[0:27]The Set Free Virtual Summit is here. Now you may ask me what's it all about? What's in it for me? There's 30 minutes of sharing from champions around the globe who will share their unique life experiences with us. And what led them to perfect freedom? This summit is inspired by the writings of St. John Paul II and is about the desires of our hearts. Our friendships, our relationships, and the quality of life that we all aspire for. We often think we know ourselves but there's much more to love and to life. My team and I wish to welcome you to the Set Free virtual summit. Be blessed, friends, and be set free.
[1:52]Hi, I am Kerri Christopher, and I'm really happy to be joining you today from London, which is where I live with my British husband, Brian. I really want to speak to the women in the room about femininity, about grounding ourselves and our identity in the truth. Um, this talk is for me as much as it is for you. I need to hear this every time I give it, to be honest. Um, there are a lot of lies that we struggle with as women. All the time, sometimes more, sometimes less, but every woman I know struggles with at least one of these things. I don't really like myself. I'm not smart enough, I'm not successful enough, I'm not driven enough. I'm too quiet, I'm too loud, I'm not enough for anyone or I'm too much for everyone, or I'm too fat or too thin, or I don't look like her, or she's doing a better job at life than I am. Or maybe lies like, I have to be a good girl and then people will like me, or I can earn someone's love if I'm just good enough. Or I have to rebel against being a good girl so that I can make a name for myself and make an impact on the world, and the way I make an impact on the world is rebelling against what everyone is telling me to do. Sometimes it's the other extreme, right? We're often angry, sometimes rightly so, at particular men who have hurt us. So then we say, well, to heck with all men, right? Like, forget men, men are terrible. Right? These these are lies that we struggle with. Now, ladies, there is so much to say, there's just so much to say, but I have a very limited amount of time. So, in this talk, I want to focus on just three things. First, I want to clear up some of these misconceptions that we struggle with. Okay, I want to speak the truth to the lies that we believe. Then I want to talk about the unique beauty of our femininity, being a female, what that is, what gift that is from the Lord. And then I want to talk thirdly about how we can pursue healing and discern what the Lord might be inviting us to as individual people and as individual women, right, how we can use that gift of our femininity well. So let's start by clearing up some of the misconceptions and the lies that we are living under and that we're burdened with. Okay? If you take nothing away from this talk, if you just stop listening after I say this, that's fine. But you need to know this. You are loved unconditionally. Period. End of story. That's it. If you take nothing else away, take that. You can know this in your head, right? You can hear me say it, but you need to know this in your heart and in your soul. And this is hard to know, it's hard to believe, right? This is something we have to tell ourselves every day. Not tell ourselves, but listen to the Lord telling us every single day. All right, the nature of love is that it is free. Love is not something that we earn, right? It's not something that we get because we worked hard enough, or we were pretty enough, or we were successful enough, or we were smart enough. Love is unconditional. That is what the Lord has for us. He has unconditional love for us. He loved us into existence, and his love is the reason we continue to exist. We are not going to go out of existence, death is not the end of our existence. Right? You can't just poof, disappear. God's love is holding us in existence right now at this very moment. All right? And that love is independent of what you do. Okay? It is independent of what you achieve. That love is simply because of who God is and who you are. You are his child, you are his daughter. You are made in his image and his likeness. You have inherent dignity and worth just by being you, just by being human. That's it. You don't have to earn it, it's already there. Now you can choose to live in accord with that truth, or you can choose to live in accord with the lies, and we all have to fight those lies. But the truth is that you are loved unconditionally by God, you are made in his image and likeness, and you are good. Right? God made you and you are good. That's it. But there are differences between men and women. There are differences, and this is like not even a popular thing to say anymore, but it's still true, right? Men and women are different. Now the tricky part comes when we try to parse out those differences and we oversimplify things and we say things like, well, men are strong and women are gentle. Right? Because who doesn't love a gentleman? Right? And who of us doesn't want to raise strong daughters? Right? So we don't want to oversimplify things. Ultimately, each of us is being invited by the Lord to sit in prayer and say, why did you make me a woman? What is special about this? I could have been a man, but I'm not. I'm a woman. Why did you make me a woman, Lord? Let's have a conversation about this, right? If we want to ask what special vocation we have as women, we need to start by saying, what is the difference between us and men? What do we have that men don't have, and what do they have that we don't have? In other words, what are the similarities and what are the differences? Now, the similarities are pretty evident. We're both human, right? Men and women are both human. We are both created in the image and likeness of God. We are both body-soul unities. We both have rational souls and free will. But our bodies are different. Right? They're very similar in some ways. We all have spinal cords and brains and lungs and hearts and kidneys. But some of our bodies are different, right? There's a part of us that doesn't exist in men and vice versa. Women, female human beings, women are the kind of humans who can have babies. That's not a radical statement, that's just science, isn't it, right? We are the kind of creature, the kind of human creature that can have babies. Let's dive into the scriptures. Let's