[0:06]Drake really got it right because sometimes you got to lose a couple friends to find your peace and level the F up in life. There are so many movies, TV shows, books, videos, courses, articles out there, teaching us how to deal with a romantic breakup and nearly nothing and how we move on from a friendship break up. And today, that changes. I have dealt with several friendship breakups throughout my life all very different to each other. Two of them were my best friends. We'd been friends for over a decade. So it was a really heavy friendship break up. Others were just newer acquaintances who then stabbed me in the back and betrayed me. So then there was toxicity and drama that I had to deal with. And I've also been through more natural endings where we outgrow each other and it's still love, but we just shouldn't be friends anymore. Life has truly given me way too many lessons on a friendship healing process and in this video, I'm going to share them all. Before we start, remember that I have my own podcast with exclusive self-development episodes. It's called self-obsessed. It's available on all platforms and links below in the description. Season one is actually almost coming to an end and in the season break, I'm going to be uploading all of my YouTube videos as um audio podcast format. So you guys can listen to them as well. I also have my second YouTube channel links down below where I show you guys my daily routines, how I stay productive, and you can basically see how I implement all of the advice from this channel in my real life over there. Chapter number one, how to deal with the conflict and the drama that comes from starting to break up with your friend. Firstly, get the worst part out of the way and just discuss toxic types of friends and how to move away from that. You owe absolutely nothing to a person who is adding toxicity into your life. This can be anything from backhanded compliments, jealousy, insults, leaving you out, disrespecting you, constant arguments. I think first and foremost, we need to understand friendships are supposed to be easy. They are supposed to be a solid in our lives full of love and care and mutual support and respect. I have had best friends in my life for several years now and we have never had one single argument. disagreements? Sure. times where we've had to communicate with each other? Sure. never fallen out. They've never disposed me. We've never gone behind each other's backs. And even with all of that, that's not the reason I'm friends with them. All of that is just bare minimum. The bad minimum of friendship is truly kindness, respect, loyalty. And if they don't even have the common courtesy to do that much.
[2:35]Why are you out here stressing about how you're going to walk away from the friendship? How you're going to end it? You're literally doing a service and a massive disrespect to yourself. Unfortunately, I do understand the mindset because when I was a teenager and I was stuck in a school with someone who was my best friend but it was very toxic and I wanted to leave so badly. I refrained from doing so because I was so afraid of the aftermath and what people were going to say and if I was going to be the villain of the story. This person was supposed to be my best friend. She was competing with me, constantly leaving me out to go and chase popularity. Would talk behind people's backs all of the time which just drained my own energy and she literally physically hurt me once. I was still her friend. We had so many arguments back and forth on and off, but I was so attached to her because we've been friends for so long. Our families were into tend and it was something that was really hard to let go off. Most importantly, I knew she was going to make a huge drama of it at school if that was going to happen. And after years of putting up with her, I finally decided to leave the friendship. I said, hey, I don't want to be a friend because X Y Z. And then I left it at that. And my worst fear came true, which is that she went around telling everyone, twisting the story, loads of people took her side, people were coming up to me, asking about the drama, why would you stop being friends with her? I just prolonged that friendship breakup for so long because I was trying not to upset the balance of things. I was mainly being a people pleaser, and I was also just reminding the good parts of our and using that to define her character rather than taking a step back and objectively looking at the fact, which is you we can have a fun time and we can have a laugh and yes you understand me and I know it to the secrets but that does not justify all of the bad.
[4:15]I would say to my younger self you are abandoning yourself on a day-to-day basis with every second you continue to decide to put up with this treatment. You are surrounding yourself with someone with such negative energy who you don't even like and as a result you are driven every single day and then your vibration s are live every single day. So now not only are you sabotaging your friendship experience, but also your entire life because now where is that energy going to come from for you to succeed and excel in every other area of your life. Your studies, your career, growing into a better person. I was so consumed with how I was perceived and everybody else's opinions and what people were going to think about the fact that I stepped away from this friendship even though I knew I didn't do anything wrong. It mattered to me what other people's narrative was going to be of the situation. And now that I'm an adult, and I ended up getting everything I wanted. I look back and I'm like, If all of you, that wasn't even your business, and if someone is going to believe one side of the story and use it to define and attack your character, they were never your person in the first place. If you just go into every single day thinking, does this bring me closer to my higher self? All