[0:03]Hey. I'm all packed and ready to go. Oh! That's right. Daddy and Uncle Joey are going on a trip today. We're going to a conference in Barbados. Right? Can you say Barbados? Barbados.
[0:19]Hey. I gotta say, uh, it means so much to me that you guys are coming all the way over there to to hear me give my speech. Oh, and I have a surprise. I had to pull some strings, but I was able to get everyone passes to the entire conference. That's right.
[0:36]These babies will get you into all the Paleontology lectures and seminars. Do you have anything that will get us out of them? Yeah, Ross, I mean, we're excited to hear the speech, but the rest of the time we're going to want to do, you know, island stuff. I think David will probably want to hear a few lectures. Oh, right, because he's a scientist. No, no. Well, because, you know, he's been in Minsk for eight years and if he gets too much direct sunlight, he'll die. Okay, we better go. Yeah? Um, so we'll see you guys tomorrow. All right, let's do it. Five hour flight with Charlie, have a couple drinks, get under that blanket and do what comes natural. It's a blanket, Joe, not a cloak of invisibility. But he has ordered. I would like to start the celebration and make a toast to Phoebe. She dropped your sock. But? No, Emma dropped her sock. Mom's here? I wanted to have lunch with her today, she told me she was out of town. Ross, she still has not noticed that the baby sock is on the ground. It's a good toast. Look, will you please get her attention? Mommy.
[1:55]Oh, for God's sake, Judy, pick up the sock! Pick up the sock! Pick up the sock!
[2:05]I'm sorry, was that rude? Bye. Bye, honey.
[2:16]What's the matter, Joe? I'm mad at you for leaving. You're nothing but a big leaver. Big leaver with the stupid suitcase. Any chance you're trying to pick a fight to make all of this easier?
[2:37]Oh, dude, you see right through me.
[2:50]Hey, well, bye, Mon. Bye, Ross. Rachel. Bye, Emma. Okay, bye-bye. Have a great trip. Okay.
[3:05]Monica. Hey, can I borrow the Porsche? Okay. All right. But, uh, what is it not? A place to entertain my lady friends. And what else is it not? A place to eat spaghetti. Very good. Thanks. What do you need it for anyway? Oh, the powerball lottery is up to 300 million and they don't sell tickets here in New York, so. Oh, so you're driving up to Connecticut? Yeah, Connecticut, not West Virginia.
[3:36]Hey, maybe I'll drive you up there. I'd like to buy some tickets myself. Oh. Yeah, with Chandler not getting paid, we could really use 300 million dollars. Yes, because if I was at my old job, we'd say, "300 million? No, thank you." Hey, will you get me tickets, too? Yeah, me too. Oh, I have an idea. Why don't we all pitch in 50 bucks, we'll pull our money together, and then if we win, we'll split it. That's a great idea. No, thanks.
[4:05]You don't want to win the lottery? Uh, sure I do. I also want to be king of my own country and find out what happened to Amelia Earhart. Still on Amelia Earhart? The woman just vanished. Susie, Ross, you don't want in on this? No, do you know what your odds are of winning the lottery? I mean, you have a better chance of being struck by lightning 42 times. Yes, but there's six of us, so we'd only have to get struck by lightning seven times. I like those odds.
[4:34]Seriously, you guys, I can't believe you're going to spend $250 on the lottery. I mean, that's such a bunch of boo-hockey.
[4:44]I'll ask. Boo-hockey? Oh, oh, we think Emma is about to start talking, so we're trying to be careful about what words we use in front of her. Yeah, so get ready to hear a lot of boo-hockey, gosh darn it, and brother pucker.
[5:03]How do you know she's going to start talking? Well, when I talk to her, I almost feel like she understands what I'm saying. Kind of like Joey.
[5:11]What's that now? Joey is having a secret Days of Our Lives party up on the roof and he sent you guys to the play to get rid of you. What? What, what's, what's going on? Joey is having a secret Days of Our Lives party up on the roof. And and he didn't want you guys to know about it, but I came over here to tell you. I thought he came to say you were sick. Professor or detective.
[5:37]Joey's having a party and he wasn't going to invite us? Yeah, he does it every year. That's why he's sending you to the play. That's why he sent us to that medieval restaurant and to that button factory? And that that horrible museum tour? No, I arranged that.
[5:57]Hey you guys, I'm turning in. Have fun.
[6:03]You know about your party, Joey. The party? The game's over. Take off your robe. Oh, hey, I mean, No!
[6:20]You're not going to believe this. I was just saying good night to Emma and she said her first words. What did she say? She said gleeba!
[6:36]Great, right? Yeah, no, no, no, that's that's great. Why aren't you more excited? Rachel, gleeba is not a word. Well, of course it is. Okay, uh, what does it mean? I don't know all the words. I'm just I'm just glad I didn't miss my daughter's first word. Well, yes, you did. Gleeba is a word. Okay, use it in a sentence. Okay, uh, Emma just said gleeba.
[7:09]It's not a word. Okay, okay, okay, fine, I'm going to look it up.
