[0:00]listen to me carefully because this is where most men lie to themselves. You think that women are not good. You think that women do not have the ability in them to be in a relationship.
[0:10]you think that you are bad at choosing a woman as well. You feel like she has just changed. But no, the truth is, you are attracting exactly what your identity is calibrated for.
[0:22]You are attracting exactly the kind of woman that you need in your life to mirror back to you the unhealed parts within you.
[0:30]Only two people in the same frequency always attract each other.
[0:34]So there is a reason that she came into your life. There is a reason that you drew her into your field because she had to expose a lot of things within you that made you feel not good enough, unlovable and not worthy of a good relationship at the end of the day.
[0:49]She brought out a lot of hidden things inside you, which you have to work upon.
[0:54]But unless you acknowledge these things, you are never going to be in a position tomorrow where you will have the bandwidth to attract that calm, safe, healthy relationship that is safe for your nervous system.
[1:05]And this is exactly what we are going to talk about in today's video.
[1:10]So if you're new here, I'm Vaishnavi and I'm a men's coach and I help men heal with their traumas, attachment issues and wounded masculinity in order for them to first develop a meaningful connection with themselves and also a woman as well.
[1:22]Now, if you want to get coached by me in order to learn how to regulate your nervous system, heal your childhood traumas, attachment patterns, your abandonment wound as well, and for you to become the highest version of yourself, you can fill out the form in the description box below and I'll go through your application and I will reach out to you.
[1:41]Apart from this, if you want to work on just developing your masculine energy and confidence and also healing your nice guy pattern, you will also find my courses in the description box as well.
[1:52]So without any further ado, let's get into the video and let's talk about what are the frameworks that you can use to actually build a high value relationship going forward in the future as well.
[2:05]The first thing I want to talk about is the mirror principle that is you do not attract what you want, but you attract what you need.
[2:13]And every relationship is nothing but a feedback to your own belief system, the world within yourself, your subconscious belief systems about yourself too.
[2:23]So if you attract a woman who is emotionally unavailable, that is because a part of you is emotionally unavailable towards yourself.
[2:31]If you attract a woman who disrespects you, that is because somewhere you do not respect yourself.
[2:38]So every relationship is nothing but a feedback to the present subconscious belief systems and the patterns that you hold within yourself.
[2:47]But it's easy for us to blame someone else, right? Instead of taking accountability, it's easy to put the blame on the entire agenda and generalize saying that all women are bad and women don't know how to be in relationships.
[3:00]And women always take advantage of you and you can never open up to a woman. And why is that happening? Because somewhere you don't want to look deeper.
[3:08]It's easy for us to escape our patterns rather than look within because looking within requires a deep amount of courage, vulnerability, and healing is not something that's for the weak.
[3:20]But here is the truth. Your standards is equivalent to your self worth. Your boundaries is equivalent to your internal identity and your tolerance is equal to the reality that you are willing to put up with.
[3:34]And this brings me to the story of one of my client.
[3:37]He used to always attract women who used to heavily invest into him in the beginning, but eventually they would fizzle out, the connection itself would like die down.
[3:47]And what is the main reason this happens? Because he is a man who abandons himself, he's gonna attract someone who is gonna abandon him.
[3:55]And how do you abandon yourself? By over investing in someone because you have that void within you, where you don't have your boundaries because your desire to be in a relationship and your desire to have someone in your life is way important than the self respect that you have for yourself.
[4:12]So in a way you are desperate for love, for affection, for care. You are hungry for that validation.
[4:18]And in this attempt you hold on tightly to what is present in front of you. Of course, this woman is going to lose attraction for my client as well, because he himself doesn't think he is worthy of getting that healthy relationship.
[4:31]And eventually this person mirrors back to you the exact areas that you truly need to work upon.
[4:38]And the truth is you don't attract a conscious high value relationship when you are just choosing someone in a good way.
[4:43]You attract such kind of relationship when your identity shifts into being a man who is not willing to tolerate misalignment in the connection and who is not going to betray himself and abandon himself.
[4:56]The second most important thing that you need to adopt to have a conscious high value relationship is that you need to have emotional self sufficiency.
[5:05]You need to stop making her responsible for your emotions. And most men get into a relationship because they want to feel loved, validated, secure through the presence of another woman in his life.
[5:17]But this is not love, this is dependency and this is attachment to that person because in a way it's not about her anymore.
[5:25]You are more addicted to how she actually makes you feel. And this is where the desire to be in a connection also comes from because you want to feel worthy, you want to feel good about yourself and you want to feel that you are enough the way you are.
[5:40]But this approach is the exact thing that makes you attract women who aren't good for you subconsciously.
[5:46]You will only get attracted to someone who is going to reinforce the belief system that you have about yourself.
[5:53]And the high value man, he does not outsource his emotional stability and sufficiency towards a woman. He can feel deeply without losing himself.
[6:02]He can understand what things are misaligned and he knows how to draw the boundary. He doesn't have the guilt or he doesn't have the feeling that he is a bad man for enforcing this boundary because he has that self respect.
