This Is the Last Time You Overthink a Man

[0:00]This is the last time you're going to overthink a man, okay, honeybear? This is the last time. We're going to cut it out. And if this video doesn't do it, I know it will. I know it will. I got a trick up my sleeve. This is the last time you're going to overthink a man. 10 steps to stop spiraling and enter your unbothered era. Like me. Like me. I sound like I five years ago or so. You know, I was highly bothered, highly preoccupied. And now all I'm bothered about is my lip journey. I've developed this allergy on my lips. If you've been following me on my Instagram stories, you will know the saga that this is. But before you write in the comments, if you're watching this on YouTube, or if you are listening to this on your favorite podcast app, then listen, the saga is real. The blood tests are fine, everything is fine, and it seems to be an allergy to what? What, what, what, what? Baby wipes. Baby wipes, the chemicals in baby wipes. So the reason I'm holding up this LaRoche mamo is because it seems to be a lip safe thing for me right now. I took for granted my King Kylie era. I took for granted the time when I used to just pop on any lip liner and just like, you know, paint my lips blue, purple, or whatever teal. I actually had one of her teal wigs at the time. Madness. Anyway, I took it for granted. Why? Because now we're entering the organic era. I am no longer accepting toxic chemicals on my face, like I am not accepting toxic men. Let's try everybody. We're going to go through the 10 steps of entering your unbothered era. Why? To celebrate the last week that you can enter my course, my three-day intensive, one-hour video workbooks. How is it different to the videos I make as a question I get asked a lot? Well, it's step-by-step actionable steps and don't indicate at me. Don't indicate. I'm podcasting. They're indicating like they're going to park. Well, I'm parked like I'm podcasting. Christ. Anyway, how it's different is because jokes aside it's got workbooks, it's got a protocol of how I life coach, of how I go through steps of, of what it is, how it's done and getting you through the other side of it neurological. I'm not going to do that on a video on YouTube or a podcast because it's just not for people who have subscribed to it, right? The people have not subscribed to that. But the people have subscribed to know how to stop overthinking a man because you know what you are hindering when overthinking a man? You're hindering your progress. You're hindering your lifespan. You're hindering your happiness. You're hindering everything. He's really not that important, babe. He's really not that important. And in fact, the more importance you give him, the less important you are to him. What you focus on, he focuses on. So if you want him to focus on you, you focus on you. And if you want him to focus on himself, guess what you got to do? You got to focus on him too. Isn't that amazing? Number one, you've got to name, you've got to name what is really happening. Also, I've heard all of you say that you don't like, you know, the audio over here in the car. You don't like the audio. Listen, I my husband is building me a studio actively, actively. I've inspired him to build me a studio in our new house and it's going to be a studio in my house and it's going to be beautiful and the audio is going to be amazing. And then you're going to complain to me, but I liked the authenticity when you were in your car. And I'm going to say, okay, Samantha, but remember, remember when I was in my car and you were complaining about the fact that about the audio, well, let's go back to that. Anyway, Trust you know it's on my phone. Number one, name what is really happening. You are not thinking about him, okay, Samantha? You're trying to solve a feeling. When you're cycling about a guy, whether he be your husband, or your friend, or someone you're dating, it's never about the guy, it is about a feeling you're trying to resolve. Let's be honest, he reminds you of someone in your past, of the way your dad didn't like you, or some connection you didn't make. You are trying to overthink because you're trying to solve an issue inside your nervous system. You're trying to control your nervous system response and you're trying to retell the story. You're trying to refabricate the story into something that it wasn't. The real issue isn't the man who did nothing to you. Gerald is just some guy you met, okay? He's just works at your job and he's done nothing. You've gone on one date and now he's not talking to you that much, but he kind of said hi at the water machine. Is that what you guys do when you walk corporate? You go to a water machine or a coffee machine? It's emotional chaos that you're trying to calm. It is the fact that he has triggered in you some kind of memory and some kind of response, not viscerally, but in your mind about who he reminds you of. You're trying to solve an insecurity through a strategy that's not going to work, because that person's not your dad. That person's not the person who didn't approve of you in your childhood. That person cannot give you the validation that you so badly seek in yourself. I've just blown my nose