[0:00]Essentially, all we really want is to be happy, don't we? But then when you actually start to think about it, what is happiness? Like if I were to say what is happiness to you? What you say is might might be different than what I say. What somebody else says might be different than both what we say. But when you really start to think about happiness, what I've come to find is happiness is a state of mind that exists when desires are absent. That's kind of what I have come up with. And I'm going to talk to you today about how to be more happy. And this is actually inspired by a lot of stuff I've been reading by a guy named Naval Ravikant, and there's a few things that he actually says and quotes that I'm going to say throughout this. One of them that I really love that he says is, uh, is that peace is happiness at rest and happiness is peace in motion. And so let me say that again. Peace is happiness at rest and happiness is peace in motion. And another thing that he says is when we're calm, we're happy and when we're happy, we're at peace. And so when I say happiness and I say peace throughout this episode, just know that both of them are quite interchangeable, uh, as I start talking to you. Um, when we talk about happiness, though, what does happiness mean? I think that everyone knows what happiness feels like, and we might have trouble actually grasping what it is and putting it into words. And I would say that our main barrier to happiness is desire. And I'm going to talk a lot about desire today, what it is, how it holds you back, the problem with it, all of that stuff. But the thing that I've learned is that growing up, there I had a lot of desires. Uh, desires for traveling, desires for success, desires for money. All these desires. And the funny thing is, the older that I get and the more that I get of all these things, the more I realize that they actually don't do sh*t for my happiness or my fulfillment. They're all great and they're, they're fine, but none of them actually change my internal state. And so if you think to yourself, oh, I'll stop being anxious when I get a million dollars, or I'll be happier when I get a million dollars. It won't be true. You'll just be a millionaire who's anxious and unhappy, which, you know, I guess it's better than being broke and being anxious and unhappy. But the internal state will not be changed by the external environment. That's what you have to realize. And your main barrier to being happy is your desire. In short, you can want all of those things. You can want to become a millionaire and you could become a millionaire, but wouldn't you rather just be happier in the process of becoming a millionaire? Of course, because you could be unhappy going and and having that desire, or you could be happy doing it, right? So, with desire, desire is the feeling inside of you internally that something is missing. And it's the idea that you need something to make you happy. It's to make you joyful, to make you calm, to make you peaceful. You need something, and until you get that thing, you will not be right. Another thing that Naval says is, Desire is a contract that you make with yourself to be unhappy until you get what you want. Right? And so you think to yourself like, oh, I, I, there's this thing that I want, and I'm unhappy until I get that thing. When you want something, you're basically making a deal with yourself that you're going to be unhappy until you get it. And so, we have to understand our desires, and it's okay to desire things. Like we live in this 3D human realm, and desire is a big piece of what we have, but instead of just desiring every single thing at every single moment, why don't we actually choose what we desire? And we will be right back. Hey, want to interrupt today's episode to tell you about my sponsor, it is me myself. If you didn't know, I obviously have some coaching programs outside of the podcast to help you learn and grow and become a better version of yourself. Step-by-step programs and processes to help you become better in your life and create the life that you want. If you want to learn more about it, you can go to coach with rob.com. Once again, coach with rob.com. Check it out and let's get back to the episode. Because each thing that we want, if we have a lot of different wants, oh, I want money, and I want a successful business, and I want my children to be better, and I want my wife to do this, and I want my employees to do this, and I want my boss to stop being an asshole, and I want this, and I want this, and I want this. Each want is just a choice to be unhappy, and I think the biggest mistake that we make is thinking that we'll be happy when we get certain things. And so what happens is we think, okay, I'm not happy yet, but getting this thing is going to make me happy. And I'm going to talk about it today, but nothing externally can make you happy. Externally is just external. But happiness is internal. And so the only way to become happy is to actually internally make yourself happy, to decide to make yourself happy. Because what we've learned, somehow, I don't know how it happens, through society, through our parents, through teachers, through friends, through mentors. We, we get hooked on things. We get hooked on the wanting things. And we're hooked on the idea that something outside of us will make us happy. And I'm here to tell you that that's an absolute lie. There's nothing that you could get. You could get the biggest house, you could get a brand new Ferrari, you could travel the world. None of that shit is going to make you happy. Right? Not having that thing is not the reason why you're unhappy. Getting that thing will not make you happy. And so, think about this for a second, because it's really a conrum you get stuck in, right? Not having that thing is not the problem. Not being happy is not the problem. The desire for something that you don't have is the problem. And the crazy part about that is, you're creating the desire. So the craziest part is that the only problems in your life are the problems that you are creating.