[6:15]He is kind, he is respectable, but he also does not put up with bullshit from someone else too.
[6:21]And in a way he is not using someone else to fill that void inside him because he is secure within himself with or without anyone else.
[6:30]And this skill in you will only come when you develop that self love, when you develop that self worth using subconscious rewiring as well.
[6:38]And this is one of the main areas that I cover when it comes to working with my clients as well, using and giving them subconscious rewiring modalities to actually change their identity at a subconscious level because trust me, 95% of your mind and your daily actions is governed by your subconscious.
[6:56]But you alone can never find out what's in your subconscious because you can never know what is in it unless and until you are triggered.
[7:04]And that is where you are able to connect the dots, but you don't have to get triggered to change yourself.
[7:09]In fact, how I work with my clients is designing hypnotherapies for them specifically based on their childhood, the relationship they have with their parents and also their past relationship pattern.
[7:21]And targeting these areas, we are able to precisely shift his subconscious way of thinking with discipline and consistency of course, over a period of two to three months.
[7:31]We just don't talk about dating in our sessions. In fact, my focus is actually restructuring my client's internal world and subconscious identity so that he never ends up repeating his pattern ever and he actually thinks that he is a man worthy of attracting the most the safest conscious high value relationship in his life.
[7:52]The third thing that is essential for you to actually build a high conscious relationship is polarity in a connection.
[7:59]A conscious relationship is not a fifty 50 relationship where both confused people are trying to figure out what needs to be done, the masculine energy over here leads and the feminine energy responds.
[8:10]We can also say the masculine energy leads externally but the feminine energy leads internally.
[8:16]The feminine energy's biggest strength in a conscious relationship is her intuition is what her body feels, whereas the masculine energy's strength in the connection is the logical aspect and how grounded it is in the real world as well.
[8:29]Now, I'm not just talking about the energies between two people, but here I'm talking about the masculine and the feminine as well.
[8:36]And as a man, it's your responsibility to showcase leadership, but if you are a nice guy, you do not have that muscle to actually demonstrate leadership in a relationship because your world is you following her leadership.
[8:50]She is the one leading over here, but in these scenarios the woman easily loses the attraction that she has for you because as a man, you are demonstrating that you are not capable enough.
[9:02]You don't have the direction, you don't have a vision for both of your life, you are not leading your family in the direction that you want it to go towards.
[9:10]In fact, you also leave a lot of decisions into her plate and a woman eventually in a connection when she is the decision maker, gets burned out and this is just how every women are, even me for that matter of fact.
[9:24]I know so much about relationship and connection, but at the end of the day, if I am the decision maker in a connection, that's going to diffuse the polarity in my relationship as well.
[9:34]And a woman truly feels safe in a relationship with a man subconsciously as well when she knows, okay, he has it figured out when she knows he at least has a vision of where he is heading in his life, where she doesn't have to overthink, she doesn't have to strategize.
[9:51]And that responsibility is primarily something the man takes up in the connection.
[9:57]And I have so many clients who actually come back and tell me that when they took up the initiative to plan the dates, plan the outings, plan how the week looks like, the attraction and the connection increased so much that he felt so good about himself and she also felt taken care of at the end of the day.
[10:14]There is no better feeling for a man than actually feeling that his woman desires him and his woman truly appreciates his efforts.
[10:24]And the problem comes in when you're doing these things and the woman is actually not appreciating you.
[10:28]Because there is always a fine line when it comes to you giving out something because you are insecure within yourself versus you giving out something because that's the man you are and that comes from a place of internal abundance and security.
[10:42]The fourth thing that you need to actually build a conscious relationship is boundaries.
[10:48]That is the standard that sets the pace and the tone of the relationship. Your boundaries are what you're willing to tolerate and what you're not willing to tolerate.
[10:57]Boundaries are not meant to be broken. And the most important phase in a relationship where you have to be strict with your boundaries is early on.
[11:05]Unless and until you don't set the standard early on, you are not going to be able to reverse things way down the line. It's going to be so much more harder for you to actually reverse the damage that has already been done.
[11:17]The best thing is demonstrating and telling this person what are some things that you're willing to put up with, what are some things you're not willing to put up with.
[11:26]And when you tell someone what you're not willing to put up with, of course, this is actually going to threaten their sense of security as well.
[11:34]But that is okay. It's not that you are being mean or rude. You are respectfully and kindly communicating what you're willing to put up with and what you're not willing to put up with.
[11:44]And yes, most men have preferences when it comes to what kind of woman they want to attract, but they do not have boundaries.
[11:50]And trust me, preferences will eventually be ignored, but your boundaries are the very thing that's actually going to make your woman respect you more.
[11:58]And this will also increase the physical attraction and the polarity in the connection as well.
[12:03]And a boundary is not something where you actually say, hey, this is what I want in my connection or this is what I tolerate.
[12:11]Boundaries are actually meant to be framed as if this happens, I walk away. These are things I'm not willing to tolerate. Maybe one time you can give them a chance.
