Classics Summarized: Dante's Purgatorio

[0:00]When last we left our intrepid protagonist, Dante Alighieri, he and his dashing guide Virgil had just emerged from hell and out into Purgatory. Here, for those unfamiliar with the location, souls that are unworthy to go to heaven, but not bad enough dudes to deserve hell, purge themselves of their mortal sins so they can become worthy of going to heaven. So, Purgatory is a mountain, or, more specifically, an island in the middle of the southern half of the Western Hemisphere, on the opposite side of the world to Italy. And, fun fact, Dante, at this point in history, had no idea that the Americas were a thing. So Purgatory was proudly declared to be the only landmass in that part of the world. Oh, the enlightened world in which we live. Anyway, Purgatory is structured as follows. You start at the bottom, climb up through seven terraces corresponding to the Seven Deadly Sins, and when you get to the top of the mountain, you can go to heaven. The terraces of Purgatory vary wildly between mildly uncomfortable and hellishly terrifying, which is also a pretty accurate model for the overall tone of the book. Purgatory is solidly between heaven and hell, so it makes sense that it would be a little inconsistent in tone. So our story begins with Dante and Virgil at the bottom of the mountain, chatting with this old dude Cato, whose job it is to direct the newbies in the right direction. Cato is rather curious as to how exactly the two of them busted out of hell, and Virgil's like, no, it's cool, his dead girlfriend sent us. And Cato's like, ah, young love, and lets them through. While they're there, a boat full of new dead dudes show up, and Purgatory not being burdened with an overabundance of road signs, the new guys immediately get lost. Cato's like, pardon me, duty calls, and starts hurting them in the right direction. So Dante and Virgil move on to the lowest part of Purgatory, specifically Anti-Purgatory, where the people who weren't quite Christian enough to go to heaven have to wait another lifetime's worth of years before they can advance up the mountain to the first terrace. It's boring, but at least it's pretty. Dante and Virgil chill out with this dude Sordello, who's a Mantuan just like Virgil. Sordello tells them that Purgatory has only one rule, and it's not, don't talk about Purgatory. It's impossible to climb the mountain when the sun goes down. You can only advance through Purgatory during the day. So, Dante and Virgil spend the night in this gorgeous valley in Anti-Purgatory, where all the souls sing kumbaya, or whatever. And the next morning, Dante wakes up at the gates of Purgatory proper. According to Virgil, as soon as the sun rose, some angelic lady showed up and carried the sleeping Dante up here. Hey, easier than walking. Anyway, the gate is guarded by an angel who takes his big honking sword and uses it to carve seven P's into Dante's forehead. One for each terrace. That is hardcore. Dante should be on an album cover. Anyway, as he climbs through the mountain, the P's will be erased one by one as he passes through the terraces. See, it's symbolic of him losing his sins as he climbs up to heaven and ah, whatever. If you wanted an in-depth symbolic analysis, you'd be over on SparkNotes right now. So the angel unlocks the gate with two keys, one silver and one gold. Symbolism, totally symbolism. And Dante and Virgil go on their merry way. One side note before we continue. Similarly to the Inferno, Dante is kind of a rockstar in the eyes of the souls of Purgatory, being lucky enough to get the guided tour of the afterlife while not being dead. So he's routinely accosted by people he knows or has heard of, and because this is a near-constant thing, I'm skipping over most of that, because who wants to hear me read the 14th century equivalent of the phone book? So the first terrace is devoted to pride, and the souls in this terrace are weighed down by huge stones that force them to bow. Symbolism. Now, there are a few important differences between Purgatory and Hell. Well, I mean, there are a lot of differences between Purgatory and Hell, but the relevant one in this case is that in Purgatory, the terraces are filled with examples of the good side of humanity. And in this terrace, this is displayed through statues and carvings representing humility. So, while the souls are going through suffering and climbing the mountain, they're also seeing what they'll become after they strip their sins away. They're also all singing for some reason, and in my experience, singing while climbing mountains makes the climbing more difficult, but whatever. Symbolism. Anyway, Virgil mentions that Dante's a pretty proud dude, and Dante contemplates how much time he's likely going to have to spend in this terrace when he finally kicks the bucket. So they reach the edge of the terrace, and the Angel of Humility pops up and magically erases one of the P's from Dante's forehead. Now it's on to terrace number two, the terrace of envy. Here, disembodied voices talk about the great benefits of generosity. But unlike in the first terrace, there are no visual aids to accompany the soundtrack, no statues, carvings, none of that. The reason for this becomes clear when we see that the souls in this terrace have their eyes sewn shut. Yeah, Purgatory isn't all fun and games. Dante and Virgil scoot on through to the edge of the next terrace, where the Angel of Generosity pops up and erases the second P on Dante's forehead. So Dante and Virgil move on to the third terrace for the corresponding sin of wrath. In contrast with the unsettlingly horrifying nature of the previous terrace's punishment, this one is just swathed in a blinding, acrid mist. Dante has a brief convo with one of the souls here about the nature of free will. And then he and Virgil reach the edge of the terrace. The Angel of Peace erases the third P from Dante's face, and they continue on. But before they reach the fourth terrace, Virgil teaches Dante about love. No, no, no, not like that. It's because the next four terraces are all about sins that are messed up forms of love, that is, sloth, greed, gluttony, and lust. Here, sloth is defined as insufficient love. So in terrace number four, sloth