[0:00]Why is everyone so successful except me? How does everyone have so many friends yet I'm alone? I just wish I looked like her.
[0:08]This is our reality, chronically online but quietly suffering, living vicariously through influencers we've never even met.
[0:15]If you find yourself constantly stuck in this comparison loop, wishing that one day that it'll stop, it won't, because you're playing a game you can't win.
[0:24]But what if I told you it didn't have to be this way, that you didn't have to wake up every morning feeling sorry for yourself, because that used to be me?
[0:32]I'm going to tell you exactly how I was able to stop comparing myself after years of struggling with insecurity.
[0:37]Because these mindset tricks are so powerful that if you use them, you will never become insecure by anyone again, no matter who you scroll past.
[0:46]You're not crazy for comparing yourself, though. In fact, it's biologically ingrained in us.
[0:50]As humans, we compare ourselves to others because of this innate drive to evaluate ourselves, understand our place in the world, and improve our lives.
[0:58]This is based on social comparison theory. In other words, comparing ourselves to others helps us gauge where we stand in society.
[1:06]It's essentially benchmarking. This comparison can either be upward, such as perceiving others as better than us, or it can be downward when we see other people as being worse.
[1:15]And although very rarely, it can be a source of motivation. Most of the time, it often leads to negative emotions like dissatisfaction and anxiety.
[1:24]And because of the age of the internet and social media, it has made this comparison game incredibly easy.
[1:30]We wake up, we scroll, we eat, we scroll. We can't even brush our teeth without checking who's doing better than us.
[1:36]And the crazy thing is that it all happens unconsciously. Even if you're not actively thinking about comparison, it's already happening in your mind.
[1:44]Social media apps were designed to be addicting. And so the longer we stay on the platform, the more unattainable aesthetics we see.
[1:52]And eventually, we start to convince ourselves that every single person is indeed happier, more successful, more in love, and prettier than us.
[2:00]And you tell yourself that you're just catching up. But an hour later, you're picking apart your body, your job, your timeline.
[2:07]But you're not crazy for feeling this way. You're just caught in a cycle that was never meant to help you.
[2:12]Social media breeds envy, so it's your job to filter through the noise and find better solutions that will actually motivate you.
[2:20]When we compare ourselves to others on social media or in real life, we often feel a mix of inadequacy. Like, why don't I look like that?
[2:27]Self-doubt, like, am I falling behind? Shame, like, I should be doing more. Or resentment, why them and not me?
[2:35]But the real root of comparison is always the fear of not being enough, that if we don't measure up to everyone else, we'll be unloved, unnoticed, or left behind.
[2:46]And this is a problem because the measuring stick you're using to evaluate yourself is based on standards that you've created in your mind.
[2:54]When you think about it, there is no law on what's right or perfect. These are ideals set by us that we force ourselves to live by because that's what other people do.
[3:05]I mean, think about the Instagram face phenomenon where everyone is doing their makeup and getting plastic surgery to look the same way.
[3:12]There is a cultural pressure to follow these beauty standards because that's what people deem as the right way to look.
[3:19]So the first step to how you're going to overcome comparison is to reframe and rebuild. You have to understand that all of what you're feeling is created from you.
[3:29]That all of your insecurities are technically your fault. It's harsh, but it's true.
[3:34]This is something called radical accountability, which is believing that everything that has happened to you is directly your responsibility.
[3:42]So how you feel about yourself is your fault. But there is good news, because although radical accountability can be a hard pill to swallow, it also shows you that you have 100% control of your life.
[3:55]So you can either use this information to further degrade yourself, or you can use it to reframe your thinking and rebuild your life.
[4:03]And this is exactly how you're going to do that. You see, comparison isn't the actual problem. It's a symptom of the problem.
[4:09]So the first thing you need to do is identify what it is exactly you're feeling when you compare yourself to others. Is it shame, jealousy, inadequacy?
[4:18]And once you can name the feeling, it will help you take back the power from it.
[4:22]Then you need to ask yourself, what is this trigger showing me about my own desires?
[4:29]For example, if you're envious of someone else's success, maybe you're craving more purpose.
[4:33]If you're comparing someone's physical looks to yours, maybe you just want their confidence. Like I said, comparison is just a symptom of the real problem.
[4:41]You need to dig deep and find out the exact issue you have with yourself.
[4:46]And then you're going to turn your feelings into a mirror. Basically, every time you see someone who you compare yourself to, you are going to shift your focus from what you lack to what you can learn.
[4:56]So as an example, when you see someone online who has a body you want, rather than thinking, I'll never be able to look like that.
[5:03]Think, what can I learn from her to achieve those results? Or if you see one of your friends making lots of money, ask yourself, what are they doing differently that I can start doing too?
[5:14]We are no longer going to be passive and just quietly watch people from the sidelines. That is not what you are put on this earth to do.
[5:21]Instead, you are going to take your insecurity, turn it around, and take action towards your goals, which brings us to number four.
[5:28]Root back into your timeline. We often compare our step one to other people's step 100.
[5:35]You need to remember that the people who are farther along than you are on a different path.
[5:39]Remember that their success doesn't equal your failure. Just because someone else is winning doesn't mean you're losing.