[6:12]Which means if we can master our minds, there would be no problems, and there would only be peace and happiness. And it took me like 30 something years to learn this. Is that the only problems in my life are the things that I'm perceiving as problems. I, I want this thing and the fact that I don't have it is a problem. I want this to be this way and the fact that it's not this way is a problem. I want, you know, her to act this way and the fact that she's not acting this way is a problem. I would be happier if my boss wasn't such an asshole. Right? They are not the problem. Not having that thing or not having the situation be what you want it to be is not the problem.
[8:32]You and your thoughts are the problem. And so what happens is we get stuck in these, these cycles of wanting things. And the more things that you want, the more problems that you are then creating because when you want them, the desire is distancing you from that thing. And you're saying, I will not be happy until I get this thing. If we go back to that quote, which is Desire is a contract that you make with yourself to be unhappy until you get that thing. When we feel like we have everything that we need, we can stop worrying and we can start thinking about the past, the future, and that's when we allow ourselves the space to be happy. Think about that for a moment. Not wanting things creates more peace internally. Listen, I'm not saying that you don't you should you should just lose all of your motivation, and you should just sit on the couch and play video games all day, because that's just, you know, the ultimate state of happiness and peace and not wanting. We do have to live this human life. I do get it. And in this human life, there is some cool shit that we could do, and there's stuff that we could buy, and there's experiences that we could have. But the more wants that we create, the more that we're deciding that we want to be unhappy. And so what I like to say is instead of having all of these wants, which most of them aren't even really that important, decide which ones you want. Like which ones you want to keep, which ones you're going to get want to get rid of. And when you reach the point of letting go of as many things as possible, when you can reach the point of hopefully sitting there, enjoying your cup of coffee, and realizing there's nothing that you need to do, there's nothing that you need to be, there's nothing that you need to accomplish, and you can reach that point, you feel really quite calm inside. And to me, happiness isn't about having good thoughts or bad thoughts or being positive and not being negative. It's not about people not dying in your life, or things not changing, it's not about all of those external circumstances. It's about just deciding not to want so many things and to think that getting those things are going to make you happy, especially not wanting the things outside of yourself. You know, it's about finding the gratitude that you have right now, no matter what situation you're in. It's like that phrase the rabbi said, and I can't pronounce his name or else I would. Uh, but he says, happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have. Like when you really understand that, that happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have. The less that I want, like the less things that I want, to go out and do and feel and buy and accomplish and all that stuff, the more I can accept things just as they actually are. And the key of that is the acceptance of life as it is. The more that I accept, and I'm just like, oh, that's how that person is. That's how the circumstance is. That's how the bank account is. That's how this thing is. The more that you can accept these things, the less my mind races. The more that you can accept, the more that your mind will be able to calm. And I don't think happiness is really that hard to achieve. I think that we make it way harder than it needs to be. And I think happiness comes from not suffering. And suffering comes from desire. You know, and so there's a difference between pain and suffering. Pain in your life will just happen. Suffering is you choosing to go through that pain over and over and over again. And not wanting things and not worrying too much about what has been or what will be, or what's coming up or what you've done in the past, and all of that. When you can just remove yourself from the external world that we've been taught to, it's really kind of hard because it's so the opposite of what we're taught since childhood. Is not wanting things, not being attached to things, not putting investing so much of our energy and so much of our worth into the external world. But looking inside of ourselves, because looking outside of ourselves for anything is a mistake, because happiness doesn't come from the outside things. Think happiness is a feeling, it is a state of mind and feelings and state of minds are internal. And so we