[0:00]Well, it's kind of embarrassing to be a podcaster at my age. So, I cannot blame those of you who are not subscribed. And uh, speaking of being discombobulated, I um, I had a visitation about 3 o'clock in the morning. Um, I think related to the discussion in the session yesterday on Roman Catholic baptism, and I was visited by a Roman Catholic cardinal. who told me that there was going to be a new council, and it would be possible to talk behind closed doors. Well, our topic is pursuing godly marriages, and I think all of us realize from the oldest to probably the very youngest that this is, uh, a topic of immense significance in the times in which we're living. But it's also always a very sensitive topic for us. Because as we come to a conference like this in the numbers in which we do, uh, we come in varied conditions in relationship to marriage. Uh, some of us have lost our marriage. Some of us, uh, think marriage is very far off in the future. Some of us may have reconciled ourselves never to be married. Some of us undoubtedly come with strains in our marriage, uh, and some of us perhaps naively come in the assumption, uh, that we have found the perfect marriage. And I want us to try to consider in this very brief time that we have, not everything that scripture has to say about marriage, because it begins in Genesis 1 and it really ends in Revelation chapter 22. But to focus on one or two passages of scripture and during the course of the next 40 minutes, I think I will probably refer to no more than five passages of scripture. But I want to read the first of them in the first chapter of the book of Genesis. In these words, familiar to us in Genesis 1:26. Then God said, let us make man as our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the Earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the Earth. So, God created man as his own image. As the image of God, he created him. Male and female, he created them. And then Moses uses a word that is always associated in scripture with God's gracious covenant. And God blessed them and said to them, be fruitful and multiply and fill the Earth and subdue it, and have dominion. We live, of course, in a very unusual and stressful cultural moment. Uh many people who are Christian believers of my generation constantly say to me, how can this have happened so quickly? But the truth of the matter, the distortions of marriage and gender and sexuality that have taken place, have not in fact happened as quickly as we imagine. Uh we live in a small village in the Grampian Highlands in Scotland. Uh if some of you will be able to picture where our late Queen had her holiday residence, we live about 10 minutes along the road from that castle. And between her castle and our modest home, there stands another castle on the banks of the River Dee, an old Scottish keep. And about seven years ago, our beautiful River Dee overflowed the banks. swamped half of the houses in our village and almost toppled this castle on the edge of the River Dee. And people's reaction was, why did the idiot build his castle on the edge of the River Dee? When the truth of the matter is that he had built his castle at some distance from the River Dee. But over the centuries, over the decades, the River Dee had changed its course and eaten into the river bank and made its way up to the very edge of his house that were it not for the help of others, would undoubtedly have toppled into the sea. And this is exactly what has happened in relationship to issues of gender and sex and marriage in our own time. Undoubtedly, there has been a strategy begun and often masterminded by intellectuals, essentially to do one thing. To tear God from his throne. And therefore, as a result, to inevitably begin to deconstruct every single one of his creation ordinances. The central of which and the apex of which is what we have read in Genesis chapter 1. That when he made man as his image, he made man male and female.
[6:06]And as the author of Genesis puts this story under the microscope in chapter 2, we read what this combination of, as it were, antitheses is meant to teach us. Very interesting, isn't it? In Genesis chapter 1, whenever God creates anything, then immediately there follows a discrimination, a distinction in what he has made. There is a kind of pairing goes on all the way through the chapter. Until instead of in 1:26, God creating man simply by divine fiat, is very evident, isn't it, when you feel the chapter coming to its climax at this point? That God now enters into divine council with himself. As though to announce that what is about to be created is the apex of everything. It's where creation has been going. It's where he is going to most clearly manifest his glory in the creation of man and in the creation of man, as we read here, as male and female. And it shouldn't surprise us. Romans 1:18-32 has been mentioned already several times during the course of the conference. That when people begin to worship the creature rather than the Creator, when the when the glory of God is distorted and defaced and rejected, it is actually intellectually and sociologically inevitable that the significance of man made as the image of God will begin to disappear first of all from the way people think about themselves. And the application of it to male and female will first of all, become distorted in false sexuality and then rebelled against in antagonism. And eventually, of course, as has happened in our own time, making the claim of equality of opportunity. Eventually end up in social dominance.
