10 Simple Habits That Make You More Attractive (According to Psychology)

[0:00]I've been watching a lot of old Priyanka Chopra interviews lately. Hi, I'm Priyanka. My height is 5'6 and three quarters. And I am so fascinated by her presence. By her ability to just pull you in to make you feel like you are the most important person in the room when she's talking to you. And what is wild is that it has nothing to do with the fact that she's beautiful. It has nothing to do with her having a massive PR team or a carefully managed public image. It is something else entirely. It is the way she speaks with this quiet certainty, no filler, no hedging, no performing. It is the way she listens, the way she holds herself, the way she seems completely unbothered by the need to impress anyone, which of course makes everyone want to impress her. Today, Priyanka Chopra is one of the most well-spoken, captivating, short shot women in the world. And I genuinely believe that she understands social magnetism on a level that most people, even most celebrities, just don't. She has cracked something. And the more I watch her, the more I can see exactly what it is. It is not a personality trait. Like I said, it's not beauty or a carefully managed PR image. It is a set of skills, specific, learnable, practical, measurable skills. And in this video, I am breaking down 10 of those skills. The ones that make certain people impossible to ignore. Skill number eight is my personal favorite, but let's start right now with skill number one, be a walking contradiction. If you observe magnetic people, people who are impossible to ignore, you will often find that you cannot neatly fit them into one category or one box. Think about what your friends say about you. Maybe you are the shy one in the group, maybe you are an introvert, maybe you are somebody who's great at boxing. So whenever people talk about you, these are the traits that usually come up first. But imagine if one day you did something that completely contradicted that image. Maybe as the shy person, you suddenly gave a very powerful speech, or as the athlete who's known for boxing, you also turned out to be an incredible artist. That moment will make people pause. It will make them pay more attention to you because suddenly, the version of you they had in their head does not fully explain who you are anymore. If you look at the most socially magnetic people, you will find this exact pattern. They are full of contradictions. Take Priyanka Chopra for example. Most people know her as a film star, but she's also a tech investor, a UNICEF ambassador, a best-selling author, a restaurant owner, and somebody who married a younger American pop star and build a career in two different industries across two different continents. And when you watch her speak, she adapts to the room that she's in. In one interview, she's playful and nonchalant in another. She is delivering serious talk about women's rights or global issues. Sometimes she comes across as deeply thoughtful and reflective, other times she is loud and funny and completely unfiltered. As a result, she does not neatly fit into one box, and that is exactly what makes people like her interesting. Our brains are constantly trying to categorize people. So we can understand them quickly, we can figure out which category to put them in. But when somebody behaves in ways that don't fully match the category that we've assigned to them, it creates a sense of curiosity in us. Psychologists call this a schema violation, which happens when somebody breaks the mental pattern that our brain has created for them. And when that happens, our attention spikes. We start paying closer attention because we are trying to figure out this person. That is why people who are most memorable socially are rarely one dimensional. Someone who is only serious becomes predictable, but someone who is only funny also becomes predictable. But someone who has layers, who keeps people curious is mysterious. Zendaya is one of the most visible celebrities in the world, yet she's famously private about her relationship with Tom Holland. Taylor Swift writes some of the most emotionally vulnerable songs about her life, yet she's incredibly strategic and calculated when it comes to her career and public image. Eileen Gu is an Olympic gold medalist who also studies at Stanford and works as a high fashion model. And Alyssa Liu literally gave up on skating as a teenager to prioritize her happiness and then came back as an adult to win the Olympic gold. The world cannot stop talking about her. These contradictions make these people so much more intriguing because our brains are constantly trying to figure them out. And curiosity is one of the strongest drivers of attention. People who are impossible to ignore are not the most perfect, they are simply the hardest to categorize. Coming to skill number two, stop competing for airtime. One of the fastest ways to become invisible in a conversation in a group setting is to compete for a spot at the table. And once you start noticing it, you realize how often people do this, how many people actually do this. Somebody in a group begins telling a story. And before they've even reached the point, another person jumps in with their version for a better story. Somebody shares an opinion and immediately somebody else interrupts them to correct them or add their own take. In group conversations, especially it can feel like everybody is subtly fighting for the microphone, trying to prove that they are the funniest or the smartest or the most interesting person in the room. Instinctively, when someone does this too aggressively, it backfires. A great example of this is Rani Mukerjee's behavior on the actresses roundtable hosted by Rajiv Masand. It came out a couple of years ago, if I'm not wrong. During the discussion, Rani