[9:00]So let's explain this and break this down a little bit here. If the phone's purpose is to plan, then you don't need to be spending all of your time sending good morning texts, okay, right?
[9:13]It is unnecessary if you're using the phone to plan to be sending him texts all throughout the day. Now, I'm not saying that you got to ignore his text messages or you got to pretend like he doesn't exist over text message, but what I want you to rethink when you're thinking about why you're even here texting him in the first place.
[9:32]I don't want you to be thinking that the texting is bringing you closer together. I want you to be thinking that we're using texting as a way to just get to our next in-person date.
[9:42]That way, when you're texting him or you're thinking about the frequency in which you should be texting him, or you're thinking about sending him long paragraphs and trying to be Shakespeare and explain to him all the different ways that you're so in love with him and he's the most amazing person of all time, I want you to dead that. Cut that all out.
[10:01]So every time you're thinking to yourself, this is the gauge that I want you using, okay? Because some of you are thinking, "Well, then how often should I text?"
[10:08]Every time you're thinking to yourself, "Oh, he texted me this. So I should text him something similar back." Stop yourself, because you're falling into this trap here.
[10:16]Every time he sends you some sort of message and you're thinking in your mind, "Oh, I got to send him a message of the equal length or I got to say something similar like that so he knows how much I'm invested in him as well." Stop yourself, and remind yourself you're not here to show him how much you care by texting him so well.
[10:33]You're not here to be Shakespeare just because you're getting some Shakespeare text from him.
[10:38]What will happen sometimes when you're dating men and you start talking to them? They will do this thing where they start talking to you at the very beginning, and things might be going decently well, and then they'll pull out of their hat this very interesting trick that I want you to pay attention to.
[10:55]They'll say something like, "You know, I'm dating you, and I'm just not really feeling the vibes from you. You know, I'm here, and I'm super duper invested in you. I want to make sure we have a great relationship, and I'm really, really looking for something very, very, very serious."
[11:14]But you know, when I'm experiencing you and hanging out with you, I just don't feel like you're as serious about this relationship as I am. I have so much love to give, and I am so serious about finding a wife. I don't think that you're as serious as me, and I feel like our investment levels are just on two totally different investment levels, and I just wish. I wish you could do something like maybe slurp me off or maybe something like open your legs wide open to show me how invested you are in me and how serious you are about a relationship with me."
[12:00]But this is the trick. It's bait. You're like a fish in this sense, because he's baiting you into taking the bait that you will say, "Oh, my goodness, I'm scared now. I'm worried now. You're a really serious man that wants to marry me."
[12:16]You're basically, you've already bought the diamond ring, okay, four-carat ring for me, and you're so ready to be with me and build a relationship with me. But it's me and the things that I'm doing and the things I'm not showing you that's making you feel like maybe I'm not the girl for you.
[12:34]So now I need to scramble, and I need to start thinking about how can I invest myself totally and completely in this relationship that will show you that I'm actually serious.
[12:48]And just that fast, like a little fishy, you've taken the bait, and now he gets to reel you in with his fishing rod, and he's caught you, because this is the biggest mistake you'll make.
[13:01]Now, when you start overinvesting yourself, trying to do this thing, you're trying to cook him fancy dinners. You're trying to bake him cakes. You're trying to come over at 4:00 a.m. You're trying to do everything for him. You're giving him multiple check-ins in the day.
[13:15]You're trying to be the most accommodating person that you possibly can be for him to show him how super duper serious you are.
[13:23]Now, all of a sudden, like we talked about with energy at the beginning, he says, "Ooh, this is a perfect opportunity." And then he takes back a lot of that energy that he was once giving, because he realizes once you're in the flow.
[13:40]See, emotions are very tricky, especially for you as a woman. Once you're in that flow of investing a lot and doing the most and overexerting and extending yourself, it's very difficult to just stop doing that.
[13:55]And he understands once you get in that flow, as long as he can inch back his investment slowly, but surely, you might not even realize until it's already too late.
[14:06]And once he baits you into doing all of this investing, now instead of you evaluating him and thinking to yourself, "How do I evaluate if you're the man that I'm looking for?"
[14:17]You're now in a mindset where you're thinking about, "How do I prove to him that he actually wants me, and I'm the girl that he's looking for?" Very, very dangerous.
[14:27]So how do we do nothing in a way that doesn't allow us to get baited?
[14:32]Anytime a guy comes to you, and he asks you to do more for him to prove the fact that you're super serious and super invested, all I want you to do, see, this is why it's so amazing. Join the players club. You'll learn so much that you're never fazed by anything.
[14:47]As soon as he tells you he wants more and more investment from you, I want you to say, "Okay, sounds good. I hear you. I see you. I understand you." Not that you're not listening, not that you don't care.
