How To Speak Like The Richest 1%

[0:00]When you speak, you are being judged. So if you want to be respected, you need to be in complete control of this, and this, and this. So today, I'm going to show you real proof from business leaders, experts, celebrities, and myself after running a portfolio of dozens of businesses to command respect and attention. Because if you can't take control of any room when you walk in, how can you expect to take control of your income, your opportunities, and your future? By the way, if you don't know me, I'm Codie Sanchez, and I run a nine-figure holding company called Contrarian Thinking. Let's get you in the CEO seat. Focusing on words. You know what separates people who command respect from those who don't? It's not their title, their bank account, or even their expertise. It's actually how they speak. And I'm not talking about having a fancy vocabulary or perfect grammar. I'm talking about simple shifts in how you use your voice that will make people lean in, listen up, and take you seriously. Let me show you this clip from Jordan Peterson so we can steal his homework. Let's say you've got a kid and you want the kid to improve. You don't set them a bar that's so high that it's impossible for them to attain it. You take a look at the kid and you think, okay, this kid's got this range of skill. Here's a challenge we can throw at him or her, that exceeds their current level of skill but gives them a reasonable probability of success. Do you notice a few things about it? His pace he's speaking at. He doesn't rush his words like he's apologizing. He speaks deliberately, like every word matters. In short, he slows way down. When we're defending an unpopular opinion, like he often does, or if we're trying to prove our worth, most of us speed up like we're afraid someone's going to cut us off. But here's the thing. Rushing makes you sound anxious, not authoritative. When you slow down, you give yourself space to think, which means fewer umms and more confidence. A perfect place to slow down is in meetings. I remember explicitly the first time I had a big chance to talk to the CEOs at a company called Vanguard back in the day. I was probably 21 years old. When they said, you have any questions, my hand shot up so fast. The problem is, I really didn't think very much about what I was going to say yet. So probably my series of questions came out like, well, you know, I've been thinking a lot about what we should do here at the company, and what I've realized is that there's a lot going on. And then I think what's happening is, I probably said nothing, really quickly for the first 30 seconds. As opposed to my friend Jordan, who is smooth as butter that guy, and he was so perfect. I remember him taking down notes while I was yapping on, and he looked at me, because he's the nicest guy in the world, and was like, those are great points. Then proceeded to make actual great points. He said, you know, I was listening to what you said. Two things stood out to me. The first being, we were never taught how to be leaders in school. We were taught how to do, not how to lead. So I really appreciate that part of this company. My second point would be, I would love to do more meetings like this. Just hearing the way that you communicate as the CEO makes me communicate differently as a leader. Shut up, Jordan. So it's not just you. Lots of us are talking fast and not thinking too much. Be Jordan, not Cody 20 years ago. It also helps when you assume people want to know what you have to say. This is a mindset shift that changes everything. When you assume your audience is bored or disinterested, you become nervous. You start over-explaining. But when you assume they care about your message, you relax. You speak with purpose, instead of apology. Jordan's a master of this. He treats every statement like it's valuable information his audience needs to hear, not like he's asking permission to speak. So, if you want to make yourself articulate, which is a very good idea, then not only should you read, but you should write down what you think. If you're going to speak effectively, you have to know way more than you're talking about. Think about what he just said to you. He said, if you want to be smarter, you should not only read, but write. That's literally, that's what he said. But the way that he said it made you pause and think that maybe there was something more there. And notice how else Jordan talks. He changes his pitch strategically throughout his delivery. Most people speak in a boring, monotone way, which makes even the most important ideas sound forgettable. Jordan does the opposite. He raises his pitch to emphasize key points and lowers it to drive home conclusions, creating this rhythm that keeps you locked in, even if he's only talking about writing and reading. When you speak in a flat, unchanging tone, you're essentially telling your audience, "Nothing I'm saying matters." You're making it easy for them to tune out. Next, notice how clean Jordan speech is. You rarely hear him say um, uh, like, or you know. That's because he's mastered the art of tossing his fillers. Here's what clear speech sounds like. See, I think the biggest challenge I had in my generation was negotiating the years between 13 and 50. Something like that. But my sense is now the biggest challenge to young people is negotiating the transition into adulthood. into adulthood identity. And I think that's partly why we have this terrible war in our culture, what constitutes identity. You see, that's what clean speech sounds like. And here's what fumbling over your words sounds like. Um, and uh people, people said that you want to be able to make the you want to be able to make a car with those specifications. All