[0:00]nurturing, gentle, sensitive. We all know there are certain stereotypes, right or wrong, associated with femininity. But what happens when those traits turn toxic? Joining us to tackle toxic femininity is psychotherpist, family therapist, and human behavior expert, Dr. Karen Ruskin. Great to have you with us, Dr. Karen. Hi. Thank you. So great to be here. Hey guys. Let's start with the basics, what Dr. Karen is toxic femininity. Okay, so according to psychology today, toxic femininity is about stereotypically feminine traits that results in in essence ignoring your own mental and physical needs to sustain those around you.
[0:56]In essence keeping homeostasis but therefore your own needs end up not being met. So let me explain, we're not being true to our own needs. We can actually lose our own identity because of the fact that we are losing our voice. We become in our own jail if you will, caging ourselves because by the mere fact of being, being female with these intrinsic traits, we put our needs last. That's what toxic femininity is. You say toxic femininity can cause the doormat dilemma. Explain that. Yeah, so the doormat dilemma, this is a result of being too passive. How often do you hear the trait of agreeableness? Yes, it's a wonderful trait. This is not about ignoring who we are as women, we are agreeable. In essence we're taught to be good listeners, but the toxic outcome unfortunately of this sometimes is that our voice ends up getting unheard. So we're valuing the voice of others, we're being respectful of others, but our voice is not being acknowledged. We become passive, so we forget our needs and thus others forget our needs and therefore we feel like a doormat hence the doormat dilemma. That is Dr. Karen. I'm starting to get it too. That you know, all these traits are a good thing, but when they go too far possibly in a in a bad, unhealthy way, they become toxic. So I get it. Yeah, and the fact of the matter is, we deserve the love and care and support that we so graciously give to everyone else. So like you were saying, you become the doormat at work and that shows up as lack a lack of promotion, are people talking over you when you're in a meeting, you become the doormat at home. That means you're cooking and cleaning while everybody else is doing nothing. Well, drinking beer, watching the ball game. Or just. But that's that's the norm. I mean, that's the quote unquote norm and that's toxic. It's toxic.