because my children keep giving me the plague from school. Let me just check that I'm not feral. feralish, but not that feral. Number two. So that's the first thing. You've got to understand that the obsession is not about him as magical of a unicorn as he seems. It's never about him. If you are a level of obsession or overthinking, like why did he say this? Why did he say that? Why didn't he say this? Why didn't he say that? He's not just a man. He's now a representation of something different. Step two, you must catch the pattern to interrupt the cycle. Awareness is the beginning of power, okay? Awareness is where people change. Alcoholics Anonymous, it's admitting to the issue that is at hand. Walk yourself through a real timeline of the spiral, checking messages, obsessing and over-replying and redirecting. Read back the messages, you don't read back the messages because you're embarrassed. You're embarrassed to see how over-engaged you are. How much, how little he's replying to you. You know when you pull up a phone and you see the text messages and yours are like chunk, chunk, chunk, chunk, and his are like one line, one line, one line. In the beginning of my relationship with my husband, I used to do that too. And I know that I'm cycling because into my anxious attachment, like my husband doesn't care anymore. It's, it's, it's been a while, like I go back and forth, but I know that would have been deeply unattractive in the beginning because I can see when I cycle back into it and it's not because of our relationship now, because I'm secure in that relationship. But it's more so about when I get insecure about myself, like, for example, right now, he's stressed with our house build and all that stuff, and he is sounding distant on the phone, and he's sounding angry on the phone. To be honest, I don't really care because I care more about my bloody lip allergy, okay? But when I'm feeling sensitive, I'm like, why is he sounding different? He doesn't love me the same way. And it's just not true. Like, it's not all about you, dear anxiously attached woman. You need to pause when this is happening and say, I'm spiraling. Do not think I want to be like, babe, what's wrong? What's wrong? Are you upset? What's wrong? No one's upset. You're going to make me upset by always asking if I'm upset. It's deeply annoying and deeply disrespectful because as an anxiously attached person, you never see another person's reality for what it is. You never see their real emotions, you never see their real kind of intricacies and you always expect your emotions to be catered to. Your emotions are always number one and it is deeply annoying. Interrupt it with a ritual like putting your phone in the drawer where it always goes, go outside. Journal in my new journal that's coming out in the links below. I will put in the description links below the links for the expression of interest of our magnificent journal, which will transform your life. Because you're going to journal away and you will see that instead of when you're spiraling requesting a human being who never caused a spiral in the first place, you're going to address the human being who is responsible for it and that is yourself. Hi, gorgeous. Sorry to interrupt the show, but this one is brought to you by Liquid IV. It's winter here in Australia and I don't know about you, but between the school runs and the heating, which dries you out, and the too much caffeine, which, you know, is a habit, but we move on from that. I was getting headaches, feeling a bit flat and then listen, a friend of mine was like, girl, you're dehydrated. And honestly, she's right and water doesn't always cut it. So I've been using this orange vanilla dream hydration multiplier from Liquid IV. It's got this creamy, nostalgic flavor and it's almost like um, in England. I don't know if you had Sunny D Light, but kind of like that. It's like a popsicle style childhood flavor. One stick in 16 ounces of water hydrates you two times faster than water alone, which I didn't know and it's packed with electrolytes, B vitamins and vitamin C, which is really helpful and useful. It's powered by something called Hydrowhich basically means it's not just marketing, it actually works and it's easy. You just tear a pouch, you put it in water and you sip. I've used it on busy workdays, running around, put it in the car and it just helps you bounce back from a bad sleep as well. So go to liquidiv.com and use my code being her for 20% off your first order that's being her at Liquid IV.com. Number three, step number three. Get obsessed with your nervous system, not him. You see how I, I don't know if you've been on my stories, like I said, I'm obsessed with this whole lip condition that I have because I really want to wear nice lipstick and I really want to look like a cute, pretty girl and it's really unhinged and it's been six months and it's really upsetting me, okay? So, I am obsessed about things like building my business, doing the journal, you'll never going to believe the color of this journal. It is so cute, hot and amazing. You're going to love it. But you need to start being obsessed with your own health. I'm seeing a naturopath at the moment for this. You need to