right, I'm a huge Elon fan, but I think he's leveled up since then. Maybe he's even watching this video. Because those little verbal crutches sneak in when you're buying time to think. Elon can get away with it, he's a genius. You can't. Every filler word is you essentially saying, I'm not sure about this. But I'm talking about it anyway. Jordan replaces thinking time with strategic pauses, which actually makes him sound more thoughtful and in control, although it may take him longer than even it took Elon. So in this clip, watch how Jordan does it. I don't think there's any difference between free speech and thought. And it has to be free, because if it's not free, it's not thought. When you have a problem, you have to think, and if you have a problem, the thinking is going to be troublesome because you're going to think things that upset yourself and upset other people. Do you see how Jordan pauses instead of using filler words to plug the spaces in his speech? And if you listen to his voice itself, he's naturally tuned in to project authority. His pitch is deliberately lower, his volume is controlled. He varies his tone to emphasize key points. This is what we call tuning your voice, using it as an instrument to guide attention and create emphasis. Let me tell you how you can really mess up the tuning your voice and speaking too slow. Have you ever been in a meeting and you're like, dear God, for the love of all that's holy, please get the get it out. Get it out. Get whatever you're going to say out. I don't want you to slow down so much in meetings that you get in the way of people. Instead, I want you to think, and I want you to prep, and then I want you to speak. When you speak, I want you to think about an exclamation point at the end of almost every word. Not a loud exclamation point, but a definitive one. Sound something like this. I love the points that you just made, Becky. I actually feel the exact same way. See the exclamation, exclamation, exclamation. One small difference, using a number again, also showing that I have an area of expertise, she doesn't. One small difference. I believe our problem is sales, not LTV. See how punchy each line is? That little exclamation point will take you very far. These five shifts are respected multipliers. And here's why that matters for your bank account. Every raise you negotiate, every client you close, they're all judging how you speak before they decide whether to give you more money. Get your voice right and you'll literally talk your way into more money. But you could master every single one of these techniques and still get completely ignored if you're making critical mistakes with your body. So let's focus on that next. Listen to this quote from Kevin O'Leary on body language. I'm sitting right in front of them when they walk out on the carpet. When they step out, the floor director says, okay, stand right there. I do this thing where I just look at them and I watch their body language, and I can tell after about 90 seconds, winner, loser. Pretty crazy, isn't it? Your body language says so much, why your mouth says nothing at all. And on television, the body language in front of a shark, well that's going to command attention or not. That is what we call claiming your territory. Most people, especially when nervous, make themselves smaller. They kind of cross their legs, they hug their arms to their body, they lean away. But watch what the rock does as opposed to this other guy. How does it feel to sit across from him? It's very humbling. I was thinking that when we started the interview. No thank you. No. Really though. So the first guy we're going to show you sits like this. Foot sort of weirdly to the side, slouching a little bit, casual, spread legs, but still kind of looks diminutive, right? Now, let's look at the rock. Feet firmly planted on the ground, hands in front of him, chest out, stands up straight. He's claiming his space, because in his mind, he does own the building. Now, it's fascinating in this next clip I want to show you guys. I want you to see a move that will happen without you saying a thing, if you're not really thoughtful about what's on your face. managed with the idea of being very private in a very public job. Jamie, I'd go with you for that. I think it's incredibly easy. I don't I think you can court all that nonsense. You guys could probably guess that he didn't love that question regardless by the look on his face. It was so good, it's become an internet meme. You don't have to really say anything in order to be heard. There are so many things you can do that become power moves. Place your fingers together in front of your chest like Kevin did. That's called stepling, and it's one of the most powerful confident signals you can send. Now, if you raise your eyebrows, look to the left or right, that's saying, I'm not actually listening to you. Disrespect. Steepling works because it keeps your hands visible, so it signals honesty. It's the body language equivalent of saying, I'm confident enough to be still and to keep my hands right here where you can see them. But I want you to notice how people in power moves gesture when you're making important points. This is telling you, pay attention to me. This is saying, it's a very tiny opportunity. This is saying, huge, but I don't have to say anything. Vanessa Van Edwards, my friend, likes to call this the Truth Plane. When you're nervous, your hands gravitate towards your chest or neck. When you're confident, they settle lower. And if you pay attention to eye contact, it's not just direct. The rock was calculated. He holds it slightly longer than most people are comfortable with. This is a subtle power dynamic. He's not staring aggressively, he's demonstrated, he's