made a comment about how women should learn martial arts to deal with harassment or assault. And the statement immediately drew pushback from other actresses who were trying to steer the conversation towards systemic issues and towards accountability. But instead of stepping back and allowing the discussion to evolve, Rani just kept trying to reinsert her point into the conversation. She talked over other people, she repeated her stance and she pushed to regain the floor. And what happened next was very fascinating from a social dynamics perspective. The conversation stopped being about the issue itself and started becoming about her, about this actress who's made a controversial statement. The internet quickly clipped that moment and what could have been a small disagreement basically turned into a massive online backlash. People felt like she wasn't listening, that she was trying to dominate the discussion instead of engaging with it. And of course, she was just making a wrong point. Now, contrast that with this actress roundtable. It has the likes of Jennifer Aniston, Sophia Vergara, Nicole Kidman, Anna Sawai, and a lot more these ladies. All gave each other the space to speak and listen very, very carefully. It was a true conversation where people were not fighting for airtime. In fact, they were all giving each other enough space to communicate, and that gives this conversation so much more weight, so much more gravitas. There's a psychological reason for this. In group dynamics, the people who constantly interrupt or compete for airtime can start to feel socially exhausting. But the person who listens carefully and then speaks deliberately creates a different kind of presence. Psychologists call this conversational turn-taking, the natural rhythm that allows discussions to flow smoothly. So when somebody repeatedly breaks that rhythm, it often signals insecurity. But when somebody comfortably waits their turn and then adds something thoughtful, they signal confidence. And confidence draws attention. That is why people who are impossible to ignore are rarely the ones who talk the most. They're the ones who speak at the right moments. They let others finish their thoughts. They don't rush themselves into every story or every joke. And when they do finally speak, the room naturally leans in because everyone else has been doing the talking, and now people are curious to hear what they have to say. Number three, ask better questions. Another subtle thing that you'll notice about people who are socially magnetic is that they're not always the ones telling the most interesting stories. Very often, they're the ones asking the most interesting questions. Most conversations, unfortunately, run on autopilot. And you've probably noticed this yourself. You meet somebody new and within the first five minutes, the same predictable questions start appearing. What do you do? Where are you from? How long have you been doing this? And while there's nothing wrong with these questions, particularly, they rarely lead to memorable conversations. They keep the interaction polite, but they don't really make anybody lean in. But every now and then, you meet somebody who asks something slightly different, something that makes you pause for a second before answering. You can actually see this dynamic play out really well in long-form podcast conversations today. Watch interviews by people like Lex Friedman or Alex Cooper. They have some of the most high profile guests in the world. But what makes those conversations interesting is that they rarely ask the obvious questions. Why do you think so many people dislike you, some even hate you, and how do you regain their trust and support? And as a result, suddenly the conversation is deeper, more meaningful, something that you wouldn't expect from a podcast. The same principle applies in everyday life because when you ask better questions, two important things happen psychologically. First, you signal genuine curiosity about the other person. And curiosity is one of the fastest ways to build connection. But second, and this is the surprising part, you also become more interesting yourself to the other person. There's a concept in psychology sometimes referred to as the Ben Franklin Effect, which suggests that people tend to like those who invite their input or perspective. So when somebody feels heard or understood in a conversation, their brain begins to associate that positive feeling with a person who created that space. So the person asking thoughtful questions often ends up being remembered as the most engaging person in the room, even though they might have spoken less than everybody else. That is why socially magnetic people do not try to impress others by talking more. They impress people by being curious about those people. Instead of defaulting to predictable questions, they ask things that reveal something real about the person that they're speaking to. So when somebody leaves from a conversation like this, they feel like they were genuinely heard. They almost always remember the person who made that happen. Coming to skill number four, take up space. One of the quietest but most powerful signals of social magnetism is the ability to take up space. And I don't mean this in a loud attention seeking way like Ranveer Singh does. In fact, the people who take up space socially are often not the loudest people in the room. What they do instead is a lot subtler. They behave like they belong at the table. Think about the difference between two people entering a room. One person walks in, they're slightly hunched, they keep their arms closed to their body. They laugh nervously, and they speak in a slightly apologetic tone. The other person walks in, they stand calmly, they look upright, they look people in the eye, and they speak at a steady pace. None of them