[12:21]But second time it becomes a pattern. Third time it's definitely a pattern.
[12:26]And I have seen so many of my clients tolerating disrespect, tolerating mixed signals, uncertainty.
[12:32]But the irony is you become a man that's magnetic and attractive when you start tolerating less, when you stop putting up with bullshit because you are not in a fear of losing this woman in front of you as well.
[12:45]And most men do not actually struggle with attracting someone. They struggle with holding the frame and they struggle with setting the tone and the pace once they attract someone.
[12:55]And this is where most of you guys actually do the mistakes and this is something that starts affecting the future of the relationship because the foundation in itself is not so strong.
[13:05]The last thing that's the most important in a connection is growth alignment, growth mindset between two people.
[13:13]If you are a man who's doing the work, if you are a man healing himself, if you are a man who truly has standards, you cannot be with someone who is not doing the work.
[13:24]You cannot be with someone who doesn't take care of herself emotionally, mentally, physically as well. Why? Because there is a clear sign of misalignment.
[13:32]Both people need to rise together because if one person goes ahead, the other person is going to feel left behind, or you are going to feel like, hey, this is not something that is aligning with the version of the man that you are becoming.
[13:45]One of the most important quality that you need to look for in a partner is a woman who is doing the inner work.
[13:52]She has accountability, she is capable of reflecting on her patterns. She has that deeper self awareness when it comes to her life, her preferences as well.
[14:03]And this is a woman who is emotionally intelligent. As a man, it's a non-negotiable for you to attract a woman who is emotionally intelligent.
[14:12]But women are emotional and this will always be the way it is.
[14:17]But just because a woman is emotional, that doesn't mean that, you know, she lacks emotional intelligence.
[14:22]Women feel things deeply and you need to create the space for her to feel things deeply.
[14:28]But then even after she feels things deeply, once she's out of it, is she able to reflect on those patterns? Does she have the willingness to regulate herself, heal herself and does she have the willingness to also lead a peaceful life because she loves herself.
[14:43]The most important quality that you also need to look for in a woman is someone who loves herself.
[14:49]Because when a woman loves herself, you feel her energy radiating outward. She becomes the center of the relationship, not that you are revolving around her, but her energy truly stabilizes the relationship.
[15:03]And this area is one of the biggest reason that most of the relationships fail. You can't just go into a connection because you have that chemistry and you have that feelings towards her and love towards her.
[15:16]Long term vision alignment, compatibility and growth mindset and long term alignment when it comes to the direction that you both want to go towards in life has to match each other.
[15:27]Yes, you can have any ordinary kind of relationship if this factor is not there, but if you want a high conscious, high value, fulfilling relationship, you need to take into consideration the growth mindset and growth alignment between the two of you.
[15:42]Because if one person is evolving and the other person is left behind, eventually the relationship is going to break because you also shouldn't be lowering your standards when you are doing the deeper work on yourself.
[15:54]And I have had clients who were so in love, but they had to walk away from a connection because this person in front of them wasn't willing to do the work and wasn't willing to improve herself at the same pace that he was willing to improve himself.
[16:08]Now, I don't say that both people have to improve or heal at the same pace, but the mindset is what is more important.
[16:15]Think of it this way as well. This is the person that you're going to possibly spend the rest of your life with. Do you not want to have this deep conversation and deep meaningful bond with someone which is not just about watching movies, Netflix and going out and seeing sceneries and all.
[16:30]You guys should be so into each other that you can literally sit in front of each other and talk for three to four hours without stopping because that's the amount of contribution that you both have.
[16:42]And you guys in a way also mentally stimulate each other and these kind of relationships can become so meaningful and deep as well.
[16:51]So understand this one thing deeply, a conscious relationship is not something that you find. A conscious relationship is something that you make yourself energetically available for.
[17:01]It requires deep amount of emotional stability, you healing your childhood wounds, you regulating your nervous system as well, you getting rid of your anxiety, your overthinking, working on your attachment style, having that sense of masculine stability and direction, confidence and self worth.
[17:21]When all these things are taken care of, you become a match for what you want to truly attract.
[17:27]And this requires deep level of emotional work and subconscious work.
[17:33]And if you watch this video and you realize that these are some things I have been doing terribly wrong, it's time for you to stop just consuming the content and actually start putting in the action.
[17:43]I work with very few number of men who I feel are deeply aligned with me when it comes to rebuilding their entire masculine identity, working on their childhood, helping them becoming that highest version of themselves, who can have the bandwidth and the capability to also attract such a connection into their life as well.
[18:03]And this is also a screenshot that one of my client actually sent me when he found his perfect match.
[18:09]And he was someone who used to constantly ask me questions, he did the work on himself. He truly understood all the things that I was telling him in the session and he truly implemented that in his life, which actually gave him the result that he was looking for.
[18:23]And if you are ready to rewire yourself subconsciously and do the deeper inner work, you can go to the link in the description box below and fill out the application to actually work with me.
[18:35]So I hope this episode was helpful and I'll see you guys in the next one.