start doing yoga. You need to start doing whatever it is you got to do to be obsessed about your own progression in life and your own health because that's the thing that's going to make you attractive and magical and irreplaceable, not chasing him. The difference between he loves me and I feel safe is everything. It is absolutely everything. You do not need him to love you to feel safe. You need to feel safe around yourself. You need to be the big bad adult that you're searching for in him. You are the adult now. You need to take your little self in your hands, give yourself a cuddle and keep it stepping. Keep it moving, okay? You need your your nervous system needs to be regulated. I am not going to regulate your nervous system here on this YouTube video, on this podcast that you're listening to. Maybe I can do an in-depth one or go on my unbothered three-day intensive is my favorite thing I've ever done. You will really enjoy it. Regulated women don't chase. You need to regulate your own emotional feelings. You know, spiral, they just receive attention when it is given and if it's not given, they understand that perhaps that person's not for them. Or perhaps it's not there at the time. Like, let's take my example, my husband stressed about our build. If I was still anxiously attached and I was overthinking men, I would do his head in by being like, what's wrong? What's wrong? And blowing up his phone and texting him cute things because that's what you do, right? You want to like text him something cute, check he's still interested in you. Give a person space, please, Samantha. Number four, let the fantasy die. Let the fantasy die. You're not addicted to him. You're addicted to the potential. Let's call it what it is. I made up a connection with someone who hasn't actually earned your energy, earned your time, done anything for you. A lot of times if I ask a woman what is it that she finds so appealing about this dufus, she never knows what it is. He's not done anything. You've basically given him attributes and then fallen in love with yourself. Yeah? You need to separate who he is versus who you want him to be. You have invested time in him. Therefore, you've equated that time you've invested into the investment portfolio, thinking, my time is worth a lot. So I've invested in him that means he must be worth something or baby girl, you were wrong, and you need to fold those investments and move on quicker as opposed to wasting more time. He's not confusing, he's not confused, he's just not consistent and he doesn't like you that much. You know what? Don't be afraid to say he doesn't like me that much. It's not going to be at a deficit to you. It's not going to take anything away from you. And I know why you're scared to say it because in the case that he does like you enough and then you miss out on a good guy on a good guy on a good guy. Listen, if he likes you enough and he's a good guy, you're not going to miss out on him. He's still going to pursue you. He will. Let's move smoothly on to number five. Number five, choose embodiment over strategy, okay? Attraction isn't built through analysis. It's felt through energy. Like you cannot, I I did my live speaking engagement last week, a live podcast. And it was like, how do I make him like me? How do I meet the guy? How do I this is why apps kill vibes, right? I hate to sound like a hippie, but it is the energy of how he makes you feel and how you make him feel. It's not something that can be scripted or explained or written down. It just cannot. It just happens, right? So you sitting there being like, oh, what should I text him next is not actually going to move the needle. If he is not attracted to you in that way, nothing is going to change. The energy of I like me and you can come along or not is super, super attractive. And if you want to work on the attraction between you and him, what you need to work on is your own confidence and energetic feel. Why are you pulling your car out behind me when I'm telling women stuff? Go. I've got a lot of videos on confidence and how to feel confident in yourself. Just write my name and then write confidence. Number six, this is very important. Build your self-trust muscle. Build your self-trust muscle. Self-trust is like a muscle, you got to work it out and then it becomes stronger, okay? If you stop overthinking about him and start trusting yourself, that is the path to freedom and actually being attractive to everyone. What will happen? Ask yourself that question, journal on it and meditate on it. If I stop centering him and start centering me and start trusting me and not seeking his validation, a real glow up starts relationship-wise, body-wise, looks-wise. When you start believing your own intuition again, when you start to believe in your own value again and you start to seek your own validation, not his validation, your own validation, when can you really pat yourself on the back and be like, yes, I did good. I love that for me. If you feel confused about whether he likes you or not, the answer is no. Outsourcing your sanity to someone else is just a crazy thing to do. You need to be consistent and there for yourself, like a constant source of inspiration and aspiration. You