completely present and unintimidated. Unconfident people break eye contact. They look too quickly, especially when delivering important information. But sustained eye contact, three to four seconds, before glancing away, that creates connection that helps you bond. These aren't just posture tips, they're power signals that change how people respond to you before you even speak. But knowing what not to do is just as important. So let me show you exactly what kills your credibility instantly. Let's flip the script and look at someone who, despite being one of the most successful entrepreneurs on the planet, shows you what not to do with your body language. on Facebook's social media, privacy and the use and dis and abuse of data, although not unpresidential. Notice how he's nodding awkwardly like a dashboard bobblehead on a bumpy road. That's not engagement. It's submission signaling. Excessive nodding makes you look like you're desperately seeking approval or agreement, even when you should be projecting authority. Real engagement means nodding only when you generally agree or when you want to encourage someone to continue. Now, watch his smile in this next clip. See how it looks like he was programmed, maybe by his own algorithm. Nice. What else is coming? Ah, I love Beat Saber. Lay it on us. I am excited. All right, thanks, Dave. This is gonna be amazing. I think it's time for my workout. But enough with the fun and games. Love the guy, but wow, this is awkward. Genuine smiles involve the eye. This is what we call the Duchenne smile, while forced smiles, they stop right here, right? His mechanical grin actually undermines his credibility because people instinctively recognize an authentic facial expression. A neutral, thoughtful expression, infinitely better than a fake smile. Another thing to be careful about, self-touching. These are gestures that make you feel calm, but they signal you're uncomfortable in your own skin. So every time you adjust your hair, you know, your collar, you mess around with a pen, you're essentially saying, I'm not very comfortable here. If you think you're alone, you're not. I have a member of my team who I love, she's very competent, but one of the other leaders in our business actually pointed something out to her. When she would communicate, she would be intensely listening, and automatically, her hands would kind of go to her face, right in front of her lips. This is a huge problem for two reasons. One, what the fuck are you talking about? I can't see what she's saying. She's got her fingers in front of her face. On a Zoom meeting, total nightmare. Second, is this is actually a trigger for lying. When you touch your face, there is a signal in our brain that tells us they're hiding something. Why? Because you're actually hiding your face, and it's almost like you don't trust the words that are coming out of your mouth. You might be the most trustworthy person on the planet, but if you're signaling you're not, think about it like, then people are probably going to believe you. Another thing some people like to do is called prop blocking. Essentially, it's creating a physical barrier between you and who you're speaking with. It makes you appear closed off, untrustworthy, so try not to do it. Instead, confident people don't keep their body closed or things in front of them. They don't hide behind objects or create barriers. They're open, accessible. If you have to have something in your hand, you keep it to the left, you keep it to the right, but you don't keep it in front. Now, notice Mark's posture during this video call. How unnaturally straight is this? I have to say, when you're building products to try to connect everyone in the world, um, connecting folks who are out in space, um, is about as extreme and cool as it gets. So it's, it's awesome to have the opportunity to Okay. Again, an incredible guy, but it looks like he's following a manual on like, how humans should sit. This posture makes him look uncomfortable and authentic, robotic. With real confidence, it's easy. You're alert but not rigid, present but not performing. The most damaging aspect of poor body language isn't that it makes you look bad, it's that it makes people question your authenticity. When your words say one thing, but your body says another, people trust what they see more than what they hear. So Mark's disconnect between his verbal confidence and his physical discomfort has caused the internet to call him a cyborg, which I don't know, maybe. And the irony is that his success proves that good ideas and execution can overcome poor presence. But imagine how much more influential he could be if his body language matched his brain. So, the way you move can kill your credibility. But if you just pay more attention to your body movements, you can command respect without saying anything. And when you do that, you make more money, have bigger opportunities, and better deals. Think about it, people don't invest in ideas. They invest in the person presenting them. So your body language either costing you money or making it. There's one more element that ties everything together. Your overall presence and how you show up authentically in any situation. So you've mastered your voice. You've fixed your body language. But there's still something missing. You can speak with perfect authority and stand with complete confidence, but if you're boring, people will still tune out. It doesn't matter. So the difference between someone who commands attention for 30 seconds and who gets it for 30 minutes, is that they've mastered the art of being genuinely interesting. You have to fight the lazy. Someone asks you what you've been up to, you should have an answer that makes them lean in, not check for their phone or