[0:15]There's a vegetarian restaurant around the corner. just around, yeah, a couple of streets from here. I was completely veggie. I had a flat. It was nice.
[0:28]It was okay. Did you see the news on telly last night? No, just, just wondered. Yeah, there was some bits in the papers. I checked in WH Smith's, tiny, you know, that's not what I
[0:43]What, so you didn't see News at 10, no? No. Oh, shit. Oh, well. two fellas over there.
[1:00]Can you believe they voted no? Can you believe it? I couldn't believe it. Well, not no, I know, no, but 18. It was almost worse than if they kept it at 21.
[1:13]There'd be some honesty in that. We ate you and, you know, piss off. At least that would have been consistent, but yeah, we'll make you slightly more equal. Yeah, big wow.
[1:26]Of course, it's it's better. I know that. Of course it is, but what it's just It was 1994, you know, Jesus.
[1:35]That's what this fellow said last night. He said it was good. He said things were changing, but it just makes you well, I don't want to be tolerated, you know?
[1:48]I've got a bit of falafel in my teeth.
[1:54]It's impressive when you see it. Now the House of Commons we've been, it's bigger than it looks on telly.
[2:00]I just come down on my own. I wasn't planning to, I hadn't thought of it really. I knew the vote was coming up the reading of the bill, I've been following it, but
[2:09]Well, then it was on the front page that morning that Derek Jarman had died. And um, yeah, well, you know, not like it was a sign or anything. I don't believe in all that, but I I just thought,
[2:20]sod it. I should go. Show them that we count, you know, we do exist. It does matter the things they're talking about, so
[2:34]I mean, I'm not a big fan or anything. Much news important. Jarman.
[2:41]I've seen his version of The Tempest. It was the first thing I saw at the R Cinema back home. I never even knew there were a thing.
[2:48]I want to take Blue off Channel 4 a couple of months back. I haven't watched it yet.
[2:54]That's been the best thing about sixth form is discovering things like that. No one at my old school would ever have gone to something like that. Morons.
[3:04]There was this lad in my year, Darren Ardcastle. He does. And all he talked about was wanking. He was obsessed. It's all he went on about.
[3:14]And if he wasn't banging on about wanking, he was punching people. Wanking or punching. I used to think this is what prison must be like.
[3:26]This is like 1984. I couldn't wait to leave. I ran from that place. Well, naturally. They'd arranged a scrap with the comp across the field.
[3:39]I hated it. We're outside for hours last night, shifting around trying to keep warm.
[3:48]Most people were in groups actually. I don't know if they were friends or from Stonewall, that kind of thing. And there were some banners and signs and people had candles.
[3:57]I mean you need the candles because of how bloody cold it was. I'm telling you. That flipping heck. And there's a weird mix of excitement because of what it was and boredom, because it took ages.
[4:11]And this lad looked at me a few times while I was there. I saw him looking. Caught his eye. Looked back. He was
[4:23]He was lovely. I can be a bit shy.
[4:28]And then finally someone come out, must have said they'd been done, whatever time it was late. Come out of the House of Commons. I couldn't see who they were and and then you heard everyone starting to boo and you think
[4:37]Oh, because we'd been there for so long and because well, I don't know how many people there were, but enough, you know, 200, enough for it to feel like well because I'm used to being on my own.
[4:51]I don't know anyone else who's gay. And last night there's loads of us and we're nice. You know, I was looking around and I was thinking, these are nice people.
[5:00]And so you start to think, well, of course they'll vote the right way. Why wouldn't they? What would be the point in not? You start getting carried away with reason.
[5:10]And I know, shouldn't do that. And so this bloke come out and he must have said they voted 18 and everyone started to boo because I think we'd all convinced ourselves it was going to be 16, you know, it was going to be equal.
[5:23]So it was like a it was like a kick in the teeth. And then we all sort of surged towards Commons, towards the doors he come out of. It just happened. And police were there, a couple on horses, that kind of thing and
[5:35]And people are chanting and shouting and just sort of pissed off, you know, and there is a bit of a scuffle and I did think, just for a moment, is this because a policeman's helmet landed at my feet.
[5:49]Yeah, but it was nothing really. And then someone shouted, let's go to Downing Street and so we all marched up there and there were some shouting outside the gates for a bit and then we all went up to Trafalgar Square and a group of people started sitting in the road to block the traffic and
[6:04]Well, you go along with it, but I I did feel a bit um, yeah, self-conscious, I suppose.
