[0:00]Why were you self-harming, do you think? Oh, I was probably desperately unhappy. What are you feeling? We did get on, but the drugs changed him as a person.
[0:25]Gemma Collins. 10 years ago, you were selling cars in Romford. I was. Did you think then you might be sitting here doing life stories? No, and it is a big, big day for me today. Why do you think there's such a fascination with you? Maybe I was seen as an underdog when I first went on Towie. Um, never been afraid to speak my mind. Um, they always want to know what is the GC really like? Who am I talking to now? Am I talking to? Gemma. What's the difference between the GC and the real Gemma? The GC is very out there, she doesn't give two hoops. Um, you know, there is a likeness between GC and Gemma, both are very opinionated. Uh, but the GC has kind of become, you know, a character. She's a lot harder than me. You said about the GC sometimes I wonder if I've created a monster. Yes, 100%. How much money have you made by being the GC? I would say well over a million pound. Yeah. I don't, I don't, yeah. Over a million pounds. Yeah, well over. Through this monstrous character that you created. And it's not stopping. What are the best perks of being Gemma Collins? I've just had so many like upgrades on planes. Um, hotels, holidays for free. How many followers do you have on Instagram? Two million. And what can you get for a post? In one day I earn 75,000 pound from social media post and that was on a Black Friday. One day. Yeah. I mean that's insane, isn't it? It is, but the opportunity was there. And I probably went out and wasted the money, but I had a good time on it, but... What do you say to people who go, look, you know, I get it, if you're Beyoncé or you're J-Lo or Rihanna, I get that they've got an amazing talent to perform. I don't want to patronize you. Yeah, no, I get it. But when people say, well, what's your talent other than being you? Why are you getting 75,000 pounds to post something on Instagram? It's bizarre, isn't it? I mean you mentioned J-Lo, Beyoncé, Madonna, people really do see me as the next one in line. I don't know how I've done it. After those three names? Yeah, I think people have actually seen me go out there and, you know, really try and have a good stab at making some money. Um, and if you look at J-Lo's background, Mariah's background, Madonna's background, they were all skinny like me. I can tap dance. I'm a Southeast England champion. Let's see a bit of tap dancing. Oh, God, Piers, you're making me earn this today. Um, I'm petrified that I'm always going to stack it, but... I haven't got my tap shoes on, but something like this, something like this!
[3:22]I'll always have a go. I'll always have a go. You wrote an autobiography at what age? 13. It's a proper autobiography. This is a book you've written here with... Well, least that's the one I actually did write. We need to get that published. So this is in your own handwriting, unlike the one that came out recently, which of course has nothing to do with you. My mom and dad, what can you say? They're wonderful. They're so loving and encouraging and besides they absolutely adore me. 24 hours a day, I have their attention and I love it. That's how your autobiography starts. Most people think I'm a show-off, and to be quite honest, I am. But really, it's none of their business. I'm a popular girl, known for being loud and for talking a lot. And also I know what I want out of life. Everybody knows I want to be famous. Very interesting to read that at age 13 because... It's weird. Well, yeah, it's sort of weird, but also you're living the dream then that you had. Yeah, I'm a very determined person. And uh, if I put my mind to something and I believe in it, I'll do it. And I think, you know, I did used to walk around school going, I'm going to be famous one day. I've always been worried about the footage of the first program. That's how your first sort of thing on TV, right? Yeah. You went to a TV agent to see if they would take you on. Do you remember what they said to you? No. She said that you had the charisma, but you were too fat to be on TV. Charming. She suggested you lose two stone. Look where I am now, honey. Yeah, well, she can eat her words now. But I never gave up and I think people admire that about me. Yeah, I'm not been blessed with a Victoria Secret's body, but it's my body and I love it. And I am what I am. When you landed that role on Towie, your mom seems almost more excited than you were. Yeah. This was the door wrenching open. And you, Gemma Collins, burst through. Yeah. Never to go back. At the time, we didn't know that, because how the producers put it to me was, look, we're going to need you for seven weeks. Basically at the end of seven weeks, we'll give you a review. So I thought, right, I've got seven weeks to make sure that I never, ever turn backwards and, um, and at the end of the show, that was it, sign. You very quickly got 2,000, 3,000 followers on Twitter, and with that will have come a lot of people who liked you. Yeah. But also a lot of abuse. It was hard. I'm not going to lie, it was hard. There was times where people would get online and say we hate you. I think one said, um, get in your car and go and have a car crash. Uh, we she was dead. You have to get a very thick skin and I think that's where the GC was created as well. There is no way if you didn't have a thick skin and you will know this, that you will survive in this industry. It's