see who else is behind them. A simple compliment can go a long way to getting someone to be more interested in you. People love to be complimented. And if you genuinely point out something that you like about them, I do this almost every time I meet somebody. Their style, their humor, nice bracelets, I like the hair, what are those earrings? This gives you an opportunity to continue the conversation. And if continuing the conversation is tough for you, practice, yes, and. This is a technique they use in improv school. Keeps conversations flowing, more open-minded, and fun. Basically, when someone shares an idea, acknowledge it or build on it. Don't shut it down, don't change the subject, don't jump to what you care about. You're going to turn the ordinary exchange into collaboration. So for example, stop. I've got a gun. The gun, the gun I gave you for our wedding anniversary, Eric. How could you? We're not married. Aha, we're not married, is a denial. We've learned our first improv lesson. This is actually a really good lesson for life, because think about it. What she's saying is follow along with me. Don't shut me down. If you can do that in an exchange, you can turn it into an adventure. If you want allies in your job and in your life, it's really good to be a yes-ander, not a no-thank-ser. We want to think about how to build on things, as opposed to tear somebody else's down. Now that is really hard to do when you know maybe that their idea is bad. You've already tried it, it's not going to work. Why would I listen to them? But instead, I want you to take a pause and think about, if I wasn't allowed to shut somebody down, do you think they would feel better not getting shut down or worse after getting shut down? Probably going to feel better if you don't shut them down. So try this in the beginning, especially when you're not in charge. This is a power move when you're not the CEO. And that is to go, yeah, that idea is super interesting. I like it. What if we also did, or what if we did this? Or have you thought about that? It allows you to take their stance, and you're going to add your spin to it. You even might actually be saying, no, this instead. But the way that you say things matters. Try that and tell me what works. Next, just have an opinion. Interesting people take thoughtful stances, sometimes contrarian ones. Doesn't always mean you have to be rude. You could say, I actually hate breakfast. I know people think it's the most important meal of the day. I think they're wrong. You could also say, ha, everybody today is talking about how there's a XYZ happening. I think it's a lie. What is a closely held belief that you have that would at least get somebody else to disagree with you or maybe agree with you? This allows you to have a disrespectful or respectful conversation, but at least a memorable one. Next, let's talk about the way you look. If you're going to be in a business meeting and you want to make more money, what should you probably do? I don't know, dress in business clothes, right? Actually, before I came in here, I was in my jean dress only. Because we're going to film something else, it's pretty chill after this. I was like, ah, we're going to talk about confidence and we're going to talk about presenting. I should probably put on a blazer. This isn't rocket science, it has nothing to do with your waistline. You could be nice and round, you could be really skinny, and either way, you can present yourself well. Let's also think about what presentation you might have that's abnormal. Let's say that you are a lumberjack. You're looking for lumberjack activities. Does it make a lot of sense for you to show up in a suit, clean shaven? No, it doesn't. So whatever you are trying to accomplish, sometimes it's just easier to look the part. And lastly, here's something most people never think about, mirroring. The most charismatic people unconsciously mirror the body language and speaking patterns of the people they're talking to. They match energy levels, speaking pace and even posture. Instant rapport creation, because people feel understood and connected. Perfect example, if I came into a room full of engineers, and I was like, hey guys, what's going on? I think we're going to do this. This is going to be so fun. You guys want to go get beers after work? It's going to be amazing. I'm having the best day ever. Go team, go. What are the engineers going to do? They're going to be like, this fucking psychopath. First of all, we're not talking to each other. Everybody's got their Oculus on. We've got our sweatshirts over our heads. Don't talk to me. We talk like this. Simultaneously, if I'm an engineer and I walk into a room full of sales people and I'm wearing said Oculus, I'm going to have a difficult time communicating with the meat-eating sales people. So, you want to mirror the person that you're talking to. Don't be a creep. Don't be Mark Zuckerberg, trying to perfectly pattern what a human is like. But instead, think about, huh, this person's a little soft spoken. So just calm down, Cody. Don't come so hard at them. This person's pretty intense, amazing. I might speak faster, louder, with my hands more. This instant connection makes them feel seen without you having to say anything. Super fast case study. So, back in the day, I was a rather confident little rascal. And I sat in on a business meeting at a very large financial firm where I was working. In that meeting, there was a series of leaders in there who were all very confident. And one of them has what I would only describe as BDE, you know, sort of that big dick energy in meetings. And as we're sitting around this big conference table, he's kind of like slouching, and like, really just he's taking up space. He's doing