of your daily decisions get a whole lot easier, because if you are friends with a toxic person, and then you can imagine a 20-year-old, 25-year-old, 30-year-old version of you that's still friends with him, how does that make you feel? Toxic friendships are a tough one though and sometimes we really need someone to talk to and with that I think it's really important that you talk to someone and seek advice from someone who is unbiased. And this is where online therapy can help you. Now this video is a paid partnership with better help which is an online therapy service which will help you get the help and advice you need from the comfort of your own home and completely flexible to your budget and your time schedule. When I was struggling with friend drama back in school I wish I was aware of this platform because sometimes you really just need somebody to vent to who's going to understand your personal situation so that then you can get some practical advice. And because I believe that that is so important to this entire process of healing and just getting through the process of broken friendships. I've got a special discount link for you guys to use better help which is in the description. Better help have made a priority to offer the most comfortable and flexible form of therapy so that you can chat with your therapist on the phone, on a video call or even via messaging. To get started, all you have to do is a question to assess your specific needs and then you'll get matched to a therapist that will be best suited to help you in your personal situation in 48 hours or less. You can schedule your therapy sessions at any time that's convenient for you and if after a while of doing your sessions you've decided that actually you and your therapist aren't a match then you can switch to somebody else at no extra cost and that is something you don't get in real life therapy. It's actually one of my favorite features of the platform. We spend so much of our time worrying about what others think of us and over consuming ourselves with our own emotions and I think it's honestly time that we re-invest all of that energy back into bettering ourselves. So if you're interested in therapy and you want to get some personal advice on your situation when it comes to friendships, then choose better help. I have a unique better help link below in the description. clicking that link actually helps support this channel, but it also gets you 10% off your first month of better help. Next, I want to talk a little bit more about when you come off as the villain when you decide to leave a friendship because I think this is a massive obstacle for a lot of people who want to leave but stop themselves from doing so. They are going to be people that you loved and just valued so much and when you decide to show up for yourself to end that friendship, they will do their best to twist the story and make it out like you are the bad one. Reactive abuse is when someone can be manipulating you, mistreating you, yelling at you, swearing at you, insulting you, just doing you so wrong. And then if you react to their disrespect, and you get a little bit angry or you yell back, they stop because now they're happy. They got exactly what they wanted. They wanted you to overreact so that they could tell everybody else about how disrespectful you were for reacting to their disrespect of you. And I know this can be so stressful and unfair, but I just want you to realize if they couldn't even be a healthy friend to you, what makes you think that they were going to deal with the breakup in a healthy way? Of course, they're going to be blindly unaware of the fact that they mistreated you and be absolutely unable to take any accountability at all. Of course, they're never going to admit where they went wrong. You know why? Because they're not even aware of it themselves. Because taking that type of responsibility takes a certain level of security, confidence and emotional intelligence which they clearly do not have if they were a toxic friend in the first place. Listen, people can only see as far as their self-perception goes. So some people are so damaged and insecure that they've had to build up their ego to make themselves feel better. So they now have this over-inflated ego which then leads to their toxic and arrogant behavior. These people are at war with themselves, not you. They are working over time to comfort their own ego because otherwise they have to confront all of their self-hate and insecurity. And this is exactly why they will act out, they will disrespect you, they talk behind other people's backs, they try to put themselves above other people to comfort themselves because that is the only way they will ever feel okay with being them. Because a person who is confident and secure themselves actually has the ability to be able to take a step back and think actually maybe the way I said that was wrong or maybe I shouldn't have done that. Or you know what, I did mess up. It was really bad I did that. I'm sorry and I'll try to do better and work try to work through that. If someone is not willing to confront themselves like that for you to be able to save your friendship, they were never your friend in the first place. Your friendship was merely a place of convenience for them because if it wasn't they would be fighting day and night to try and get you back and prove that they will change and do better and communicate with you in order to keep you in their lives.