have said anything extraordinary, but already the room is reacting to them differently. Because the way we occupy physical and conversational space sends powerful signals about how we see ourselves. And oh my God, Eileen Gu's recent response to an interview question clearly meant to undermine her, shows this so perfectly. Watch it for yourself. Also, do you see these as two silvers gained or two goals lost? I'm the most decorated free skier, female free skier in history. I think that's an answer in and of itself. How do I say this? Winning a medal at the Olympics is a life-changing experience for every athlete. Doing it five times is exponentially harder because every medal is equally hard for me, but everybody else's expectations rise, right? And so the two medals lost situation, to be quite frank with you, I think is kind of a ridiculous perspective to take. I'm showcasing my best skiing, I'm doing things that quite literally have never been done before, and so I think that is more than good enough. But thank you. If you're going to look back at the answer, she's not humble. She's not afraid of talking about her wins. And on a public platform that is often considered blasphemous, right? For women to do especially. And in doing that, she's not just taking up space, but she's claiming the space as her own. She is so comfortable being the center of attention and instinctively perceived as confident and authoritative. And the fascinating part is that people rarely question this signal. When somebody behaves as if they deserve a space in the room, others unconsciously begin to accept that assumption. That is why socially magnetic people rarely try to shrink themselves to make others comfortable. They don't rush their sentences, they don't physically collapse into themselves, and they don't act as if their presence needs justification. They simply take up the space they occupy physically, verbally, and socially. And in doing so, people naturally start to treat them as somebody who's worth paying attention to. Number five, don't dilute your opinions. Now, another thing you'll notice about people who are impossible to ignore is that they don't dilute their opinions. Most of us do this constantly without even realizing it. We say things like, "I might be wrong, but oh, this will probably be a stupid idea." "Sorry if this sounds harsh." Before we even said the actual point, it's almost as if we are trying to soften the impact of our own thoughts before anyone else can react to them. And the reason we do this is simple. We are trying to avoid conflict. We are trying to make sure that nobody feels uncomfortable. But the unintended consequence of this is that we end up signaling something else entirely. We signal that we are not fully confident in what we are saying, and people pick up on that immediately. You can basically see the opposite of this in the way that Alyssa Liu, who is another Olympic winner, speaks about her life and her career. When she stepped away from competitive skating at a very young age, it shocked a lot of people. But now when you see her speaking about her interest in the sport, her upbringing, everything else, she is very clear. She's very direct. She doesn't try to make things palatable for other people, and I felt like all of this training I no longer wanted to do it anymore. And so I kind of just fell out of love with it. During that time, I got to know myself a lot more. Know what I, I like to do, um, kind of what my passion in life is, like what my calling is. So I kind of realized that I loved all those things. And then when I stepped back out on the ice, I was like, I can apply all of my interests into this. And I never thought of figure skating in that way before. Um, so I guess my framework, um, my perspective changed. This is the kind of clarity that is incredibly powerful in conversations because when somebody states an opinion calmly and without apology, people instinctively take it more seriously. People who communicate with clear direct statements are often perceived as more competent, more trustworthy, and that is very, very important if you want to come across as socially magnetic. The psychological concept behind this is called the Pratfall Effect, and it works like this. People who are competent and willing to take real specific, sometimes inconvenient positions are rated as significantly more likable and more memorable than people who continue to play it safe. Friction and the right kind of friction creates recall. And in group dynamics, the person who says the thing that everybody else was only thinking about becomes the reference point of that friction. He or she is the person that the conversation then orbits around, and that makes you socially magnetic. Coming to number six, stop over-explaining yourself. Think about the last time you had to cancel a plan. Did you say, I can't make it, or did you send a long paragraph or make a phone call and apologize for not being there? I'm sorry, I would have genuinely loved to come, but I have this thing with my family and work has been really full and I really do wish I could be there. Please don't feel bad. Every word you say after I can't make it is doing the same thing. It's asking for permission. It's saying that I need you to approve of my decision before I can feel okay about it. And the people around you feel that signal, even when they can't name it. And it subtly but consistently changes how much weight they give to what you say. Research on how status shows up in language is very, very consistent. High status speakers use fewer words, shorter sentences, and fewer justifications. Definitely no apologies attached to the decisions that they're making. It's not that they're being rude, it's that they're speaking from a position where their choices don't require anybody else's sign-off. And there is a specific