not for everyone. I've been able to cope with it. Um, but there's a lot of people I know that haven't and it can ruin your life. You've got a reputation as a bit of a diva. Yeah. Guilty? I wouldn't say I'm 100% guilty. I'm going to have a few examples of your diva behavior. You refused to film an episode of Celebs Go Dating in Wales, saying that you would only film in Essex and that the other stars weren't as important as you. That's true. Yeah, I put my hands up to that. I mean that is diva behavior. It is. You told producers you would hand back your 60,000 pound fee unless your demands were met. Yeah, I did. I mean the sort of thing we'd expect from Madonna. When I actually hear things like that about myself, I do laugh, but I'm also cringe at the same time because that's not very good behavior and I probably, there has been times where I may have got out my boats. You're always late for jobs. Ironically, you were early today. I'd never be late for you. I'd never be late for you. You've also created this thing that you described as diva power, which is like a protective shield. Yeah. You literally said that, you know, you have to be kind and gentle to your fans in case they start crying because of the sheer emotional overload of meeting their role model. Yeah. Does that actually happen? Yeah, I was at a book signing, this lovely girl and her boyfriend come in, he'd brought her on a date to meet me, and she went, there's three things I really wanted in my life: a house, a pet monkey, and to meet you. She cried. I hugged her. Who would you have felt that about yourself? Definitely Madonna. I love her, Piers. I love her so much. I can't stand her. Can't you? Have you met her? I have. Oh, was she funny? No. Rude? Yes. And you couldn't win her over? No. Oh, that surprises me. But she's like your role model, is she? I just love the fact that she's gone through a lot in her life and, uh, and she's 60 and still carrying on. She don't stop and that's the way I want to be. You have not always had a smooth time on the shows you've done. The Teen Awards in 2017. I remember watching this live. You fell through the stage. Terrible. I mean, everyone laughed but it wasn't that funny, was it? It wasn't. The funny bit was you landed on three cast members of Love Island. I nearly killed them. It was like a baby elephant falling on them. They were shocked. My legs were dangling off like the raised platform. It nearly crushed my legs so I was about to be decapitated from the knees down. It could have been quite an interesting evening. What a performance that would have been. Did you get hurt or not? I was in agony. But I just got on, the show's got to go on. Let's talk about your relationship with money. I'm a spender. My dad rung me up, an absolute disgrace. You've spent, it was 50 grand in two months up Knightsbridge. 50,000 pounds in two months. Yeah.
[9:33]About 1,000 pound a day. It was 1,000 pound a day over the course of two months. But I was going through a bit of a hard time and... Was comfort shopping? It was. And I felt disgusted in myself. I went absolutely crazy in Gucci. Like what? Shoes, bags, coats. I was eating in the, you know, I was staying in the Dorchester more or less every night of the week. Um, at 600 pounds a pop. I was wining and dining in there. Living in the Dorchester, basically. Yeah. Stripping Gucci bear. Yeah. You're eating in the finest restaurants. I got absolutely massive, I could barely walk. It was kind of like self-destruction in a way, and I'm pleased my dad took my card off me, because I'm telling you now, I would have ended up in trouble. Your dad controls the money. Everything, yeah. But I'm allowed, if I'm going on holiday, I say, Dad, I'm going up to London today. Can I have a thousand pound? He's like, what do you need now? I like nothing, but I don't my card declined. There has been times it's been declined at Gucci. Why why would it be declined? Because I get a budget. I get a allowance every month. How much are you allowed to spend a month? Only 3,000. But it's your money. Look, if it was down to me, I'd be driving around in a Bentley, you know, I'd probably move into the Dorchester. Um, but that is not allowed and it's not accepted and I'm really pleased, it keeps me grounded. Well, let's go back to where it all began. You were born Gemma Clare Collins in Romford in 1981. What was your, your childhood like? There was no real money in the family. There was no money, but we had a really lovely childhood. I can remember having my first probably big birthday party at the Little Chef. Um, and really thinking that was a really posh restaurant. And I think my hard work and tenacity comes from, you know, my dad. He used to work all the hours under the sun and even do a night shift in a pub. Your mother instilled in you a lot of self-confidence. Yeah. But when you got to school, that caused people to then bully you. Girls on the bus would be singing at you, I love myself. Yeah. Make mocking you for your self-confidence. For those bullies who chanted at you and tried to prick that confidence. If they're watching tonight, as you sit here in your Versace suit, doing life stories, having just told me you've made a million pounds out of being Gemma Collins. What would you say to them? Does it feel good to have rub their taunts in their face? I don't believe in revenge and two wrongs don't make a right. I think that, you know, it's I hope that they've worked on something within themselves.