keep thinking we'll be happy when I get this thing or I get that thing, and that's the mistake that we keep making. So believing that something out there that you'll finally get that thing and it'll make you happy forever is a lie. Like, a lot of people like, they're like, well, I just need to get a bigger house. And once I get my dream house, then I'll be happy. And it's like, no, you won't. When you get your dream house, you're going to feel exactly the same, but it's just going to be more space and then eventually a couple years down the road, you're going to be looking at another house. Right? Happiness is just an internal job. When you want something, you're basically agreeing to be unhappy until you get it. Why don't you just say, I don't want any more things. I don't need any more things. I'm happy just the way that I am. And what's kind of crazy about it is that it seems so counterintuitive, but as you want less things, more things start working out for you the way that you actually wanted them to in the first place, before you decided to release yourself from wanting all these things. It's like, synchronicity just kind of start lining up for you. And we want things all day and we wonder why we're not happy. And it's like, well, you're not happy because you keep wanting more. Happiness comes from inside, not outside. And so, when you realize this, you realize, like I said earlier in this podcast episode, I told you I'll talk about this, is that happiness is a choice. And it's actually a skill set that you can develop. Developing a skill set takes time and it takes attention, though. It's not just like you're immediately going to be happy, because we've been spending the past 25, 30, 40 years of our lives, uh, wanting things. And so our brain is kind of wired to want things. And so it takes to, you know, if you're going to develop this skill set of being happy, and that's a different way to look at life, is that happiness is a skill set, it's going to take time and it's going to take attention. And now I can already hear people getting pissed off when I say happiness is a choice, because they're like, well, you, yeah, but that might be nice in your life, but you don't know what my life looks like. You don't know what I've been through. You don't know what's happening around me. You don't know about the people that I have around me. Cool. Okay, watch this real quick. Let's just try to make this as stupid simple as we possibly can. Like let's just take life, right? We're going to take life right here. Let's make it stupid simple. You're born, right? You're born, we're all born into this world, and then throughout birth and death, we have all kinds of experiences. We see things, we hear things, we feel things, we touch things, all of this. We have all of these sensory experiences, from birth until death, and then one day, we die. Right? Is that correct? Like if we're looking at this from like a hundred thousand foot view. That's what it is. We're born, we have all kinds of experiences. We see things, hear things, feel things, all of that. And then we die. Right? Those are all just sensory inputs. That's correct, right? So how we choose to interpret those experiences in our life is up to us. And how we interpret them will dictate whether we're happy or whether we're pissed off or whether we're sad or whether we're mad or whether we're a victim. All of that. So what it comes down to is we all have birth, we all have death, we all have sensory experiences. How we choose to interpret those experiences is fully up to us. That's the best part. We get to choose. And so it shows you, it's not about what happens to you, but it's about how you choose to interpret them. You can choose to be happy. There is somebody, if you're pissed off and you're like, no, my life is shit, all that stuff, there is somebody else in this world whose life is worse than you that is happier than you. I'm just going to say it one more time, right? If you think to yourself, my life sucks. I don't have what I want. I, and the reason why I'm not happy is because I don't have these things and because my life sucks. There is somebody in this world that has less than you that is happier than you, which proves to you that it's not about what you have or don't have. It's what you choose to think about your life and how you choose to interpret your experiences. So you can decide, like literally right now from this moment on, nothing outside of me is going to control my emotions. It's just my life is going to be the way that it is. And as things happen, things will happen. And don't expect life to be a certain way for you. Life is just life. And when you understand that, there is no reason to be happy or sad, or to be any of that. And when you stop feeling like there's something missing, you're left with happiness. It's this really wild thing. Like when you stop wanting things, you just sit there and you're like, oh, nice, well, that's