version of this that affects women more than anybody else. Studies show that hedging language where you're explaining your decision making. I think, I feel, I like, sort of directly lowers how competent and authoritative you are perceived to be. Even when the content of what you're saying is identical to somebody who does not use hedging language. We add these words to seem less threatening, but they make us seem less credible. I want you to watch Priyanka Chopra in interviews when she talks about her career, her decisions moving to Hollywood, the choices that she made, the things that she said no to. She doesn't overexplain, she doesn't justify, she just states. I wanted to tell stories on a global stage. So I did. That economy of language, that refusal to seek approval through words is itself a form of authority. And you and I can feel it even through a camera. And that is what social magnetism is all about. Number seven, speak without filler words. I'm sure you've seen a lot of this trend going on on Instagram, on YouTube. where people are doing this experiment of speaking without filler words for a minute for 30 days straight, and that is such a great experiment. I would highly recommend that you try it out. The reason is that when you speak with filler words, you think that you said something. You think that you've made a point, but most people haven't actually understood it. They've not actually heard you. Just listen to any voice note somebody has sent you in the last 48 hours and you will know what I'm talking about. Filler words like, um, uh, huh, basically, you sort of, you know, literally, actually, all of this is considered verbal static. They are what your mouth does while your brain is still loading the next thought. And everybody uses them sometimes. But when they start to dominate how somebody speaks, a very specific thing happens to the listener. So let's say you are sending me a voice note. I'm the listener and you've used a lot of filler words. I start to trust you less. I start to trust the content of your message less. And in fact, I don't even have the patience to listen to the whole thing, and I'm not doing this consciously, but my brain is picking up a signal. And the signal is that this person is not sure of what they are saying. Research on speech fluency and credibility consistently finds that speakers who use fewer filler words are rated as more confident, more intelligent, more persuasive. Even when the actual content of what they're saying is identical to somebody who uses more filler words. When you're communicating, you have to remember that it's not just about the content of the idea that you're communicating. It's just as much about how your idea lands, how the other person ends up perceiving your idea because of how you communicated it. Clean speech sounds like somebody who knows what they're talking about before they've opened their mouth. It signals conviction. But when you're unclear, when you use a lot of filler words, you lose credibility. Now, the fix is not to speak faster to paper over the gaps. It is the opposite. Learn to get comfortable with silence. Mid-sentence, a one second or a two second pause is almost always more powerful than doing, um, that yeah. It makes you sound considered, not hesitant. Again, I'm going to refer back to Priyanka Chopra here. If you watch her in long form interviews, she's deliberate, she's unhurried, there is no verbal scrambling. Each word is placed, nothing is accidental, and it is a significant part of why she comes across as so composed, even when she's talking about difficult or complicated topics. Coming to number eight, stop laughing when you are nervous. And I know that you do this, I have done this. It will sting a little because most of us do it constantly without even realizing it. You see something in a meeting, you're not sure how it landed, so you laugh. You make a point on a date, and you can feel the tension in the air, so you laugh. Somebody makes a slightly sharp comment at dinner, but instead of responding, you laugh and say, haha, anyway. And then you move on. It might feel like you're keeping things light when you're doing this. It might feel that you're being social and easy and warm, but what it is actually communicating to the room is that, I'm not sure I should have said that, please don't be upset with me. Nervous laughter is a submission signal. It's your body's way of softening your own words before anybody else gets the chance to challenge them. Which means that you are the first person to undercut yourself, and people around you pick up on that even subconsciously. So over time, it trains them to take what you see a little less seriously because you are doing it first. The resource on this comes from studies on emotional non-reactivity and social status. The consistent finding is that the person who reacts the least to social pressure, who does not rush to fill in uncomfortable air, who does not perform ease when something is actually tense, is read as the highest status person in the room. Composure under mild discomfort is one of the most powerful signals that exists in social settings. It says that I can hold this moment without needing to resolve it immediately. Zendaya, I think, does it really, really well. So does Priyanka Chopra. Whenever these guys are posed with questions that are designed to catch them off guard or make them uncomfortable, they don't just laugh it off. They don't rush, they don't pause. They hold the moment and then answer at their own pace. That composure is an answer in and of itself before they even say a word. And that is extremely powerful. Coming to point number nine, learn to disagree without making it a fight. Now most of us have exactly two modes when it comes to disagreement mode. Mode one is to swallow it completely, say nothing, smile and