[0:11]Let me take you back to February 14th, 2016. Valentine's Day. A group of young men that I mentor and I were out on the town spreading kindness, one drive-through at a time. And every year we would rent tuxedos and a limousine and we'd pass out cards and chocolates and roses to ladies who are working at fast food restaurants on Valentine's Day. Their acts of kindness landed them on the front page of the biggest newspaper in Oklahoma. And Big Brothers, if you have a chance to be on the front page, always and without exception, throw the bunny ears on your younger brother. These guys are hilarious, but I want to give you a little background. I met these guys when they were eight years old, they're now 18 years old, and I met them when I was working in schools in Northeast Oklahoma City, known as the Eastside. And a decade ago I moved to the East Side to be closer to families and students and just kind of be in the mix. And these guys quickly became like nephews to me. The East Side is predominantly black, predominantly low-income, and when the news shows a group of young black men, there's typically a mugshot that follows. But on Valentine's Day, when the news shows a group of young black men, they're wearing tuxedos. And let me tell you about tuxedos. When you wear a tuxedo, you feel like a million bucks. The way you walk changes, the way you dance changes, the things you talk about change. And so in the back of that limousine, we talk about business and fake business deals and making money, right? And so these guys knew what I did for work. They knew I had a good job, they knew I made good money. I explained to them that there's jobs that have benefits that you can actually get paid to take time off, PTO. And I explained to them about stocks, they could be part owners in companies. And they knew I took a plane to go to different cities and get paid to travel. In the back of that limousine that night, Damarion asked me a question I'll never forget. He said, Tito, that's that's my nickname, Tito. He said, I want one of the good jobs when I get older. How do people get the good jobs? And I froze. Luckily, Burger King saved me. We pulled up to our next spot, the guys grabbed their roses, their chocolates, and we hopped out and by the time we got back, conversation had changed. We went to a few more restaurants, dropped them off and I was sitting in the back of a limousine dressed in a tuxedo all by myself, not thinking about how incredibly single I was on Valentine's Day, which is true. I was thinking about the American dream. Because what Damarion asked me in the back of that limousine was, what are the keys to success in America? Like, how do I make good money for my family and achieve these dreams that you know about? Without really knowing, he was asking what social scientists call social mobility. The ability to move up the socio-economic ladder or do better than what your parents do. And so that night, in that limousine, Damarion's question became my question. How do people get the good jobs? Like how'd you get to where you're at? And so I started doing research, and I interviewed people who fall into the top 20% of income earners in America. And I'm not talking the Uber, Uber wealthy, the top 1%, I'm talking about bankers, engineers, mid-level managers in corporate America, people with good jobs. And so I want to show you a series of uh three interviews and I want you to see if you can find kind of the common thread that goes throughout all of these, okay? One of my first interviews that I did was with Stacy. She said that she was a school teacher and then worked hard and got a job in corporate America. I interviewed Rebecca, and she said that she worked hard to get through college and then got an internship, which turned into a full-time job at this PR firm. And then I interviewed Trevor, and he said that he quit his job and then worked hard to start his own business. So what is the kind of common thread that you see here? Hard work. That is definitely a key to success in America, but that's not the most interesting or fascinating thing that I found. There was something else that was kind of hidden in plain sight, it was there, but you kind of had to do a little digging and it was the keys to success were hidden behind one phrase. This one phrase that showed up in every single one of my interviews. And then. So let me take you back in case you missed it. Stacy said that she was a school teacher and then worked hard and got a job in corporate America, but what she didn't initially say until we started digging, was that one of her former student's parents worked at that company and got her that job. What about Rebecca? Rebecca worked hard and graduated from college and got this internship, but what she didn't initially say was that her college boyfriend, his dad was a GM at that PR firm and helped her get that job. What about Trevor? Trevor built this successful business, but what he didn't initially say was that his in-laws own some rental property and let him and his wife live for 10 months for free while they grew the business. I call these and then moments. And then moments are people who unlock resources, knowledge, and opportunity for you to do what you want to do. And so I had a chance to interview my superhero on his and then moments before he passed away, my grandpa. So I drove to Illinois, we sat on the back porch, we had the same conversation that we always had, I heard his story a hundred times, but I'm now officially interviewing him. And so he started off and he said, Tay, that's that's my other nickname. He said, Tay, I grew up poor in Fort Wayne, Indiana. I went to elementary school and then I started a paper route, and then I worked at this grocery store, and then I got a good job at the Tokheim gas pump factory. And I got paid enough that they I could actually afford to go to college and not have to work during the semester. I said, okay, grandpa, let's go back. Like, how did you get your first bike to start your paper route? And he said, well, now that I think about it, my uncle gave me my first bike. Okay, okay. Well, how'd you get a job at the grocery store? He was like, that was nothing, it was a neighborhood grocery store, the owner was lived in the neighborhood, he just hired us kids and we put coupons on the door. Okay, well, tell me about the good job. How'd you get that? Did you apply? You have a resume, what? He said, nope, the next door neighbor was the hiring manager. And we didn't have enough money for me to have a car, so I'd actually ride with him to and from work. I said, okay, so I did a little bit more research, and I found the 1940 census. And I found the name of my grandpa's next door neighbor, Ray Simmons. Ray Simmons. I'd never heard this man's name in my life, and he was an end-then moment for my grandpa. I don't think he intentionally left this out. I think it's the way that we tell our stories in America that we leave out these crucial details. Ray Simmons was an and then moment for my grandpa. And I realized that through relationships, relationships unlock opportunity. And so I'm thinking back to Damarion and the limousine and his great-grandfather, and I'm like, no matter how hard he worked if he lived in Fort Wayne, Indiana, he's not getting this job.