ground ourselves in the word of God just a little bit right now. Let's think about the creation stories in Genesis. Maybe it's been a long time since you've read these. Maybe you've never read them, maybe you read them yesterday. But I just want to encourage you to read the first couple chapters of Genesis because these are beautiful creation stories. They're not written as a science textbook, but they are written with deep truths about the human condition and our relationship with God. So before Eve is created, God says, I'm going to make a helper that is fit for the man. And throughout history, this word helper has been totally misinterpreted to mean handmade or servant, or sock washer, or baby machine, right? This idea of helper is like someone who's lower, who's just there to kind of do the washing up. Well, the Hebrew word that is used for helper, etser, in the Old Testament, 19 out of 21 times, that word is used to describe divine help. Personal help that God sends in dire circumstances, when other kinds of help, like money or weapons, or a bigger army, is not going to work. Then God sends personal divine help, etser. So when this word is used to describe Eve, the first woman, we have to understand it in that context. That Adam is in some kind of danger. Which makes no sense, wait a minute, because he's in paradise, right? Like it's great, it's Eden, everything is wonderful. And in fact, in the creation story, God has made day and night, he's made fish and birds and trees and sun and stars and moon, and everything is good. Evening and morning came the first day, and God saw that it was good. Evening and morning came the second day, and God saw that it was good. Everything is good. But the first time God says something is not good, is when he says it is not good for the man to be alone. The man in isolation is in danger. The human person without relationship is in danger. It is not good for the man to be alone. And God makes the animals for Adam, but the animals are lacking something. They are lacking a human dignity, right? They can't be a fit companion for Adam because they're not human. They are not human. So, when God makes Eve as a helper fit for Adam, he is making a human person. He is sending divine help in the form of a human person so that the human being will not be alone in the world with just animals. Right? The original relationship between men and women, when God created Adam and Eve, that original relationship, that is not a power struggle. That is not about domination, like, you wash my socks and I get to control everything. Right? This is actually a relationship of complementarity. They are there to help each other. They are there to help each other fulfill the original blessing, to be fruitful and multiply, to fill the earth and subdue it. Adam can't do that on his own, right? Eve wouldn't have been able to do that on her own. They need each other. So the original differences between men and women were not a source of power struggle. They are not a source of division. They are a source of delight, which means it is possible for us to delight in the differences between men and women. It is possible. It takes work, right, because we're living in a sinful world and a fallen world and we all struggle. But we have that possibility available to us that we can delight in the differences, what makes us different between men and women. This isn't just about biology, right? This is about something more spiritual as well. So John Paul II, who was the Pope a couple Popes ago, you may have heard of him, he did a lot of reflecting on Genesis and the human condition and men and women and sexuality, so many beautiful reflections. And he marvels at the creation of woman. He marvels at femininity. And he marvels at this notion that women are the space where human life comes into existence. And he says, you as women have this gift. You are the place of welcome. You are the place, the space where human life is welcomed into this world. And he says that means you have a genius. You have a feminine genius. You have a special orientation towards other people. So this is not just about biological motherhood, but that this is about being fully human, living our femininity in the fullest way. Look, as humans, we come into this world in relationship. I'm not talking about dating relationships, right? I'm just talking about human relationships. No one arrives on this planet as a solitary being, totally detached from everyone else. Okay? Whether we like it or not, relationship is a massive part of our lives, because none of us is an island, as much as we would like to be. And I'm American, I value independence, right? This is hard for me. And none of us is an island. Human beings are in danger in isolation, right? We are meant to live in relationship. So our existence as women, our existence as a being of female human person, we are a living sign. We are a living sign of what humanity has forgotten, that we are meant to live in relationship, that we are meant to live in interdependence upon one another, that we are called to live in the family of God, the Church, and in community with one another. And ultimately in communion with God and heaven and with the saints. All of that truth is embodied in us. I know that's crazy, right? But just walking around as a woman, we are living signs of the truth about humanity's creation, in relationship with God and in relationship with others. We are living signed just our existence, but we are also meant to be an active sign, and this is why John Paul II called for us to establish a new feminism. One that cares for the most weak and the most vulnerable, one that is not primarily interested in ourselves first, but is actually interested in serving and helping others. Many of the older and even current forms of feminism are ultimately interested in a power struggle, right? We're interested in establishing the rights of some people over other people because those rights were taken. And all of this is sometimes, very often, based on a false notion of what equality is. Our modern world often thinks that equality is sameness. If we're going to be equal, that means we need to be the same, and we need to do all the same things and have all the sameness and all the that. Okay, let's be real clear. Equality is not sameness. I'm going to say that again. Equality is not sameness.