[9:54]So, if you are going through a breakup and you are scared of the drama and the aftermath, all I have to say is stop worrying about defending yourself. stop worrying about how you're going to be perceived after this. Because why would you try to waste your own energy and precious time defending yourself to a person you don't even want back in your life. What is the point? What is it going to get you? Stop worrying so much about your reputation. Your reputation is what other people think of you. Your reputation represents other people's validation of you. Instead, you should worry about your character. Your character is exactly who you are and who you believe yourself to be and who you are building yourself up to be. That is that is self- love. That is you prioritizing yourself over the opinions of others. Okay, now that we have the worst part of the way, let's talk about general friendship up because they're so common and here it is important to ask yourself how do we actually correctly confront a friend because a lot of the times a break up isn't necessary.
[10:52]Sometimes it's just about being an adult and getting that communication through. If the friendship isn't toxic and you truly care about this person, they have been there for you and they have proven their value as a friend, then all you have to do is give them the benefit of the doubt that this might be a misunderstanding because we never know what another person might be going through. Your responsibility is to stand up for yourself, set your boundary, communicate what is wrong, and then you use their reaction to assess what your decision is going to be. When it comes to confront friends, I personally don't believe in warnings. I don't think you should take someone and be like, hey, I need to talk to you, like you just got to stick it on them, okay? You don't want to give someone time to prepare what they're going to say, because you want them to be as honest as possible. And I know it might feel so comfortable that you're like, oh you know, I'll just leave it, I'll let the time pass and then we'll be okay again. But what you don't realize is once again you are betraying yourself because you are allowing someone to hurt you and take advantage of you and there are no consequences. There is no part where you are putting your boundaries into place to actually say is this person worthy of my time and my energy and my friendship? Because nobody discusses how important conflict is to love and to friendship. It's such a necessary part of your relationship with somebody It has to happen because it shows you how much that person actually cares about you. If you can only be in your friendship because things are good, 100% at the time and you keep your mouth shut, that's not an equal friendship. On the other hand, if you've already decided like no, I don't want to be in this friendship. There's nothing they could say to try and make me stay in this, then don't overthink the up. In these cases I actually don't like to do it in person because it's like what's the point you're literally wasting your time and this person is going to try and reel you in or make you feel bad or give you excuses, but you've already told yourself, this is my bounty now. I don't want to be friends with this person. So don't go out there and then allow them to still have access to you. You either send them a tax explaining why or you call them on the phone and say it, but you don't overexplain yourself because you're completely within your right to realize actually I don't want you in my life anymore and I want to do what's best for me and that is completely okay and understandable. And in these cases when you're trying to end a friendship, I think the key to this is just be as polite as you possibly can. Don't use this as an opportunity to attack the other person, to criticize them, to list out all the bad things they've done. You literally just say, hey, I've been feeling so and so way for a while now. There are certain events that have led me to feeling this way, you know, whatever your personal situation is, and then you're just nice and you end it with, but I'm always wishing you well. I'm never going to have anything against you. I just have to take time for myself. When you're breaking up with a friend, make it about you. You have to make it a priority to leave it, classy and dignified and keep the respect there because you can't about the fact that this was a person that was there for you at one point. That you shared so many happy memories with at one point. People come into our lives for a temporary period of time and they are not entitled to the rest of our lives. Next up, let's talk about friendship standards. In particular, the questions you need to ask yourself to assess whether this friendship is worth trying to save and resolve. I truly believe that evaluating friendships is so important and even if there hasn't been an argument, even if nothing's gone wrong, I think everyone should make it habit that every or every six months, you evaluate all of the people in your life and if they're still aligning to you, if they're still positively influencing you, because it's not always about everything needs to come crashing and burning down and they have to be this big argument and excuse for me to be able to lead this person's life. No, your level of self- love needs to be so high that you are so picky with the energy you surround yourself with because you know how much that's going to impact you on a day-to-day basis, you need to ask yourself these following questions. Do you still get excited to spend time with them? Do they align with your future and your higher self are they a positive influence on you? Do you trust them with all of your secrets and do you believe that they are loyal to you? Are the conversations you have together fulfilling? Do you leave them feeling happy or drained? How do they make you feel about yourself? What is their relationship with themselves like and how does that impact you? For example, insecurity I think is the biggest killer of healthy friendships. If someone is constantly at war with themselves, just like I said with the toxic friend, they're going to make you your life hell just by having you there by association. Can you truly say that you respect the person they are and you will support them on their journey of going into the person that they