[0:01]I'm back while you still care. They gave us homework on a Friday. School should honestly be illegal. The learning is confusing, the students are chaotic, the teachers are unpredictable. The school lunch is literally radioactive and the rules make zero sense. But to really understand how insane school is, we need to break it down piece by piece. And the first category of chaos, students. Starting with the teacher's pet. This kid lived to remind the teacher about the homework. He'd be packing up early, silently praying that the teacher would forget about the assignment because, let's be honest, nobody did it. And the whole class would be in this unspoken agreement like, nobody breathes, nobody moves. Maybe we'll get away with it. But then, out of nowhere, you hear the most cursed sentence in the English language. Miss, aren't you collecting the homework? This would ensue instant betrayal, instant pain and instant collective suffering. The entire class would just turn and stare at them so mad. You could just feel the hatred radiating throughout the room. And even the teacher would look surprised, like, oh, yeah, I forgot. We wanted you to forget, but, you know, Mr. Teacher Pet over there wouldn't let that happen. Then you got the kid that literally never showed up. They were essentially a ghost. They'd miss half the week, half the month, half the year, and suddenly just stroll into class like, hey guys, with no explanation. Like, where have you been? But then they'd sit down and open their binder, which literally had nothing in it. And yet they somehow still pass the class with like a 78. Meanwhile, I'm over here studying my butt off and barely passing. Like, it's not fair. Then we also had the smart kid. This kid was an entirely different species, like they were probably built in a science lab. They'd literally finish a six-page test before you even got your pencil out. Like you'd still be writing your name on the test, and they'd be done handing it to the teacher already. And then they'd literally be complaining when they get a 98. They'd be like, oh, I'm so dumb.I got a 98, not a 100. I got a 34, please. Then there was the kid whose entire personality was Tik Tok.
[2:08]This kid didn't even speak English. They exclusively spoke in brain rot. Like they'd only ever communicate in memes and weird noises. You'd go and ask them a normal random question like, hey, what page are we on? And they'd always respond with something so unhinged like, six, seven! All you can do is smile and nod, but eternally, you are cringing because please stop.
[2:34]Now we have the class clown. They honestly carry the entire school. This kid risked detention, suspension, and possibly even jail time just to make us laugh. They'd fall off their chair on purpose, make random noises during silent work and do the unnecessary stunts just to break the tension. And honestly, they're the only reason why school is tolerable at times, so, you know what?Thank you. But I will say the class clown didn't help everyone because there was always that one kid that desperately did not want to be at school. They walked in every morning like they were being held hostage. Backpack half open, hood up, and honestly, it looked like their soul was gone. Every class they'd just sit down and sigh dramatically while looking at their watch counting down the seconds. And they'd say things like, I'm so done. Meanwhile, it's literally only 8:15 a.m. and school started at 8. And kind of going with that person, we of course have the sleeper. This kid literally slept through every single class. They slept through fire drills, through substitute teachers, through class work, through literally everything. They were unconscious 90% of the time. But somehow when the teacher called on them, they'd wake up from the dead, bumble the answer and just go back to bed. It was honestly impressive. Now moving on, we have the teachers. Teachers were honestly the most unpredictable part of school. You never knew what version you were getting. It was like spinning a wheel every morning. Will today be peaceful, chaotic, sad? Who knows? First up, there was a teacher that hated their job. They walked in every day like they were being held hostage. One whisper, one pencil drop. They were ready to retire on the spot. Like you could ask them the most simplest question ever, and they would look at you with such rage, like you had just ruined their life. Like I'm sorry that I have a question. Then on the completely opposite side of the spectrum, we had the teacher that was just way too overly enthusiastic for a Monday morning. They literally burst into the room like, good morning, class. Meanwhile, everyone else looks like they haven't slept since 2014.
[4:36]And then there were the teachers that woke up every single day and chose violence, aka the pop quiz enthusiast. They'd literally walk in smiling like a Disney villain and just say, pop quiz. Like, is that supposed to be fun?Exciting? No, it's, it's literally horrible. The entire class hates you. We don't want to be here right now. Now moving on, we have the substitute teachers. They were just a whole different kind of species because whenever you had a substitute teacher, the day was going to be great. Because, let's be honest, subs were the best. It was essentially like a free period because you can kind of just, you can kind of do whatever. And then, the worst of them all, you had the teachers who would assign mountains of homework. Like, I'm talking about mountains of homework.