[12:24]It's hard to watch. Well, you don't forget it, but that's the downside to fame. I'm a lot more comfortable now in my own skin. But the viciousness of that. You know, we found some of these messages. Please leave Towie and die. You hurt my eyes when you come on TV. Please just die, you waste of oxygen. You're just a fat attention seeking B and so on. I mean, utterly vile. Yeah, it is. And I would normally say, well, they'd never say it to your face, but some people did say this to your face. They were shouting it in the street at you. Yeah, I was so embarrassed once. I was taking my mom for lunch, a van pulled up. And they started abusing me, it wasn't for me, I felt so hurt that that happened in front of my mom. What were they saying? You fat C, you NT, you know, fat cow. Really? Right in front of my face. Again, I'm used to it, but I didn't want my mom to hear it, because. Was she upset? Very upset, yeah. You've talked very openly about an ongoing struggle with your weight. It's obviously it's a part of your life. Yeah, I have always turned to food. Um, in in times of crisis. I mean any occasion, if I'm happy, I eat, if I'm sad, I eat. Um, but I think it's, it's about dealing with your emotions and trying to find a way of dealing with them in a healthy way and not turning into something that can harm you, because it is like a form of self-harm. You went from a size 10 to a size 20 in the space of one year. What was causing all that? I was really happy. I had a lovely boyfriend. And uh, he was a stock broker and we lived in a lovely home and I can remember saying, oh, I'm pregnant. We'd been together five years. I remember going for my three months scan and they said, uh, you know, your baby's not right, it's it's going to be deformed, basically. Um, and I had to make a decision. I went and had a termination which was hard to go and do. You you tell them about your baby, you then, this guy that you love, who. Yeah. Went with someone else. Five years, he runs off with somebody. And then you turn to eating a lot more than you were before, and you also start to self-harm. Why were you self-harming, do you think? Um, I was probably desperately unhappy. How old were you at this time? Probably about 20, 21. You know, and yeah. Shocking really, isn't it? I've still got scars on my wrists that I can see now. What did you do to yourself? I look at that now and I just see it as a sign of how far I've come. What would you do to yourself? I'd just would get a knife and start. I don't know, it was like a release. It was, it was a coping mechanism, I think, but I'm well out of it now. And I've never, never, ever tried to ever revisit that. Were you actually suicidal at the time? Did you feel like you could actually have gone through with it, or was it more a cry for help? Probably more a cry for help. I should have probably had therapy at the time. You know, and I wouldn't judge anyone. There's a lot of people that might be watching this and judge, it can happen to anyone. You claim that you're psychic. Yes, I am. So what's going to happen to you then? Because I can play this back in 10 years, and we'll work out if you are a psychic. Well, I'm going to be in Hollywood, baby, and I might be too busy to take your call. We'll soon see. When you did Dancing on Ice, you actually hired someone to improve your chances, didn't you? I did. I think something was put on me. So, who did you hire? Uh, we got in this, uh, Shaman lady, actually. To get rid of all the negative energy from the rink. People can put, you've heard of the Evil Eye, people can put stuff on you. I remember standing on the ice, and my leg like went from under me. And it was like someone had kicked me in the back of the leg. And I remember thinking someone's put juju on me. You pay psychics. Yeah. What what did they tell you was going to happen? Well, I'm always out, who am I getting married? Yeah. What's the answer? Well, none of them have ever really got it right. What does that tell you then? It's a lot of old baloney. Well, look, yeah, I just enjoy it, to be honest. You've never been afraid to share personal information with your fans. Yeah. You told Dan Wootton from the Sun, uh, that you'd made a sex tape that were quotes, not Kim Kardashian off her pedestal. Yeah. Is that true? Is there a sex tape? Yeah, it'd never get out though. I've got it on my phone. You have made one? Yeah. Who with? I ain't saying. So you've kept