want to be. I do think it's very important to ask yourself questions on what this person brings into your life but sometimes we also need to have a look at ourselves and think actually am I capable of being a good friend to you do I really like and respect you that much that's a very important to answer because you shouldn't want to waste anyone's time either. Do you feel that your energy and effort is reciprocated in this friendship? are they heavily reliant, co-dependent on you and only reach out when they need something. Do they make an active effort to understand you and accept you or do they try to change you, influence you and manipulate you. Could you go to them in a time where you were struggling and fully feel supported and heard and seen? And lastly, if someone was talking bad about you to them, would they defend you? Would they tell you about it? You know it's time to move on from a friendship, not because they're a bad person, not because there's a drama, but even small things like when you hold off on telling them big things that are happening in your life or achievements because you feel like they're just not going to get it. Or they might not even respond well to it. When you dread any sort of communication with them, a face time, a text, when you don't feel fulfilled and you're not having meaningful conversations with them, when you imagine a reality where you have a better circle of friends and they have all these qualities that your current set of friends do not possess, that is a good enough reason to leave because it is impacting all of your manifestations and your ability to attract this life that you want but you are not doing anything to get. because in order to attract that new, you have to let go of the old. and when you are staying in places that you are outgrown and that do not deserve your time, do not align with you, do not like you up inside, you are showing the universe that you are in a state of lack because you are just accepting what you have because you are too fearful to go out there, start again, try something new to actually get something that aligns to you. It shows that you're not securing yourself. You're not confident enough, so you're going to keep these friends in your life that you don't even want to be around rather than having enough confidence to know these are going to go and it's fine because my tribe is coming to me. They want me as I want them. And in the meantime I have enough self- love to keep myself occupied so I'm okay. And also I want you to remember that sometimes things have to fall apart to make way for our new life. It's such a normal part for us to lose people for us to learn things through arguments and conflicts. It doesn't make you a bad person. It doesn't mean that you're terrible at relationships and friendships. Look at me. I've been pretty and I'm in my early 20s. But I look back on all of these instances now and I'm like, that had to happen for me to attract this sort of lifestyle. Thank God I didn't hold on to what I thought I wanted. So the first step to letting go of friends that don't align with you and actually having the courage to cut these people off is to understand that you deserve better. You need to get so fearless in yourself obsession and all the abundance that you want for your life that why would you have any fear of drama? It's irrelevant. Everyone's situation is different. So you don't even have to quickly cut someone off straight away. Just do one act of self love for yourself, which is just branched out into other areas of your life. Join a class, ask someone that you admire on your Instagram for a coffee. Speak to mutual friends. Try to introduce yourself, show up to events. Do you know how many networking groups that are on Facebook? For girls are in their 20s, for girls that live in London, for girls who rent. All these different groups. So girls can actually meet each other. Bumble has a BFF feature so that you can actually find friends online now. You need to stop prioritizing their temporary confusion over your daily satisfaction. Okay, sure they might be hurt. They might be like, oh my god, I've just lost a friend. They're going to get over it after a few weeks. And if you don't do that, you have to continue living your life every single day dissatisfied. That is not a fair trade off. And then lastly for this chapter, I want to talk a little bit about friendship hosting because I actually had my own experience with this recently. Yes, you should reach out. If you care about this person, do it, put your ego aside because you never know what someone's going through. I went through a period where to go my own friends because I was severely depressed and I am so grateful for the girls who understood it. They were like, cool, we're here when you're ready. They didn't use it against me. I had other friends when I was depressed who did use it against me and we're not friends anymore because of that because they couldn't give me the benefit of the doubt at a time where I was struggling. This is you taking responsibility and control for your own life. So you send them the text and you're super nice about it and you're like, hey, how are you doing? It's been a while, let's catch up. And then you leave the ball in their coat. You send that one text you call that one time and then you do not chase. And this links into my own personal experience. So I'll give you guys a story time of how I dealt with this. I made this new friend. They were a little bit older than me. They were really aligned to my business mindset, what I wanted to talk about, my growth mindset, we had the most fulfilling and deep conversations. This person was so different from all of my hometown friends, and I just felt so happy and fulfilled every time I saw them, even though it was like every few months because we lived quite far apart. I was so grateful I thought this is the start of like finding my new line tribe. Um, so