[8:29]So that what is sin in scripture becomes righteousness in the 21st century. And what is godliness in scripture becomes one of the great sins of the age in which people proclaim their own truth. That is the external reason why it's so important for us to be well grounded in the biblical teaching on marriage. It's also the reason and in some ways this is what we need to press upon ourselves. In some ways, it underlines the importance in an ungodly society, of Christian believers having marriages that so shine in the darkness of that ungodly society. That out of the darkness, the light shines. And even those who say they hate the message of the Christian gospel and hate what this couple profess to believe, find themselves confronted with this beautiful reality that they see in this married couple. An echo of how life was originally meant to be. And they themselves, in our neighborhoods, where we work, as they see the recreation that God is working in the marriages of Christians, begin to feel a a a thirst in their throats because we are the salt of the Earth and our marriages make them thirsty for such a marriage, and the light of the world and a city set on a hill that cannot be hidden. Because no matter how unconscious we are ourselves of the atmosphere that our marriages communicate within our home and family, and to those who have any association with us. It is undoubtedly true, that this ordinance of creation, this marvel of recreation that Jesus Christ has given to us, is surely one of the beacon points of Christian witness in a world without Christ. And if that's to be true, then I think there are two things that we need to grasp. And I'm going to try and work through them very simply. I say two things, but both of these two things have a number of subordinate headings. If our marriages are to portray what my friend Glin Harrison calls a better story than the narrative of this present age, then we first of all need to understand the biblical doctrine of marriage. And then we need to have some grasp of the biblical teaching on the application of these principles to our marriage. And it's these two things I want us to reflect on for these few minutes. First of all, the biblical doctrine of marriage. And of course, the beautiful thing is that that biblical doctrine is embedded in the opening two chapters of scripture. The passage that we read which gives us the the macro picture of creation, and then in Genesis 2 in greater detail in verses 18 through 25, this micro picture. Where where the the producers and directors camera focuses in the garden on on this couple who are being brought together by God's grace and in his mercy. And as certainly, um, every minister explains to every couple who are going to be married, what is going to take place in your wedding service, is an echo of what took place in this first wedding service. Where a father brought a woman to the man to whom she was going to be bound.
[12:40]And it's for this reason that when we get married, one of the simplest and most important things for us to understand is that while marriage is not a sacrament of the gospel, it is a beautiful presentation of the story of creation. And because it's a powerful representation of the story of creation and how marriage was originally intended to be, your wedding service, and I've often said to couples who are being married, especially to the girl, the sooner you can forget about this wedding service being yours, the better. It is about you, but it's not really for you. And if you grasp that, and pray this, then by God's grace, your wedding service may lead to the recovery of fragmented marriages.
