[0:16]Whoa, I'm running short of words right now, but I cannot afford this because I have to speak. Thank you so much for all the love, for all the warmth. Thank you for accepting me. Thank you very much. Well, I always start my talk with a disclaimer, and that disclaimer is that I've never claimed to be a motivational speaker. Yes, I do speak, but I feel more like a storyteller because wherever I go I share a story with everyone. Well, it is a story of a woman whose perfectly imperfect life made her who, and what she is today. It's the story of a woman who in pursuit of her dreams and aspirations made other people realize that if you think that your life is hard and you're giving up on that because you think your life is unfair. Think again. Because when you think that way you are being unfair to your own self. It's the story of a woman who made people realize that sometimes problems are not too big. We are too small because we cannot handle them.
[1:52]It is the story of a woman who we time realized the real happiness doesn't lie in success, money, fame. It lies within real happiness lies in gratitude. So, I am here and I'm going to share the story of that woman. That is my story. The story of gratitude.
[2:31]I love you too. I love you all. I believe in the power of words, many people speak before they think, but I know the value of words. The words can make you, break you. They can heal your soul. They can damage you forever. So, I always try to use the positive words in my life wherever I go. They call it adversity I call it opportunity. They call it weakness I call it strength. They call me disabled I call myself differently abled. They see my disability. They see my disability I see my ability. There are some incidents that happen in your life, and those incidents are so strong that they change your DNA. Those incidents or accidents are so strong that they break you physically. They deform your body, but they transform your soul.
[3:38]Those incidents break you. Deform you, but they mold you into the best version of you, and the same thing happened to me. And I'm going to share what exactly happened to me. I was 18 years old when I got married, and this thing I'm sharing for the very first time on an international level. I was 18 years old when I got married. I belonged to a very conservative family, a Baloch family, where good daughters never say no to their parents. My father wanted me to get married, and all I said was if that makes you happy I'll say, yes! And, of course, it was never a happy marriage. Just about after two years of getting married, about nine years ago, I made a car accident. Somehow my husband fell asleep, and the car fell in the ditch.
[4:41]He managed to jump out, saved himself. I'm happy for him, but I stayed inside the car, and I sustained a lot of injuries. The list is a bit long. Don't get scared. I'm perfectly fine now. Radius ulna of my right arm were fractured. The wrist was fractured. Shoulder bone and collarbone were fractured. My whole ribcage got fractured, and because of the rib cage injury, lungs and liver were badly injured. I couldn't breathe. I lost you renal bowel control, that's why I have to wear the bag wherever I go. but that injury that changed me and my life completely as a person in my perception towards living my life was the spine injury. three vertebrae off my backbone were completely crushed, and I got paralyzed for the rest of my life. So, this accident took place in a far-flung area in the outskirts of a very small province Baloch, where there was no first aid, no hospital, no ambulance. I was in the middle of nowhere in that toppled car. Many people came to rescue me. They gave me CPR. they dragged me out of the car, and while they were dragging me out, I got the complete transaction of my spinal cord. And now there was this debate going on. Should we keep it here she's going to die? Where should we go. There is no ambulance. There was this four-wheel Jeep standing in the corner of the street, they said: Put her in the back of the Jeep, and take her to the hospital, which is three hours away from this place. And I still remember that bumpy ride. I was all broken. They threw me at the back of the Jeep, and they rushed me to the hospital. That is where I realized that my half body was fractured, and a half was paralyzed. I finally ended up in a hospital where I stayed for two and a half months. I underwent multiple surgeries. Doctors have put a lot of titanium in my arm. There's a lot of titanium at my back to fix my back. That's why people in Pakistan call me the iron lady of Pakistan. Sometimes I wonder how easy it is for me to describe all this all over again, and somebody has rightly said that when you share your story, and it doesn't make you cry, that means you have healed.
[7:29]Those two and a half months in the hospital were dreadful. I will not make up stories just to inspire you.
[7:41]I was at the words of despair. One day doctor came to me, and he said: Well, I heard that you wanted to be an artist, but you ended up being a housewife. I have a bad news for you. You won't be able to paint again because your wrist and your arm are so deformed you won't be able to hold a paint again, and I stayed quiet. Next day doctor came to me and said: Your spine injury is so bad you won't be able to walk again. I took a deep breath, and I said: It's all right. The next day doctor came to me and said: Because of your spine injury and the fixation that you have in your back, you won't be able to give birth to a child again. That day I was devastated. I still remember. I asked my mother: Why me? And that is where I started to question my existence that why am I even alive? What's the point of living? I cannot walk. I cannot paint. Fine. I cannot be a mother, and we have this thing in our heads being women that we are incomplete without having children. I am going to be an incomplete woman for the rest of my life. What's the point? People are scared they think I will get divorced. What is going to happen to me? Why me? Why am I alive? We all try to chase this tunnel. We all do this because we see light at the end of the tunnel, which keeps us going. My dear friends, in my situation, there was a tunnel, but I had to roll on, but there was no light, and that is where I realized that the words have the power to heal the soul. My mother said to me: This too shall pass. God has a greater plan for you. I don't know what it is, but he surely has, and in all that distress and grief somehow or the other those words were so magical that they kept me going.