[7:15]Oh, oh, okay, great. You know what? While you're at it, she said another word the other day, why don't you uh, why don't you look up...
[7:25]All right, okay, okay, gleeba, gleeba, gleeba, here it is, the fleshy spore-bearing inner mass of a certain fungi.
[7:38]Oh, she's going to be a scientist. All I'm saying is I don't think that Joey and Charlie have anything in common. I don't know, they seem to have a shared interest in each other's tonsils. Wow, Joey and a professor. Can you imagine if they had kids? And if if the kids got her intelligence and Joey's raw sexual magnetism, those nerds would get laid.
[8:06]All right, so, Ross, you're okay with all this? I mean, Oh, it's no big deal. I mean, I just met her, I'm fine with it.
[8:16]God, I forgot how hot she was. I'm going to get some more coffee. Hey. Oh, you know, I'll I'll come with you. Okay. So, a professor, huh? Yeah, she is cool and she's so smart, her mind is totally acrimonious.
[8:39]I guess that's not how she used it.
[8:43]I feel like I owe you an explanation. I don't ordinarily go around kissing guys at parties. I'm, uh, well, I'm kind of embarrassed. I really hope you don't think less of me.
[8:56]No, think less of you, no. I don't think less of you. I mean, you you saw someone you liked and you kissed them. Those people who who like someone and and don't kiss them, those those people are stupid. I hate those people. You know, actually, I'm a little surprised at myself. I mean, Joey is so different from the guys I usually date. I mean, they're all professors, intellectuals, paleontologists, mostly. You know, very cerebral. Yeah, I know the type. Hey, if we want to grab a bite before work, we better get acrimonious.
[9:29]No? Am I getting close? We finally found a nanny. This is Molly. Molly, Chandler, Joey. Hi. Oh, somebody's getting a little fussy. He's damn right, I am. I've been waiting for a cookie for seven minutes. Okay. You know what? I'm just going to take her outside. No, you stay, I'll do it. Okay. Nice to meet you guys. Yeah, you too, you too. Oh, wow, Molly's just great. Yes, bravo on the hot nanny. What? You really think she's hot? Are you kidding? If I wasn't married, she'd be rejecting me right now. Oh, Joey. How do you think she's doing? Well, actually, I don't know how she's doing. Am I the only one that doesn't think that she's hot, Ross? I mean, I mean she's not unattractive but but hot, uh. Thank you.
[10:30]Now that Rachel's gone. I cried myself to sleep last night.
[10:37]He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle, and away they all flew like the down of a thistle. But I heard him exclaim ere he drove out of sight, "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night." Wow, that was great. You really wrote that? Uh-huh. Say good-bye, elves, I'm off to Tulsa. I can't believe you're not going to be here for Christmas. You're really not coming back? Yeah, we have all this paperwork that needs to be filed by the end of the year. If I don't get it done, I'll be fired. This it's so unfair. You don't even like your job. So, who does? Oh, I like my job. I can't wait to go back to work. I can't get enough dinosaurs.
[11:28]I'm sorry, I won't be here. It's it's hard enough not seeing you during the week but for Christmas. If this is what you have to do, I understand. Thanks. I'll see you New Year's Day. You're not going to be here New Year's Eve? Did I not mention that? No. And to all a good night. Chandler Bing. Hi, honey, we're all here. We just want to wish you a Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. I miss you guys. Was it horrible? Is everybody working really hard? Uh, well, no, it's just uh, me and Wendy. Wendy? That sounds like a girl's name. It is. Did I not tell you about her? Uh-huh. About the time you told me about New Year's Eve. Where's everybody else? I sent them home. Oh, you are such a good boss. Is she pretty?
[12:27]Uh, uh, answer faster, answer faster. I don't know. Answer better, answer better. I don't think of her that way, you know, she's a she's a colleague. What does she do there? Oh, she's regional vice president. She's just below me. She did what? Below me. Oh, wait, is Wendy the runner-up Miss Oklahoma? What? Well, she didn't win. All right, well, maybe I should let you and the second prettiest girl in Oklahoma get back to work. Well, second prettiest that year. I mean, of all the girls in Oklahoma, she's probably. Oh, Chandler, stop talking.
[13:15]Honey, there's really nothing to worry about. Okay. I'm serious. Okay. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, you guys. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.
[13:34]The wife says hi. Oh, fun conversation. Oh, well, she's just got this weird idea that uh, you know, just because you and I are alone that something's going to happen. Huh? Really? That'd be so terrible?
[13:51]This is probably the wrong thing to be worrying about, but you're getting ham on my only tie.
[14:00]Hey. Oh my God. Hey, hey. Look at that, that's a Christmas miracle. What are you doing here? I wanted to be with you. I missed you so much. Hey, hey, who'd you miss the most? Monica. Gotcha.
[14:26]I never want to leave you again. But I thought if you left, you'd get fired. Turns out, they can't fire me. Because I quit. What? What, you you really quit your job? Yeah, it's a stupid job and I could not stand leaving you. And why should I be the only one who doesn't get to do what he really wants to do? But what do you really want to do? I have not thought this through. Oh my God. I know, I I should have talked to you first about it. No, I think that this is what you want to do. I think it's great. Thanks. Chandler, you being here is the best Christmas present I could have ever imagined. Now, give me my real gift. Happy birth. Oh, see you later.