[14:59]I want you to make it seem like you're absorbing it and you're really thinking about it and you're hearing what he has to say. And then I want you to go right back to doing exactly what you were doing before, which is doing nothing.
[15:10]And even if he expresses frustration, I want you to acknowledge his frustration. I want you to tell him, "Hey, I want to make sure that you know, you know, I'm interested and I'm invested, and I want us to build here."
[15:21]But then I want you to go back to continuing to do nothing. Because what you're not going to do is you're not going to fall for the bait.
[15:26]Anytime that they tell you, "Please invest more. Please do more." You continue doing the exact same thing you've been doing.
[15:35]Because at this point in the relationship, it is his job to be doing the pursuing and investing if he truly wants you.
[15:42]Now, if it's not that serious to him, or he just wants a side chick or a girl that he can use and take advantage of, then maybe he might have to go and talk to another girl.
[15:50]But if he wants truly to be with you, then it's his job to show you that he wants to be with you by investing in you on a consistent basis.
[15:59]And don't get tricked into thinking, "Oh my God, I need to start cooking and cleaning to prove something to him, to prove my worthiness to him."
[16:08]The reason I'm saying that is because I know majority of you will fall into that trap. It's such an easy trap to fall into.
[16:15]Of taking care of a guy who really isn't doing anything for you, and the whole time you're taking care of him, you're justifying it in your mind because you're thinking, "As I'm taking care of him, I'm showing him something that I will eventually be paid back for."
[16:31]It doesn't work like that. I want you to reframe your thinking and think to yourself, "He needs to show me something that eventually when he gets all of this good loving and caretaking and nurturing from me, then it will be well earned and well deserved."
[16:45]Let's imagine in this scenario here, you know, whenever you've watched your favorite teen dramas, a lot of times in that teen drama, after that guy messes up, he does that really big mistake in the teen drama that messes the entire relationship up, and she decides that she no longer wants to be with this guy.
[17:02]They'll always have this redemption arc and scene where the guy comes out of her window, and he's holding up a boom box playing her favorite song, right? Saying, "Oh my gosh, don't you remember? This is the song that when we first met, and we went to the diner together, we heard this song, and that was when we had our first kiss, and that was our favorite song together."
[17:26]And he's playing that song on the boom box while she's standing out on her balcony, it's supposed to be a balcony, okay? I don't know if you guys were able to notice that, right? Uh, she's standing out on a balcony, and he threw rocks at the window, and now he's playing her favorite song on this boom box, okay?
[17:43]So why do I say this? Because this is actually how I want you to replicate your relationships in the way that you solve problems.
[17:51]See, here's the thing. Men, they don't really take in when you're overexplaining, overcommunicating, telling him what he should or shouldn't do, telling him why he's wrong, telling him all the ways he's mistreated you.
[18:05]It's very difficult for guys in a place like that, in a state like that, to really absorb what it is that you're saying.
[18:13]What works better for men, and this actually correlates to doing nothing properly, is when you withdraw from them and you say and you do nothing.
[18:23]When he really has upset you or bothered you, you completely withdraw yourself and you do absolutely nothing.
[18:30]Then he realizes, "Oh my God, she's not going crazy. She's not yelling or screaming at me. She's not calling me out. She's not texting me, calling me, or doing anything at all with me. Now I'm worried. Now I'm starting to think to myself, something horrible must have happened. I must have done something horrible. Or even worse, maybe she's moved on from me, and she no longer wants to be with me, and I have no chance of being with her ever again. I may have messed this whole thing up."
[19:02]Then immediately they start thinking in their mind, "What grand gesture or just gesture in general can I do to solve this problem and make this situation better?" Which is why all the guys in the movies come up with the bright idea to come out of the window and have you stand on the balcony while they play your favorite song on the boom box, okay?
[19:22]It's because now their wheels are turning, and they're thinking, "I must fix and solve this situation."
[19:29]But the amazing part about that, when you do nothing that way, and you get that response from them, is when they're outside of your window with the boom box, and they say, "Please take me back. Please. I'll do anything. Please, just have a conversation with me."
[19:44]And you say, "Okay, you got 10 minutes." He's like, "Oh my God, thank God. Thank you so much. Thank you so much."
[19:54]And when you sit down and you have that conversation, the first thing he's saying is, "I'm so sorry for what I did. Please, I'll do anything to make it better. How can I make this better? I apologize for my actions."
[20:04]And when you tell him the things that were bothering you, like, "Oh, I didn't like when you talked to this girl. I didn't like when you did this thing or that thing." He's already in a place ready to receive whatever it is you have to say.
[20:18]Because he's in a mind state, in a mind frame, where he wants to fix the problem, so that you're not upset with him anymore, so that you're not withdrawn from him anymore, so that you're not doing nothing anymore.
