[0:00]Hi, my name is Thais Gibson and I'm the creator of the Personal Development School. This is your daily breakthrough video and in this video I'm going to talk to you a little bit about the top nine or so qualities anxious preoccupied tend to be super attracted to in others. And this is majority like in romantic relationship type type context throughout this video, but this also applies to just the qualities that you're attracted to in terms of like who you like to spend your time around as a friend, family members you get along with, people in your life in general, co-workers, colleagues, whoever it might be.
[0:40]So, the first thing you need to know is that there are three major factors that create attraction at the subconscious level. And these things are number one, the traits that are repressed within us, we tend to be attracted to if they're expressed in others, as long as we have more positive than negative emotional associations to them. So, for example, let's say that we have a little bit less independence as an anxious preoccupied individual because so much of our foundation and and personality has been coping and and trying to survive and adapt through relying on other people and connecting to others. Well then what's going to happen is you're going to likely find independence quite attractive because it's it's your subconscious mind, and I've shared this in other videos, so I won't go through it in too much detail right now, but it's basically your subconscious mind seeking trait variety and seeking to equilibrate and create a sense of homeostasis and wholeness through another person. Trait variety is a very biological thing. It's like, you know, in in the wild, thousands and thousands of years ago, we are going to survive better through having people who are basically expressing our repressed stuff, right? If somebody's if somebody's really tall and strong and big, but then somebody else is small and quick, but sharp and mentally clever, if they kind of team up together, they have a better chance of surviving with one another, right? So it's it's this idea, we have that biological attraction. So, um that's number one. Number two, having deeply unmet needs met by somebody else. This is a huge draw for people, it's a big part of what creates attraction. And then, number three, something that tends to keep somebody coming back is if they feel like this person is a representation of a subconscious comfort zone that tends to mirror the relationship to self because things feel familiar, familiarity equals safety, safety equals survival. So with that being said, three major factors that create attraction at the subconscious level are literally these three things. Now, I'm going to give you specific ones, right? So with traits that are repressed, anxious preoccupied tend to be attracted to traits like independence in other people, assertiveness in other people, a sense of guardedness and mystery in other people. There's many, but I'm just giving you top three very common ones that I see quite often, okay? And some of you might be like, oh, what about that is so attractive? A lot of what about that is so attractive is the fact that these are parts of, um, the anxious preoccupied that that are pushed down, that are repressed at a subconscious level. So when somebody's expressing those things, there's this natural draw. Having unmet needs met, so when anxious preoccupied feel like somebody makes them feel really deeply seen, validated, special, acknowledged, approved of, these are huge draws, huge points of attraction. Um, and then what tends to keep anxious preoccupied individuals coming back are, um, and and this can be the tough part, right? is um, sometimes people who are a bit dismissive and who are emotionally unavailable. Why? Because that mirrors the subconscious comfort zone relationship to self for the anxious preoccupied. The anxious preoccupied individual tends to be emotionally unavailable to themselves, very emotionally available to others, at least in the sense of what they give, not necessarily what they allow themselves to receive and take in, and they're often dismissing themselves, dismissing their own feelings and needs. And so when someone else does it to them, it mirrors back relationship to self, and although at one part, at one level, this can be painful, at another level it's attractive because it's familiar. And I want you guys to take a look at this. Number two and three I listed, so having unmet needs met and then having things that are familiar, um, be there in the relationship dynamic. Sometimes these things can can be competing needs. So for example, let's say, um, like let's say dating way back long, long times ago. Um, somebody who has the need for hunger and they need to get up and go find food to survive maybe, but then also they need for familiarity and safety, like this desire to stay comfortable, warm, safe in your comfort zone. Both of those things can be quite separate and and and quite a good amount of competition to a certain degree. However, they can both be needs drivers and what ends up winning is whichever need is stronger, whichever pull is stronger. And so it's important to sort of take that into consideration. Now, these are major points here. If you guys are finding some of these things and you don't like them, I highly recommend doing a lot of reprogramming work on the relationship to self. Um, and also doing work on overcoming liverance. Inside the school, we have a huge overcoming liverance webinar. I think we have two really good ones. Um, and I'll put a link in the description box below to enter into the school where in a way that you can access those. Like the all access membership pass gives you access to those if you check that out. Um, we'll put a coupon code there as well. And, um, um, another really good course is like reprogramming your attachment style course and really reprogramming that inner relationship to self so you can become much more secure. So I hope that all makes a lot of sense. Thank you so much for watching. Please like, share and subscribe to this channel. Um, if you are watching all the time, I would super appreciate it and I will see you in the next video.