[13:40]May reorient single people who are there. May bring such marvelous refreshment to those who have been faithful in their marriage to recognize that this is really one of the most glorious gifts that the Lord Jesus Christ has given to us. But what is it for? Well, let me suggest that we find here in Genesis 2, especially, that our marriage, according to this creation prototype, is for four things. First of all, it is for deep companionship. It's interesting, I think, that this was one of the places in which the Reformation reversed the tradition of the medieval church. And indeed of the church that has continued from the Middle Ages. In that church, the first reason for marriage is the procreation of children. In biblical marriage, in the Reformation tradition, the first reason for marriage is deep companionship. Genesis 2:18, these beautiful words, it is not good that the man should be alone. Interesting, isn't it? It's only when God has created the man and the woman that everything is very good. This is the capstone of creation, and what it's intended for is this deep companionship. Now, yes, there is such a phenomenon as romantic love. But no solid marriage is ever going to be built on romantic love. Solid marriages are based on best friendships. On this kind of companionship where we can gaze upon one another in the knowledge that we share a secret union that none else shares. And there is someone who is there for us. I remember as a teenager, and uh, I think I may tell you my neither my dad nor my mom gave me the talk about the birds and the bees. And I think I thought you, uh, got children by holding hands with a girl. Um, but I remember reading a book by the Yale scholar Roland Benton on sex, love and marriage in the Reformation. And I was surprised to read there as a teenager that in the Reformation, men and women didn't get married because they fell in love. They fell in love because they had got married. And what seems so curious to us who have been so influenced by Hollywood, and it's facade of terribly sad people, often portraying glorious experiences. That this is actually biblical teaching. There is a there is a kind of moment here in the Genesis story where you get a touch of romance. But the big thing in the Genesis story is that this woman has been made for this man to be his lifelong best friend. If you read through the Old Testament, there are there are one or two narratives of of how a couple get married. And perhaps the the most beautiful one, the one that Gete called the most beautiful short story in the world is the story of Ruth and Boaz. And there's a word that recurs like a drum beat through the little book of Ruth that really underlines for us what is absolutely central to biblical marriage. It's the word set. Loyalty, love, friendship. It was this chiefly that Boaz saw in Ruth and this chiefly that Boaz demonstrated to Ruth. One could put it this way, if you are contemplating marriage, one of the things you need to ask about uh your potential spouse is, is this man or this woman going to be my lifelong best friend? Because that's why God gave this gift of marriage for deep companionship and loyal love. But yes, also, secondly, for mutual enjoyment. And that I think comes to expression, doesn't it, in the first words that Adam speaks here. Um, this is really quite interesting, because all of this happens apparently on the very first day of Adam's creation. He sees the woman that God brings to him, verse 22 of chapter 2, and then, if you're using a modern version, you'll notice that the next statement is set out in poetic form. He breaks into poetry. He breaks into song. And he says, at last. Now, that's rather curious, isn't it? I mean, he is not a a single day old yet. But the the at last refers not so much to, how is it taking you so long to bring this beauty to me? But the fact that this woman is the last of a long line of kind of potential best friends. I mean, you can see here, I was listening to my dear friend Derek Thomas speaking about dogs in the resurrection life. And you can you can see Adam in Derek Thomas fashion going muchi muchi muchi into the face of the dog. But then coming back and saying, you know, I'm too intelligent for this to do for me. And then she appears. And he says, wow, at last. And there's a there's a kind of tail end to that, isn't there, at the end of the chapter. In which in this these words that I remember years ago RC Sproul describing as the concluding unscientific postscript, which is a title of a book by Soren Kierkegar. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. Christians over the years have been very sensitive about the idea of the nude, haven't they? And understandably so, because we're fallen creatures. But the sheer beauty of the man and the woman made as the image of God. That that not only meets me in terms of of my social needs, but my aesthetic pleasures. And it's all here. I almost laugh when I hear people say, why is it that you Christians are always banging on about sex? And I want to say, we are not the ones who do that. We're in a world that worships sex. Often distorted sex. And that's why we react. Because we have a higher view of this. We have a real view of beauty. We have a right aesthetic. We understand what beauty is. And what beauty is here. I remember reading somewhere it's very difficult to tell what beauty is, but one simple test is take a photograph of yourself and fold it over in the middle, and if both halves meet exactly, then you are a beauty. Don't even think about doing that. It will depress you for the rest of your life.