agree with something we don't actually believe in. And mode two is to push back with a little too much heat, which then tips into an argument and suddenly the whole dynamic of the interaction has changed. What the most socially magnetic people do is live in the space between those two mode. They live in the gray area. They're not afraid of disagreement, but when they disagree, they do it clearly, directly, without aggression and without backing down. It is one of the most striking things to witness, to watch someone do well because it is genuinely rare. Again, think about how Priyanka Chopra handles questions that she disagrees with in interviews, particularly around her career choices, around feminism. She never gets visibly defensive. She does not dismiss the question. She acknowledges the framing and then redirects to her own view, cleanly without drama. You walk away knowing exactly where she stands and somehow liking her more for it. And the formula for this is simpler than it sounds. Acknowledge first and then you redirect. That is an interesting way to look at things, but I see it differently. Or I hear what you're saying, and I think there's something else going on here too. You're not caving here. You're not capital eating to keep the peace, but you are also not making it a confrontation. You're staying in the conversation on your own terms, without raising the temperature. The psychology behind why this works is that validating somebody else's perspective first, even briefly, lowers their defensiveness before you introduce an alternative. They feel heard, so they're more open. And the person who can do that, a person who can hold a different point of view without needing the other person to feel wrong, comes across as incredibly self-assured. Because let's be honest, confidence that needs to fight for itself isn't really confidence. Confidence that can state its position, calmly, and least space for the other person to disagree, is the real deal. And skill number 10, know when and how to end a conversation. This is something very few people talk about, but it might be one of the most underrated social skills there is. Most people don't know how to exit a conversation gracefully or when to exit a conversation gracefully. So they will either let things go on for too long past the natural high point until the energy slowly deflates and it ends in an awkward fade, or they get so relieved when there is finally a pause that they leave abruptly and the ending feels jarring. Either way, the last impression is weak, and last impressions matter more than most people realize. There's a cognitive science concept called the Peak-end Rule, developed by psychologist Daniel Kahneman. The finding is that people don't remember an experience based on the average of how it felt. They remember it based on the peak moment and how it ended. Everything in the middle is a blur, which means the last 60 to 90 seconds of a conversation carry disproportionately more weight in how somebody remembers you and your entire interaction. A great conversation with a bad ending gets remembered as mediocre. But a good conversation with a warm, intentional close gets remembered as great. And the people who are impossible to forget, who are impossible to ignore, are the ones who leave while the conversation is still good. Not when it is one down, not when the topic has run dry, but when it is still sparkling. They make their exit feel deliberate and warm. So something like, really love talking about this, but I need to go find this X person. So let's pick this up after. And then they actually leave. No hovering, no one more thing. They are gone and the person that they were talking to is left wanting more. That wanting more is the feeling that makes somebody look for you across the room at the next event. Think about it in dating terms, the date that ends while you're both still laughing, before over familiarity sets in, before either of you has run out of things to say, that's the one that gets a second date. The same principle applies everywhere. Scarcity of your time and presence is a signal. It says that being here with you was a choice that I consciously made. I put in the effort in this conversation and now I have to go. So if you want this to continue, you will have to make a choice. So there you go. 10 skills that make you instantly more magnetic. If you start following even five of these by today, you will be a completely different person in the next 90 days. So what were those 10 skills? One, be a walking contradiction, two, stop competing for airtime, three, ask better questions, four, take up the space you're actually entitled to. Five, don't dilute your opinions, six, stop over-explaining yourself, seven, speak without filler words, eight, stop laughing when you're nervous, nine, learn to disagree without making it a fight, and then, know when and how to leave a conversation. None of this is about becoming a different person. It is about showing up as your fullest, most present, most socially magnetic version. And then, of course, stopping the habits that have been quietly making you smaller. You have to remember that the people who've watched your whole life, people who you have thought of as magnetic, they were not born with a magnetic quality. They learned these skills, whether it was automatic, whether it was through upbringing, whether they were made to learn it through their PR teams. They have spent time learning and honing these skill, and that is why you see them as the people that they are. So if this video helped you out, share it with someone who may need it and let me know in the comments, which skill are you most inclined to start this week? Make sure you go check out these videos next on how to be even more socially attractive, and I'm going to see you guys very, very soon in another one. Bye!