[0:00]I'd like to introduce to you now a lady who's been one of the most popular comedians in the United States for over 40 years. Now some of you may have not heard of her yet. She's only started recently doing television. But she's often been called the funniest woman in the world, and after spending a week Tom and I rehearsing and working with her, we we heartily agree. Ladies and gentlemen, meet Moms Mabley.
[0:30]Oh that's wonderful. All kinds of fun and wonderful. I'd like to tell you mom's it's just great having you on our show tonight. Honey and it's great being on your show. Oh yes I enjoy listening to you and your dumb brother. You know this is the kind of show that people can enjoy. Good, clean, dirty fun.
[0:59]Well anyway, Moms, it is a pleasure to have you here and uh I know you came all the way from New York to do the show. Yes, I did. Yes, I did. Did you uh fly, take the train? Yes, I I I flew. You flew out. But I won't flew back. You take the jet. That's the first time I ever been on a plane and the last time. Honey, no sooner I got up no high in the Empire State, something went clunk up in my head and my ears stuck up. Couldn't hear nothing. Oh you talk about somebody being miserable. But that little girl on the plane was so nice. Yeah, stewardess. Yeah, the stewardess, bless her little heart. She tried to do all she can, she said, "Mom." I said, "I can't hear nothing, honey. I can't hear nothing." She said, "Mom, chew this chewing gum, maybe that'll help you." You know? I chewed and chewed and it didn't help nothing. We started over Denver crossed them mountains, it got caught in electric storm and that plane start dipping and I start dipping with it. My head started going around, I couldn't hear nothing. I said, "Do something for me, honey. I'm dying." She said, "Mom, drop your jaws." And I misunderstood.
[2:20]I said, I understand. Oh, I caught a terrible cold. Well, anyway, now that you're here and you're over your cold, how do you like it out here in sunny California? Oh, I love it. I've been out here before, you know. I never would forget all the, yes, Mom's been out here gas time. I was out here working.
[2:45]I was out here working and I told the lady in front, I said, "Madam, I said, where I live at, you like to give me some more money so I can get a taxi." Cause it's dangerous walking down them street. And and and because I remember one night, I got off the bus and started home. No sooner did I walking on the home, a young man walked up to me and he said, "Mom, give me some money." I said, "Give you some money?" He said, "Mom, I ain't got no people. My mother and father is dead." He started crying. He said, "I ain't got no sisters and brothers, no no nothing. I ain't got nowhere to eat. I ain't got nowhere to sleep." He said, "Mom, I ain't got nothing but this gun."
[3:42]Only Mom's I like to put Mom's, you're young and all. You know Mom don't like old men. No. Anytime you see me with Mom's around an old man, I'm holding him for the police.
[4:02]I'm almost afraid to ask you the next question, but I will anyway. Yeah. He says I'm afraid to ask you the next question but I will anyway, because I have to. Yeah you better. What kind of work were you doing when you were out here? Were you uh working in television show? Well, you know, I work for the government. Government? Yes, I'm a spy.
[4:23]SPI. The only one that owns up to it in the United States. I am a United States spy. Well that's wonderful. That's a glamorous job. You know I've noticed there's a lot of Negroes now holding glamorous government jobs. Oh yeah! Very desirable jobs like I just read recently about uh our first Negro astronaut. Did you know about that? Well of course I know about it. I'm the one that calls him to get the job. You got him the job? Yeah, when them men was come from, you remember them two men that come down in the astronaut and gave that big ticker tape parade for on Fifth Avenue in New York? 10,000 people lined up on Fifth Avenue. Of course I was in the crowd, you know doing that lining and spying, you know. And all at once I happened to look and watch the expression on some colored men's face. I run out to Kennedy Airport, grabbed me an airplane, went down to Washington and just as I was walking across the the White House lawn, I spied them coming over from the House of Representatives. I said, "Hey, hey, Lyndon!" Lyndon, come here, boy.
[5:34]I said, "Get something up in the air quick." I said, "I'm telling you now, get something colored up in the air quick." We're going to have a Martin Luther King March on your buns.
[5:59]He said, "Mom, don't you know I didn't think about that? You're right, Mom. What would I do without you?" I said, "Get your butt out of there quick." He said, "Where can I get a gang of colored men right away, a whole crowd of colored men?" I said, 125th Street and 7th Avenue. You need anything you walk on 125th Street and 7th Avenue and a whole lot of things you don't want. Put it all in the paper, all on radio everywhere, all in the Times everything. Want all the colored men to meet at 125th Street and 7th Avenue in front of the Teresa Hotel at 3:00 next Thursday evening. Next Thursday evening at 3,000 men. 3,000 colored men lined up in front of the Teresa Hotel. The man walked out on the platform. He said, I never saw such bravery in all my life. Yes, 3,000 colored men ready to go up for their country. So I don't know which one to choose. All of them are capable of going. He said, but I want to be fair, so I'm going to throw a feather out. And the one that the feather lights on will be the first colored man to go up in the accident. He throw the feather out. You ought to seen them cats.
[7:29]Well, I guess I better be moving on. I'll see you later. Wait a minute, Moms, you can't go yet. You haven't sung a song. Don't you want to sing a song for us? Oh, son, Mom, my singing days are over. Son, I can't sing. Oh, sure you can. We want to hear. Let's have it here for Mom. Sing a song.
[7:47]Okay. Hey Moms, the stage is yours. Say, son, hit Georgia Brown and sing for me.
[7:58]I know they'll make it got a shade. Mama loves Georgia Brown. Two left feet but oh so neat. She loves Georgia Brown. They all crying want to die. Oh Georgia Brown. I tell you that's why. You know Mom don't lie. Not much. She's been sitting up and sitting down when she come to town. Say baby it's really a shame how Mom cooled them down. The only fellas she can't get. A fellas she ain't met. Georgia Brown and Georgia named a clarinet song, Bobby.
[9:07]Georgia Brown, Georgia named her, Georgia Brown, I mean sweet, sweet Georgia Brown.
[9:27]Okay!