we had a great friendship. It went on for about two years until I just stopped hearing from them, which was really weird. You know, this person used to like all my Instagram stories, reply to my stories, we'd be talking on Snapchat here or there. And it had been two months and just nothing and I was starting to get really worried and I thought, okay, you know, maybe I'm just overthinking it. So I waited a little while, it was my birthday. They said absolutely nothing throughout my entire birthday week. didn't wish me a happy birthday and I was like, well okay, this is weird, have I done something wrong? And like I said, it requires some emotional intelligence. You need to step your back and think, how about just mean to trigger this person? Okay? Sometimes we do things unintentionally. So I sent them a text, they said, hey, it's been a while, would love to catch up, how are you doing? That's it. Super nice, right? I wasn't about to get all and be like, how are you not messaging me? I can't believe you did say happy birthday. It's the worst way to handle it, because once again, this person has added so much value and joy into my life. I'm not going to use one little slip up to find their entire character. I sent that message, I waited, and I waited, and I waited. I sent that message about two years ago. I still have a response. That person didn't even open my message. And despite all of that, I didn't do anything else. I wasn't going to send another message. I wasn't going to call them up. I wasn't going to start arguing. I removed them off all my social media because I was like, I don't need this constant reminder of you, I'm trying to protect my peace, okay? Normalize and follow people, normalize blocking people. And me removing them like that after they showed me their true intentions meant that I could finally start my healing process. And that leads us on to chapter number two, how to move on and how to heal after going through a friendship break up. The first step is forgiveness and letting go of grunts. You need to accept that people are going to live life in the way that they want to because that is their birth right. Just like you deserve to do things that are in your best interest, so do they. And if that means them living a life completely without you, then so be it. You have to remember they followed out those actions based on whatever circumstances they're experiencing in life right now, which majority of the time, none of us know anything about. We don't know that inner workings of someone's mind, their mindset, how they look at the world, what their personal values are. Okay, you did this. And yes, it hurt. And now I have to go through a whole healing journey. However, if this makes you happy, and if this is going to make life a little bit more bearable for you and you made the decision that is going to positively impact your life, then cool. Then it's good. Then I'm glad that that's what I had to happen and you honored that and now it's time for me to honor that as well. Because you can't win 100% of the time. There are going to be times where you're going to cut off someone and you're going to hurt their feelings. And in that case you're the one who did what was best for you. And if you want to be able to have that privilege, you have to let other people have that privilege. And I was literally trying to come up with this narrative that would justify why our friendship ended because I was so hurt by it. And I stressed myself out so much trying to figure it out until I eventually just let it go. I let it go because at the end of the day we're not friends and they didn't have the common courtesy to give me an explanation or say goodbye like I would have done to them and that's enough. That disrespect is my closure and with that I refuse to see them as a villain because I'm always going to appreciate the laws. I'm always going to appreciate the memories. Plus making people out to be the villain and holding up all this anger, resentment and grunts does more damage to yourself than the other person because think about it, is it really going to get the friendship back? No. Is it going to get them to really what they did wrong? No. Is it going to drain you of your energy and lower your vibration every single day making you into a bitter, restful, miserable person? Yes. Do you know how good life gets when you just decide to stop giving up harsh truth, but you need to realize you are choosing to allow the situation to consume you. You are choosing to be overly emotional about it. You are choosing to have a victim mindset about it. I'm not saying you can't be sad. Losing a friendship can often times hurt 10 times more than a relationship. because you never saw it coming and you really expected them to be in your life and that's why we need to take detachment into our future but I'm going to talk about that later and for that yes you need to grieve and you need to move on but you also need to try your best every single day to just make the conscious decision to think a little bit differently to think actually let me try to be grateful for what I do have today let me try to shift my focus onto other things so then I can raise my portion back up so then I can show up as my 100% best capacity in every other area of my life Another thing which just majorly shifted my mindset and has granted me so much peace in dealing with friendship breakups is I don't take it personally. So I don't look at it as me versus the friend. I take a step back and I look at it from above like this is me and the universe. This this person is just an experience. Is their actions have got nothing to do with me. This does not define me or my character or what I'm worthy of. I take a step back and I look at it like oh this was the universe me a lesson. This was a actually because now I have more wisdom. Actually, this isn't personal because everybody has to go through a broken friendship at one point