[10:02]I was trying to put that smile on my face all the time was hiding it was so hard to hide the pain, which was there, but all I knew was that if I will give up, my mother and my brothers will give up too. I cannot see them crying with me. So, what kept me going was one day I asked my brothers: I know I have a deformed hand, but I'm tired of looking at these white walls in the hospital and wearing these white scrubs. I'm getting tired of this. I want to add more colors to my life. I want to do something. Bring me some colors. Bring me some small canvas. I want to paint. So, the very first painting I made was on my death bed, where I painted for the very first time.
[10:52]It was not just an art piece or just my passion. It was my therapy. What an amazing therapy it was without uttering a single word I could paint my heart out. I could share my story. People used to come and say: What lovely painting so much color. Nobody could see the grief in it. Only I could. So, that's how I spent two-and-a-half months in my hospital. Crying. Never complaining or whining, but painting. And then I was discharged, and I went back home, and I went back home, and I realized that I have developed a lot of pressure ulcers on my back and on my hip bone.
[11:36]I was unable to sit. There were a lot of infections in my body, a lot of allergies. So, doctors wanted me to lie down on the bed straight for not six months, for not one year, for two years. I was bedridden, confined in that one room, looking outside the window, listening to the birds chirping and thinking maybe there will be a time when we'll be going out with the family, and enjoying the nature. That was the time where I realized how lucky people are, but they don't realize. That is the time where I realized that the day I'm going to sit I'm going to share this pain with everyone to make them realize how blessed they are, and they don't even consider them lucky. There are always turning points in your life. There was a rebirth day that I celebrated after two years and two and a half months, when I was able to sit in a wheelchair, that was the day when I had the rebirth. I was a completely different person. I still remember the day I sat on the wheelchair for the first time knowing that I'm never going to leave this.
[13:03]I saw myself in the mirror, and I talked to myself, and I still remember what I said. I cannot wait for a miracle to come and make me walk. I cannot sit in the corner of the room crying cribbing and begging for mercy because nobody has time. So, I have to accept myself the way I am. The sooner the better. So, I applied the lip color for the first time,
[13:38]and I erased it, and I cried. And I said: What am I doing? A person in a wheelchair should not do this. What will people say? Clean it up. Put it again. This time I put it for myself because I wanted to feel perfect from within,
[14:05]And that day I decided that I'm going to live life for myself. I am NOT going to be that perfect person for someone. I am just going to take this moment, and I will make it perfect for myself. And you know how it all began? That day I decided that I'm going to fight my fears. We all have fears. Fear of unknown. Fear of known. Fear of losing people. Fear of losing help. Money. We want to excel in a career. We want to become famous. We want to get money. We are scared all the time. So, I wrote down one by one all those fears, and I decided that I'm going to overcome these fears one at a time. You know what was my biggest fear? Divorce. I couldn't stand this word. I was trying to cling on to this person who didn't want me anymore, but I said: No. I have to make it works, but the day I decided that this is nothing, but my fear. I liberated myself by setting him free, and I made myself emotionally so strong there the day I got the news that he is getting married I sent him a text, and I'm so happy for you and I wish you all the best. And he knows that I pray for him today. My biggest fear, number two was, I won't be able to be a mother again, and that was quite devastating for me, but then I realized, there are so many children in the world all they want is acceptance. So, there is no point of crying just go and adopt one, and that's what I did.
[16:21]Two years later I got this call from a very small city in Pakistan. I got a call and they said: Are you Muniba Mazari? There is a baby boy, and would you like to adopt? And when I say, yes. I could literally feel the labor pains. Yes, yes, I am going to adopt him. I am coming to take him home,
[17:19]And that day, that was two years or two days old and today he's six.
[17:30]You will be surprised to know another bigger fear that I had in me. It was facing people. I used to hide myself from people. When I was on bed for two years I used to keep the door closed. I used to pretend that I'm not going to meet anyone tell them that I'm sleeping. You know why? Because I couldn't stand that sympathy that they had for me. They used to treat me like a patient. When I used to smile they used to look at me and say that: You're smiling? Are you okay? I was tired of this question being asked: Are you sick? Well, a lady yesterday at the airport asked me: Are you sick? And I said: Well, besides the spinal cord injury I'm fine. I guess.
