Ancient Rome vs Modern Hair

[0:00]What if you opened a barber shop in ancient Rome? Day one, you drag a chair into the Roman forum with scissors, a mirror, and zero idea what Roman haircuts look like. A bored legionary sits down and says, just make it intimidating. You panic and shave lightning bolts into the sides of his head. His entire unit lines up as well. Day three, word spreads across Rome. Merchants want trims, soldiers want warrior fades. Even a gladiator pulls up before a Colosseum fight. You give him carved lightning lines and a brutal fade. The crowd goes insane when he wins. Day five, a suspicious man walks up to your chair. Big robe, hood, fake mustache. He sits down and says, if beauty is only appearance, why bother cutting hair at all? You stare at him, pull off the fake mustache. It's Socrates. You didn't invite him. He's just touring Rome. He sighs and says, fine, make me look wise. You give him the worst haircut in Roman history. He looks in the mirror, long silence. You lean in and say, feeling wiser. Socrates immediately starts another lecture. So you roll him up in a carpet and send him back to Greece with the next merchant caravan. Day seven. Rome is now haircut obsessed. Even Julius Caesar sits down and asks for something simple. You give him a short fringe. Congratulations. You just invented the Caesar cut.