or another in their lives and they have to learn how to grow from that. And then from those lessons, they can then adjust their friendship standards which will then lead them onto the path where they find the friends that actually deserve them. And they never would have been on that path, had they not got their heart broken from that friend in the first place to learn, this is what I will tolerate and this is what I will not tolerate. People ask me all the time, how do you know what you know at such an early age? And it's simple is because I don't take things personally and I'm always trying to get a lesson out of these things because that is what life is about. It's life is like a game where we're constantly trying to level up. We're constantly trying to become more knowledgeable and grow into the next version of ourselves and we can't get to the next version without completing all of the obstacles on our current level to then gain the knowledge to then be able to move on to the next level of of our lives where there's next level obstacles. There's always going to be obstacles, there's always going to be adversity, but you get to become stronger and stronger and stronger versions of yourself throughout all the adversity that you experienced in life if you decide to have that perspective. When the experience is really raw, one thing that always helped me is just writing it down just so I can release all of the emotion through my words and get it out of my body. I don't want to be suppressing those feelings. I don't want to be holding on to the situation any longer. You can understand what caused it or maybe not or you can understand how am I going to grow from this? How am I going to avoid this next time? What red flags did I not notice? Turn it more into a productive experience rather than sitting in your room crying wondering why did this happen to me? And when you reach that level of attachment where you realize people are experiences and lessons and nothing is personal. You can finally make peace with the experiences you had with them. I don't believe that we have to delete every single picture and memory of our friends. You shouldn't want to erase your life experiences and wish it away. Just because things ended, doesn't mean the time that you were together shouldn't be celebrated. That girl that I was friends with for a decade in school and then everyone took it aside and everyone made me the villain that story I told earlier, I still look back at and I actually regret. And I actually regret deleting all of our pictures. I wish I could look back at it now because yes, it did end bad, but we had a lot of fun times together. And she's still predominantly the person I am today and I think she was a very necessary part of my life experience and I'm so grateful to have had the experience of having a sister like friendship, that was amazing. No, she didn't deserve another day in my life and I'm so glad that I don't have that energy in my life now, because you slowly realize all of these experiences are important and parts of your journey. Nothing happens on accident. These are all things that are carving you out to be the person that you were always meant to be. These people are tools in a way that bring out certain parts of your life that influence you that help you grow. You should never want to erase parts of your life just because they were imperfect because the perfect parts or what craft the perfection in your life later. And then lastly for this chapter, I wanted to talk about the process of remating your ex-friends, missing them which is such a normal part of the healing journey and trying to move on. You need to realize that not everything you lose is a loss. So many of our losses are actually hidden blessings that are leading us to what we always wanted. And so the best way to stay safe in this process of missing things and romanticizing the old which is like totally understandable is I think to keep a list of all of your desires. To hold yourself accountable in the times where your mind is running a bit wild with nostalgia. Write it in your journal, pull up the notes up on your phone, write a bullet point list of every single thing you would want in a friendship. that the experiences you want to have, the qualities of the friend you want to have, the type of relationship and bond you're going to have, how that's going to feel, what you're going to do together, what type of conversations are you going to have, what friendship activities will you do, how often will you see each other, it holds you accountable because nostalgia can trap us into remigration so many things that are bad for us. So that way when you obsess and when you miss them, and when things are getting smoothly and you're like this is hard and things were just easier when I had a group of friends, you're going to look the list and you're going to be reminded of all of what's to come. And that if you go back and if you succeed to these temporary sad feelings, you are sacrificing all of that list that you wrote out. That is your potential of what you could be experiencing in the friendship area of your life. And lastly, you got to teach yourself to be okay with or without anyone. I don't care what anybody else says, obsession over broken friendships is not normal. It's not. Because yes, you will hurt and yes, you will grieve and you will have to go through the discomfort of create a new life with new people and a new environment, whatever, but obsessing over the lack of somebody else's presence in your own life and having, wondering what they're thinking about you if they miss you, have they moved on yet, is a serious disconnect to yourself. You should be so obsessed with yourself that your mindset becomes, yes, I am grieving and yes, this is hard and it is hurt my feelings, but I am so proud of myself that I did what was right. I am so proud of myself that I chases the discomfort and the path of most