[21:59]But what is actually true, and I think it's true here in creation. Is that beauty is a real match between what a person is physically, and what a person is in character. And both of them are present here. And the beauty of regeneration in life of a married couple is, both of them are present. I mean, if they were to turn on all the lights and the men were able to go around every single woman here, it it would only be eventually when they found their wives that they would say at last. There may be several thousand women in this, I'm going to get into trouble for this. There may be several thousand women in this room that you wouldn't even think about marrying. But what you found in the woman you married was, that however quick she looked to other people. You saw in what she was physically and what she was spiritually and in terms of character that that these two things matched. You know, one of the awful things about so many marriage guidance gurus is, that they speak or write as though God meant that one size fits all. But what God does in creation is he makes one size fit one size. So, it's not that beauty is in the eye of the beholder simply. It's often that beauty is hidden from the eyes of other beholders to see what you see. So, yes, God gives creation for deep companionship, for mutual enjoyment, and then, obviously, for shared activity. You notice in verse 18, the Lord God said, it's not good that the man should be alone. I will make him a helper fit for him. There are two things there. There is the idea of the help her. Uh, that, if one can put it this way, the and some of us know this by sheer experience, the helplessness of the man who is who is without the woman. To be to be able to function. Um, but also there's this idea that this helper is fit for him. You know how sometimes people describe, if you ask them, how did you meet and how did you get together? They say, well, there was just something that clicked. And of course, that's true both for Christians and for non-Christians, because this is not a redemptive ordinance, this is a creation ordinance. There is an instinct in us to use that language because it reflects this language. God made a helper that clicked with him. She is exactly what I need. And of course, that's one of the beauties that we see in real marriage. This sense of help, this sense of being fitted to one another, clicking. This sense that we belong together. I had a dear friend, an older student at Seminary, who eventually died of an inoperable brain tumor. And uh, I remember sharing a room with him at the at the seminary student conference, and he was going over and over and over again, that everybody who knew him thought, you had better just either die or marry this woman. She is to die for. And he was fussing and, you know, it was all the man thing of, you know, basically not being prepared to commit. And when he died, I had the privilege of writing a little memoir of his life, and I found these words that he had written in his journal. Just as he got to the point of proposing to this wonderful, wonderful woman who was such a blessing to him. He said, I realize that we would be more together than either of us could be separately. And that's what Genesis is speaking about here, and it's so very beautiful. So, as I said at the beginning, we are a great mixture here. Some of us aspirants to marriage, some of us engaged, some of us newly wed, some of us with marriages gone cold, some of us with marriages that have been fractured. Some of us who are like Paul, who have been called to singleness. But it's vital for our churches, for our society, for our witness to the gospel. That what God gave in the Garden of Eden, is restored in the gardens of our lives.
[27:17]So let's take a moment of quiet together.
[27:29]And I'm going to do two things as we close and then I'll ask you to have another moment of quiet. Because this is really so important to us all. And then Chris will return to the podium. Let's bow together. I want to quote to you first of all some words, I've often quoted at weddings.
[28:09]From a missionary to Egypt by the name of Temple Gerner, who wrote this on the evening of his marriage. And perhaps if marriage lies in the future, you can pray it with him. And if you are married, you can be refreshed by it. That I may come nearer to her, draw me nearer to thee than to her. That I may know her, make me to know thee more than her. That I may love her with the perfect love of a perfectly whole heart. Cause me to love thee more than her. And best of all.
[29:05]And then if I may, I want to do something else to refresh those of us who are married, to encourage those of us who are on the way to be married. And since this is the United States, it's okay to take your spouse's hand.
[29:36]Will you have this woman to be your wedded wife? To live together after God's ordinance in the holy state of matrimony. Will you love her, comfort her, honor her and keep her in sickness and in health and forsaking all other keep you only to her as long as you both shall live. And will you have this man to be your wedded husband? To live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of matrimony. Will you honor him and serve him? Love him and keep him in sickness and in health and forsaking all other keep thee only to him as long as you both shall live. Lord give us such marriages, we pray now and into the future, that we may shine as lights in a dark place. Be salt, be cities set on hills, that Jesus Christ may be praised. We ask it in his name. Amen.