[17:27]All right? Men and women share an equal dignity because we are human, right? All humans have an equal dignity being made in the image and likeness of God, just by being human. But all humans are not the same, right? And we shouldn't want everyone to be the same, right? Differences can be a source of delight. If our unique glory and privilege of being women involves being that place of welcome, being a sign of the need for human flourishing to be in relationship and interdependence, then let's celebrate our differences, right?
[18:19]Let's celebrate the fact that we are equal in dignity, but we are not the same as men. Let's use our gift well, instead of using it for an antagonism, instead of being angry. Let's establish the kind of feminism that cares about the most vulnerable, that is interested in protecting the weakest, whether they're men or women, right? Whether they're little babies in the womb or old and elderly people, right? A new feminism is going to use our feminine genius to bring that gift of caring for others to the world. It is not about establishing dominance, right? It is establishing justice and peace. Now, this is great in theory, right? But I think a lot of us still carry wounds that make us drawn to a power struggle. We feel like maybe, and maybe there actually has been, right? An injustice against us, maybe we've experienced, um, some kind of bigotry against us, or misogyny. And there's a real temptation to take that anger and let it become hatred. Hatred of men across the board. Hatred of our own femininity, hatred of our own bodies, our sexuality, our fertility, right? Instead of taking that anger and giving it to the Lord and letting him transform it into beautiful action and service of others. We all have wounds that enable us to believe those lies that I talked about at the beginning. I'm not good enough, that I'm not smart enough, I have to earn love, that I have to fight all men, right, that I have to prove myself in every situation. All kinds of lies. Now, the way we become free of lies is to seek healing for those wounds that have enabled those lies. We do that by sitting with the truth. The truth is a person. Jesus says, I am the way, and the truth, and the life, right? Truth is a person. And when we sit with that truth, and we let it wash over us, we let it permeate our whole being, we can be healed of the wounds that let us believe these lies. The way forward is sitting with the truth. And I want to talk now about seeking that healing through a prayerful relationship with our Trinitarian God. All right? God is one, he is three. This is a mystery that we will never get our heads around, but he has revealed himself as Father, Son, and Spirit. And as women, this relationship with God is so healing for us, it is so beautiful. So I want to start by inviting you to sit with the person of God the Father. All right? Our relationship with God the Father is where we receive healing from the lies about our identity. The lies about our identity, about not being good enough, needing to earn love, right? Being too fat, being too thin, blah, blah, blah, not being Instagram worthy, all these ideas we have about our identity that are not true. When we sit with God the Father, and we let him love us unconditionally, this is where we receive healing about our identity. Now, I'm willing to bet that most of us, if not all of us, right, have some kind of father wound. None of us has a perfect human father. Lots of us have terrible human fathers, maybe they were abusive, or neglectful, or completely absent. But God the Father does not have any of those negative qualities. Not only does he not have those negative qualities, but he is the perfection of fatherhood. So everything you ever wanted your father to be, God is, and he loves you as his precious daughter.