difficulty which was to separate myself from what I've always known to instead chase the opportunity of my full potential, of my higher self. The last thing that I would ever chase in life is a person. Really. I'm busy chasing the woman I want to become. I'm busy chasing the lifestyle that I want to experience. I'm chasing to build up the career that I want to have. I want to chase after the travel experiences that I want to say I completed. You have to wake up every single day and think Okay, yes, I am missing what was in the past and what I had with them. What am I going to do today? Because all all the control and power we have is only in the next 24 hours. Is in this current moment that we're experiencing right now. What am I going to do today? Am I am going to I am going to reach out to someone? Am I going to work on myself and journal so that I can overcome the friendship trauma that I might have enjoyed, which might then affect future friendships I'm going to have. Am I going to compile my list of desires. Am I going to join a society of by you so that I'm put in a room where I can't meet new people. And lastly, chapter number three. I think it's really important to just discuss the general aftermath of what it's like to have lost a friend, and what that means for you, but also how important that experience is for you and what's going to impact you. So first off, you may be wondering how you're going to deal with the loneliness of once you finally cut them off, you've done the healing process, but now who do you have, right? You have yourself. You can be alone and completely content. ness is a sign that you are coming home to yourself. Why are you not your own best friend? Time between losing your friends and finding your new tribe is where you build up your self love. Because that self love has to last you a lifetime. It's not a bridge between relationships and friendships. It is the foundation that then influences what experiences and relationships you even accept into your life. You're sad about losing your friends if it doesn't just mean that a 2.0 version of them is going to come along because now you're a better person because of that breakup and you have because of it. Lucky you. This is the most important time for you to learn who is like minded to you. What qualities you're actually looking for in a person because I can't tell you what to look for. That is completely personal to you. So you need to focus on your life experiences and what lessons you can extract from them in the tramas and the breakthroughs that you've gone through. So I'll share my personal experience. I only recently learned the importance of self-esteem and friendships that was never a standard that was on my radar, but I had to go through some pretty ugly friendship breakups to be able to learn it. And as a result of learning that along with so many other lessons from the last decade of friendship breaks I've been through, and the best of the friend I could have asked for. These people are so secure in themselves, they are so cool, they are so supportive of me. There's no bad vibes, there's never been a singular argument in the years. And the last point I'm going to show in this video is all about attachment, which I've touched on all throughout this video and it's basically the common theme of all of this advice, which is to stop taking things personally, to stop you other people's actions to define your character and what you're worthy of because people are really experiences. Nothing has to last a life time for it to be significant. Someone could have been your friend for three months and then you have this big nasty friendship, doesn't make them any less significant. They still influenced who you were and the decisions you're going to make and you're going to shift your perception from now that when you are going into friendships, you are not going to become overly attached to them. When you start already imagining a person in your future when they haven't even earned the place to be in that future yet, they haven't been put in the time, the effort and the energy to have earned that place in your future and you're already giving them that place in your head. You're already attaching yourself to this person, I'm only going to be okay with their presence in my life and I need this group of friends. You are then so susceptible to settling for people who don't value you and who don't treat you in the way you deserve and you are therefore sacrificing all of the experiences you could have had with people that are actually waiting for you that do want to give you the world that do align to you. Open your heart, be loving, be joyful, fully emerge yourself in the experience of having friends because it such an important part of life, but don't attach yourself to the point where you are too afraid to leave them. Because that is just as much of an important part in your life and yourself growth, in your relationship to yourself. And in constantly growing and evolving as a human, we don't stay the same people are entire lives. It's completely normal to our grow friends. It's actually such a positive sign that you are going in the right place in life. And that brings us to the end of this video. I hope you guys enjoyed it. Please comment down below what your favorite lesson was from this video because I would love to know I always give you your comments a read. Make sure you check out my podcast and my vlog channel, link below in the description and if you're currently struggling with a friendship break up, just know you are going to get through it. You are going to get 10 times stronger. I believe in you, okay? You are going to look back at this moment in six months time and laugh because you would have grown. You would have created a much better reality for yourself and you will wonder Why you ever let it consume you? I'm wishing you the best. You've got this, good luck and I appreciate you. Bye.