[20:32]Because guys don't like that. Now, when he's ready to fix the problem, because he doesn't want you to do nothing anymore, and you tell him what your issues are, because he's asked for your communication, and he wants to know how to solve the problem, all of a sudden, you can get all your issues solved in an instant.
[20:50]All of a sudden, the girl that was an issue, or the situation that was an issue, he's already in a moment instant saying, "Oh, I'll fix it right now. I'll block her. Don't even worry about it. Oh, don't worry. She's not even an issue anymore.
[21:02]I'll get rid of her. I'll tell her tomorrow." Or, "I'll tell her right now." And all of a sudden, you see how easy it is for you to get what you want when you just allow men to come to you and tell you, "I want to solve your problem."
[21:16]Now, they're so much more receptive to whatever your problem is.
[21:20]As a post, and and the craziest part is that in that scenario, you don't have to overexplain yourself. You don't have to overcommunicate.
[21:30]You don't have to send him 55 paragraphs and break it down in point form and do it like I'm doing here on the board, right? All you got to do is tell him what your issue is, and he's already looking on how he's going to solve it, okay?
[21:43]So you have your month calendar here, but let's just say for the sake of example that in this month calendar that you have, this guy, he goes out on a date with you on a Tuesday, let's just say, and the next time he asks you out on a date is the following Wednesday, and after that, maybe he asks you out on a date on the Monday.
[22:02]And every so often, right? Every basically week, you guys go on about one day, and maybe even some weeks you go on a on a date in a week and a half.
[22:13]Now, this is the thing about frequency, and I know it will trouble you, because when you're dating guys, when you like a guy, and you like how this is going, and you like his vibe, you're going to be saying to yourself, "Wow, I really am enjoying my time with you."
[22:29]And you're going to be thinking, "See, we go out on a date every week or maybe week and a half, but I just. I feel like we could be hanging out a little bit more than that."
[22:42]And you start thinking to yourself, "I really like our vibe. I really, really do. And for the rest of my week, I'm just not doing anything, and I wish we could go out on more dates than that."
[22:54]The problem is, though, then you start communicating to him and trying to get him to see you at a higher frequency than he already wants to, because the truth of the matter is, if a guy is asking you out on one date per week, then at that time with his level of interest, his schedule, his timing, his availability, and his desire to see you, that is how much he wants to see you.
[23:20]I want you to accept this reality, and I know it's going to be painful, but it's going to help you do nothing properly.
[23:25]Men will see you as often as they want to. They will also talk to you as often as they want to.
[23:34]The reality, the unfortunate, I guess, reality, or fortunate, depending on how you look at it, is men cannot be sped up or slowed down.
[23:44]Because remember, they are the pursuer. They have to have intention within them and desire within them to pursue.
[23:51]Based on that desire, they will act on that desire and say, "Hey, I want this woman, and it's not enough for me to only see her once a week." And then after they see you once a week, they'll say, "Hey, I need to see you more days than just once a week. I'm going to ask you on more dates."
[24:10]The same thing when it comes to their texting frequency or how much they call you, or how much they don't call you. It will always be based precisely on his desire to see you and his desire to speak to you.
[24:23]The mistake when it comes to not doing nothing properly is not just allowing men to show you exactly how much he wants to spend time with you.
[24:32]And because you start thinking to yourself, "Oh, we're matching energies, or we're supposed to be going hard here, or this is supposed to be like, we're really invested in each other." You start trying to speed him up by telling him, "Hey, we're only going on one date a week. We got to start going on two."
[24:47]Or telling him, "Hey, by the way, we haven't seen each other in a week and a half. We haven't seen each other in a couple of days. Don't you want to go here? Don't you want to do this? Don't you want to spend time doing something together since we haven't seen each other most of the week?"
[25:03]Don't do it. You're doing nothing. And in the process of you doing nothing, you're allowing men to see you at the frequency that they feel like seeing you.
[25:15]Now, let me make something very clear to you. Even though you're allowing him to see you at the frequency that he desires to see you, obviously, you're going to set a cutoff limit.
[25:25]Meaning, after a certain amount of time that he's not speaking to you and not asking you out on any date, you're going to set yourself a cutoff and say, "Now, I'm just moving forward with my life."
[25:36]Because at that point, the frequency is so thin that it doesn't make sense for me to even be thinking of this as someone I'm dating, right?
[25:44]So, for example, my honest advice to you is if a guy can't be bothered to contact you, call you, or ask you out on any single date in a two-week span of just literally no contact, just disappear, poof in the thin air, my advice to you is at that point, just move forward with your life.
[26:00]And when he does come back or if he does text you again or call you again, just don't bother answering. Just move forward. Okay? It's okay to ghost people. It's fine.
[26:09]If he's not showing up for you in a way that makes sense or will allow you guys to actually date, then you just move forward.