[18:18]But those are really cute questions. They never used to feel cute when I was on the bed. So, I used to hide myself from people knowing that, oh my god I'm not going to see that sympathy in their eyes. It's alright. And today I'm here speaking to all these amazing people because I have overcome the fear.
[18:44]You know where you end up being on the wheelchair, what's the most painful thing? That's another fear that people on the wheelchair the people who are differently abled have in their hearts but they never share. I'll share that with you. The lack of acceptance. people think that there will not be accepted by the people because we in the world of perfect people are imperfect.
[19:07]So, I decided that instead of starting an NGO for disability awareness, which I know will not help anyone. I started to appear more in public. I started to paint. I always wanted to. I've done a lot of exhibitions. I'm Pakistan's first wheelchair-bound artist. I've done a lot of modeling campaigns, different campaigns for brands like Toni and Guy.
[19:33]I have done some really funny breaking the barriers kind of modeling. There was this one by the name clown town where I became a clown because I know that clowns have hearts too. And then, I also decided that if I really want to make the difference. I am NOT going to let people use me for their polio campaigns, where they will make you a victim or an emblem of misery and mercy and will say that you know what give polio drops your children or they will become like this girl. I decided that I'm going to join the national TV of Pakistan as an anchorperson, and I've been doing a lot of shows for last three years.
[20:21]So, when you accept yourself the way you are the world recognizes you. It all starts from within.
[20:31]I became the National goodwill ambassador for UN Women Pakistan, and now, I speak for the rights of women children. We talk about inclusion diversity gender equality which is a must. I was featured in BBC hundred women for 2015. I am one of the Forbes 30 under 30 for 2016, and it all didn't happen alone.
[20:58]You all are thriving in your careers. You have bigger dreams and aspirations in life. Always remember one thing: On the road to success, there is always we, not me. Do not think that you alone can achieve things. No! There is always another person who is standing behind you, maybe not coming on the forefront but behind you, praying for you when supporting you. Never lose that person. Never.
[21:30]In all those imperfections you have to listen to your heart. You don't have to look good for people. You don't have to be perfect just because other people want you to be perfect. If your soul is perfect from within, that's all right. This is all what you want. This is all what you need to be. Our society has made very weird. Very weird kind of norms to look perfect and great. For men it's different. For women it's different. We think too much about what people say. With we listen to ourselves too little. You know what makes you perfect? When you make someone smile. You know what makes you perfect? When you feel someone's pain, and how beautiful pain is that it connects you with people. No other medium can connect you with others, but the pain. That's why I always say that: I'm in pain, and that's a blessing in disguise for me. Today, just because I'm in pain and I'm on the wheelchair I work for children, being the head of CSR for a company we conduct medical camps in far-flung areas of Pakistan where so many kids die because they don't have medical facilities. And I personally believe just because they cannot afford to live doesn't mean we let them die. So, we give them money. We give the medical treatment. We try to heal their wounds. Physical and emotional. And I also worked for the beautiful people. We call them third gender, the transgender community of Pakistan. You know what connects me with them? All my imperfections. When I go, and I hug them, they never judged me, and this very good friend of mine her name is Bijli. Bijli means electricity. She called herself electricity, and I said: Are you electricity? She says: No. I'm lightning. I'm as strong as lightning.
[23:51]We have because. we have a very bad power outage. So, she doesn't want me to call her electricity. So, she says: I am very strong. I'm Panda. I'm lightning. She came to me, and the first time I hugged her she said: You are just like me, Because two people we are so imperfect. So, how beautiful these imperfections are that because of these imperfections you can connect with people then why are we all running after being perfect? What's the point?
[36:52]We were talking about gratitude. Why I smile all the time? I cry all night when nobody sees me because I'm a human, and I have to keep the balance. And I smile all day because I know that if I will smile I can make people smile. That keeps me going.
[37:16]Be grateful for what you have, and you will always, always end up having more. But if you'll cry, and if you'll crip for the little things that you don't have or the things that you have lost. You will never ever have enough. Sometimes, we are too busy thinking about the things that we don't have that we forget to cherish the blessings that we have. I'm not saying that I'm not healthy and that makes me unlucky, but yes, it is hard. It is hard when I say that I cannot walk. It is hard to say when I wear this bag. It hurts, but I have to keep going because never giving up is the way to live. Always.
[38:05]So, I'll end my talk in a very short note. Live your life fully. Accept yourself the way you are. Be kind to yourself. I'll repeat. Be kind to yourself. And only then you can be kind to others. Love yourself and spread that love. Life will be hard. There will be turmoils. There will be trials, but that will only make you stronger. Never give up. The real happiness doesn't lie in money or success or fame. I have this all I never wanted this. Real happiness lies in gratitude. So, be grateful. Be alive. And live every moment. Thank you so much, everyone. Thank you.