[22:37]And he's inviting you to sit with him in the knowledge that you are his beloved daughter. And that is really hard for a lot of us to accept. That you are loved just for being you. That he delights in you, the way a good father delights in his daughter. Not because you earned it, not because you're cute, not because you worked hard. Just because you're you. So I want to invite you to sit in prayer with the Father and let him heal you from the lies about your identity. Then I want to invite you to sit with Jesus, the Son. Jesus is the son. He is your brother. He is the bridegroom of the Church, right? These are all ways that Jesus has described in the scriptures, the way that he reveals himself. Now, John Paul II, who I mentioned earlier, right? He spends a lot of time reflecting on an Old Testament book of the Bible, the Song of Songs, which is a love song. And there's this line in there, this line of poetry where the bridegroom says to the bride, he says, he calls her my sister, my bride. My sister, my bride. Now, to our modern ears, that sounds a little wacky, right? Like kind of messed up. But actually, John Paul when he reflects on this verse of love poetry, he reflects on the idea that the bridegroom acknowledges the humanity, the fellow humanity of the woman, before he acknowledges their sexual relationship. Right? The man, the bridegroom is saying, I see you as a person, as a fellow human being, my sister, in humanity. I recognize you as a person, and Jesus the bridegroom, he says that to us, right? My sister, we are brothers and sisters in Christ. We are adopted sons of the Father with Jesus who is the son. And he sees our personhood first, right? He sees our personhood first, my sister, my bride. Sitting with Jesus in prayer, this is the place where we receive healing from the lies about our relationships. Our world is very, very confused about relationships. Okay? We live in a world that is totally mixed up, right? We're told that sex is the most important thing, but marriage is not. We're told that men and women are exactly the same, except they're not. We're told that you do not need a man to live happily ever after, unless you're in Hollywood, in which case you do need a man to live happily ever after. We're told that friendship is all about your social media following, right? That is the most important thing. We're told that intimacy doesn't exist outside the bedroom, but also that one night stands with no intimacy are totally normal. We are so confused about relationships. And no wonder, right? Lots of us come from families that are really confused about relationships and parents that haven't been able to stay married or get married in the first place, and siblings who are half siblings and step siblings and who knows what, right? Our world is just really confused and lots and lots of us have wounds from this, right? We are deeply wounded when it comes to relationships. So this is the space to sit with Jesus. I want to invite you to sit with him in prayer about your relationships. I want you to invite him to show you how your relationships need healing, if there are new friendships that you're being called to pursue, or unhealthy situations that you're being called to let go of. Right? To sit with him and give him your approach to men, and ask him, is this healthy, right? Am I treating men like a fellow brother in Christ? Am I respecting men, or am I being a doormat, or am I trying to be a steamroller, right?
[27:11]So, can we sit with Jesus who is the truth, and ask him for healing about our relationships? Now, the last thing that I want to invite you to do is sit with the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit brings about the fruitfulness of our work and our vocational activity and our prayer life. The Holy Spirit, the Holy Spirit brings about fruit in our lives. And it brings, he brings about fruit in our work, right? Whether it's seen or unseen. Think about Mary, right? She's this young girl, Mary, the mother of God, she's this young girl, she's just praying in a room, she's just saying her prayers. She's not live streaming on YouTube, right, or Facebook, or Instagram. She brings the most incredible fruit into the world, right? Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. The fruit she brings into the world through the power of the Holy Spirit happens in a hidden moment. And we have to be open to those hidden moments in our own lives, too, right? So take a hidden moment, take some quiet time, and sit with the Holy Spirit and ask for healing about all the lies you might be believing about your work in the world and your impact and your career and your studies and all these things, right? So I really want to end this talk by just encouraging you to take what you've heard here and take it to prayer. Take it to good conversation with good friends, with trusted mentors, right? With people who know the Lord and who know you, who can help you sort out the truth from the lies in your life. And I just want to encourage you to begin to pursue that healing so that you can discern how to live this beautiful gift of being a woman. How to root your femininity, not in some false cultural notion of like pearls and heels and shopping, or whatever feminine notion your culture has, right? But to actually root it in the word of God, to root it in Jesus who is the truth, right? To live your gift of femininity in the way that is unique to you, right? Because not every woman is the same. Some women love sports, and some women love shopping, and some women love reading, and some women love drawing, and all of those things are amazing, right? And sometimes we compare ourselves with other women, and we feel like I'm not truly feminine because I don't really like the culturally feminine things that other women in my culture like, right? So sometimes we feel like, well, then I'm not as good of a woman. Well, no, that's not true, right? God has given you amazing gifts and talents and interests and passions, and when they're for good things, they are from him. And that is a way to live your femininity. So I just want to encourage you to stay rooted in him, to stay grounded in the scriptures and in the truths of the faith. Um, to stay rooted in prayer, and thank you for your time. It's been great speaking with you.