[6:14]You know, but also like, you know, because I was pissed off too and the police were getting a bit not mad, but
[6:26]It was late. I think we could all tell it had run out of steam, but we were angry. That's the point. And so what you do?
[6:36]So we did that for, you know, 10 minutes. And everyone went home.
[6:51]And then you read this morning that there were scuffles between police and a minority out to cause trouble. There was no minority out to cause trouble. It was so piddly.
[7:01]There was a bit of shoving and a bit of shouting and that's all. Well, to read the papers the bit there is, you think it was a kind of riot.
[7:11]That's kind of interesting, that distortion. I've never been a part of something that's been reported before. We were all just fed up.
[7:18]And so I'd missed my train by this point and this fellow, Marcus, I'd been sitting in the road with. He asked if I want to go back to his, and I thought, well, you know, but what you do? I know it's a goal and so I did.
[7:33]Yeah, that's his name. Marcus. Of course it is. Sorry. Marcus.
[7:42]Yeah, we went back to his, his flat and it was you know, I mean, it was fine. It was a bit, well, not it was okay.
[7:53]I think I thought, I mean this is stupid. I know it is, but I think I'd thought people in London, you know, London's just a place, isn't it? Like any other. I suppose you think, London,
[8:05]You know, and I don't mean to sound snobby. It's not snobby. I'm not a snob. My mate Sean's proper bull. He'd have you believe he's working class because his dad, I don't know, once drained a radiator or something.
[8:16]You know, but I remember his face when I told him we had our tea on our laps on a Sunday watching Bullseye, so I'm not, you know, posh.
[8:25]Anyway, he was asking what I did, Marcus, and I told him I was a student, and he said he worked for the BBC in accounts, so that's interesting, isn't it? Kind of.
[8:37]And I'd said from the start, I just needed a place to stay until I could get a train home in the morning and he said that was okay. I was given off the right vibes, I think, so, yeah, it was cool.
[8:49]He's a lot older than me. He's 30, but he was, you know, nice.
[8:55]He made us some toast and put the heat on, so, yeah, it was fine. He had this jam that's made without any sugar.
[9:05]And we talked a bit. He said he'd been on a few marches and things, you know, not just gay, but other stuff, poll tax and, yeah, so I was interesting.
[9:16]We talked about last night and called him bastards and put the well, what is it? Put the world to rights.
[9:25]And then he said, well, at least that means you're legal now, you know, because I'm 18. I mean I'm actually 17, but I told him I was 18 because I thought 17 sounded a bit young.
[9:37]Oh, that's stupid, isn't it? And I think when he said that, I thought, right. You know, but I just kind of laughed it off.
[9:52]And then he said he should go to bed and he went to get some bedding for me for the sofa and I think he thought I was a virgin, which I'm not, but I mean,
[10:02]Well, I'm not not a virgin. But when he come back in the living room with the bedding,
[10:11]he was starkers. And I thought, blame it. You know, but then I thought maybe that's just what he does. Sean, my mate sleeps in the nude, it never occurred to me that was a thing you could do until I stopped around his.
[10:26]Well, a lot, it hadn't occurred to me until I stopped round his. Anyway, so I was sitting down on the sofa, he dropped the duvet and pillows next to me. The duvet didn't have a cover on it.
[10:36]The things that go through your head. You know, I thought, Mum would never give someone a duvet without a cover on it. Well, so then he was there.
[10:48]You know, hello boys. So I'm kind of And then he reached his hand out and he stroked the back of my head. You know, just softly and
[11:03]That was actually quite nice. Sounds pathetic, doesn't it? And I'm not an idiot. I knew what you know, cards were on the table, but I thought, just let me stay over and
[11:15]He's not, he's quite nice, you know, looking, I mean, he's all right. He's not Christian Smith, but so I put him in my mouth.
[11:32]And that seemed to go down well. And then a minute or two later, he stood me up and he kissed me and and I thought, right, I've got to decide now, you know, if I'm not up for this, I've kind of got to say something now because you don't want to be rude, but
[11:45]But I didn't say anything and so he led me through into his bedroom and he said, is this all right? And genuinely, for a split second, I thought he was asking about his room and I did think, well, now we know what Athena does with its remaindered stock.
