Unbiased History: Rome I - The Roman """Mythology"""

[0:00]There once was a dream. A dream to purge this rotten world from the barbarians we fested. A dream called Rome. Thousands of years ago, the world lived in a dark age. Europe, like the rest, was a complete shithole, with barbarians of all breeds as far as one could see. Among these vile beasts were the Greeks, savage animals whom spend their existence killing, raping, and shitting on each other. The gods were disgusted by what they saw. Their solution was to start again. A new race was built. They were made to be perfect, resulting in the birth of the Trojans. Let to loose in the middle of the Greek chaos, the Trojan set out to bring order to the place. Inventing civilization with the founding of Troy, where they strove to answer the deepest questions of mankind. Physics, philosophy, economics, no matter the mystery, the Trojans mastered it. They were the pride of the gods, attracting the collective envy of the Greeks. It culminated with the kidnapping of the Trojan prince by a Greek queen, whom lusted after his perfect body. To salvage his position, the Greek king twisted the events, tricking the Greek hordes into Troy who wronged them. Easily fooled, the barbarians encircled Troy, numbering the hundreds of millions. It became known as the Trojan wars, a series of catastrophic Greek failures. As always, the Greeks turned to divine intervention to achieve their foul goals, taking advantage of Jupiter's fear for Troy's potential. Once in Troy, the Greeks smelled the scent of civilization for the first time, and instinctively hated it. They did what they did best, killing, raping, and shitting without mercy. The rape of Troy would bring an end to civilization itself. Were not for the unsung hero, Anchises. Anchises never shared his people's kindness towards barbarians. The moment he first saw a Greek, Anchises knew peace would never last. Predicting the worst, Anchises impregnated the goddess of beauty, using his Trojan charm. Resulting in the birth of the man, the myth, the legend himself, Aeneas Chadus Maximus. At the day of the sack, Aeneas woke up from a pile of women he was sleeping with. Storming out of his house and savagely slaughtering his way through the Greek hordes with nothing but his bare dick. All while carrying his elderly father with one hand and guiding the survivors with the other. This heroic act much impressed Jupiter. As an apology, he granted Aeneas the divine destiny to settle in their ancestral Italian lands, where their descendants were prophesied to save the world. And so, the dream of Rome was born. Aeneas braved the seas, easily defeating all gods and monsters that stood in his way, making a plan to stop at Carthage to re-supply. In it, Aeneas was faced against the greatest threat to mankind's life, a thot, the Thot Queen of Carthage, Dido. In exchange for the native supplies, she demanded Aeneas to satisfy her in bed every day for a year, which Aeneas honorably agreed, for the greater good. The debt paid, Aeneas set to return to his destiny. Dido couldn't accept his departure, but Aeneas insisted, knowing better than to fall prey to a thot. In her rage, Dido burned all his leftover belongings, throwing herself into the fire, cursing their descendants to eternal rivalry, dooming millions to die in the wars to come. Historians still debate if her cruelty derived most from being a Punic, or a woman. Escaping Carthage, Aeneas finally arrived in Italy, becoming the king of Alba Longa. After a quick trip through the underworld of his father, killing a barbarian warlord, and banging the local Trojan princess. With her, Aeneas was able to father a pure-blooded Trojan family. A chance unfortunately not granted to his men, leading to generations of miscegenation. The years came and went, leaving Numitor, Aeneas's descendant, to suffer from the consequences. Being usurped by his bastard half-barbarian brother. Once again, civilization was online to be destroyed by barbarians come, this time off-put by the birth of the legendary twins, Romulus and Remus. Lawful sons of Numitor's daughter and the God Mars. The usurper was too much of a coward to kill them himself, much less in the front of the God of War. Giving the twins for a servant to go drown in the Tiber River, having the princess assassinated while Mars wasn't looking. But the servant refused to commit the crime. His Trojan ancestry overpowering the corruption from his barbarian side. Tiberinus, God of the Tiber, took over from there, guiding the young lads to the care of a she-wolf. She raised them lovingly, granting them her wolf-like instincts through the power of her canine titties. All until they were old enough to be adopted by shepherds. As true Trojan descendants, sons of Mars, fed by wolves, and raised by stoic shepherds, the twins grew to be great leaders. Having the admiration of the man and the love of the woman. The twins were envied by the local barbarian incels. Incapable of competing in either strength, intellect, or beauty, the barbarians instead employed their only field of advantage, evil. One day, as Remus looked at the stars, pondering the big questions while resting from yet another orgy, the barbarians ganged up on him. Capturing Remus by threatening the girls if he tried to escape, delivering him at the hands of the usurper, whom happily imprisoned him. Learning of the act through his wolf instincts, Romulus was outraged. In response, he used his charisma to raise an army with his followers and siege Alba Longa. Despite unarmed and untrained, Romulus forces shattered through the city's defenses, killing the usurper and freeing the hostages. Claimed as heroes, the twins were taught of their Trojan ancestry by their grandfather, whom named them were rightful kings of the city. An honor they refused. Instead, they set out to build a new city, gathering the last pure-blooded Trojans with them, but no girls allowed. They used their wolf instincts to trace back to their mommy wolf had raised them. Among those seven hills, history was about to be changed forever. But before it could, a rift had developed between the brothers. Romulus sought to follow on Troy's steps, believing that barbarians could be peacefully negotiated with. But Remus, having suffered the most under barbaric crimes, he knew peace was impossible, fearing that if they followed the exact same path as Troy, they would suffer the same fate. It was a source of great debate between the brothers. Their different perspectives generating many disputes. As civilized men, they attempted to solve it with a bird watching contest, which resulted in a tie, due to the gods enjoying the drama of their conflict. At any rate, the brothers agreed they at least needed a wall. For there is one thing the local barbarians hated the most, was the smell of progress. By Romulus built the base of the walls, Remus built the top. As he did so, one of their followers climbed to the top of him, nearing ever closer. Suddenly, he pushed Remus from the wall. Hearing the screams, Romulus was shocked, rushing to his brother's aid, finding him in fatal conditions. In his righteous anger, Romulus demanded an explanation. But once he looked closely, the explanation became clear. It was no Trojan, but a barbarian, seeking to do his part in destroying civilization forever. Romulus let him escape, choosing instead to stand by his brother's last dying moment. With his last breath, Remus spoke one last time, naming the city Rome in honor of his brother, whom he named its first king. Drowned in sorrow, Romulus accepted, burstfully ending his brother's suffering. With this harsh lesson, Romulus finally understood Remus. There was no hope for peaceful coexistence. And so, not only had Rome to surpass Troy's greatness, but to spread it to the world, cleansing of the barbarian plague whom seeked it. It was an inevitable war between order and chaos. The barbarians would go on to spread how Romulus murdered his brother for power. A lie most people still believe today, but at least you, my dearest pleb, knows the true history. The unbiased history. On the next chapter, Romulus founded the eternal city, with a monarchy to rule it, and a Senate to guide it. It will eventually be run by Greeks, as all good things are, but the Romans will keep fighting on, as should you. And remember, plebs, to the subscribers everything will be given. From the Patreons, everything will be taken. Quite un-Christian, but thankfully that's a chapter for another time. Ciao ciao.