[7:58]He can't live in the same neighborhood.
[8:03]My grandpa had opportunities that black and brown folks didn't have. My grandpa had a key to unlock an opportunity and that key's name, Ray Simmons. This is the idea I call locked opportunities that you don't have an opportunity unless you have a relationship and these keys are relationships. So I want to take you back to Rebecca's story. Remember her, she got the job at the PR firm, her boyfriend's dad, all that. Well, later on in that interview, she shared a story and said, I was out to lunch at an intern lunch. We're all ten of us were around the table and one of the girls next to me slipped up, and she said that her dad worked with Brandon and that's how she got a job. And then another one of the interns said, well, I worked with Catherine, and Catherine knew Doug and that's how I'm here. And they went around the table and all ten interns had a similar story. Relationships. A little bit farther into that interview, Rebecca said, I got a full-time job there and I didn't find out until I got there that no one gets a full-time offer unless they do an internship. That's a locked opportunity if you don't know somebody. One more story. I was interviewing an executive, their company does 100 million dollars plus in revenue, they have 70 to 80 employees, it's an amazing place to work. And I get done with the interview and I'm like, hey man, can I interview your employees on like how they got here? And he's like, sure, you can interview any of my employees, but I'll save you a lot of time. 100% of our employees who work here knew someone who worked here before they got a job here. That's a locked opportunity. Continue time and time again in my research, opportunity is unlocked through relationships. And here's the deal, in America, we all face locked doors. I face them, you face them, the person to your right faces them. And it's not really about locked doors, it's about how many keys you have to get through the doors. And the reality is in America, people are born with drastically different amounts of keys. And I found this out when I moved to the East Side, and I saw just how few keys kids had in their pocket. And it was jarring to see how many keys that I had in my pocket. Because I looked at Demarion, I said, I see myself in this in this kid. He's hardworking, he's fun loving, all these things, I just didn't see the access. I didn't see the connections he had to the good opportunities. Social scientists have a name for this. Economic connectedness, it's the relationships or friendships between the rich and the poor. And Raj Chetty, who is a social scientist, he's a Harvard economist came out with an amazing study that says the more rich people that poor people know the higher mobility. The better they do, the better we do when we're connected. But what's also a reality is that we live in a very segregated society still by class and by race. The people with the good jobs live around and work with people with the good jobs or another way to put is like people with lots of keys live around and work with people with lots of keys and people with few keys, they live and work with people with few keys. And so because our cities are relationally siloed, opportunities are siloed. We believe in America that we're playing like this opportunity is a zero-sum game. What does that mean? That means in order for me to win, you must lose. In order for you to win, I must lose. And so we walk around with this bowl of keys and every time I give out a key, I'm one key down. And if I give out too many of these keys, I might get to zero. But opportunity in America is actually the opposite. Opportunity is compounding. When you step into a new job and you have 50 new employees, 50 new keys. When you step into the country club, new keys. When your kid starts competitive cheer and you're sitting in the stands with other parents, new keys. And so when you give out these keys, you're actually getting more keys. And then moments are not a zero-sum game. And then moments are compounding. And so what do we do? What's our next step? Well, I was doing an executive training for a company, a big insurance company about and then moments. And I get closer to the end and I ask if anyone wants to share their and then moments. And it was like everyone was frozen in their seats. And I'm sitting there and one person has the courage to stand up and share their and then moments. And then another, and then another, and another, and another. We went from a ice cold, frozen room to a full-on and then moments avalanche. Like, I had to slow it down and stop it because we're running out of time and I wanted to give the CEO the last word. And he stood up and he said, as I've been reflecting on people who have unlocked opportunity for me, names that I like haven't thought about in a very, very long time. It's made me want to unlock opportunities for other people who need it. What happened in that room that day is someone had courage and the vulnerability to share their story, and that vulnerability fosters other vulnerability. People start sharing the more truthful parts of their story that we often leave out. So I want to be the first one to start this and then moments avalanche. My name is Taylor Doe. I grew up in Bartlesville, Oklahoma. And then I went to the University of Oklahoma, and then I got a good job at Sandridge Energy, and then I started a tech company with my brother. But what I didn't tell you, and I need to tell you is that my parents could afford for me to go to college. And I had a roommate and his name was Daniel, and Daniel's mom was senior vice president at guess where? Sandridge Energy. And I got this great internship, which turned into a great job that allowed me to be on the East Side and work with kids and all that, and then, and then, and then. Because I've been given so generously, I want to give generously. And so let me leave you with a twofold challenge. First one, be generous with your keys. Be generous with your keys to people who've historically been left out. And the second, be generous with your story. Be generous with your full story, your and then moments. Let your kids know the names of the people who helped you get to where you're at. When you're at the bar and talking about success, name people who helped you get there. Because when we are more vulnerable with each other, we collectively in humility can create a more truthful narrative in America. And then moments have the power to change companies and organizations and cities. And I want to leave you with this, more people will thrive because of your generosity in storytelling and in the doors that you unlock.