[12:00]I had my top off by that point and I felt kind of separate to it, like I was watching myself, you know, like Brecht, Verfremdungseffekt. You know, and I was kind of talking to myself saying, is this all right?
[12:10]Is this okay? You know, keeping calm. In my head, not I think that might have put him off. Yeah, but it was just nice not to be rushed because
[12:22]I suppose everything I've done up to now has been at parties with lads from college who've well, you've got to sort of take advantage of the moment.
[12:31]I say lads, it makes it sound like there's hundreds of them. There's not. Believe me, I really just mean, you know, I just mean Jamie Flynn, I suppose.
[12:43]And Sean. We not not regularly, you know, not if he's drunk and in the right mood and I kind of know how to be in the right place at the right time. But well, it's an art more than it is a science and you've either got one eye on the door or worse, you've got to kind of prep yourself in case he loses the mood or after decides it didn't happen.
[13:04]I don't mean nasty, but just So it was really the first time it felt legitimate doing anything, you know, with an accountant.
[13:15]I didn't have a clue what I was doing, I'll be honest, but well, he didn't, you know, he was, he was nice. Patient. He kept talking to me and checking I was okay. I almost wished he wouldn't. I almost wanted him to just go for it. Almost.
[13:33]And I think weirdly, and this feels weird now I come to think about it, but I think because I didn't madly fancy him, it meant I could relax a bit more.
[13:42]It didn't seem as important as it might have done. I could just do what he told me and weirdly, that was kind of easier. I think.
[13:55]I mean, it wasn't easy really, but while we were doing it. I can't believe I'm telling you all this. I had a real coffee earlier. I think it's kicking in.
[14:04]There was a moment where I was thinking, two hours ago, I was outside parliament and they were saying I wasn't allowed to do this. And that made me laugh and that turned him on because I think he thought I meant I was getting into it and I was getting into it, but not because, you know, not just because of him.
[14:18]I was thinking about all the tosses who had opposed it, opposed me. And I was thinking, if you could fucking see me now. Fucking, yeah, that felt great. I felt great.
[14:32]Who would have predicted I'd spend my first time thinking about Lady Olga Maitland and Sir Nicholas fucking Fairbairn? I doubt anyone's ever thought about them all doing it before, including the people they're doing it with. They do ever do it. The desiccated twat.
[14:49]Yeah, I mean I wasn't dwelling on them. I'm not a pervert, but it did give it a Well, a freeze on.
[15:05]I've never said freeze on before. I've only ever seen it written down. It's one of those words, you know, like hyperbole.
[15:19]And then after, he turned the light off and he felt helped me while he fell asleep and all I could think was,
[15:29]I hope Mum and Dad weren't watching the TV news because at one point when we surged towards the doors of the Commons, that's when I'd seen the cameras. Well, I'll find out later today, you know, when I get back.
[16:19]I mean, I was thinking about him as well, you know, Marcus. I was thinking, he could get in trouble for this, but well, then I thought, who's going to say anything? I mean, who is, who really cares?
[16:36]Quite dry, aren't they, falafels? My friend Elisa, she's a vegetarian. I mean, not just a vegetarian, she is quite fussy as well, you know, fries everything in water.
[16:48]She's got this, futon, no, tofu instead of chicken. Have you tried it? I had some once. I wouldn't go mad.
[17:03]It's not really a substitute. He's got his hand on his leg now. Well, those two blokes.
[17:13]It's just nice to see. Nottingham, there's nothing. Gatsby's MGM the first Monday of every month.
[17:24]Well, yeah. It's not lunch time yet. My two hopes are that there won't be much coverage of it. That's a good bet.
[17:38]That it won't be on at all. Or that they'll only show one or two seconds, so I'll be really unlucky if I'm on it. Or that Mum and Dad weren't watching last night.
[17:49]Oh, that they were watching and I was on it, but they didn't see me because they won't be looking for me. They won't be expecting me to be on it.
[17:58]I think I stayed around Sean's last night. I'm kind of looking forward to telling him about it. Sean. I think I'll feel a bit better around him now.
[18:10]It was good fun. That's funny, isn't it? Because if they'd said yes, if they'd made it 16,
[18:22]then I'd have gone straight home.