is purged through rigorous use of middle school gym class punishment tactics, that is, running in circles forever. So the sun goes down, and Dante has a dream about a hideous siren who enchants him with a song, but he is snapped out of it by some other lady. And then Virgil wakes him up, and they move on to the gate of the fifth terrace, where the Angel of Zeal erases the fourth P from Dante's forehead. And then they pass through to the fifth terrace, where greed is purged. So on this terrace, all the souls here are, well, stuck lying face down on the ground. Given that this punishment involves being unable to move, I have no idea how you're supposed to be able to climb past this terrace. But there's no time to ponder that because suddenly there's an earthquake, and everybody starts singing. What is happening? Anyway, then they notice that someone else is climbing the mountain behind them. His name is Statius, by the way, and Virgil asks him what was up with the quake. Statius is like, oh, well, you see, Purgatory isn't affected by normal tectonic or climactic events. Here, we have earthquakes every time a soul finishes up here and is ready to go to heaven. And Virgil's like, huh, so who's the lucky guy? And Statius is like, it's all me, baby. So anyway, our dynamic duo continue upward towards the sixth terrace, where the Angel of Justice erases the fifth P from Dante's forehead. And then it's on to the terrace of gluttony, where Dante straight up rips off Tantalus's punishment for the penance of this circle. Here, gluttons starve and are forced to fruit trees where all the fruit is just out of reach. Dante's more confused about how dead people can even starve since they don't have any to eat anymore. And Virgil's like, you think I have all the answers? Yeah, you know the drill. Dante talks to some dudes, gets to the gate, the Angel of Temperance erases a P from his face and they move on. The seventh terrace is lust, and it mixes up the formula a little bit with an enormous wall of flame. Symbolism. So yeah, the relevant souls are in this wall of fire just kind of chilling. And again, they're baffled by Dante's aliveness. Dante talks to a few of these lusty dudes, and then Virgil's like, okay, now we need to walk into the fire. And Dante's like, excuse you. And Virgil's like, come on, don't walk out on me now. And Dante's like, there is no way I'm gonna set myself on fire for your amusement. And Virgil's like, oh, then I guess you don't want to see your dead girlfriend. So Dante and Virgil take a stroll through the fire. When they get to the other side, the Angel of Purity erases the last P from Dante's forehead. The sun sets and Dante falls asleep, and then has yet another symbolism-laden dream about women. Man, this guy really needs a girlfriend. But yeah, the women in question are Leah and Rachel, two biblical ladies who represent the active Christian lifestyle or something. Anyway, Dante wakes up, and he and Virgil head onward to the last part of Purgatory. The Earthly Paradise at the very top of the mountain. Wait, did I say Dante and Virgil? See, the thing is, Virgil can't really guide him any further, mostly because he still technically belongs in hell. Fortunately for all of us, this doesn't mean he has to leave. He can still go with Dante, he just won't be guiding him anymore. So Dante makes it up to the Earthly Paradise, the very top of Purgatory. Unsurprisingly, the Earthly Paradise is gorgeous and lovely and pretty much the best thing ever. In the Earthly Paradise, Dante and Virgil find a lady Matilda, who starts guiding them through the Earthly Paradise, where they see a procession of a colorful array of characters that we don't really care about because oh dang, look who's with them. It's Beatrice. That's right, Dante's dead girlfriend is finally here. Yay! But Virgil's gone. No! Beatrice is like, quit crying, this is supposed to be a place of fun. Turns out Beatrice is also pissed at Dante because after she died, he, get this, fell in love with someone else. Because nobody could be as pure and gorgeous as Beatrice. This is something of a cardinal sin, and is, in fact, the whole reason she sent him to hell in the first place. Insert joke about jealous ex-girlfriends here. Dante's still crying, of course, so Beatrice has her handmaidens push him into the river Lethe to calm him down, and also purge his memories of sin, but who cares about that? So Dante emerges from the Lethe, and Beatrice finally reveals her face, which is so entrancingly gorgeous that Dante forgets to blink for a while. Then there's some business with the tree of knowledge, and Dante passes out. When he wakes up, he scoots on over to Beatrice, who's chilling under the tree of knowledge. And Beatrice is like, okay, some crazy stuff is about to go down. Take notes. Okay, so this is pretty weird, so pay attention. First off, there's this chariot, right? It's tied to the tree of knowledge, a Griffin put it there, nobody cares. Okay, keep your eye on this chariot. Boom! Suddenly, an eagle. Eagles maxed into the chariot and twisted into a pretzel. Next up, hungry fox, jumps into the chariot, Beatrice punches it. Eagles back. This time it molts all over the chariot. Then the ground splits open, and a goddamn dragon shows up, stabs the chariot, then dragged a chunk of it back underground. Okay, so that was weird. Then the chariot grows four heads, turns into a giant and a prostitute, and then the giant drags the prostitute off. Purgatory is fucking weird. So Beatrice spits out a prophecy that somehow explains everything, I don't get it, neither does the internet. And they push Dante into another river, which restores his good memories. At this point, he's all set to head on over to heaven, or something. So you may have noticed that threes seem to show up a lot in this. Not just 'cuz it's a trilogy. It's actually a thing. Among other things, when Dante's super bummed about Virgil leaving, he repeats his name three times. (also an ancient Roman funerary rite) He also kisses up to Virgil a lot. One thing he says is, "I recognize the signs of that old flame." Which is a quote from Dido. Which is from the Aeneid... ...which I haven't read yet. I'll get there, okay? This has been an Overly Sarcastic Production.