the sex tape on your phone? Of course. I might go skint one day. And I got to do a Kim K. You were down on your luck and you lost all your money. You had that on your phone, you thought that's the way back. Well, I'd try and graft my money back a better way than that. But if that all failed. Do you know what? Sex sells and, yeah. How long is this tape? Piers Morgan, you dirty man. Probably about 20 minutes, but we've all done it with our partners. So you know, I'm. No, we haven't all done it. Have you? No, I have not made a sex tape. All right, well, when I go skint, you'll be the first one I show it to and then you can you can help me bring around getting the bits in. How do you think your, your parents would feel about you releasing this to the world? Oh, that's the thing. I'd have to wait till they were dead. So. I wouldn't, I wouldn't listen. Lots of young people have, uh, you know, experimented with things like that. I'm just the normal girl, but... What do you reckon it could it could command on the market? A million quid, if not more. A million? Well, I'd like to set up a pay-to-view line. Whoever got a ring in, I'll take 150 on the phone call. And then three or a five to watch the thing. So I'd be cashing in myself, but I don't know if that's possible. No. I like you. But what you just said is awful. It is. But that means that basically everything in your life is up for sale. Not everything, no. Well, what are you prepared to sell a tape of yourself having sex? Well, I'm not prepared to. And then make money from the phone lines and they call in to see her. No, yeah, in for a penny, in for a pound. What what could possibly be left is private that you wouldn't sell? Yeah, well, never thought about it. Can you think of a single thing?
[19:01]Look, I get what you're saying. I get what you're saying. I'm not saying anything. I'm just asking you questions. No, I get what you're saying. What I'm saying is if I was ever skint. That that means your entire life, including your body, including everything you do with your body, everything is a commodity to be sold. You've abandoned any pretense of privacy or. Maybe, yeah. It's it's food for thought. Yeah. Is it a good thought? Oh, I don't know. I don't know. You might have kids, right? You want to have kids, don't you? Yeah, actually. Would you really feel comfortable? And I'm not thinking about Kim Kardashian. It's all very well cashing in on your sex tape in the way that she has. She's made millions out of it after it was leaked. I mean, do you really want your kids to then forever be watching their mother on the internet having sex with some guy? Now that you put it that way, no, I wouldn't. I've never sat there thinking, oh, I'm going to release the sex tape today, make some money. I'd rather go work 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year before I'd have to resort to that. You've kept the sex tape on your phone, specifically, so that if you have a bad time and you lose all your money, you've got a million quid's worth of sex tape to flog. No, I'm going to go home and delete it after you give me the right act about it. I've only asked you questions about it. No, because. And the truth is, if you delete it, you'll never have that moral quandary. You're right. But as long as it sits there, you're thinking, clearly, because you've said it, that there's a million pounds worth to be had out of a tape of you having sex. No, you're right. And the only way to guarantee you never actually do that, is to delete it. You're 100% right. So you're going to go back tonight and delete it. And I'm going to do just that. We're getting somewhere. Yeah. You get, you lose your moral compass. Gemma, I'm proud of you. Thank you. What are you what are you feeling?
[21:09]When I see the picture of James. In the grave. I couldn't again, he was really unwell then. It's just for anyone that ever thinks about taking drugs or or just trying it for one night, you can end up getting really addicted. And you, yeah, I was really happy with James. And we did get on, but the drugs changed him as a person. And it was, I fought every day for three years to, um, get him well. And what was the lowest moment for you? I have felt suicidal at other times.
[22:01]Yeah. Only I think when my relationship broke down with Arge. Definitely.
[22:18]Oh, I think when I have children and get married, it's time to kill her off. I need to be a bit more sensible now.