need to be seeking your own validation. Number seven. Remember what you bring to the table. You're not begging to be picked. Please never be begging to be picked by someone. You're not understanding the end goal is tragic, right? You think that if you win, you will win his approval and be forever in love. Amen. You won't. What you will find is that you will have to always be proving yourself to someone who didn't really want you. It's like you're trying to sell a car that someone didn't want to someone who didn't want the car, right? As opposed to selling their dream car, which you wouldn't even have to sell because the dream car. You'd be like, get on the weight list if it was a dream car, right? But you're selling them something that they did not want trying to convince them. You're trying to say that you're worth it. When he should know that. Like, life gets hard enough, okay? You need to list out your standards, your values and traits and desires and everything about you that makes you the person that you are. And start seeing your own traits as interesting, valuable, commoditable, as opposed to his because you're focusing so much on him. He should be anxious about losing you. That's the reality. And you, you right now don't see him as human and as fallible and as somebody who could be scared of losing you. But he is human and as soon as he see your value, he will be scared of losing you. You are not asking to be chosen. You are deciding who is lucky enough to sit at the table with you. You need to change the perspective of how you see it. Number eight, before I go and get my son from school. We got three more points, okay? Claim your mental real estate. It's very expensive to be running around in your brain, okay? Even though you waste your time and energy on him, it's not going towards your dream life. Every second you spend focusing on him is the every second you get less hot. Less cute, less forward moving, less desirable to people in the future, okay? It's energetic ROI return of investment, right? You are spending a lot of investment on him and it's never going to return. Where are your thoughts going? Where is your energy going? Because as I said, the more you think about him, the more he'll think about himself. Fitness, business, what makes you happy, rituals, friends, goals? Like there are so many things that's going to make your whole rounded amazing person. Put yourself back at the center of your own story. You have really made him the main character of the movie that is your life. Whatever your name is, okay, I want to say Jessica again, but that's illegal. I cannot say Jessica anymore. I'm going to go with Patricia. Patricia. Rone, Rone, okay. Renee. Renee, you need to put yourself at the at the center of your story. Joke aside, like you only get this go around on the merry-go-round once. It's so interesting. It's so exciting. You will never come back looking like you being you being here, being with your family. Oh my God, everything is so tangible and beautiful and once in a lifetime and oh my God, I never wanted to end like honestly, it petrifies me. The fact that like, oh, it's just so wonderful and once, you know? And you're putting this guy at the center of it. Honestly. Number nine, practice your detachment girl era, okay? Calm, confident, and non-performative. Non-performative is my favorite adjective. I don't know what the word is, grammar of the moment. It's not fake, it's not icky, it's not manipulative. It's just super grounded into the wholeness of who you are. You know what? I think this is my grounded unbothered era. Like, I am not bothered on performative makeup that has a lot of chemicals in it. And performative food that has a lot of chemicals in it. I am grounded and real and so should you be. Don't chase, attract, just be in your moment and be really, you know what, just like how rare is to see a genuine human being these days. People aren't genuine. And you need to just be a genuine human being and if he doesn't like you, then let the doorknob hit him where the good Lord split him. Trust that the universe has something for you that is amazing and intricate and beautiful and he will be a shadow in the past. Number 10, anchor your unbothered identity. This is where it becomes permanent, okay? Detachment isn't a phase, it's a practice. It's a practice and a power move that you've got to practice every day. If you get the unbothered master class, you've got access to it for two years, you can download all the workbooks, you can have all the information, okay? And you can watch it again and again when I knew that I had to discover my own worth before I tried to like market myself to anyone. It doesn't work. That is when something shifted for me and I really want that for you. It is your era to become unbothered. It is your era to become the main character and it's really not about him, baby. It's about you. You know, it's really about you. And now I promised my Instagram stories to show them all the clean beauty I got. So I'm going to go and do that. Go on stories if you want to see more from me. And I'll see you in unbothered. Doors are closing on the 7th of August and I hope we can get unbothered together. Love you lots, baby. Bye.