[5:27]They would literally act like their class was the only class that we had because they'd be assigning so much homework, like, how am I supposed to get your homework done in all my other classes? You are not my only class. Anyway, if the teachers weren't unpredictable enough, the school rules were even worse. For example, we are never allowed to wear hoods up because apparently fabric is a threat. Teachers acted like the moment that hood went up, you were a criminal. You were going to jail. Like, okay, I'm sorry that I'm cold right now. Then, of course, we had the infamous no phone rule. Like, you'd go to check your phone for one second, and all of a sudden you're getting treated like a criminal. Meanwhile, the teachers are at their desk just on their phone on Facebook marketplace. And then there was the no running in the halls rule. Like, I guess it could be a safety thing, but, let's be so real. The break that we get between classes is not long enough. Like, how do you expect me to get from one side of the building all the way to the other side in time for my next class? It's nearly impossible, so, of course, I'm going to have to run a little bit. But of course, because we're not allowed to run, the second your foot leaves that floor, you'll be yelled at. No running! Okay, but Janet, I'm going to need more than just one second to get to my next class. I'm not the flash.
[6:38]And next up, honestly, the worst rule of them all, no bathroom breaks, or at least minimal bathroom breaks. Like, what? Like you'd go and ask your teacher, hey, can I use the washroom? And they'd look at you and have the audacity to ask, did you go before class? I didn't have to go then, but I have to go now. Now, some teachers were good and they would let you go, but others were just rude, and they just, they made you hold it. Like, I'm sorry, but my bladder, it needs to go. And another really infuriating rule, assigned seating. Like, what? I want to sit with my best friend, not Kyle. No offense, Kyle, it's just, I'm really close with her and not that close with you, I'm sorry. And if the school rules didn't already prove that school was run by unhinged people, the cafeteria will definitely confirm it. Because whatever is happening in that kitchen needs to be studied by science. Like, the food was literally borderline radioactive. Every tray looked like it had survived a natural disaster. Nothing ever looked fresh, but it also looked too alive at the same time. Like, make that make sense.
[7:40]For example, the pizza, that thing bent like wet cardboard. You pick it up and it would just like fold in half. It was weirdly limp. And the mashed potatoes, those were not potatoes. It was definitely drywall paste. Like that thing can patch a hole in a wall. The vegetables, never green, just gray. Really, really gray. Like, I don't think vegetables are supposed to be gray like that, guys. That's very concerning. And then we had the milk. First of all, like, why are we drinking milk with pasta? I feel like that mix of tomatoes and milk is I don't think they go that well together personally. So that already is kind of gross for me. But why are we not talking more about how clumpy the milk was? Why was the milk clumpy sometimes? Truly, why? Like you'd be in the cafeteria, grab your milk, go to open it and be like, oh, is that cottage cheese? No, it's not cottage cheese. It's just the milk. So, honestly, you'd just be sitting down there looking at your tray and thinking, this should honestly be illegal. It's disgusting. And after surviving whatever that cafeteria experience was, it was time to drag yourself to classes. First up, math class. Math is literally torture disguised as education. Teachers would tell you to solve for X like that was just a normal request. But I don't think so, because I don't know who or what X is. And I don't want to know who or what X is. No, and then they'd start throwing random letters into the equations, like, what? Are we learning the alphabet again? Like, at that point, you're not even learning math. You're literally decoding ancient ruins.