[5:46]You guys can both be winning at the same time. Crazy concept, I know. But whatever your actionable steps are, you need to adjust them to fit your unique timeline.
[5:56]So to do this, I want you to do a little exercise. I want you to write down three things you are already doing that align with your goals.
[6:04]So as an example, if my goal was to land my dream job, I might say that I'm already reaching out to companies, getting my letters of recommendation, and updating my resume.
[6:13]And then after that, I want you to write down three more things you can start doing that will further your growth.
[6:19]This will get you to start thinking actively, as in taking action towards your goals, rather than being passive and envious of other people working on theirs.
[6:26]One of the other most effective tips I've used that helped me stop comparing myself is auditing my scroll.
[6:32]You need to unfollow anybody you silently compare yourself to and be honest about it.
[6:37]At first, you might not want to unfollow some people because at one point, they did inspire you. But now, deep down, you find yourself jealous and insecure by their life.
[6:46]There were so many influencers I used to look up to, but over time, I just found myself constantly comparing my life to theirs.
[6:53]And every time I would go off social media, I would feel so empty. So that's when I realized constantly consuming these people's content was actually hurting me more than helping.
[7:03]So that is when I just started to mute people on social media, so I didn't see their posts or stories.
[7:09]Like it wasn't enough for me to just ignore them. I actually had to mute them for my self-control.
[7:14]And when I tell you, my mental health improved drastically by doing this, because during the day I would just mindlessly scroll, but it would actually be feeding into my insecurities.
[7:24]So now the temptation isn't even there, and I only follow people who inspire me, but that I don't compare myself to.
[7:31]I basically only follow people who I see as mentors or teachers.
[7:35]Because the logic is, you wouldn't want to be your professor, but you definitely want to learn from them.
[7:40]Another way to audit your scroll is just to limit it all together. The phrase you are what you eat is 100% true.
[7:47]The more time you spend on social media, the more you feed into the narrative it's telling you.
[7:51]And because these apps were designed to make us insecure, you are only buying into a self-fulfilling prophecy, the longer you spend on them.
[7:59]So do yourself a favor and just limit your time online. I talk about this screen management app called Opal all the time in my videos.
[8:06]They're not sponsoring me, but I wish they did, because of all this free promotion I'm doing for them. But I really like it because it will literally block me from using certain apps on my phone.
[8:14]So I've set it to block Instagram, TikTok, LinkedIn, my emails, basically every single app.
[8:20]And you can decide how long you want your blocking period to be. So I've set mine in the morning, because I do not want to start my day off by comparing myself on social media.
[8:29]This has been a godsend for my productivity, self-esteem, confidence, basically everything.
[8:35]I love social media, but there are times when I just need a break. And auditing my scroll has been extremely effective for that.
[8:41]So if you are not doing this yet, you need to start. I do want to say something really bluntly, though.
[8:46]Most of us who struggle heavily with comparison are coincidentally also really shy and humble.
[8:52]Like, you are probably the type of person to deny compliments from other people. Like if someone said, oh my God, your hair is so pretty, you'd probably say something like, oh my God, no, I haven't washed it in three days, it's so bad.
[9:04]But girl, you got to stop doing this. It seems harmless, but you are quietly killing your self-esteem.
[9:09]And you wonder why you're insecure? It's because you're always denying the good things about yourself.
[9:15]So here's what you're going to do instead. You are going to publicly celebrate yourself. And I don't care if you think this is stupid because it's not and it works.
[9:22]I am literally living proof because I used to hate talking about myself, but now I love it.
[9:27]You need to get into the habit of sharing your wins with other people. And the reason why this works is because it trains your brain into thinking highly of yourself.
[9:36]It's the same reasoning behind fake it 'til you make it. Nobody comes out of the womb being super confident.
[9:41]Confidence is a muscle that is developed over time. And people who are extremely confident have been exercising this muscle for years.
[9:49]So if you are generally a very humble, quiet person who doesn't like to talk about themselves, that needs to change.
[9:55]When I actually started to share stuff about my life with other people and all the good things that have been happening to me, at first it felt weird, because I thought I was like bragging, but it's not.
[10:04]And it actually made me stop comparing myself to others. When you take the time and intentionally acknowledge your wins, it affirms to you that you are amazing, you are capable, and you are successful.
[10:16]And when you start changing your thinking pattern, you will eventually stop comparing yourself to what you see in real life or online, because now you believe you have just as much or even more to celebrate, and you do.
[10:28]Everything you have right now is worth celebrating. You don't need to wait for that new job, that new apartment, or that big milestone to feel good about yourself.
[10:37]You can decide to feel good right now. At the end of the day, comparison is just a distraction.
[10:43]It keeps you focused on what you don't have, that you forget everything you do have. But you don't need to be anyone else. You don't need to live someone else's timeline.
[10:52]You just need to remember who you are and start acting like it. Stop giving other people the power to dictate how you feel about yourself.
[11:00]Take this as your reminder that you are not behind, you are not broken, you are in the process of becoming, and we all are.
[11:08]And remember, there is nothing more powerful than a girl who's too focused on herself to even compare.
[11:14]As always, thank you so much for being here and for putting yourself first. I'll see you in the next one. Bye.