[15:16]Hey, Rach, somebody got you shoes. Oh, give me. Wow. Oh my God! Oh my God, these are beautiful. Oh, these are my rat babies.
[15:32]Yeah, we have rat babies now. Oh my God, you brought rats to my birthday party? So this is what a stroke feels like. I had to bring them. We killed their mother. They're our responsibility now. You know, they require constant care. You should know that, Rachel. You're a mother. What? Are you comparing my daughter to a rat? No, seven rats. I think we should take them home. We need to feed them. You're going to leave my party to take care of a box of rats? I'm sorry, Rachel, but I'm not like you, okay? Not everyone can afford help.
[16:15]Oh, hey, thank God, you guys are here. Hey, what's what's going on? Everything is upside down here. It rains all day long and nobody watches TV and Ross is famous. All right, I don't want to alarm anybody, but Monica's hair is twice as big as it was when we landed. Okay, when I go places with high humidity, it gets a little extra body, okay? That's why our honeymoon photos look like me and Diana Ross. Come on, I'll show you guys where to check in. Oh, honey, can you make sure we get a king-size bed? Oh, David, get one for us too. Oh, and and see if they have a heart-shaped one. And with mirrors on the ceiling. And make sure our room isn't next to theirs. I got a job in advertising. Hey. Wow. Oh, honey, that's incredible. Gosh, what's the pay like? Oh, come on, people. Come on, now. If I don't know who makes the most, how do I know who I like the most?
[17:22]Well, actually, it pays nothing. It's an internship. Oh, that's cool. We have interns at Days of Our Lives. Right, so it'll be the same, except less sex with you. So, uh, what kind of stuff do you think they'll have you do there? Well, it's a training program, but at the end, they hire the people they like. That's great. Yeah, I mean, there's probably going to be some grunt work, which'll probably stink, you know, grown man getting people coffee is a little humiliating.
[17:47]Humiliating and noble. Thank you. You know, if I don't already have a job, I I think I would have been really good in advertising. Ross, you did not come up with got milk. Yes, I did. I did. I should have written it down. I just wanted to let you know, I've changed my mind. I'm going to do it. I'm going to kiss Joey. No, you can't. Friends hooking up is a bad idea. Please, what about you and Chandler? That's different. I was drunk and stupid. Well, hello. What about all the guys that you got the phone numbers from? What what you just kiss one of them? I could. I could, but I don't want to. I want to kiss Joey. All right. I think it's a big mistake, but it's it's your decision. I'm going to do it. And I can't stop you. No.
[19:02]Hey, Rich, have you seen Charlie anywhere?
[19:11]I'm smarter than him. You guys, just in case, maybe a genie will come out if we rub this lamp. Ah! That thing gets hot. You know, Ross, just keep making your jokes. How are you going to feel if we actually do win? Uh, you're not going to win. Oh, I know, I know the odds are against us, but somebody has to win and it could be us. And then how are you going to feel? You know, we're going to be all like, oh, everybody, let's take our helicopters up to the cave. And you're going to and you're going to be all like, oh, I can't, guys, I'll have to meet you up there. I got to gas up the Hyundai.
[19:57]Why would I eat my own arm? Well, you wouldn't, but we own the paper, we can print whatever we want.
[20:04]You know what, Ross? I'm going to throw in 50 bucks for you. Why? Because I I know that you think that the lottery is boo-hockey.
[20:20]We don't have to do that. I mean, I'll I'll pay for myself, but just the fact that you want me to have fun with you guys, that's so sweet. Come here. You sang Baby Got Back, didn't you? Nothing else worked. That girl is all about the ass.
[20:41]She sweat, wet, got it going like a turbo vet. Oh, fellas. Yeah, fellas. Yeah, has your girlfriend got the butt? Oh yeah, so shake it. Shake it. Shake it. Shake that nasty butt. Baby got back. One more time, from the top. I like big butts and I can not lie. You are the prettiest.
[21:05]Rachel, please, that is so inappropriate.
[21:12]Ah, isn't this nice? So quiet. I could just lie here all day. Oh, I know. Oh, we drove you drinks. Open your drapes. So glad we got to joining rooms. The sun is out. Hey, remember when I had corneas? Okay, listen, you go down to the pool and reserve the chairs. Okay, and I'll get the magazines and the lotion. Uh, ladies, Ross's speech is in 45 minutes. Oh, damn it. Walls are pretty thin, guys. Yeah. Then we have to weigh the data from recent MRI scans and DNA testing, which call into question information gathered from years of simple carbon dating. That woman's sitting out by the pool getting tan, so leathery and wrinkled. I'm so jealous.
[22:09]Finally, factor in the profusion of new species recently discovered. Gigantosaurus, Not to mention coldsaurus. Argentinosaurus. And that's just the herbivores. I'm not even going to discuss the carnivores. Their heads are already too big, which is ironic considering their stunted cerebral development.
[22:36]Really?