something like this. You know, kind of laying back, really think about it. Everybody's leaned into him. And I think, because I don't understand body language cues to hierarchy yet, I think that's why they're listening to him. Do you see how he's I'm going to do the exact same thing. So super embarrassing, little 22-year-old Cody walks into the next meeting to give a presentation to my managers. And as I'm presenting, I sit back and I'm like clicking through the slides like this. You know, talking like we're all buddies. I remember horrified. I thought I killed it, by the way. At the end of the meeting, I remember one of my bosses coming up to me, because corporate life, I had like 52 bosses, comes up to me and was like, literally what are you doing? And I was like, oh no, were the numbers wrong? She's like, no, why'd you do that weird thing where you leaned back and slouched everywhere? And I had to embarrassingly say, I heard this thing called mirroring, and I was doing it because somebody else was doing it. So be careful. There is a hierarchy to mirroring. Meaning, you can't come in and you know, do a huge manspread on somebody who's a way higher hierarchy than you. I want you to mirror but within your own frame. So now you have my tricks. You can try to apply to your day-to-day conversations and make more money. Let me show you exactly how this works in practice, and what good and bad looks like live. Now I'm going to take this altogether and teach you how to ask for a raise the right way and the wrong way. Let's start by going back 20 years ago to Cody before I ran all these companies, and show you how I would ask if I absolutely did not want to get a raise or make any money. Uh, hey, boss, do you just have a few minutes to talk about something that I've been thinking about recently? Oh, uh, okay, uh, great. Um, so I, um, have been working really hard at the company. I think you probably noticed, like other people have been talking about it and, um, I know that like we the company's been doing really well, and so, um, I think that I deserve a raise. And, uh, I deserve a raise because, um, I do work really hard, and, um, and so, anyway, other people in the industry get raises, um, and make more money than I do, and so I think that I should. Not going to make any money. Let me show you the right way to do it. Uh, first of all, ditch the props. It's okay if you have glasses. Ditch the blocker in front of you. The next thing you're going to do, instead of having a small position like this, you're going to be wide. Instead of having a constricted position, you're going to be open. Instead of having a closed leg position, you're going to stand steady on both feet. Your legs aren't going to be up here, they're not going to be by your throat. They're instead going to be right around the middle. You're going to knock on the door and make eye contact. Remember, three to four seconds. Hey, boss, do you have a few minutes? Slower. No umms. said the exact same thing. I wanted to talk to you, little pause. You're making sure that that person has your attention. You have their attention. They're making eye contact with you. They're going to look up and say, okay. I wanted to talk to you about my job here at this company. Over the last couple of months, I've worked incredibly hard. Hopefully you've noticed. You're very busy, so I understand if you haven't. What's good about this? I'm using you language, I'm pausing, I'm using inflection, I'm also using my hands to mimic the motion, but not moving too much. You may have noticed or you haven't. I know you're quite busy. I researched and found that my position is really a market rate of X. Right now, I'm being paid Y. Because of that, I'd like to make sure that we remedy that between the two. What are you doing now? Rational, you're showing left versus right. You're giving numbers to back it up. Numbers and statistics help your case immensely when you're trying to communicate authority. Then you're going to say, now I understand, you back up for a second because you're trying to make them not feel threatened. You put your hands out, like, hey, we're on the same page. We're trying to get to the same thing. And then you say, I understand that just because a market makes X, doesn't mean that I should be paid Y. So what I'd like to talk to you about is what I need to do to have my position be worth this to you. Is there something else that I can do today? At which point, you turn the raise conversation into an open negotiation. That is how you get a raise. Now, you might actually get a raise the other way. Your likelihood will be a lot less. And there will be disrespect by the way that you asked. So I hope if you use the second way, and you watch this video, you can comment on this video and tell me how much more money you actually got by asking your boss. Last little tip. Film yourself. Because I think what you're going to find is you might think you're projecting authority, and all of a sudden, you're the one sitting weirdly on your foot, leaning to the left or the right. You have something in front of you that is your prop block. You have umms and ahhs in your sentence. Instead, take a deep breath, re-film again, and until it's so cool, calm, and collected, you know, when you go into your boss's office, it won't be a problem. Commanding respect isn't about being the loudest person in the room, or having the most impressive title. It's about mastering the fundamentals of how you speak, how you act, and how you show up authentically in every conversation. But the way you carry yourself is just the beginning. The real game-changer is how you think. And if you want to learn how to think like the wealthy instead of just looking confident, I got you. Watch this next video.