pretty awesome. So don't worry about how things should be or shouldn't be and all that stuff. Just focus on your own experiences and start changing how you interpret them so that you can make yourself happier. Now, let's talk about peace for just a minute, okay? Real happiness comes from being at peace. Like I think that when you are happy is when you internally are more at peace. Now, you'll never be here 100% of the time. Promise you that. You're going to be happy and peaceful, and then someone's going to say something, and then you're going to, you know, someone's going to cut you off and you're going to flick them off and honk your horn, and you're going to be like, oh my God, what am I doing? You're going to lose yourself many times over your lifetime. But most of the time, happiness comes from just accepting things as the way they are. And not wanting to change what's around us. And it's about really being present and allowing ourselves to be comfortable in the present moment. Because when you're comfortable being present, it's like the door opens up and peace walks in. Because you're just like, I'm here. And in being here and not wanting things, I can be present. And it's like the reason why a lot of people struggle with meditation. I've been there many times. You know, this morning I did a 30 minute meditation. The first 15 minutes was me thinking about all the shit I had to do today. And then I realized I spent 15 minutes thinking about all this stuff I had to do today. And instead of getting myself mad and pissed and oh, what did I do? I just wasted 15 minutes. I just brought myself back to my body, to my breath. Feeling into my body and just feeling my heartbeat. And really what it came down to is I was wanting to be out of that meditation, out of that moment so I could get things done. Right? We all find ourselves there. And, um, it really comes down to how could we just allow ourselves to be more present. Because we all want moments that make us feel alive and and to feel present, don't we? Like we want to travel, we want amazing experiences. You want to watch your team win the Super Bowl. But here's what's crazy. Wanting those moments can actually pull us out of the present moment. And it's really crazy when you actually think about it. We want things that make us feel present. We want things that make us feel present. winning the Super Bowl, our team won the Super Bowl, that would make you feel really present, really excited in the moment. You wouldn't be thinking about anything else except for how excited you were in that moment. When you're in in Greece and you're you're having a glass of wine and there's a beautiful sunset. You're your it your very present, you're watching the sunset, you're tasting wine, you're looking at it and you're like, holy shit, this is amazing. We want things that make us feel present, but the wanting of those things steals our presence right now in this moment. And so we're always chasing after the next thing and the next thing and the next thing. And this constant chase makes us start to feel anxious. And so what I've been trying to do lately, you can try this if you want, completely up to you. I've been trying to make myself really bored lately. Like yesterday I meditated and then I made coffee and I sat on the couch and I looked out my back window for 45 minutes. doing nothing. Literally nothing. There was any music that was playing. I wasn't reading. I was sitting on the couch. I was looking out my back porch. My dog was sitting next to me, and I was just sitting there doing nothing. Have you ever tried doing that before? Not doing anything, not reading, not listening to music. It's hard, isn't it? And the reason why is because we're always anxious about having to do something, having something that needs to come up next. And this anxiety makes us really unhappy as well. And it's just all of these new thoughts just running through our heads, turning through our heads, running through our heads. And so we often feel really in trouble because we can't just sit quietly alone. You know, there's a a quote, I can't remember who it's from, but it says, all of all of the problems in the world come from man's inability to sit alone in a room by himself. And so really what it comes down to is if you want to be happy, you just have to realize that it's already here, right now, in this moment.
[20:47]You just have to decide to be happy. It's easier said than done. I get it, but it's a skill set and it's a choice. And if it's a skill set, it means it takes time, it takes attention, it takes practice. And if it's a choice, it means that you're in control. Hey, thanks so much for watching this video. Based off of what you have been watching recently, YouTube thinks out of everything I've ever created that this is the best video for you. And if you want to make sure to never miss another video, click that button right there. Subscribe and I'll see you on the next video.