[9:08]Anyway, then came science class. The class that had no middle ground. You'd walk in not knowing if you're about to take notes or take cover. Some days science class was peaceful, just watching a plant grow. And other days the teacher would be like, this substance is very dangerous. Don't touch it. Okay, then why are we using it then?This seems dangerous. And then, of course, there was that one kid that treated the lab like it was their evil scientist origin story. The teacher would try to stop the kid, but it was too late because they're over here mixing up 10 million different solutions, which ultimately ended in disaster. Then next up, we have English class. English was honestly just the teacher fighting demons. They'd ask, what is the blue curtain symbolize in scene two? I don't know, it's just a blue curtain. But no, apparently the blue curtain symbolizes the weight of society and the author's trauma. Like, who would have known? And finally, history class. History was always basically the teacher going on a 45-minute rant. And there was always that one kid that just knew way too much about one specific war. You'd be like, how do you know about that? And they'd say it's because they're obsessed with documentaries or something. Like, good for you, buddy. I watch TikTok. And then after barely surviving the academic torture chambers, you'd be met with gym class. And sometimes literally hit. Gym teachers loved making you run for absolutely no reason. You'd literally walk in still half asleep and they'd scream, two mile warm up. Like, what? Can we just do a stretch or something?Not to run? And then if things couldn't get any worse, it would be time to play dodgeball. I swear everybody literally treated it like war. Students would be hiding behind each other for cover, they'd be dodging balls left and right, and just throwing them around like cannons. And I swear there was always that one kid that was always trying to end someone's bloodline. They'd be whipping that ball so hard that it almost ripped your head off. And don't even get me started on the try hard kid. This student treated every gym class like it was the Olympics. They'd dive, sprint, jump, do flips just trying to look cool. It never looked that cool. Like, relax, it's only second period, I barely digested my cereal. After barely surviving gym class, you'd step into the school hallway to a live action soap opera because school couples were dramatic. First, we'll start off with the cringy couple. You know, the ones calling each other pinky in the school hallway? Yeah, you'd walk by them like, please stop. I'm going to vomit because they just be giggling and talking in baby voices, like, please, just stop. Then we had the overly affectionate couple. They would hug for 45 minutes straight every period. They'd kiss left and right, hold hands like they were attached with super glue, and were honestly just always on each other. Next, we had the day couple. They'd start dating at 9:00 a.m. and then break up at 3:00 p.m. At lunch they'd be like, we're soulmates. But by the last bell, it was no longer working out for them. Then there was the silent couple. The couple that literally never talked to each other. Like, they dated for six months but never even exchanged a word. You'd ask if they're together and they just nod like NPC's. Like, do you even know each other's names? And finally, the on and off again couple. Like, one day they're dating, the next day they're broken up. Then they get back together again the next day, then the next day they're broken up again. It's, it's like a, it's like a never-ending thing. Like, are you together or are you not? They're like in a limbo state. But anyway, just when you thought school couldn't get any worse, the universe hits you with the most stressful event of the year, picture day. You'd stand in the line of doom, slowly approaching your fate, which will be the horrible, ugly picture taken of you. And usually this line, everyone was panicking, okay? They're asking, do I look okay?Is my hair fine?Is my makeup okay?Does my hat look fine right now? Everyone was honestly having a crisis because they could not allow themselves to look really bad in the yearbook. Even though no matter what I did, I always looked horrible in it. And the photographer, they always acted like they were shooting for Vogue or something. They'd tell you to twist your body in inhumane ways. They'd tell you to tilt your head, then tilt it more, and more, and more, and more, and more until you're like in a 90-degree angle. Like, no. Then they would also tell you to put your chin down, right? But then they wouldn't just stop you here. They would tell you to keep going, and going, and going until you're like crumpled up like this. Like, can I please just not stand here normally and smile? Then came the fake smile struggles. They'd tell you to smile and all of a sudden you just forget how to use your face. So, in the end, your smile always ended up looking like the most awkward thing ever. Like, please, I know how to smile, but for some reason, whenever the camera's there, I just forget, okay? And we also can't forget about the flash. That thing was blinding. Like, I don't know how they expect us to keep our eyes open because I swear there's been a couple times where I blinked. But anyway, weeks later the teacher would come and give you the beautiful envelope that contains your pictures. You'd open it up to look, and it is the most ugliest thing that you have ever seen. Your hair, ruined. Your smile, crooked. Your posture, no words will ever explain how gross it looked. Everything about it is just so atrocious. So you're left here just looking at it in complete disgust. And after picture day ruined your entire self-esteem, you'd go back into the hallway where the real chaos lived. Because if there's one thing schools never ran out of, it's drama. School drama is unmatched. It never mattered how boring the day was. Someone, somewhere was always causing chaos. Friend groups fell apart over the smallest things. For example, you'd sit in the wrong spot for one second and were exiled out of the group. Somebody would give you a stink eye out of nowhere and you're sitting here like, what did I even do? Rumors spread faster than the flu. For example, somebody would sneeze weird during first period, and by lunch, the entire school came up with a crazy storyline about it. And don't even get me started on school fights. Like, why are we having a boxing match right now in second period? I can't lie though, they were always very, very entertaining. But yeah, literally two kids would just bump shoulders and all of a sudden they were having a full-on fist brawl. And then everybody would just come rushing in to film and watch the fight unfold. Because like I was saying, they are pretty entertaining.
[14:48]But yeah, school was definitely chaotic. Very, very chaotic. And the fact that we all have to live through this is honestly impressive. Anyways, thanks so much for watching. I'll catch you guys later. BYEEEEE!
