[0:12]Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. Good evening, everyone. Welcome to Weekend Update. I'm Michael Che. I'm Colin Jost.
[0:23]Today marks the start of the third week of the war in Iran, which is weird because someone told me that we already won it on the first day. It kind of seems like the main thing we've done so far is get rid of an 86-year-old Ayatollah Khomeini and replace him with a 56-year-old Ayatollah Khomeini. You know, a younger, crazier bad guy, hell bent on revenge. We did it. Also, is it weird that I'm kind of jealous that Iran now has a leader under 80 years old? God, remember how much better our country was doing when we had a young Muslim leader? I don't know if you caught the Muslim part. President Trump said in an interview that he believes Iran's Ayatollah Mushtab Khomeini is damaged but probably alive in some form. Which is also a pretty great description of Trump. Khamenei was chosen by Iran's 88-member assembly of experts. Make that 62 members.
[1:39]President Trump posted a message on Truth Social reading, Iran will have a great future, make Iran great again or MIGA, as in this miga crazy. I wanted to do that one. The FBI has reportedly warned police departments in California that Iran could retaliate by launching drones at high-profile targets on the West Coast. The Oscars, tomorrow on ABC.
[2:14]Health Secretary Robert F Kennedy, Jr. seen here back from his mission to the sun. said he's recovering from rotator cuff surgery on his shoulder. Well, well, well, look who needs me now, said Tylenol. A school board in New Jersey is considering a proposal to rename an elementary school after President Trump, named Trump Elementary, home of the Fightin' Allegations. Oh, many will like this. A statue, a statue has appeared on the National Mall that depicts President Trump and Jeffrey Epstein in the famous pose from Titanic. Because as they said on the Titanic, women and children first. North Korean leader Kim Jong Un took his teenage daughter to an ammunition's factory where they test fired pistols together. Uh, girl dad. A special election was held in Georgia to replace Marjorie Taylor Greene. The election was won by the candidate most similar to Green, a Confederate He-Man doll. Industry experts are saying that the best actor at tomorrow night's Oscars will go to either Michael B. Jordan, an actor who embodied two separate roles exploring themes of race and ancestral trauma, or ping-pong guy.
